Is a man in charge in/dominating of a household?

[Mustafa16]

I'm considering being more religious, and joining more pious and strict elements of Islam.....but one thing bugs me.....why does Islam say that men can hit their wives, and why does Islamqa.info/en say that women aren't allowed to drive, and why does Islam say that men are in charge in a family? growing up surrounded by strong female figures, like my mother, who has been single for years, and weak male figures, like my father, who is "tough" but nonetheless distant and absent from my life, I have a hard time imagining myself as someone who will be married in several years to a woman who will submit to my will......and the idea of hitting her, no matter how mad I am, appalls me.....can someone clear this up?

[Born_Believer]

First off, Islamically the man is in charge of the house hold but that does not mean he has to be a domineering figure. As a muslim, I'm sure you know that we take our lead and follow the example of Prophet Muhammad PBUH. Although he was in charge of his household, he was also involved in helping clean the house, a duty many western mean these days would dub as "feminine". Also, there was never a complaint or an allegation that he hit any of his wives. There we have the perfect example of a husband.

In fact, the Prophet was asked about how a man should hit his wife and he said in such a way that it does not cause pain. Now think about this, how do you hit someone and it can't cause them pain? According to some narrations it is as if you have taken a siwak stick (an ancient kind of toothbrush) and tapped her with it, according to other narrations, it's as if you have taken a cloth and dropped it on the wife. Neither of these is hitting in the sense of domestic violence. It's simply meant to be a reminder to the wife that maybe she has said something that has transgressed her bounds.