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Roha Shama
11-04-2016, 02:24 PM
Asalam O Alaikum Recently i've been struggling a lot with my life i still am though,my family is messed up,no one understands me,i'm ashamed of even telling anyone my problems i have extreme social anxiety,i've had it since i was a kid and i hate my life very much i wanna die i wanna end this there are so much problems in my life i hate my family,i hate myself,i hate everyone!!!!! i don't even deserve to live i don't have a future anyway i'm lazy careless and really sensitive.........every morning i have to bear my dad disrespecting my mom, i find him very repulsive now,i'm the only child who stays home i'm homeschooling because of some serious problems,tomorrow a male tutor will be coming for me and i'm scared as hell because i don't even know him and is it even ok for a girl to be tutored by a male and literally sitting infront of him?i don't like this at all i know suicide is haram and a person goes straight to hell after that,but i want to escape this asap or i'll become insane!!!!!!!!!
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Umm Abed
11-04-2016, 04:34 PM
Wa alaikum salam

Wa alaikum salam.

You're in a difficult position right now I really sympathize with you, but suicide is not the answer, its just not.

You are not obliged to get tutored under a male teacher, it is best that you dont; have you spoken to your mother about it? Is there any other family member who you can talk to?

You need some outside help from family to help your home situation.
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islamirama
11-04-2016, 04:43 PM
:wa:

How is your family messed up? You do not need to be around them 24/7, you can go to your room to get some peace and quite. Same goes for when your mom is around your dad, you don't have to be around all the time and can limit the amount of time you are there.

Why do you hate your family, yourself and everyone? There has to be a reason for it. The future is what you make it and the qualities you dislike can be changed if you work on them.

The tutor does not have to be a male, especially if you two will be sitting alone. You can talk to your mom about getting a female tutor, if not then you can go pscyho on him and scare him away. Lot of the stuff you are saying is emotional based and not fact based so we are not sure of your exact situation and therefore can't advise much.

try reading or listening to the Quran it will help you relax a bit.
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Delete.
11-04-2016, 09:31 PM
Originally Posted by Roha Shama
Asalam O Alaikum Recently i've been struggling a lot with my life i still am though,my family is messed up,no one understands me,i'm ashamed of even telling anyone my problems i have extreme social anxiety,i've had it since i was a kid and i hate my life very much i wanna die i wanna end this there are so much problems in my life i hate my family,i hate myself,i hate everyone!!!!! i don't even deserve to live i don't have a future anyway i'm lazy careless and really sensitive.........every morning i have to bear my dad disrespecting my mom, i find him very repulsive now,i'm the only child who stays home i'm homeschooling because of some serious problems,tomorrow a male tutor will be coming for me and i'm scared as hell because i don't even know him and is it even ok for a girl to be tutored by a male and literally sitting infront of him?i don't like this at all i know suicide is haram and a person goes straight to hell after that,but i want to escape this hell hole asap or i'll become insane!!!!!!!!!


well i guess if no one's gonna help me out i guess i have only one option left...suicide
Wa alaykum a'salam. We are all here to help you, sister.

Firstly, you need to remember the purpose of your life in this dunya, to worship Allah. When your life revolves around worship, praying your Salah, and trying to attain Jannah, then these thoughts that you have would not even enter your mind. What you feel now is not even an ounce of the misery you will feel in Jahannam, which is destined for those who are ungrateful of the blessings of Allah. You want to 'escape this hell hole', but can you even comprehend what Jahannam is? SubhanAllah, if you understood the punishement, by Allah what you are feeling now would not even feel like a paper cut.

Allah blessed you with your life, and killing yourself is not your right. Life and death belong to Allah, and you are just a slave of Allah. The trials you are facing, with your family, your social interactions, your studies, and anything else, are a test to determine your belief in Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala. Endure it with Sabr and your reward will be Greater than anything, in sha Allah, it is a reward unimaginable, and it is for the believers who endured Allah's trials with patience, sincerity, and Tawakkal.

Whatever your circumstances are, whether you trust in Allah and endure, or you are ungrateful to Him, you cannot escape from standing in front of Him on Yawmul al Qiyama, and that Day we will all be questioned, and I sincerely pray that we are all able to truthfully say to our Rabb, "I really did try my best".

Sister, my advice to you is to take it one day at a time. Don't get caught up in the future, don't take the burden of other's actions upon yourself, your parents are a trial for you, your anxiety is a trial for you. Just put your trust in Allah. SubhanAllah all we have to do is worship Allah, be grateful, have Tawakkal, and everything will fall into place, I swear by Allah, if you put your trust in Him, the calamities in your life will become beautiful.

Allah knows best. Please update us when you are able, in sha Allah.
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LaSorcia
11-04-2016, 11:29 PM
I a praying for you, sister. I lived with severe abuse as a teenager, so I sort of understand. I truly pray for your father, mother, and you. Change will take time, but I encourage you to keep making duas every day. God cares. God listens to your duas. God is kind and merciful, even if his servants are not. I am not Muslim so I don't know duas for protection, but perhaps you should find some and say them daily. Take care.
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Roha Shama
11-05-2016, 06:58 AM
Originally Posted by Umm Abed
Wa alaikum salam

Wa alaikum salam.

You're in a difficult position right now I really sympathize with you, but suicide is not the answer, its just not.

You are not obliged to get tutored under a male teacher, it is best that you dont; have you spoken to your mother about it? Is there any other family member who you can talk to?

You need some outside help from family to help your home situation.
well you see i've been physically and mentally abused since i was a kid,when i always skipped school i used to get beaten up by my mom with a shoe she was basically beating me up because of dad blaming everything on her,the male teacher you see,i'm being forced to get tutored by him by my family because i can't study on my own and they want the best for me,my family keeps telling me he understands me but i think he'll just make fun of my problems and i'm pretty weak in other subjects,he's elderly though he has daughters as well,but i'm like in my teens and i'm scared to be tutored by a huge man that i don't even know and doesn't even have a blood relation or anything with me he's a stranger,my mother is very stubborn you see she won't listen i've tried a lot to make her understand and no there's no other family member who i can talk to they are basically illiterate and evil they'll only make fun of me and already do,they are happy with my situation did you know that?...i'm sorry for troubling you with my problems i really am..
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Roha Shama
11-05-2016, 07:13 AM
Originally Posted by islamirama
:wa:

How is your family messed up? You do not need to be around them 24/7, you can go to your room to get some peace and quite. Same goes for when your mom is around your dad, you don't have to be around all the time and can limit the amount of time you are there.

Why do you hate your family, yourself and everyone? There has to be a reason for it. The future is what you make it and the qualities you dislike can be changed if you work on them.

The tutor does not have to be a male, especially if you two will be sitting alone. You can talk to your mom about getting a female tutor, if not then you can go pscyho on him and scare him away. Lot of the stuff you are saying is emotional based and not fact based so we are not sure of your exact situation and therefore can't advise much.

try reading or listening to the Quran it will help you relax a bit.
Well you see my relatives practice black magic my dad's side does,they've been causing a lot of problems between my parents from the start even his own mother does this basically torturing my mom and in which they have prevailed sadly,now my mom has sugar because of depression and my dad still won't let her live in peace by the way my dad isn't a normal person,he's a psychopath and has a second wife even though he's a well educated dermatologist! can you believe that? that's also the reason why they are making my mom's life hell also because they're jealous of her art she's done fine arts you see,my mom and dad were so busy in their problems that they forgot to give me a proper childhood,i won't be sitting alone though my sister and brother will be with me at that time,but i'll be like sitting in front of him i don't think that's right at all and no there are no good female tutors here....
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Roha Shama
11-05-2016, 07:17 AM
Originally Posted by LaSorcia
I a praying for you, sister. I lived with severe abuse as a teenager, so I sort of understand. I truly pray for your father, mother, and you. Change will take time, but I encourage you to keep making duas every day. God cares. God listens to your duas. God is kind and merciful, even if his servants are not. I am not Muslim so I don't know duas for protection, but perhaps you should find some and say them daily. Take care.
Thanks,i rarely made duas because i was afraid they won't get accepted,but i think i should start making them more now my problem is getting serious..
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Muslim Woman
11-05-2016, 07:53 AM
:sl:


Originally Posted by Roha Shama
Thanks,i rarely made duas because i was afraid they won't get accepted,but i think i should start making them more now my problem is getting serious..
please make dua. Allah loves it when we worship Him and ask His forgiveness and mercy.

https://islamqa.info/en/7886
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islamirama
11-05-2016, 03:56 PM
Originally Posted by Roha Shama
Well you see my relatives practice black magic my dad's side does,they've been causing a lot of problems between my parents from the start even his own mother does this basically torturing my mom and in which they have prevailed sadly,now my mom has sugar because of depression and my dad still won't let her live in peace by the way my dad isn't a normal person,he's a psychopath and has a second wife even though he's a well educated dermatologist! can you believe that? that's also the reason why they are making my mom's life hell also because they're jealous of her art she's done fine arts you see,my mom and dad were so busy in their problems that they forgot to give me a proper childhood,i won't be sitting alone though my sister and brother will be with me at that time,but i'll be like sitting in front of him i don't think that's right at all and no there are no good female tutors here....
Well if they do practice black magic then that may be the root cause of your problems. You also seem to suffer from anxiety and that may be blowing your perspective out of proportions in regards to all of this. If your siblings are not seeing all these issues or seeing them being as big as you are then this what I just said may be true. Anyways, you will be tutored by an old man and not a young guy and you will be alone as your siblings will be around as well, and since no qualified female teacher is found at this time, then in this situation it should be ok for the time being. So rather then stressing out about it before hand, just wait and see how the first day goes.

Regarding the magic issue, you need to start reciting the duas that protect you from magic. You can read more about it here: https://islamqa.info/en/search?key=sihr

You also need to get back to your deen. That means read your quran as there is healing in it and protection, do your prayers and make dua.

Originally Posted by Roha Shama
well you see i've been physically and mentally abused since i was a kid,when i always skipped school i used to get beaten up by my mom with a shoe she was basically beating me up because of dad blaming everything on her,the male teacher you see,i'm being forced to get tutored by him by my family because i can't study on my own and they want the best for me,my family keeps telling me he understands me but i think he'll just make fun of my problems and i'm pretty weak in other subjects,he's elderly though he has daughters as well,but i'm like in my teens and i'm scared to be tutored by a huge man that i don't even know and doesn't even have a blood relation or anything with me he's a stranger,my mother is very stubborn you see she won't listen i've tried a lot to make her understand and no there's no other family member who i can talk to they are basically illiterate and evil they'll only make fun of me and already do,they are happy with my situation did you know that?...i'm sorry for troubling you with my problems i really am..
I don't think that is abuse, most of us have been beaten with shoes or some object as kids and have been yelled at and cursed depending on how troublesome we were. Your siblings seem to have turned alright. I don't know how your family thinks he understands you when he hasn't even met you, but maybe he understands in the aspect that he is elderly with his own daughters so has more experience with dealing with young daughters. If he is elderly then and your siblings will be there as well then stop stressing out, just wait and see how it goes. And no he won't make fun of you, good teachers don't do that, especially ones that are more senior and experienced.
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Roha Shama
11-07-2016, 07:18 AM
Originally Posted by islamirama
Well if they do practice black magic then that may be the root cause of your problems. You also seem to suffer from anxiety and that may be blowing your perspective out of proportions in regards to all of this. If your siblings are not seeing all these issues or seeing them being as big as you are then this what I just said may be true. Anyways, you will be tutored by an old man and not a young guy and you will be alone as your siblings will be around as well, and since no qualified female teacher is found at this time, then in this situation it should be ok for the time being. So rather then stressing out about it before hand, just wait and see how the first day goes.

Regarding the magic issue, you need to start reciting the duas that protect you from magic. You can read more about it here: https://islamqa.info/en/search?key=sihr

You also need to get back to your deen. That means read your quran as there is healing in it and protection, do your prayers and make dua.



I don't think that is abuse, most of us have been beaten with shoes or some object as kids and have been yelled at and cursed depending on how troublesome we were. Your siblings seem to have turned alright. I don't know how your family thinks he understands you when he hasn't even met you, but maybe he understands in the aspect that he is elderly with his own daughters so has more experience with dealing with young daughters. If he is elderly then and your siblings will be there as well then stop stressing out, just wait and see how it goes. And no he won't make fun of you, good teachers don't do that, especially ones that are more senior and experienced.
you know he actually is experienced because he's also a coordinator at the school i used to study in,so i guess i'll go then
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eesa the kiwi
11-07-2016, 07:38 AM
Try this dua
It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:

للّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي

‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’

“O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety”

but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)
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Eric H
11-07-2016, 08:21 AM
Greetings and peace be with you Roha Shama;

well you see i've been physically and mentally abused since i was a kid,when i always skipped school i used to get beaten up by my mom with a shoe she was basically beating me up because of dad blaming everything on her,
If in later life, you marry and have children, what training will you have had to become a mum? The chances are, that you may end up like your mum and dad, I am sure that they both had good intentions when they got married, but life is incredibly tough. We hope that if we have children they will be ok, and they will get on in life.

You sound as if you are a kind and caring person, try and help your mum and dad more in the house. If you want things to change, it has to come from you, and you have to be the change you want to see. Fight all battles with loving kindness, be patient, because kindness takes a while for the benefits to be felt.

Pray a blessing for your mum and dad.......



Now may the peace of Allah be with you,
May Allah bless you
May Allah keep you
And may Allah's face shine upon you always
And give you peace.



In the spirit of praying for peace and harmony,

Eric
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Umm Abed
11-07-2016, 08:30 AM
Originally Posted by Roha Shama
well you see i've been physically and mentally abused since i was a kid,when i always skipped school i used to get beaten up by my mom with a shoe she was basically beating me up because of dad blaming everything on her,the male teacher you see,i'm being forced to get tutored by him by my family because i can't study on my own and they want the best for me,my family keeps telling me he understands me but i think he'll just make fun of my problems and i'm pretty weak in other subjects,he's elderly though he has daughters as well,but i'm like in my teens and i'm scared to be tutored by a huge man that i don't even know and doesn't even have a blood relation or anything with me he's a stranger,my mother is very stubborn you see she won't listen i've tried a lot to make her understand and no there's no other family member who i can talk to they are basically illiterate and evil they'll only make fun of me and already do,they are happy with my situation did you know that?...i'm sorry for troubling you with my problems i really am..
It mustve been difficult on your mother getting blamed for your actions, I know there are fathers who do that, and its not fair. Having said that, it wasnt right also for her to beat you up, but then she mustve been very frustrated and as the other reader says it is common for parents to beat their children, it was their way of disciplining, etc..etc...

About the teacher issue, there is a way around it that you can do. Put a curtain across where you are going to sit and be taught, so there is a screen between you. In fact, Islamicially, this is the proper way to do things and for getting tutored by the opposite gender. Also make sure the setting is in a public place like the lounge, rather than a bedroom, for example. In that way it is safe and hearts remain pure.

It is highly unlikely that the teacher will make fun of you, after all they mustve come across all types of people and understand their issues, so that shouldnt be a worry.
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ertuğrulgüney
11-07-2016, 12:54 PM
You feel like dying each second. I also feel nervous and unhappy somethimes. Life is not flawless; there are sorrow and happiness. It's up to you to get them.
We're all different. Some people don't give a penny anything, living careless, some live with heacy melancholy.
the only way is balancing it. we can not destroy our emotions but we can control them.
I know that it is not a easy thing. You should believe in yourself.
seeing our weaknessess helps to solve every problem.
from what you say I conclude that you are suicidal.
ı do not know when&why it come out. after passing through some heavy trauvmas like losing parents or failure in social life people do it. though it's haram; if
it is good for us Allah does not forbid it. If there is no reason for this, you can see a doctor to clear up eveything. In Europe, you can get a good servise because they know the
importance of pschological health unlike my country. You must face it with bravery. Silence is the greatest sin somethimes. Like a heart attack, there are tons of pschological illnesses. I do not try to abuse you; please take them as an advice. Also having a hobby is a good way of relaxing.
while turning to a doctor, one become more positive by learning new things. If you spend your brain energy and produce something you'll get a uniqui satisfaction from it.it is the same for everyone. so you must find new things, new peoples entertaining you. this will stop the elements bringing about your melancholy. Es-Salam.
:shade:
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islamirama
11-07-2016, 11:37 PM
Originally Posted by Roha Shama
you know he actually is experienced because he's also a coordinator at the school i used to study in,so i guess i'll go then
Just let us know how it went :)
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Roha Shama
11-08-2016, 12:09 PM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you Roha Shama;



If in later life, you marry and have children, what training will you have had to become a mum? The chances are, that you may end up like your mum and dad, I am sure that they both had good intentions when they got married, but life is incredibly tough. We hope that if we have children they will be ok, and they will get on in life.

You sound as if you are a kind and caring person, try and help your mum and dad more in the house. If you want things to change, it has to come from you, and you have to be the change you want to see. Fight all battles with loving kindness, be patient, because kindness takes a while for the benefits to be felt.

Pray a blessing for your mum and dad.......



Now may the peace of Allah be with you,
May Allah bless you
May Allah keep you
And may Allah's face shine upon you always
And give you peace.



In the spirit of praying for peace and harmony,

Eric
umm i haven't thought of marriage plus i think it's icky don't blame me,i won't be even ready for that even when i'll be in my 20's i know marriage is like compulsory but no i'm not ready for that stuff,because of my serious problems as well,you know what happened to mum? nope i'm not getting into that mess especially in this wretched country,100% of the people here aren't reliable nor lovable not even generous..every time i hear marriage all i can think of is "burden" i'm sorry if i offended anyone,you see i've seen how marriages here end up for example my mom and dad's marriage and 1000% of the people here don't have happy marriages,anyway thank you so much for calling me kind and caring i do help my mum in the house,my dad you see makes her do everything in the house and thinks of my mom as nothing more than a slave,my dad also has a second wife who happens to practice black magic but he refuses to believe,it's the illiteracy of our country's men to marry more than one women even when they are well educated like my father! when they are displeased with the first one for no reason at all they marry another one,my father is a successful dermatologist he often visits other countries for his conferences and my mom has a degree in fine arts..
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aaj
11-08-2016, 03:04 PM
Originally Posted by Roha Shama
i'm not getting into that mess especially in this wretched country,100% of the people here aren't reliable nor lovable not even generous..every time i hear marriage all i can think of is "burden" i'm sorry if i offended anyone,you see i've seen how marriages here end up for example my mom and dad's marriage and 1000% of the people here don't have happy marriages
We should not generalize that. It seems wretched to you because majority of the people you have seen were not good people, but to say 100% of the people is untrue and unfair. That would also include your mother and you. There are good and bad people in every land, we just have to navigate through the sea of people and avoid the bad and try to keep company with the good :ia:

it's the illiteracy of our country's men to marry more than one women even when they are well educated like my father! when they are displeased with the first one for no reason at all they marry another one,
There is nothing wrong in marrying more than one wife if one is able to do so. It is a right given to them by Allah, if they can handle it. It has nothing to do with the illiteracy of the nation or the level of education one has. They do not need a reason for it either. However, they do need to be just otherwise they will have to answer to Allah for it.
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Roha Shama
11-09-2016, 07:19 AM
Originally Posted by aaj
We should not generalize that. It seems wretched to you because majority of the people you have seen were not good people, but to say 100% of the people is untrue and unfair. That would also include your mother and you. There are good and bad people in every land, we just have to navigate through the sea of people and avoid the bad and try to keep company with the good :ia:



There is nothing wrong in marrying more than one wife if one is able to do so. It is a right given to them by Allah, if they can handle it. It has nothing to do with the illiteracy of the nation or the level of education one has. They do not need a reason for it either. However, they do need to be just otherwise they will have to answer to Allah for it.
I know that it's ok for someone to marry another woman and ruin the first one's life and right? what kind of right is this,did you know how worse our freaking lives got when my dad married that woman it is the illiteracy as i told you,why don't you understand that's 100% true you don't live here ok you will never truly understand what kind of pain we are going through because of our dad's mistakes it makes me so freaking angry when people say it's ok for someone to marry more than one woman,how will you provide for the others my dad can't even fully provide for her and for us equally,yes you only think of the pleasures,men will also be taken to hell by the women they tortured did you know that? it's not my fault you can't understand a woman's pain,Allah only ordered you men to marry other women if you can provide for them or they are widows and in need of someone not women of you're freaking choice or ruining the first wife's life or her children's my dad did the same mistake he had a freaking affair with her as well she's also a gold digger she only came for my dad's money she knew he was a doctor and how much money they make she also tried to kill my siblings so we would get out of her way! she freaking practices black magic why are you ignoring that? i'm sorry for being rude and everything but that's how i've become because of hearing a lot of ignorance.....no i'm not going against Allah's commands but ruining the first one's life isn't right either.:Emoji19:and that's also the reason i changed my last name to my mother's i respect her more than me father because he's crooked i've seen how he tortures mum,no i'm not a crazy feminist or anything i just think women deserve the rights you took from them,yes hate on me for saying that,think what you want to think i don't care anymore!!!
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Khadijah.Colin
11-09-2016, 09:26 AM
You need to protect yourself. Black magic is serious. You're right that a man cannot marry another women if he is unable to provide and treat them equally. Whatever pain and struggles you and your mother go through because of the oppression you feel then Allah will compensate for it on judgment day. He hears all pleas. Please have patience and read quran and stick to your salah. Get the protection for the black magic as no magic can hurt you if Allah has not willed it to. The woman has many rights and to be treated like a slave is unacceptable islamically
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Roha Shama
11-09-2016, 12:26 PM
Originally Posted by Khadijah.Colin
You need to protect yourself. Black magic is serious. You're right that a man cannot marry another women if he is unable to provide and treat them equally. Whatever pain and struggles you and your mother go through because of the oppression you feel then Allah will compensate for it on judgment day. He hears all pleas. Please have patience and read quran and stick to your salah. Get the protection for the black magic as no magic can hurt you if Allah has not willed it to. The woman has many rights and to be treated like a slave is unacceptable islamically
Thank you so much for understanding me!
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aaj
11-09-2016, 03:52 PM
Originally Posted by Roha Shama
I know that it's ok for someone to marry another woman and ruin the first one's life and right? what kind of right is this,did you know how worse our freaking lives got when my dad married that woman it is the illiteracy as i told you,why don't you understand that's 100% true you don't live here ok you will never truly understand what kind of pain we are going through because of our dad's mistakes it makes me so freaking angry when people say it's ok for someone to marry more than one woman,how will you provide for the others my dad can't even fully provide for her and for us equally,yes you only think of the pleasures,men will also be taken to hell by the women they tortured did you know that? it's not my fault you can't understand a woman's pain,Allah only ordered you men to marry other women if you can provide for them or they are widows and in need of someone not women of you're freaking choice or ruining the first wife's life or her children's my dad did the same mistake he had a freaking affair with her as well she's also a gold digger she only came for my dad's money she knew he was a doctor and how much money they make she also tried to kill my siblings so we would get out of her way! she freaking practices black magic why are you ignoring that? i'm sorry for being rude and everything but that's how i've become because of hearing a lot of ignorance.....no i'm not going against Allah's commands but ruining the first one's life isn't right either.:Emoji19:and that's also the reason i changed my last name to my mother's i respect her more than me father because he's crooked i've seen how he tortures mum,no i'm not a crazy feminist or anything i just think women deserve the rights you took from them,yes hate on me for saying that,think what you want to think i don't care anymore!!!

I said it is ok and allowed in Islam to marry more than one woman provided they meet the conditions of it. I know most woman hate to hear it but that is Islam and his God given right. By stating your dad is well educated and yet he still took another wife when it is the illiterate who do it is wrong. It doesn't matter if you are well educated or illiterate, the decision to marry another woman is not based on illiteracy but rather Islam. It is within their Islamic rights to do so, provided they meet the conditions of it. I'm sorry for your suffering but you still can't generalize it like you did.

You said he is well educated with a good job as a dematoligist. If that is the case then he should be making good money. If he is not giving both wives equal share then that is another issue. It's ironic you say he can't provide for you and yet he has money because the other woman is a gold digger who came for his money.

So if he has the money (which he obviously does being a doctor) and can afford to marry another woman then he can do that. Also, just because you have met bad people live does not mean your country is full of bad people or every single one, 100% of them are evil. That is pure generalization based on your bias.

Regarding your particular situation. Of course he is in the wrong if he is not giving your family their islamic rights in all aspects. And he should not be marrying evil women, especially if he knows they are evil. So this is not an issue of him taking another wife, rather an issue of him not giving your family your islamic rights and marrying an evil women who means to harm you. It's important to keep that perspective otherwise you will end up hating the world, leading you to a very resentful negative path you don't want to go down.

Regarding you taking your mom's name as your last name, you are being emotional here. You cannot do that, despite how bad your dad may be, he is still your biological father and you are going against Islam by denying him that right and messing with the lineage. Two wrongs don't make a right.

As for the other women doing black magic, if you know this to be true then you and your family should protect themselves with islamic surahs and duas against black magic. That is more important than all the other things.

may Allah make things easy on your family, ameen.
Reply

Khadijah.Colin
11-09-2016, 03:59 PM
With regard to marrying other women. It's something as a believer that you cannot argue, this is Allah's law. You want to dispute it with Him? Of course not but perhaps your dad needs to be educated with regards to the rules and regulations regarding the issue. As aaj just stated, it goes against sharia to take your mother's name. I pray Allah eases your struggles.
Reply

Roha Shama
11-10-2016, 05:40 AM
Originally Posted by Khadijah.Colin
With regard to marrying other women. It's something as a believer that you cannot argue, this is Allah's law. You want to dispute it with Him? Of course not but perhaps your dad needs to be educated with regards to the rules and regulations regarding the issue. As aaj just stated, it goes against sharia to take your mother's name. I pray Allah eases your struggles.
why is it against sharia when at the day of judgement every human being will be known by his or her mother's name?
Reply

Roha Shama
11-10-2016, 06:13 AM
Originally Posted by aaj
I said it is ok and allowed in Islam to marry more than one woman provided they meet the conditions of it. I know most woman hate to hear it but that is Islam and his God given right. By stating your dad is well educated and yet he still took another wife when it is the illiterate who do it is wrong. It doesn't matter if you are well educated or illiterate, the decision to marry another woman is not based on illiteracy but rather Islam. It is within their Islamic rights to do so, provided they meet the conditions of it. I'm sorry for your suffering but you still can't generalize it like you did.

You said he is well educated with a good job as a dematoligist. If that is the case then he should be making good money. If he is not giving both wives equal share then that is another issue. It's ironic you say he can't provide for you and yet he has money because the other woman is a gold digger who came for his money.

So if he has the money (which he obviously does being a doctor) and can afford to marry another woman then he can do that. Also, just because you have met bad people live does not mean your country is full of bad people or every single one, 100% of them are evil. That is pure generalization based on your bias.

Regarding your particular situation. Of course he is in the wrong if he is not giving your family their islamic rights in all aspects. And he should not be marrying evil women, especially if he knows they are evil. So this is not an issue of him taking another wife, rather an issue of him not giving your family your islamic rights and marrying an evil women who means to harm you. It's important to keep that perspective otherwise you will end up hating the world, leading you to a very resentful negative path you don't want to go down.

Regarding you taking your mom's name as your last name, you are being emotional here. You cannot do that, despite how bad your dad may be, he is still your biological father and you are going against Islam by denying him that right and messing with the lineage. Two wrongs don't make a right.

As for the other women doing black magic, if you know this to be true then you and your family should protect themselves with islamic surahs and duas against black magic. That is more important than all the other things.

may Allah make things easy on your family, ameen.
i told you he married her to ruin my my mother's life why don't you understand it was a whole agenda by my dad's black magician family right again? seriously sometimes it's not a right when it comes to torturing the first one or her children mister,you actually don't know the actual situation of my house that is why you think i'm wrong,do you know what people here are saying "when my dad had a nice wife and four children including a son" why did he have the need to marry her,does Islam say torture your wife until her bones break? (which my dad used to do with my mother)does Islam say marry more women to torture the first wife and her children?,sorry i didn't tell you properly that ironic thing he avoids spending money on us yet he has the right to provide money for us we are in freaking schools and universities we cannot provide for ourselves he spends more on her ok and he's also suffering did you know that?he's becoming weaker day by day now that he married another woman she's also torturing my father mentaly,yes she's an evil woman an extremely evil woman i tell you by the way my mom and dad are cousins,well isn't she my mother?don't i have a blood relation with her so why am i not allowed to use her name when i'm sick of my father i changed my name because i couldn't bear him coming home and then torturing mum for no reason at all you think my mother did something against him?no she didn't she bore his slavery since she was married to him,but why isn't it ok for someone to use their mother's name in this world when at the the day of judgement every human being will be known by their mother's name?yes the black magic thing is very true,i'm just furious right now,i've stopped trusting people i think everyone is bad,i wanted to end my life once and for all but it's haram so i didn't do it and lived my miserable life on.....
Reply

Khadijah.Colin
11-10-2016, 06:18 AM
Originally Posted by Roha Shama
why is it against sharia when at the day of judgement every human being will be known by his or her mother's name?
In the saheeh sunnah we will be attributed to our fathers names, not mother's name. Hope this helps.
Reply

Eric H
11-10-2016, 07:10 AM
Greetings and peace be with you Roha Shama;

umm i haven't thought of marriage plus i think it's icky don't blame me,i won't be even ready for that even when i'll be in my 20's
I can understand why you would not be enthusiastic about getting married. but I was trying to make a slightly different point, so you might try and understand life from your parents perception. Just supposing in a few years time you did get married, what training would you get? What training did your parents have that prepared them for marriage?

Marriage has to be one of the toughest things we do in life, an imperfect man, marries an imperfect woman, they have imperfect children and they all try and live in harmony together in an imperfect world. I have only been married for thirty one years, and even without black magic, life is a constant struggle, going from one crisis to the next. Parents get things wrong, they have good intentions, and still things go wrong. Life requires a lot of effort, the temptation might be to stay in bed, or just do the enjoyable bits you like to do, but Allah has given us responsibilities. life seems to demand that you keep pushing yourself to do more, you have to keep trying with the tough bits of learning, never give up.

The struggle in life is always trying to be kind to everyone, especially when you feel that those around you seem to be horrible. Look for good things about your family, your mum and dad must have something good about them.

Pray for your mum and dad and your family, fight all battles with kindness, try and make their life easier. If you can make their life slightly better, they may even help you more. Families are important to Allah.

In the spirit of praying for peace and harmony.

Eric
Reply

Roha Shama
11-10-2016, 07:19 AM
Originally Posted by Khadijah.Colin
In the saheeh sunnah we will be attributed to our fathers names, not mother's name. Hope this helps.
woah thanks i feel like a fool now
Reply

M.I.A.
11-10-2016, 03:07 PM
a person has so many fresh starts.. it is very easy to bring all your baggage along with you.

all those feelings of despair and hopelessness are probably of your own making.. im not saying they don't exist.

but things are not always as we see them, a messed up family and yet they decide for you to even have an education?

it probably aint cheap either.. what messed up values you have.

its another fresh start. something you do today for some benefit tomorrow..

and its always the same with every fresh start.

make of it what you will. make of it what you are willing to make of it.

iv worked with a lot of young people.. and sometimes they cant understand what it takes for them to get what they want..

it means putting forward something entirely out of character.

ironically we are mostly stuck as we are.. we all make our own mistakes.

learn from them..

i only know about the worldly life.. so take most of what i have to say with a pinch of salt.

i have no idea what sort of student the teacher finds or what sort of teacher the student finds.

we are all things to all people for a time.
Reply

Eric H
11-11-2016, 10:22 AM
Greetings and peace be with you Roha Shama;

You may not understand this, but you are probably stronger than many of us on this forum. Most of us can get up in the morning, and not be too stressed about what the day will bring. But it sounds as if you have a list of worries to face every day when you get up. You have managed to keep going so far, so that means you do have an inner strength.

There is a lovely prayer that I like....


Lord grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.


Try and understand the prayer like this. there are so many things you do not have the power to change, you can't change the past, you can't change other people, you can't change where you live, or the lack of money, black magic and more. But in the prayer you ask Allah to help you to live in peace with all the bad stuff that you cannot change.

The second line, is to change the things you can. The bottom line seems to be, that you can only change yourself, and how you react to all the bad stuff. Somehow, you say to yourself, this is not going to get me down, I am strong, I can deal with all this. I can pray for the strength to get me through today, I can pray that Allah will help and guide me to do his will.

The last line of the prayer is the most important, the wisdom to know the difference. If you concentrate on wanting to change the things that are out of your power to change, this will lead to depression and suicidal thoughts. Depression takes away all your energy to do things and change. There are things in this life we just have to accept and live with, most of us have little power.

I am an optimist, I always keep trying to fight all battles with loving kindness, life is a struggle, always one day at a time until death, and I am only 67.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a great mystery, Lord grant me the peace and serenity to live this day and every day, knowing that you hold me in the palm of your hand.

In the spirit of praying for a peace of mind that surpasses all understanding.

Eric
Reply

greenhill
11-11-2016, 03:28 PM
Salaams..

I get the impression that you are very aware of your surroundings since young and very self aware since then too. As a result perhaps cannot make sense of the chaotic nature of people in general. And from then the gap has just grown. Ingrained into your fibre as it grows with you… with home school and I guess not much interaction between people can lead to even more acute divide in understanding; not so much in the general intellect, but on the social skills.

Br. Eric said it good. Constructive, too!

Plus, I keep hearing people say that Allah loves people that struggle more in His cause than those who find it easy. You are already at an advantage for your permanent abode… earth it is only temporary …

You re being tested for a greater reward. Just ask Allah to give you the patience and if there is a 'lesson' to be learnt, or a course of action to be taken, to please make it simple for you to 'see'. But I think Br Eric has said pretty much the essence of it.

Do you have friends?

Maybe you may need older people as friends, not your peers.. just commenting...


:peace:
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