Assalaamu alaikum
@
Mustafa16
,
(smile) I remember a time I felt very confused and fearful. So many dark thoughts worried at the edges of my ragged soul, that I felt paralyzed. (smile) It was also hard to sleep and think clearly! So I reached out for help, and was directed to meet a woman. She listened to my woes and fears, and then offered a brief opinion on a particular matter. And then, to my surprise, she asked me if I could read Arabic. I said yes. She asked if I could devote half an hour a day to reading the Qur'an. Half and hour...! I blanched. I was feeling so overwhelmed, that I felt that I couldn't squeeze
any more minutes out of my day. She saw my reaction, and quickly asked whether I could do 15 minutes? 15 minutes... I felt a bit ashamed. Surely I could give just 15 minutes of my time for the sake of God? So I agreed. "Read Surah Al-Baqarah" she said, "For 15 minutes every night. "Ok" I said. She smiled widely, and added quickly "And 10 minutes in the morning." I opened my mouth, and closed it. What is 10 minutes? "Ok," I agreed, "And 10 minutes in the morning."
And so, I started to read Surah Al-Baqarah. My Arabic was rusty and slow, and I understood almost nothing of what I was reading. But little by little, I struggled with the Surah, in 10 and 15 minute (timed) chunks, no matter how sleep tugged at my eyelids at night. And bit by bit, it became a routine that became comfortable.
Still, I was impatient to end and gain the woman's next piece of advice on how to deal with my life. So when I had finished reading the Surah over once, I phoned her. "I've finished!" I announced, feeling a little accomplished, "What do I do now?" "Read it again" She replied. It wasn't quite what I was looking for, but I thought to myself "You know, this routine is helping me to sleep better. So why not?" And so I read the Surah over again. This time it flowed more smoothly and I was able to finish it faster. I tried to contact the woman again. But for some reason, she was unreachable. So I decided to continue and do the Surah over again.
This time, the words flowed so well, that I began to notice words that kept popping up. "I wonder what those mean?" I asked myself, "And I wonder what is being said?". So I dug out my Arabic-English dictionary and a translation of the Qur'an. In the evenings, when I was more tired, I read the translation and commentary. In the mornings, I read a page and picked out a word to search the meaning of.
It was curious, I thought to myself one day. I felt rather good. I was dealing with my problems far better than I expected that I would have been able to. Life seemed to be settling down. I no longer tried to contact the woman. I just kept on going.
Word by word, page by page, the Qur'an started to come alive to me. I started to understand phrases, ideas popped up, and mysteries appeared like tangled skeins of wool awaiting gentle fingers to untangle them. Every day, I would delve into the Qur'an, like a seabird diving for fish. I stopped precisely timing myself, and noticed that the time I spent on the Qur'an stretched into more like 30 minutes or more in the mornings, and 10 or 15 at night. And I felt good. (smile) My terrible problems started to be resolved. And I discovered that I had more strength that I had imagined. I found myself venturing into new territories that I had formerly been to shy or nervous to enter.
(smile) Anyway, to cut a long story short, I continued, and continue to read or recite the Qur'an every day. And good things continue to wash up on my shores, unexpected Gifts from God. (laugh) This does not mean that I have no more problems! I still do, of course. Life is
supposed to be a struggle to learn and grow ever closer to our Creator. But these problems are no longer so overwhelming. And rather than finding myself in the company of people who lead you to dark places,
good people have been gradually entering my life, adding warmth and companionship.
(smile) So Mustafa, my dear young man... I offer you this challenge: can you make a little time in your day, every day, to seek Allah? I don't know what your level of abilities are. But could you perhaps start reading a little of the Qur'an every day? (smile) Surah Al Baqarah, perhaps? If not in Arabic, then a translation with some commentary (Yahiya Emerick's is the most accessible one, I have found, especially for young people)? (smile) Don't take on more than you can comfortably do; you can always increase later, you know. Take on
only what you are sure you can do
every day. Even when you are sick, or tired, or have exams. (twinkle) Though if you want to do a little extra some days... why not?
Because when you are in the shadows enveloped by swarms of doubts like gnats, you need a little Light to clear the air.
(smile) Finally, if you feel you need some guidance... why not ask Allah to Guide you? To send people and things into your life that can teach you how to get closer to Him? (smile) I pray you will find a way, Mustafa.
May Allah, the Compassionate, the Wise, Gift the sincere seekers with the strength to persevere.