My brother slapped me so hard on my face

[anonymous]

Aselamu aleykum

yesterday my older brother slapped me so hard on my face and my nose started bleeding. My face felt numb for a few seconds and I realized the bone in my nose is sticking out. I was outside near the car talking with my father then he raised his voice at me so my brother just slapped me like that. I'm so angry about what he did to me. What shall I do?

[Mustafa16]

Aselamu aleykum

yesterday my older brother slapped me so hard on my face and my nose started bleeding. My face felt numb for a few seconds and I realized the bone in my nose is sticking out. I was outside near the car talking with my father then he raised his voice at me so my brother just slapped me like that. I'm so angry about what he did to me. What shall I do?

call the police, im serious, assault is illegal.....

[M.I.A.]

..go hospital?

learn to have a larger field of view?

...what do you want to do?

quack quack.

call the police, im serious, assault is illegal.....

...but thinking about assault isnt?

id refer you back to your previous thread..

lets learn from it..

or not.

[anonymous]

call the police, im serious, assault is illegal.....

But I don't want to get my brother in trouble with the law. Can I refuse this option?

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[*charisma*]

But I don't want to get my brother in trouble with the law. Can I refuse this option?

Don't call the police on your brother, but your brother should not have hit you, especially with your father's presence. I think you should speak to your parents about it. I don't know the circumstances surrounding the incident, but if it was in a moment of anger, he needs to learn how to control his anger.

[MuslimInshallah]

Wa alaikum assalaam my dear,


First of all: you need to get proper medical care. Your brother slapped you so hard on the face that your nose bone is showing?! You need to get this looked after.

Secondly, I understand that you love your brother and you don't want to get him into trouble. But consider this: if he is doing this to you now, do you think he will suddenly stop? Or do you think that if he gets away with this, that he will continue to assault not only you, but perhaps his wife, and perhaps children, and perhaps even one day assault other people... and if he does these sorts of things, don't you think that he might get into some serious sort of trouble one day?

When we love someone, we can want to protect them from the consequences of their actions... but is this truly best for them? Learning that there are limits that should not be crossed, or penalties will apply, is a lesson that we need to learn. And that we will one day learn, sooner or later. And the reckoning can be pretty awful, you know. (mildly) Hell, indeed.

You haven't mentioned your father intervening on your behalf in any way... this seems very odd. And makes me wonder whether this sort of unacceptable behaviour is considered acceptable in your family. And this makes me even more worried for you. Do you want to continue to be assaulted in your life? Would you want to see your children assaulted like this? Because you know, if you tolerate this sort of thing, it is very likely to keep occurring in your life.

If you are not sure whether you want to report this to the police, at least have it documented by a medical doctor (be honest). You can decide not to go further, but at least you will have some documentation of what happened... in case it happens again, and gets worse. You also need to talk with someone about this. Do you have any women's shelters in your area (if you are a young woman)? Or social workers? They have people who can at least listen. I don't know how old you are, but you need to have someone you can talk with.

Please love yourself, my dear. You are a precious and loveable person. And you deserve to be treated kindly.

May Allah, the Independent, Help you to be strong.

[talibilm]

:sl:

He went too far by this assault. Its hurting me too just to hear this.

Looks like a Jahil, Its a great sin (to shed blood of muslim is haram) and though its allowed to use limited beatings (not injuring) by parents to guide their kids if they do not listen.

Visit a doctor and Talk to your parents and settle the matter clearly. If you retaliate its your right but if you forgive him you will have a great reward from Allah.

[Roha Shama]

Aselamu aleykum

yesterday my older brother slapped me so hard on my face and my nose started bleeding. My face felt numb for a few seconds and I realized the bone in my nose is sticking out. I was outside near the car talking with my father then he raised his voice at me so my brother just slapped me like that. I'm so angry about what he did to me. What shall I do?

oh my that is painful to hear because i have a brother as well he's the youngest...slapping someone on the face is haraam that's something really serious i can't even....it makes me so mad hearing this!

[Umm Abed]

But I don't want to get my brother in trouble with the law. Can I refuse this option?

Hitting in the face is not allowed in Islam.

Get medical treatment if its bad.

Your brother needs to go for anger management, let a family elder speak to him about how to deal with anger.

How did he respond to you when his anger subsided?

[hisnameiszzz]

Hi.

Did you have an argument? How old are you? What country are you in?

Why are you worried your brother will get into trouble? He obviously didn't care when he belted you one unless he was trying to hit someone or something else.

Did your Dad not yell at him or reprimand him?

Please call the Police. If you are a child, please call Social Services. That's if you are in the UK.

It's a punch today. It could be worse tomorrow.

[hisnameiszzz]

Sorry. Me again.

Hold on. Did you say he smacked you outside? So neighbours or people outside could have seen it all?

Please call the Police and or Social Services. If he is that ignorant to do it outside, then I would rather not think about what he could be capable of when it's behind closed doors.

At the end of the day, it's your choice but if you feel in danger of your life, call the Police immediately.

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam,

First and foremost, it is absolutely *forbidden* to slap a fellow Muslim in the face.

I wouldn't say call the police on him, but definitely speak to your parents or a respected elder in your community to have a word with him. You would know his temperament better, but to lose such control that he would slap his younger sibling hard enough to draw blood (and that would have to be with a lot of force) is a sign of some serious anger management issues. If this is not the first time, or it ever happens again, then maybe you should look for some form of help.

I have troubling understanding this as I'm the oldest sibling in my family, and while they do push their luck sometimes, hitting has never been an option.

As he is your brother, forgive him for now, but don't tolerate it if it happens again. And do tell an elder or trustworthy adult.

And yes, definitely get your nose checked out by a doctor inshaAllah.

[aaj]

wa'alaikum as'salaam,

Inshallah get medical treatment and see if its not serous. Then talk to your parents about the seriousness of this and if possible confront your brother as well about it. If it's not safe then don't, rather find an elderly mature relative to talk to about it. Also try to stay out of the way from your bother for the time being. We don't know the context of the situation so we can't say much on it.

Why did your father raised his voice, was he upset?
did your brother react to your father's voice and wanted to "contribute" in "disciplining" you?
if so then you need to talk to your parents to tell your brother to chill out and stay out of it and let them handle it as parents.

People should be careful in giving advice, like calling the police as a first response. It's easy to sit online and give advice like we are experts but we have to remember that an ill advised advice can do more haram than good.

Here's what calling the police will do:
- criminal record for the brother
- probably arrested as well and need to pay hefty fine for the bail
- he'll really hate her then and the animosity towards her will grow more
- family will attack her (verbally) for calling police on family
- family won't treat her well
- brother may move out but family may need him for supporting the family
- brother may try to kick her out
- friction and distance among family members
- breaking kinship, famlies
- little to no family support moving forward

Also, please don't advise her to go to a shelter. That is no place for a Muslimah to be at.
- it's not safe, rapes do happen
- its not sanitary, public restrooms
- where will she pray and shower
- its not private, no personal space
- not a good option unless you are on the street


In terms of giving advice, we have look at a few things first and i hope everyone considers them before giving inputs into others dilemmas.
- what is the fully story? details?
- what is the story on both sides?
- person's location, culture, family orientation (liberal, conservative, islamic, secular, etc)
- person's age range
- availability of mature kin or imam in community
- context of the situation
- viable options with pros and cons

Base on the above information, we can make a best guess of understanding the situation and offer few viable suggestions and not one answer and tell them to run with.

[hisnameiszzz]

wa'alaikum as'salaam,

Inshallah get medical treatment and see if its not serous. Then talk to your parents about the seriousness of this and if possible confront your brother as well about it. If it's not safe then don't, rather find an elderly mature relative to talk to about it. Also try to stay out of the way from your bother for the time being. We don't know the context of the situation so we can't say much on it.

Sorry, we don't have the full story but why would the poster speak to her Dad? He was there when her brother bashed her and he did nothing. Am I missing something there? Going to a much older relative is the same as reporting to the Police. The information will have been divulged. What makes you so certain the brother won't go crazy to know others have found out?

Why did your father raised his voice, was he upset?
did your brother react to your father's voice and wanted to "contribute" in "disciplining" you?
if so then you need to talk to your parents to tell your brother to chill out and stay out of it and let them handle it as parents.

Ever if the poster's Dad was upset, there is no need for violence. A coward raises his hand at a woman. If the poster was at fault, there is the means of conversation and things can be discussed this way. Dad saw it all, why didn't he intervene?

People should be careful in giving advice, like calling the police as a first response. It's easy to sit online and give advice like we are experts but we have to remember that an ill advised advice can do more haram than good.

Sorry to burst your bubble but I am an expert in this field. Any professional would say IF YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER, CALL 999 (for the UK). Ask a Housing Officer, a GP, a Social Worker, a Police person, they will all say the same. The Police might be able to calm the situation down and refer to anger management / counselling.

Here's what calling the police will do:
- criminal record for the brother What's wrong with this? He committed a crime, he should get the award for it
- probably arrested as well and need to pay hefty fine for the bail See above, a criminal is a criminal regardless of whether it is a family member
- he'll really hate her then and the animosity towards her will grow more Why should this be the posters' problem? Why are you trying to make the poster out to be the bad person here?
- family will attack her (verbally) for calling police on family If the family attack her, she is better off without them
- family won't treat her well The poster can move out and find alternative accommodation
- brother may move out but family may need him for supporting the family He should have though about his actions first
- brother may try to kick her out If it's not the brothers house, why can he do this?
- friction and distance among family members Fact of life
- breaking kinship, famlies Not the posters fault, the brother should have controlled his temper
- little to no family support moving forwards There are load of agencies and support out there

Also, please don't advise her to go to a shelter. That is no place for a Muslimah to be at.
- it's not safe, rapes do happen Rape can happen at home too, so where shall the Muslimahs go? The refuges for women moving away from domestic abuse are staffed 24/7 normally, and men are not allowed on the premises, there is also CCTV
- its not sanitary, public restroom You have to share a bathroom but there are rules and regulations
- where will she pray and shower The Muslimah will have her own bedroom and space, so she can pray there. They will share a bathroom and she can shower there
- its not private, no personal space See above, the Muslimah will have her own room and can pray there
- not a good option unless you are on the streett Not a good option to stop at home if your brother is going to belt you one in front of your Dad for no reason (unless something else happened and the poster has not mentioned it)

Please don't scare the poster. I work in Housing and there are heaps of Muslimah's in veils and burkhas who have had to move out from their home due to domestic violence / abuse / mental violence. They all survived and still wear veils and were able to pray there. There are specific refuges for Asian and Black women so there is that option too.

In terms of giving advice, we have look at a few things first and i hope everyone considers them before giving inputs into others dilemmas.
- what is the fully story? details?
- what is the story on both sides?
- person's location, culture, family orientation (liberal, conservative, islamic, secular, etc)
- person's age range
- availability of mature kin or imam in community
- context of the situation
- viable options with pros and cons

Base on the above information, we can make a best guess of understanding the situation and offer few viable suggestions and not one answer and tell them to run with.

OP - if you can give us some more information that would be great.

Alternatively, google Domestic Violence Unit / Domestic Abuse Unit in your area and you will find numbers for someone you can speak to. This is not domestic violence as such but being smacked in front of your Dad by a brother is not on. If he has issues, he needs to sort them out and not by taking it out on you.

If you go to the Police, they will put it on record, but you don't have to press charges. Even if it was just a one off incident, I would have it recorded by the Police. If it happens again, they will have the previous record of it.

You can be referred on for mediation if you want to stay at home. Someone might come to your house and speak to you all about what happened.

If you go to the hospital or the GP and are too scared to tell the truth, make up some false story why your nose is broken. They will ask you how it happened so you might as well plan something to say to them if that's the route you want to go down.

Also, anything you tell to a professional will be kept in confidence and they are not allowed to tell anyone UNLESS you are a child in which case they have to let Social Services know.

Inbox me if you want to talk more, same applies for anyone else suffering from Domestic Violence and wants to discuss anything, this is my part of what I do at work.


OP - SOME OF THE ABOVE IN THIS POST IS NOT AIMED AT YOU. I HOPE THIS INCIDENT WAS JUST A ONE OFF AND IT NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN. I WAS JUST QUELLING SOME RUMOURS ABOUT REFUGES AND HOSTELS AND SUPPORT AND ADVICE AVAILABLE. THERE NORMALLY IS A LOT OF SCAREMONGERING AND PEOPLE END UP SUFFERING IN SILENCE BECAUSE THEY GENUINELY BELIEVE THERE IS NO HELP OUT THERE.

EVEN IF YOU DID REPORT, YOU WON'T FORCED INTO A REFUGE. THEY HAVE HUGE WAITING LISTS AND FOLK HAVE TO END UP WAITING ANYWAY.

[aaj]

Sorry, we don't have the full story but why would the poster speak to her Dad? He was there when her brother bashed her and he did nothing. Am I missing something there? Going to a much older relative is the same as reporting to the Police. The information will have been divulged. What makes you so certain the brother won't go crazy to know others have found out?[/B]

This is a family matter and you don't resolve family matters by not speaking to your family. Dad being the ahead of the house needs to be addressed in how things are being done in his house and in front of him. While I understand the need to report to the police, running to the police as a first response is not the islamic way as it could bring more trouble in the family. And Islamically you would get elders involved and do shura and imam and counseling to resolve the matter, not turn over family members to authorities. I understand where you are coming from but you are also following what you have been taught to follow in your field , not what should be done first in the context of cultural and religious perspective. One sibling slapped another sibling, this is a family matter the family needs to resolve internally first. If there is no success then seek outside help. You can treat this one incident as a criminal act , unless this is a regular thing, and start calling police on family.

[hisnameiszzz]

This is a family matter and you don't resolve family matters by not speaking to your family. Dad being the ahead of the house needs to be addressed in how things are being done in his house and in front of him.

So Islamically and culturally it's okay for the daughter to be smacked by her brother in front of the father and for father not to do anything until he is addressed?

Okay. I see. I take it that's your interpretation of Islam.

[M.I.A.]

..i had no idea it was a lady?

this changes everything.

..although i have a younger sister in law..

and i think she puts my nose out of place often.

..each to his own i suppose.

[hisnameiszzz]

Lady or gent. It makes no difference. Although I did assume it was a female. Doh.

Violence is violence.

[Umm Abed]

Nobody knows: gender is undisclosed.

[aaj]

So Islamically and culturally it's okay for the daughter to be smacked by her brother in front of the father and for father not to do anything until he is addressed?

Okay. I see. I take it that's your interpretation of Islam.

So you like to twist words to make your point?

or do you enjoy watching families breaking apart by having them call police on each others?

we are not like the kuffars, we don't call the police as a first response. We handle it islamically.

[Kiro]

Were you playing a slapping game?

[hisnameiszzz]

So you like to twist words to make your point?

or do you enjoy watching families breaking apart by having them call police on each others?

we are not like the kuffars, we don't call the police as a first response. We handle it islamically.

That's nice.

[M.I.A.]

That's nice.

nobody should want that..

when somebody offers you..

just say no thanks.



...cant be that easy can it? o_0

[Nobody's Girl]

Dear sister/brother, I am so sorry for what happened to you. Sometimes girls go through the same things. Firstly, you should alert your parents and tell them what happened. If he does this again then report him. It is not okay for a man to beat up a woman. Full stop. If something like this happens then please, please, please report him. He has no right doing that.

Remember God does not like the transgressors. Surely God will help you.
You are in my prayers.