:salamext:
My dear brother, you seem like a very conscientious and generous person who cares deeply for his family and may Allah bless you for this abundantly. This trait of generousity and care is not seen in many people and I pray to Allah that He eases your affairs and brings peace in your home. Aameen. We know, in this life, Allah blesses us with many blessings. A family, wealth, provisions, a spouse and if we were to start counting, the list would be endless. You have a very good spouse, may Allah bless her with abundant good for her patience n insistence in trying to amend this upsetting and difficult situation with her new family and may Allah forgive us all for our shortcomings. Aameen.
My brother, some blessings are sent to us in the form of trials. Allah says in the Quran translation of which;
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient (2:155)
These trials come into our life to remind us of Allaah and our purpose in this temporary abode and body, to turn our hearts to Him, and our eternal abode in the hereafter.
Everyone of us goes through this process of being reminded of Allah. Today, not only you and your wife, but your whole family is being tested. Allah swt says in the Quran (translation);
Indeed, We have made that which is on the earth adornment for it that We may test them [as to] which of them is best in deed (18:7)
My dear brother, trying to resolve and rectify family issues is perhaps one of the most difficult challenges, and when we experience this (our relationships turning sour), the first thing which we should reflect upon is; What is our relationship like with Allaah. Is there anything in my life that I may be doing or not doing which is upsetting my relationship with Allaah? How are my prayers? Are my earnings and financial transactions halal or does any of it involve interest?
My brother, we do not have control over the affairs or hearts of others, we can only correct ourselves and every one of us is in need of this correction. We are not here to judge one another, but to remind. My sincere advise to you, is to make your concern and focus on Allah being pleased with you and leave it to Allaah to make your family pleased with you. Be patient with them, remind them about the hereafter, seek knowledge about Islam and especially encourage the women folk in your home to attend Quran tafseer courses (there are many good ones in Urdu and English). The wealth that Allah has blessed you with, spend it on helping to spread the knowledge and fear of Allah in your household. It is the Quran that softens our hearts and brings blessings into our life. And if your family doesn't listen to you, then encourage your wife, and read the Prophets seerah together because you both will need these tools in order to deal with this difficult situation. Understand that the root cause for these problems is our weakness of Eemaan and forgetting about Allahs commandments. We need to remind ourselves and those around us. We need to save ourselves from doing any injustice to anyone and also save our families and those whom we love from doing any injustice.
Lastly, in the midst of sour feelings and arguments, when we wish to speak even if we are in the right, Remember this hadith, and for those who have implemented it, have seen the powerful effects of it in their life.
من صمت نجا (tirmidhi)
The one who remains silent, is saved / Jo khamosh raha, vo najaat pa gya
This situation is not easy brother. We are very weak and fall short many times, which is why we must always seek Allahs forgiveness and seek His help with abundant dua. May Allah help you to handle this situation wisely and patiently, and may Allah bring the light of Eemaan into all your hearts and home. Aameen.
P.s. I don't know if you and your family speak/understand Urdu but this is a very effective and heart changing Quran tafseer course that can even be played in our homes. The sister's name is Iffat Maqbool and she has touched many hearts Maa shaa Allaah.
http://nurulquran.com