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sahilchowdary
01-20-2017, 09:40 PM
Hi,

I'm a married man and been living away from my wife for a long time. My wife and I have no intimate relationship for many years.

I became friendly with another female who is divorced and we became close. Unfortunately we committed Zina. I did tell her that I would marry her if this happened.
Unfortunately I haven't married this second woman and although my wife has given permission for a second marriage I know this second girl won't entertain being a second wife.

I'm not sure what to do. I am lost as to what is right and what is wrong?

I'm also confused as to the "haq" of each woman as well as to what I should do to right my wrongs.

Please help with suggestions and guidance
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Alpha Dude
01-20-2017, 09:55 PM
I'm not sure what to do. I am lost as to what is right and what is wrong?

I'm also confused as to the "haq" of each woman as well as to what I should do to right my wrongs.
To right the wrongs, first and foremost, whenever we sin we need to repent to Allah and remove ourselves from the haram environment.

As it stands, since you are not married to this second woman, you have no rights over her and she has no rights over you.

Your current wife, however, has rights over you.

I see three options:

i. Forget this second woman and the promise you made her. Cut her out of your life and remain with your wife.
ii. Marry the new woman, convincing her to become your second wife.
iii. Divorce your first wife and marry the second, since you seem to be distant already (I'm assuming this is due to difficulties in relationship and not being in different countries, for example).
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sahilchowdary
01-21-2017, 01:24 AM
Thank you brother Alpha Dude for your reply.

Thank you also for the clarity on the 3 options. When you are in certain situations it's hard to see things clearly.

I think regards option one, I feel it would be unjust to forget about her and my promise. Even though I have fell out with her I would have went against my word. It just feels so wrong.

Regards option 3. My wife has been pious and supportive but gradually the relationship has deteriorated to just friendship and co existence when I go back home. We are both empathetic to one another and because of her being so good it's hard to let her go.
Overall day by day there seems to be less left in this relationship.

So it seems option 3 is probably the best option.

Lastly. If I divorce the first wife and assuming this second woman has already repented as have I. If I send a marriage proposal is she obliged to accept my marriage proposal ?
(Because I am trying to correct what we have done wrong)
It's only because I've read certain views on repentance that once a fornicator has repented they are free of that sin. So they can marry anybody else.
So in this situation is she under any obligation to prioritise my proposal against say another ?
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Alpha Dude
01-22-2017, 09:55 PM
She is not obliged to accept or prioritise your proposal, afaik.
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Futuwwa
01-23-2017, 11:25 AM
As for your promise, did you specifically promise that she would be the only wife in that case? If not, you're under no obligation to go farther than you promised. If she's not fine with you making good on your promise in a way of your own choice and rejects that, you're under no further obligation to her.

There is another thing you should bear in mind. I know I'm saying this on limited information about your situation, so take it for what it's worth. If you did zina while there was a previous agreement that you'd marry if zina happened, maybe she deliberately manipulated for it to happen to entrap you? A passionless but basically empathetic marriage is better than commitment to an unworthy manipulator of a woman.
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