View Full Version : Advice on moving on from haram relationship

12-11-2016, 01:28 PM

Long story short, I am a 24 year old male who is seeking advice in times of hardship from other Muslims. When I was 18 I got in a relationship (I know it was wrong of me, I deeply regret this now). We broke up 2 years later due to family reasons, fast forward a year after we eventually got back together and we had always talked about marriage, as she openly said she wanted to marry me one day. However 8 months after we got back together, I noticed she stopped talking about marriage and she made less of an effort with me. When I confronted her about this she just said that she just feels differently and she just feels as if we are just friends now and she suggested that we split up and see what happens later. It hurt me but she did still say that she misses me which gave me hope but then suddenly she started speaking to me less and less, eventually to the point when I confronted her she just ignored me. So instead of pushing I left her alone for a few months and then asked her again, she just said that she felt that the spark had gone and it didn't work but then she said how she thinks I am a lovely lad and how she thinks a lot of me and always will. This had again given me hope so I gave her space thinking that things may work again. After a few months she sent me a birthday message which was nice of her then 2 weeks later she messaged me randomly just to see how I was and this gave me more hope. But then another 2 weeks later (this is the worst bit), as we used to go to the same uni I was sat in the uni library with my friends and then I looked up at the stairs only to see her walking along with another guy, this broke my heart but at first I thought there may be a logical explanation behind this so on that night I asked her what was going on then she just said that she had moved on, this completely tore my heart to shreds, it was possibly the worst day of my life at that point I cried my eyes out that night but Alhamdulillah now that I look back at that moment, I stayed up all night that night and I prayed to Allah to forgive me and give me peace as I was deeply depressed and I didn't feel as though I could live with this situation. I think I was mainly depressed because she had always said she wanted to marry me and how I meant the world to her but then she dropped me so easily and moved on without a care even though she knew how much I cared for her. I kept seeing her around uni in that year with her new guy, It made it worse when she can just act so happy with that new guy and act as if nothing ever happened. But a year later (which is this year, 2016) I started to pray more and more everyday and I also graduated from university, and I have also gained a job Alhamdulillah. I hadn't spoken to her after I seen her with that guy which was a year and a half ago as I knew it would break my heart, I only spoke to her to say happy birthday and that's it, she asked me how I was and everything but I just kept the conversation short. However a few weeks ago, I put a snapchat up saying that I couldn't sleep (this was due the fact that I was ill) she had messaged me asking if I was okay, I was confused because we had barely spoke for a year and a half so why would she pop up all of a sudden, and also why do that when she has moved on.
And from this brothers and sisters, I wanted your advice on how I can completely move forward from this heartbreak. Although I do feel in a better situation than I was a year ago because I have started praying more, I do sometimes feel a bit heartbroken that is why I am writing this today.
Before anybody judges me, I have already repented for the haram relationship that I had with her and I hope Allah can forgive me for that.


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12-11-2016, 01:45 PM
Walaikum Asalaam

Why do you still have her as a contact?? :facepalm:

If you truly want to repent, you would delete her and all females from your contact list. You should not be keeping her around in hopes that she will come back or to remain "friends" with her. If she wanted to return to you, I don't think you'd deny her that easily. Repentance is giving up the sins which put you in this situation in the first place and feeling deep regret.

So the first step to move on from heartbreak is to remove that which broke your heart out of your life completely. Increase your iman so that you can recognize a worthy girl who is beloved by Allah instead of a girl who succumbs to her desires. WHen you are able to do that, this girl will eventually mean nothing.

12-11-2016, 02:11 PM

And is Allah not sufficient for us?

Alpha Dude
12-11-2016, 09:30 PM
Wa alaykum salam,

Bro, Allah has saved you from someone who does not seem to have her head right. You've been guided toward becoming closer to Allah in the process ma sha Allah.

Forget this girl completely. Delete her from anywhere you have her as a contact and break off all avenues for her to get in touch with you. Move on too.

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12-12-2016, 04:47 AM

I did not read your full post but being steadfast with 5 daily fard prayers with khushoo kuzoo is the way to come out of sins, as we see examples even in the times of Prophet :saws: when people complained to Prophet :saws: about a youth who was indulging in all sorts of haram but was still doing salah. Prophet asked whether was he serious with his fard salahs ? they said , yes, so Prophet saws told to leave him and his salah stop him from the sins.

But coming out sins with a taubatun nasuha or Sincere repentance is a MUST which conditionally stays his intention to be never to do the same sin Again for which he makes repentance and Allah accepts sincere repentance is what we see from our books.

12-12-2016, 06:32 AM
She is playing with you and I assert that she has never been serious with you. Ignore her

12-12-2016, 06:56 PM
Ive been through something similiar. I loved somoene and wanted to marry them but he married someone else and didnt even tell me :( ..... the only way is to cut contact otherwise u wont be able to move forward. Dont reply back.

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