format_quote Originally Posted by
Jasonsk
I could talk about my meny problems, about the pain and nightmares and at the end some of you brothers & sisters will say that you understand and some will say that my pain is no big deal. But seriously though the pain is real to cause mental pain.
My soul is broken and Im on the verge of giving up completely.
I don't want this, Im done.
Salaam 3laikum brother
I would be one of those which you discribe as "able to understand".
I to faced many difficulties growing up and at a later age. For years I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts and behavior. So at the beginning of the year I let myself be hospitalised for a few months.
They gave me psychological help (in the form of talks with a psychologist and psychiatrist, no medication, that I always refused), turns out I definitly needed it in order to understand more of myself, my past and to be able to let go of some things.
After a few months I was discharged and returned home. But the emptiness and agony remained. I still thought about death as if it was part of my daily routine.
I was a non muslim at the time, but since many years already had many contacts with practicing muslims and had already several times thought of converting to Islam.
One day I was in the subway, waiting for the metro to arrive when I allowed myself to think about God (swt) again. I pictured how He would react to my thoughts, my behavior and the things I had done in my life, small or large. I was suddenly struck with such a deep feeling of sorrow and sadness that I almost couldnt hold my tears in front of all those people.
This dunja (world), my brother, is a test. And everything we have in this life, including the life itself, the air we breath, the clothes we wear, the water we use to wash our body and to drink, the food we eat, the computer I use to type this very message to you, is a gift from Allah Subhaanahu wa ta'ala.
We know what happened yesterday. When we look around us, we see with our eyes what happens around us at this instance, but only Allah Subhaanahu wa ta'ala knows what will happen tomorrow. And thinking about a near future, that we cannot ever predict, is like fishing in a pond without water.
Just know that life in this dunja can be rough and it will not be said that you will receive everything that you ask for. But if you are gratefull for the things you have and perform your prair to try and find the approval of our King (swt). You might find some peace of mind.
Because if you feel alone, or helpless. Know that He is always with you. He loves you like no spous, no parent, no child can ever love you. And if you are having a hard time, try to hold on to your faith. Seek his approval and be gratefull for what you have.
If you have unresolved issues, maybe talking to somebody may help you. At a certain degre it helped me to. If you do not want any professional help, maybe go to the imaam of your moske if you trust him. Talking does help, I experienced that myself. But tranquility of the heart you will find through Allah (swt).
If you so your 5 time prairs a day, try to do as many nafila (additional) prairs as well, like shfa al-witr, salaat at-Doha, Ruaatib. Thank him, for everything you can think of, from the chair at the table, till the food on your plate, your fysical health if so, and everything you have. Insha'Allah will your burden be lifted, even if it is a little.
I will do dua for you my brother.
Take care
Salaam alaikum wa rahmatulaahi wa barakaatu