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readyred39
10-06-2016, 08:05 AM
I was recently was seeing a muslim guy. Unfortunately I have become pregnant with his child! 7 weeks to be exact! He has asked me to abort but it is not in my heart! I was raised you make your bed you lie in it! He gave me 2 options which is to abort or I will be raising my child alone! I've considered to abort but I have 2 other children! Suppose I do go through with it and I hemmorhage will he take care of my children for going through with it!
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10-06-2016, 08:50 AM
:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

Dearest sister:

I'm sorry to hear that the man responsible for the unborn child in your womb is failing to take responsibility. However, dear sister, I'd ask you to trust in Allah (God) and not abort the child if possible for the man's advice in this matter is not sound. If you cannot take care of the child due to financial constraints, I ask you to please put up the child for adoption in a good family home. This Muslim man has done an injustice to you and himself in pursuing a premarital relationship with you. And then again he's sinned when he's, in wanting to absolve himself of responsibility and shame for his sin, asked you to further sin by aborting the child.

My dearest sister, you're a precious human being to Allah; however, as a woman Allah has entrusted you with the responsibility of maintaining your body in trust for a man who will respect you and offer you marriage. Your body and heart are meant to be shared in the sacred bond of marriage and not with others who will not give you all the honor and respect due to you as a woman. Do you not desire that, sister, for yourself?

Perhaps in you coming to this board there is a sign and Allah wishes that something of good comes of your heartache. I invite you to cut this man out of your life and place your trust in Allah and ask Allah to guide you. I also invite you to study Islam and see if perhaps this is a way of life that you can see yourself living: http://www.islamreligion.com/

Finally, I emphasize again to you that I'm sorry to hear of what has happened; let's, however, together place our reliance on Allah for this unborn baby. The Quran says (3:159), "And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]."

Sincerest Regards & Best Wishes,

format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
I was recently was seeing a muslim guy. Unfortunately I have become pregnant with his child! 7 weeks to be exact! He has asked me to abort but it is not in my heart! I was raised you make your bed you lie in it! He gave me 2 options which is to abort or I will be raising my child alone! I've considered to abort but I have 2 other children! Suppose I do go through with it and I hemmorhage will he take care of my children for going through with it!
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M.I.A.
10-06-2016, 10:26 AM
you should keep the baby!

...you could almost think we have an anti abortion vibe about us..


its just a coincidence.

do you know any other muslims?

how would you raise your child? ...religiously speaking.


i suppose your child could be the perfect candidate for interfaith bonding..

although most children are :/

i hope you keep it.. ask your other children
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muslim brother
10-06-2016, 11:39 AM
my advice would be to make this public
speak to his family
and obviously keep the baby
do not be manipulated by him
let others know you are pregnant by him
and let them know his evil intentions
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Al Sultan
10-06-2016, 12:09 PM
Well,first of all sister,im sorry to hear that and may God make ease on you,what I STRONGLY recommend is,tell your parents,only to the trusted ones (uncles,relatives) and raise the baby...
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readyred39
10-06-2016, 12:35 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by AHMED PATEL
my advice would be to make this public
speak to his family
and obviously keep the baby
do not be manipulated by him
let others know you are pregnant by him
and let them know his evil intentions
He is from France,his family is in France! His father is a prominent leader in Islamic community there! He will be leaving to go back next month! He told me yesterday if I keep the baby to make sure the baby is taught Its Islamic heritage! Although I know nothing about this religion I promise to do as best as I can to make sure my baby will know him/her heritage!
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Scimitar
10-06-2016, 12:50 PM
Go speak to his father... this is not right.

Your ex-boyfriend doesn't sound very "muslim" to me.

It's time you exposed him to his father and his trip got cancelled - let the truth come out. God willing.
Scimi
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M.I.A.
10-06-2016, 12:50 PM
...do i hear character assassination?

we demand reparations!

dont worry im sure those that are lead to the truth will often end up there one way or another.

i was 26 when i persued Islam through my own intention.. although born into the religion.

send him/her..it.. mosque classes.. only a couple quid a day..

just in case.
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Scimitar
10-06-2016, 12:57 PM
SO what if the ex-BF is a coward - She deserves the support of his family. Regardless.

Scimi
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aaj
10-06-2016, 01:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
He is from France,his family is in France! His father is a prominent leader in Islamic community there! He will be leaving to go back next month! He told me yesterday if I keep the baby to make sure the baby is taught Its Islamic heritage! Although I know nothing about this religion I promise to do as best as I can to make sure my baby will know him/her heritage!
Contact his family, especially the father. Tell them what happened, about your relationship and what he wants to do to hide his sin. Tell them everything. They should know so he doesn't go knock up another person and think he can run back home and no one will know and also so that they can make him own up to his responsibilities. As for him saying you should teach the child his/her religion,while he is right in that but he is being a hypocrite, demanding that of you while failing to give that child her/his first islamic right, being married to child's mother.
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M.I.A.
10-06-2016, 01:27 PM
i imagine if the thread was titled "muslim girl pregnant"

..the proverbial fan would have stopped working by now.

this is why sometimes we need protecting from ourselves..

although theen again.. babies!!
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Futuwwa
10-06-2016, 02:09 PM
Sounds like the guy is rather conflicted. He refuses to take on fatherhood, but insists the baby will learn its Islamic heritage. A demand that is not only absurd on its face but one he is in no position to coerce you to comply with, both of which should be obvious to anyone. Maybe he needs a few days to sort out his thoughts on the matter.

I concur with the advice to find his family. They may be supportive of you. They may even be ready to take in the child, even if he is not. It's even possible they will try to coerce him to marry you. If they do, though, you'd have to think carefully about it. If he's only doing it because he's coerced, he might just end up a deadbeat parent, or worse. If he'd marry you out of sincere repentance for his actions, though, that's another matter.

Finally, do find out whether there's any way for you to legally coerce him to pay child support. Him being a foreign national might complicate that, but it might be possible still.
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
10-06-2016, 02:54 PM
He must not behave like a coward and run away with his tail between his legs. The child you are pregnant with is his child. It is his duty to take care of that child. He cannot behave like a person who worships Shaytaan (Satan) and say, "YOU must look after the child while I go live with my parents somewhere in France." If his father is a "prominent Muslim leader", as you said, then report the matter to him. Make him aware of it. Taking care of a child is the duty of the father. He wanted to make a girl pregnant, now he must take upon himself the responsibility of caring for the child. It's not the way or nature of a Muslim to "slink away" from his duty like a snake. The child is his and will always be his, whether he likes it or not. If his father is a religious scholar, he will (or rather, should) impress upon his son the gravity of his actions and of wanting to abandon this child.
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
10-06-2016, 02:56 PM
If he truly wants this child to grow up as a Muslim, he himself must see that it happens.
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greenhill
10-06-2016, 03:29 PM
Welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear that. He is a rat! Worse than that, even!

No he won't take care if something happens to you.

I feel you should see his father (be appropriately dressed).. or the mother(?), but that is your choice. Ultimately, what do you want? What do you hope to achieve by bearing the news?

If you do see the parent(s), it is obvious that he is already shirking his responsibility. Convey that you've decided to keep the child, but would like guidance of sorts on deen and heritage from them. Would any of them be interested to be part of that development? But do go in dignified. Just discussing the best interest for the unborn child. Seeing as their son is involved, you are giving the family first rights to 'educate' on matters of the deen and heritage. . If they're not interested then you scoot on out. How they deal with him, (the son) is no longer your concern.

Just my thoughts. .

Wishing you a beneficial stay.


:peace:
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Aaqib
10-06-2016, 07:43 PM
The fact that you're not notifying his father is rather upsetting.
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readyred39
10-06-2016, 08:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Aaqib
The fact that you're not notifying his father is rather upsetting.
I don't know how to contact his family in France! If I knew I would! He has been very careful when he comes around! At first I would hold his passport and visa for him at times or Important documents but nothing now!
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readyred39
10-06-2016, 08:23 PM
Right now I am In the states Nevada to be exact and he is as well till next month!
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Snow
10-06-2016, 08:44 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
He gave me 2 options which is to abort or I will be raising my child alone!
Sounds like a great guy.
It is a good thing that you really got to know him before you decided to have sex.
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M.I.A.
10-06-2016, 09:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Snow
Sounds like a great guy.
It is a good thing that you really got to know him before you decided to have sex.
if you could say that without actually saying that.. then you would be super popular.

or a politician or summit.

everybody should attend political correctness courses once in a while.

everybody makes mistakes.. dont turn them away from you unintentionally.

super hard mode.

...to actually not be insincere.

..or get taken advantage of.


literally not pointing a finger.. with familiarity comes changes in language..

sometimes.
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
10-06-2016, 09:39 PM
"If" never solves anything. What's done is done. However, an intelligent person focuses on how best to move forward.
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M.I.A.
10-06-2016, 09:42 PM
do or do not do.. there is no try?

:|
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
10-06-2016, 09:51 PM
Yes, in Islaam there is trying. Trying one's best. If a person tries his best to do something but does not achieve it, Allaah Ta`aalaa gives him the reward of having done it. For example, a person tries his best to recite Qur'aan correctly, yet he stutters for example, or can't pronounce the letters properly, etc. he will receive double-reward. In reality, all Allaah Ta`aalaa wants from us is for us to try our best. That's it.
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Aaqib
10-06-2016, 09:51 PM
Wait, the family has already went back to France?
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Huzaifah ibn Adam
10-06-2016, 09:55 PM
The father of the unborn child hasn't returned to France yet.
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Aaqib
10-06-2016, 10:20 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
I don't know how to contact his family in France! If I knew I would! He has been very careful when he comes around! At first I would hold his passport and visa for him at times or Important documents but nothing now!
Ok, so the family is in France, but he himself is in Nevada?
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readyred39
10-07-2016, 01:54 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Aaqib
Wait, the family has already went back to France?
No as he puts it he came for a vacation 7 months but ended up getting in a car wreck for which he was at fault (DUI) he has court hearings to attend before can leave to go back to France!
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readyred39
10-07-2016, 01:55 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Aaqib
Ok, so the family is in France, but he himself is in Nevada?
Yes..correct
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readyred39
10-07-2016, 02:01 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by M.I.A.
you should keep the baby!

...you could almost think we have an anti abortion vibe about us..


its just a coincidence.

do you know any other muslims?

how would you raise your child? ...religiously speaking.


i suppose your child could be the perfect candidate for interfaith bonding..

although most children are :/

i hope you keep it.. ask your other children
My children would love to have this baby in our lives! I keep no secrets from them! When I told them they were overjoyed! I also have told them about how he (father) feels! As always my children's response is that we pray for him!
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readyred39
10-07-2016, 02:03 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Al Sultan
Well,first of all sister,im sorry to hear that and may God make ease on you,what I STRONGLY recommend is,tell your parents,only to the trusted ones (uncles,relatives) and raise the baby...
I was adopted when I was young at age 7 My Mother and FFathe have long left this life! My biological Mother and Family I have never really known!
format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
He is from France,his family is in France! His father is a prominent leader in Islamic community there! He will be leaving to go back next month! He told me yesterday if I keep the baby to make sure the baby is taught Its Islamic heritage! Although I know nothing about this religion I promise to do as best as I can to make sure my baby will know him/her heritage!
Reply

readyred39
10-07-2016, 02:06 AM
I have come to this board because there is no one I can go to please forgive me for troubles!
Reply

readyred39
10-07-2016, 07:04 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
The father of the unborn child hasn't returned to France yet.
He due to leave in November
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eesa the kiwi
10-07-2016, 08:13 AM
how to advise you regarding the pregnancy i dont really know however please do not consider abortion as viable solution. The baby has a right to live and frankly speaking as a muslim the father should know better to suggest such a thing
however i want to encourage you to look at this site to inshaAllah learn a little about islam. please have a look im sure you will be presently surprised in what you see inshaAllah
www.islamreligion.com

dont judge islam by what muslims do rather judge muslims by Islam
if you have any questions dont hesitate to ask we are here for you
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Kiro
10-07-2016, 09:57 AM
the illegitimate father has responsibility over the child?
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ardianto
10-07-2016, 10:44 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Kiro
the illegitimate father has responsibility over the child?
There is no illegitimate father, there is no illegitimate child.

If a man has child, in marriage or outside the marriage, he is the father of this child, and has responsibility as father toward this child.
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Kiro
10-07-2016, 01:07 PM
THis might help

https://islamqa.info/en/85043

also unsure what this means

I was raised you make your bed you lie in it!
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aaj
10-07-2016, 01:24 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
He due to leave in November
You could go to the court and demand he support your child even if he goes back and have court force him to reveal his contact back home. This way you could find out about his family. Also since you saw his documents, find out where he is from, what city. IF nothing else, find out his fathers name and take a picture of him. You could go on facebook and look for that community and share the picture to see if anyone knows him and find his family that way. This is not dead end just because he hasn't revealed where he lives.
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readyred39
10-07-2016, 01:27 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
He due to leave in November
Yes he is....
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M.I.A.
10-07-2016, 01:40 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Kiro
THis might help

https://islamqa.info/en/85043

also unsure what this means
...i clicked the link.. game of thrones music started.

im amazed.

no reparations are demanded...

i guess most lf us were wrong then.. including myself.
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readyred39
10-07-2016, 02:03 PM
My baby is not an illigitimate child! My child is of my blood and his father who happens to be muslim! I bear half as he his half...I was told I wasnt able to bear children anymore but yet here I am with child at 39 a blessing it is! I came to this forum so that I can get an understanding of how and what I should do because I have no one to turn to! And to the person that suggested that I lie with another man then that would make him the father HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING....
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ardianto
10-07-2016, 02:05 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Kiro
THis might help

https://islamqa.info/en/85043

also unsure what this means
I follow opinion from scholars in my place that "There is no illegitimate child. What illegitimate is the parents behavior that committed adultery".

If a man has a child from a woman, whether he get his child in marriage or outside marriage, then he is still the father of this child, because lineage should not be disconnected. It's mean he still has responsibility toward his child and cannot run from it.
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Kiro
10-07-2016, 02:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by M.I.A.
...i clicked the link.. game of thrones music started.

im amazed.

no reparations are demanded...

i guess most lf us were wrong then.. including myself.
what?

format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
I follow opinion from scholars in my place that "There is no illegitimate child. What illegitimate is the parents behavior that committed adultery".

If a man has a child from a woman, whether he get his child in marriage or outside marriage, then he is still the father of this child, because lineage should not be disconnected. It's mean he still has responsibility toward his child and cannot run from it.
ok but what does the quote mean
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ardianto
10-07-2016, 02:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
I have come to this board because there is no one I can go to please forgive me for troubles!
You do not cause trouble, sis. But I am really sorry if I cannot give you advice about what to talk to your boyfriend because the key to to solve this problem actually is on your boyfriend. If I could talk with him I would tell him to marry you, because he should not run from his responsibility as father of your unborn baby.

Try to find someone who can talk with him and tell him to marry you. Maybe you can find this someone in his family. So do not hesitate to try to find his family and contact them.
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Serinity
10-07-2016, 04:11 PM
may Allah :swt: guide you to the light of Islam. Ameen.

Regardless of what your boyfriend does - take care of your illegitimate child. (child has no fault, it is yours and your bf's fault)

As a Muslim, I'd like the baby to stay Muslim, but since I am not the parent, I can only make dua to Allah to safeguard the baby from the traps of shaytaan, and may Allah guide you and inspire in you faith. Ameen.

Why don't you try to study Islam? It is simple, only One God, worship Him alone, none else. Isa / Jesus :as: is the Prophet of Allah :swt: sent to guide people of the past to truth, and to worship only Allah, and forbade to worship anyone or anything else. The one to follow now is Prophet Muhammad :saw: which if Isa was alive today, would follow.

And Allah :swt: knows best.
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Snow
10-07-2016, 06:19 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by M.I.A.
if you could say that without actually saying that.. then you would be super popular.

or a politician or summit.

everybody should attend political correctness courses once in a while.

everybody makes mistakes.. dont turn them away from you unintentionally.

super hard mode.

...to actually not be insincere.

..or get taken advantage of.


literally not pointing a finger.. with familiarity comes changes in language..

sometimes.
What you wrote sounds like an odd poem.
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Al Sultan
10-07-2016, 10:16 PM
Don't worry sister,you're not making any trouble or problem here,WE are here, helping you to understand and plan on what to do next,so feel at home,relax,dont take everything under pressure,just put your faith in God and that HE will solve everything and make ease upon inshallah (which means by god's permission) "With every hardship comes ease" ~ The Holy Quran
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Futuwwa
10-07-2016, 10:24 PM
Do you have access to legal counsel? Someone who you know who might help you out? It might be possible for you to make use of his court appearance to collect enough information about him to sufficiently identify him to be able to contact his family. I'd think it likely there's some way to find out, but you'd need to know what to do.

The father is probably a lost cause. Fornicator, drunk driver and child abandoner. Still, his family may be different. They may be willing to help and be part.
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readyred39
10-09-2016, 12:45 AM
I have never been to a mosque before! What would be appropiate for me to wear
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Search
10-09-2016, 01:37 AM
:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

Hi, sis. I'd say just dress modesty and also if possible and you can afford to do so please do consider wearing loosely tied scarf around your head God-willing. That's pretty much it, sis. And since the floors of the mosque are carpeted, just leave your shoes on a shoe rack if available or you can place it on the floor with other shoes that you see or even in your bag.

Our support is with you, sis; I'm glad that you've decided to keep the baby, and God-willing this baby will be a source of blessing and guidance.

Take care of precious self. :)

All the best,

format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
I have never been to a mosque before! What would be appropiate for me to wear
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islamirama
10-09-2016, 01:44 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by readyred39
I have never been to a mosque before! What would be appropiate for me to wear
something loose and covering the whole body is appropriate. Go to the office and ask to speak to the imam on a personal matter. You can probably call up ahead to see what time the imam will be available to save you a trip.


My baby is not an illigitimate child!
By definition, yes it is.

Illegitimate : born of parents who are not married to each other; born out of wedlock

And to the person that suggested that I lie with another man then that would make him the father HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING....
No one is suggesting you go lie down with another man. The statement simply said that in Islam, the guardianship and ownership of the child belongs to one whose bed the mother shares, meaning the husband and not the fornicator. But since you're not married, the child would be illegitimate and would take your name as his last name and not the fornicator's.
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Serinity
10-09-2016, 05:45 AM
Is it really OK to call the child illegitimate? I mean. When he/she grows up I think it gives out the view that the baby is false. Which is not true.

Illegitimate = no father no mother?

If it was my illegitimate child I would take care of it regardless of it being illegitimate. Makes no difference in regards to the child.

May Allah safeguard the child from Shaytaan, Ameen.

To readyred - I encourage you to make dua to Allah alone, in private. You need none besides Allah. You can supplicate to Allah right now.

Repent to Allah and ask forgiveness and guidance. Ask for Allah to support you on your Journey and to help you with your child.

Supplicating to Allah is easy. You can do it any time any place. When in distress, as Muslims, we turn to Allah for His help and support. by asking Him :swt: alone, no one else.

I ask you to do the same.

Call upon Him directly without any form of mediums or priests. They are humans like you, so call upon Allah in private, directly, alone.

Know that Allah is All-knowing, All Seeing, All Hearing, All-aware. So there is no hindrance for you to not supplicate.

Do NOT call upon / supplicate to anyone or anything besides Allah. None has the power to answer dua (supplication) except Allah.

Allah has no partners so we do not call upon anyone or associate anyone in worship or anything with Allah. Since Allah has no partner, call upon Him alone.

your heart, will God-willing, know how to supplicate.

I am asking you this because, when confused, we Muslims turn to Allah. Please ask Allah for guidance help and clarity.

Dua is the weapon of a believer (Muslim)
And Allah knows best.

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islamirama
10-09-2016, 06:00 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Is it really OK to call the child illegitimate? I mean. When he/she grows up I think it gives out the view that the baby is false. Which is not true.

Illegitimate = no father no mother?

If it was my illegitimate child I would take care of it regardless of it being illegitimate. Makes no difference in regards to the child.
Why would it not be ok ? Don't make up your own definition. It is a legal term that will be used in courts and every where else. Unless you are suggesting to hide the origin of the child, indirectly hiding the sin? It has to be recognize as law of inheritance and rights of the child come into play in it.

illegitimate child does not mean dirty child, the sin is not on the child. IF it was your child I would think you would have the decency to marry the girl first.
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readyred39
10-10-2016, 01:35 PM
What day and what time is it convenient for me to visit a mosque? I am ready!
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AabiruSabeel
10-10-2016, 01:58 PM
Hello readyred39,

Depending on your location, you can find the local prayer time here: http://salah.com/ and visit the Mosque 10-15 minutes early and introduce yourself to any sisters there, or the Imam. That way you would be able to watch the Muslims praying together.
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Al Sultan
10-10-2016, 07:42 PM
And sister don't worry about the fact that the Imam is muslim and you're a Christian,feel relaxed and explain to them accurately what's going on,then inshallah he will be able to help you.
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readyred39
10-10-2016, 08:49 PM
As I was growing up I was raised in a Christian home but as I got older in my teen years that while I respect the Christian faith It was something that did not suit me and what I believe! While I do believe in a higher power I have yet to find exactly what It is I myself am searching for in this life I have read into a few faiths and have been to many different churches but yet to find what I need feel!
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aaj
10-11-2016, 01:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ibn-Adam
Hello readyred39,

Depending on your location, you can find the local prayer time here: http://salah.com/ and visit the Mosque 10-15 minutes early and introduce yourself to any sisters there, or the Imam. That way you would be able to watch the Muslims praying together.
Or visit htp://www.islamicfinder.org and you can search by zipcode and get local mosques address and contact information.
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Al Sultan
10-11-2016, 02:55 PM
Well islam is a pure monotheistic religion which is believing in one true creator,Allah,while Judaism is on the list too,but the books (Bible,Torah,etc) are corrupted and I've read a lot of corrupted things about it,i don't understand it,it makes fun of god (literally) this is WHY islam came,it came to save the people from corruption and get people back to the true faith, believing in one God,and also Allah said in the Quran “We have, without doubt sent down the Message; and We will assuredly guard it (from corruption)....” (al-Hijr, 9) which what makes the Quran a beauty.But again the choice is up to you.
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