How to avoid fitna from the opposite gender?

[Serinity]

:salam:

I know segregation is the best option, but sadly, the situation is different. So what can one do?

When I walk outside all I see is girls in mini skirts / underwears.... Almost no clothes at all.

For now I "screen" my heart and eyes. But it is hard when your eyes catch their skin.....

It is like this:

The longer you stay in a fitna-fueled environment, the harder it becomes not to be hit.

Allahu alam.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Getting married makes it easier. An unmarried man is much more likely to fall into the Haraam act of Zinaa than a married man. Marry a beautiful woman. That way, you won't be tempted to look at other women in their mini-skirts and micro minis, because you can just look at your own Halaal wife instead.

Until the time you get married, have Sabr and keep away from places and situations which will prompt you to commit Haraam.

[ardianto]

:wasalam:

I was kid I have been taught to always maintain my good image. They taught me to avoid attitude and behavior that could make people have negative image on me, like behave immodestly toward women and inability to control my gaze. Alhamdulillah, it help me to able to control my gaze and maintain my modesty because I don't want women have negative image on me.

[Mustafa16]

I remember you saying you were about 18, am I wrong? perhaps marriage is not an option then.....as you may want to get an education.....the Prophet (saw) advised young men to either get married early or to fast, as fasting diminishes sexual desire....also, the best fast (and the maximum) is the fast of Davut (as) who fasted every other day, or you could fast every Monday and Thursday like the Prophet Muhammad (saw)....but if gets too bad, and you fear falling into zina, then getting a job with just a high school diploma and getting married may be the better option, or working full time and going to school part time (about 60 hours a week)......and that way you can get married early.....so, to sum it all up, either get married, and figure out how, or fast....it is also important to lower your gaze...remind yourself that looking will not do any good, as there is only one end result you want (and shaytaan wants): zina...think about it, what are you going to gain by staring at them? just forget about them....

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[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

The `Ulamaa have advised that in this day and age, with all of the Fitnah and Fasaad in the Dunyaa, people should get married as early as possible, to avoid falling into Haraam.

[Serinity]

It's hard. I never want to look, and I know only evil comes from that.

You don't know how many women there are. It is as if there is more women than men.

Lowering your gaze may be easy at first. But wherever u look nowadays - women all around - almost. Makes it hard to walk around.

So just when you are about to look the other way - you see a woman.

This gaze problem only arises when I lose focus on what I am doing. Hardest part is knowing where women are.

I need to have another sensor. A woman sensor..... So my eyes don't fall on women.

[Search]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)

Any good thing in life worth doing is a struggle many times; but it's always worth it in the end, brother.

Most importantly, I want you to think of the matter in this way InshaAllah (God-willing) if it proves beneficial: A pious woman loves for the heart of a man whom she marries and has promised to love to entrust her with a heart that is empty of arrows that shaitaan (satan) has cast to make the haram (forbidden) women more attractive (in his eyes) than the halal (permissible) woman that she presents herself as in his life. Also, a woman wants to build a castle of happily-ever-after in Paradise with the man she loves by having them both be those striving in the path of Allah in this dunya (world) and she cannot do that if the castle that he's built is that of other women having a home in his heart and fantasies. So, empty your heart and mind of those images and the temptations those women represent and make the dua (supplication) that Yusuf :as: made which is, "Unless you turn away their plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one (of those who commit sin and deserve blame) of the ignorant” (Quran 12:33) which in transliteration reads as "wa-illa tasrif AAannee kaydahunna asbu ilayhinna waakun mina aljahileena."

Remember if you want Allah to love you as you want to be loved and answer your prayers in the way you want to be answered, then you must struggle with your nafs (ego) from which the bad desires come to take a second long look at women who may not be covering themselves properly and instead strive in the Path of Allah and model your footsteps after the best of creation Prophet Muhammad :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) who said that when Allah finds a man struggling with those desires and being successful in this jihad against nafs, Allah boasts to the angels in Heaven, "Look at My servant, he left his desires for My sake."

Don't you desire that Allah boasts about you too, dear brother, in the Heavens?

Then be that person.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)

It's hard. I never want to look, and I know only evil comes from that.

You don't know how many women there are. It is as if there is more women than men.

Lowering your gaze may be easy at first. But wherever u look nowadays - women all around - almost. Makes it hard to walk around.

So just when you are about to look the other way - you see a woman.

This gaze problem only arises when I lose focus on what I am doing. Hardest part is knowing where women are.

I need to have another sensor. A woman sensor..... So my eyes don't fall on women.

[Umm Abed]

Its not hard to look down, Serinity, its may be hard for the nafs but then you need to be hard on the nafs.

Keep away from such places where women dress immorally. If you have work to do there then walk steadily, like when you are on a mission to do something important - nothing should distract you.

Some good advice there from Mustafa;)

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam,

Try to avoid certain places or times where there may be more immodesty than usual.

And if because of circumstance marriage is not an easy option, try to lower your gaze, and fast more regularly, even if it just on Mondays and Thursdays. The reward for a man who subdues his nafs and controls his desires is immense, Islam understands just how difficult it can be, so the great reward and pleasure you'll receive for controlling yourself is much better than any temporary thing in this dunya.

Think of it as a struggle for the sake of Allah swt.

[sister herb]

Marry a beautiful woman.

I disagree with this advice. Should men leave average looking women unmarried? And isn´t it better to marry a woman which with you want to share your life and who is modesty and pious, not only a beautiful as hers face and body?

[Serinity]

:salam:

Yeah, I can control my nafs. It is just that if I do and when I do - How do I move myself around? I promise to myself, from now on, I will plant my eyes on my brothers faces and I won't move my eyes except when I detect a male or some other inanimate object.

How are you hard on the nafs?

Why not marry a beautiful woman? An average looking woman may be beautiful too, imo. looks aside, piety and modesty coupled with good character (piety without character..........just no) Character, modesty, and piety beautify a woman, aside from their looks. I can't stand women who are immodest.

Whether one is pious or not, good or not, has no bearings on whether on is beautiful or not.

[Umm Abed]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sister herb, so the person you settle to marry - will be beautiful to you.

How to be hard on the nafs, Serinity, you can keep it in check by going firmly against what it wants to do. So naturally the nafs want to do what feels good to it, but doing so is not allowed so go against it.

You can do this: Each time your nafs want to commit a wrong, read 2 rakats salah, or keep a money tin, put in a few coins for charity, or do things similar to that. Quickly, the nafs will behave :D

[Serinity]

What about distracting my nafs........

When I am overwhelmed, what I do is excersise.

Lol, I just do it like any other. Say if my nafs want alcohol, I won't heed it. (obv, just an example, I don't want alcohol.)

After all, we are slaves of Allah, not our nafs. So we should tame our nafs. we should be in control of our nafs, and not have our nafs control us - get it?

It is just that I went to this sports thing, and there was many women. I should probably have my eyes closed, and train my other senses........ I should put clothes on my eyes, so I can't see.

I want the ability to know my surrounding by soundwaves........... It is possible.

Ah, it is not hard to look down at all, what is hard is how to navigate your eyes to avoid women.

Wallah, I have no intention, and never had, to approach women, and I don't.

Allahu alam.

[Umm Abed]

Yes it is a good thing to focus on something else, which is halal of course :) And going against the grain of the nafs, exercise is a good thing too. I think distraction does work also.

Another thing is, we must see if it is really necessary to go such places where immodesty takes place. Sometimes its just not worth it.

Looking down is not hard, it just needs some practice, and then it becomes easy, like second nature.

Put blinkers on your eyes, just make sure you know where you're walking :D

[Serinity]

Ha, yeah I should remember my principles. Seems like I haven't memorised them.

Worst part is when women approach you. I tend to just shun them and say "go away, I don't need you, I don't want you, and I don't care about you". my friends were always baffled at me for that lol.

But that is when I control my nafs, what do I do incase, my nafs get in the way then? I am a nice person, but when it comes to these things, I have no need for nicety. Imo.

[Umm Abed]

Its good that you're articulating those feelings here, so that you can put it into practice, and practice makes perfect, and your friends will learn too, by following your example :)

A person must always try to clamp down on and put reins on the nafs to control it, and make it submissive to Allah's laws. If it gets out of control all you need to do is be firm with it. You can do it.

All the advices on here, its for myself as well as everyone to practise upon. We should help each other in deen, grow and prosper:ia:

[Born_Believer]

wear tinted sunglasses...actually no that doesnt work

TBH I have the same issue around town, shopping centers etc but try and go to these places with good company. Close friends who are similarly religious works for me and we're always so lost in conversation, ranging from religion to sports or movies etc that we don't even notice the fitnah around us.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

I disagree with this advice. Should men leave average looking women unmarried? And isn´t it better to marry a woman which with you want to share your life and who is modesty and pious, not only a beautiful as hers face and body?

The reason I say so is because, in my experience, when a man marries a woman who he does not consider to be beautiful, then after the marriage, he continues to look at every other woman in the street who he thinks looks beautiful. Because he feels he's "missing out" by having married this wife who isn't as appealing to him as those other woman are. So in the first place, he should marry a woman who he considers to be beautiful looking and attractive, so that he doesn't have to look at others.

[Serinity]

:salam:

Reading Ayatul kursi with the intention of protecting yourself from your nafs, may work, In shaa' Allah.

I guess I need to train my lowering of the gaze again.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Also, it will not cause average looking women to be left unmarried, because in reality, there are no "average looking women". Beauty is a relative concept. What's beautiful to one person is unattractive to another. What one person may consider an "average looking woman" is a "Miss World" to another person. Similarly, some people may consider a certain woman to be a "Miss World" but another man does not find her attractive in the least.

Beauty is entirely relative. So of course, all women would get married, because whatever the woman looks like, there will be some men who find that attractive.

[ardianto]

I should put clothes on my eyes, so I can't see.

The problem is not in your eyes, but in your mind. If you close your eyes, but you still cannot control your mind, then you will still feel an urge to look at women unnecessary. But if you are able to control your mind, then you can control your eyes. And to be able to control your mind you must have ability to think long about "what will happen if .......?".

Okay, I will tell the story about a moment that happened 29 years ago.

I was walking with a beautiful girl who I knew, she liked me. And I could see that she had lost her self-control she walked with me. She tried to grab my attention to make me do physical contact like hold her hand or hug her. But I still calm and still kept the distance. When she got closer, I stayed away, to avoid physical contact. That made her ashamed, but also made her impressed. That's why few years later when she had ready to get married she rejected all of the suitors and came to me who absolutely didn't try to get her. Yes, she was the girl who later became the mother of my children.

Ability to thinking long. That's what made me could control myself in that moment.

My wife had positive image on me since the beginning met her in high school. She saw me as modest guy who behave politely toward women. I knew it and I always tried to maintain this positive image. That's why in that moment I tried to control myself because I realize, if I fell into temptation and then do physical contact, my positive image on her eyes would be fall down.

A little lesson from Mister Ardianto. :)

[Serinity]

The problem is not in your eyes, but in your mind. If you close your eyes, but you still cannot control your mind, then you will still feel an urge to look at women unnecessary. But if you are able to control your mind, then you can control your eyes. And to be able to control your mind you must have ability to think long about "what will happen if .......?".

Okay, I will tell the story about a moment that happened 29 years ago.

I was walking with a beautiful girl who I knew, she liked me. And I could see that she had lost her self-control she walked with me. She tried to grab my attention to make me do physical contact like hold her hand or hug her. But I still calm and still kept the distance. When she got closer, I stayed away, to avoid physical contact. That made her ashamed, but also made her impressed. That's why few years later when she had ready to get married she rejected all of the suitors and came to me who absolutely didn't try to get her. Yes, she was the girl who later became the mother of my children.

Ability to thinking long. That's what made me could control myself in that moment.

My wife had positive image on me since the beginning met her in high school. She saw me as modest guy who behave politely toward women. I knew it and I always tried to maintain this positive image. That's why in that moment I tried to control myself because I realize, if I fell into temptation and then do physical contact, my positive image on her eyes would be fall down.

A little lesson from Mister Ardianto. :)

What would happen if Allah would take my life this very moment, which would either mark my obedience and submission to Allah, or my complete failure?

What if this was the final test that would outline and be the very reason Allah saves me from Hellfire?

Like that?

What if because of me abstaining from my nafs and taming it, not being engulfed by the flames, Allah saves me?

In Surah Al-Fatihah verse 4 we recite: "You alone we worship, and You alone we ask for Help"

[Aay1K0]

I'm not expert but my some bits of advice are
1-Praying (Namaz) regularly and Fasting.
2-Repent from sins.
3-when bad thoughts are coming instantly divert your mind towards different topics like education, professional life etc.

(My english is not good, if I write anything wrong, please correct me.)

[Scimitar]

how to avoid the fitna of women...

...avoid women :D

Scimi