I can't stand my husband!

[anonymous]

AS- salamu Alaykum

I've been married for over a year so far and I feel unhappy in my marriage. When I met my husband I fell in love with him because he was practicing and a really good person.

Now he's changed and I feel this isn't the person I married. He's narcissistic and incredibly selfish. He can't accept criticism and demands so many things from me. I feel exhausted when he's around and I feel more like his slave than his wife.

I find it extremely difficult to put up with his behaviour and I've been thinking of divorce very often. I don't have kids with him. Any advice on what to do?

[anonymous]

Oh dear such a sad situation. I feel for you as it's difficult staying in a relationship with a selfish man. But divorce is a strong word a hasty divorce even worse. Think about it! What about his good qualities??? If Any? You stated he is narcissistic and selfish! Is he completely blind to your emotional and financial needs?? If yes then he probably is a jerk. What can I say only to pray dear sister, ask Allah for guidance. I pray for you dear. May Allah help you and give you martial bliss and satisfaction soon Ameen.

[muslim brother]

no man or woman is perfect
no marriage will be heaven on earth
sometimes when we change our expectations, life becomes easier
i truly believe there needs to be classes for men and women before marriage
something our community lacks

[anonymous]

I totally agree with you sir! Sadly no daughter or son is taught that in our society. Instead we end up in divorce or marriage counselling and it is frustrating! May Allah give guidance to be more patient loving and tolerant. Can there be a education for better husband and wife in this forum??

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[azc]

Very sad. Have you talked to elders of both sides regarding his abnormal behaviour..?

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam,

Sister, I would suggest you try and bring in the experience of any trusted elders in either your community or your family, that can really help so much inshaAllah.

You have been married for only a year, you are still getting to know one another, and marriage does have a lot of ups and downs. Perhaps he is stressed in his work or another aspect of his life? It doesn't justify him being selfish but he might be taking out his frustrations at other things on you. You said that before he was a kind and practising person, maybe you just need to sit down and discuss this with him when he's in a reasonable mood? Try and explain to him how exhausting it can be for you to fulfil all of his demands, it could be he doesn't realise how tiring it can be to run a household and be the 'perfect' wife. Communication is really important in a marriage, it can do wonders.

And make abundant dua, that your husband has a change of heart and your marriage pulls through.

Divorce is certainly permitted, but it is utterly a last resort. Definitely exhaust *every* other option out there before considering it.

[anonymous]

Yes sister Noraina has a very beautiful advice. Certainly talk the matter with him first when you feel he is more at ease and receptive, take that time and simply tell him how your feelings are hurt when he doesn't reciprocate in the relationship. If he begins to feel for your hurt perhaps he doesn't Realize what he is doing and maybe under outside pressures. Men usually are upset over outside matters that they rarely discuss and fix on their own so consider his point of view as well. Let's see then pray for the best. Dear may Allah bless your marriage with peace and happiness. Ameen

[ah17865]

I don't mean to be rude sister, but there is something I must point out.

Looks, beauty mean NOTHING. If the heart is not clean, the outside will never be clean no matter how clean it looks. And those who pretend to be practising just to win the hearts of the practising woman are the fools.

If you have serious problems with your husband, then leave him. Go! Find someone else. You don't have a kid with him, you can have a kid with someone who cares. There are many men who are getting old and not married as they want a trustworthy and religious woman, the same for the woman.

Allah knows best.

[*charisma*]

Assalamu ALaikum

Can you be more specific about the treatment you're receiving?

Has he neglected his worship?

Has he prevented you from your rights as a wife?

[anonymous]

I know the feeling least you had a good start to the marriage I died the minute I learnt of the marriage and continue to do so nearly ten years on

[anonymous]

I always feel there's two sides to any story. The problem with living in the west is that women become alienated from their true identity to the extent they do not know what is good for them. It's embarrassing but many women who've lost touch with their deen dream of marrying somebody who is far from the deen. there's many posts on this very forum of sisters expressing such shameful wishes. how would your parents feel reading such trash. The fact you have found a practicing life partner is a great bounty that you should be grateful for .

[anonymous]

I always feel there's two sides to any story. The problem with living in the west is that women become alienated from their true identity to the extent they do not know what is good for them. It's embarrassing but many women who've lost touch with their deen dream of marrying somebody who is far from the deen. there's many posts on this very forum of sisters expressing such shameful wishes. how would your parents feel reading such trash. The fact you have found a practicing life partner is a great bounty that you should be grateful for .

Anyone can look the part what matters is what happens behind closed doors after all hypocrites are destined for HELL

[anonymous]

can you elaborate on what happens behind closed doors.

[azc]

Are you not in touch with your parents or in laws...?

[M.I.A.]

marriage is hard work.

life is hard work.

relationships and family... hard work.

if you have it any different its because you have worked towards it..

very cliched, very fortune cookie..

but their will be times when love is not the same as like.


...that being said you should walk out the door and persue your own happiness.

o_0

no im kidding, its up to you init?

its the trickle down economy.