How much verbal abuse should be tolerated in marriages?

[anonymous]

Salams

Is there a limit, so if a husband verbally abuses his wife, should she leave or tolerate it? What about if there's children involved and he verbally abuses them too? which is a better option and if she has sabr and puts up with his foul tongue, would that be noble or foolish?

[Scimitar]

it's better for you to be patient wiht your husband and you will be rewarded.

Admonish with mild words, cajole and lead him to a smile - then see if he can switch back to anger in a jiffy... guess what? he can't.

Man is quick to forget, woman is quick to remind.

Take advantage of that forgetful nature of man and distract him before he runs away with his words.

Scimi

[islamirama]

:wasalam:

abusive foul language is not becoming of a Muslim. It also makes one a bad example or role model and makes others loose respect for him. If staying quiet helps him shut up faster then try to do that and bear it patiently. You should also try to give him advice about improving that aspect of him when he is in a good mood. The sunnah is to start with something good, so start by praising him for this good qualities and then start about how you are unhappy how things go in time of anger and how it hurts you and the kids and how would like this to change. You can also talk to his mother if she's around and he will listen to her, you can take the him to masjid for marriage seminars they have, or ask imam to give a khutbah on good character, domestic violence and abusing spouses. and if he is willing to go (after that sweet talk), try islamic marriage counseling.

Normally scholars say to be patient, even if he is domestically abusive in physical sense, but there is a limit to all things. You will have to decide that.

[anonymous]

What about if the person makes the other person life hell to the extent that foul language and vulgar behaviour is what they have been driven to ?

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[anonymous]

I think it would depend as to what drives the woman to use inappropriate language. The first issue that needs addressing in the west that it's seen cool for women use foul language. One of the prime reasons for this is the influence of media with the youth in general being addicted to music which promotes such lewd language. subconsciously they take such people as role models when they are anything but. moreover you will find this problem isn't just restricted to people in their teens but people in advanced education in their twenties think it's cool to speak in a manner which is immoral and "gangster".

now such individuals are bound to encounter problems if they enter marriage with this mindset. Afterall most people would be expected to speak in a repeatable manner well before their marriage. The ground realities are not so true unfortunately.

The second point is what are the demands of the husband. If they are in line with sharia than that's his duty to ensure he brings you closer to the deen. If his demands are to make you behave contrary to Islam than any sane minded individual would recommend terminating the marriage to an individual who is leading you astray.

may Allah grant us all practicing life partners.

[azc]

SalamsIs there a limit, so if a husband verbally abuses his wife, should she leave or tolerate it? What about if there's children involved and he verbally abuses them too? which is a better option and if she has sabr and puts up with his foul tongue, would that be noble or foolish?

why is he so rude.... ?

[Zeal]

What about if the person makes the other person life hell to the extent that foul language and vulgar behaviour is what they have been driven to ?

If you can't take it and you see it's affecting your kids really badly, just leave him