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Mustafa16
01-21-2017, 08:52 PM
My mother is a secular, irreligious, Kemalist/Gulenist who does not wear hijab and follows a watered down version of Islam and calls me extremist or "Wahhabi" when I bring up facets of the deen. She forces me to shave, although now that I am older and stronger and more independent I have resisted her pressure......and now I am developing a beard Alhamdulillah. She says, in Turkish, (sorry, no direct translation), "you've eaten s***" when I say musical instruments and the singing voice of women is haram.....she used to let me try and go on dates.....she buys non zabiha meat and doesn't care when I eat it, even packing it into my school lunch....she's ok with me masturbating, and gets mad but doesn't do anything when she finds out I am watching porn.......she says it is ok to do free mixing with the opposite sex in college.......and lately, she has banned me from going to Friday halakhas at the masjid, or getting a private tutor from the masjid, and also gets angry about me using this forum, saying (about the forum) "you will be brainwashed", and (about the private tutor) I am already sending you to sohbets (halakhas) (with gulen movement, in Turkish, which I often don't understand, and reading from risale-i-nur, not quran), and (about halakhas) I can not drive you,and I have my own halakhas (my parents are divorced and I don't have a driver's license).......

I am sick and tired of this, and whenever I am listening to imams and sheikhs online on youtube, and they say things which sound Arabic or angry, she gets mad and asks "WHAT are you listening to????????" I am very angry, and I want to know what I should do......
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Hayaa8
01-28-2017, 05:49 PM
As Salam alaikum

Brother I am in a similar situation as you
The best you should do is
Be patient with your mother dear brother
Patience is like a virtue the reward is with Allaah

Your mother no matter how she seems deserves your respect the most and your a man that has to take care of her

You have to strike the balance
Your mother took care of you
See surah luqman for more answers


Brother perform Salah and fast that's all you need to do in order to be a practicing Muslim do all your wahabi beliefs
But line it with a grade to respect your mother and treat her even more kind

WA laikum as salam
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Umm♥Layth
01-28-2017, 08:15 PM
You do not have to follow your mother on that which is haraam. If you don't like what she provides, you can work and buy it yourself, in the meantime make do with what you have.

You can listen to lectures with ear buds/headphones so she isn't bothered. You can choose to NOT go on dates, watch pornography or masturbate. These are all things you can control. If khalaqas are so important to you, then walk or take a bus, you don't have to ask anyone for a ride.

Your mother isn't an impediment, she is simply a test for you and how you react is your test score. You can be kind and extra loving, or you can argue and be rude. You most definitely cannot force her to listen and you certainly cannot tell her how to live her life. Your job is to be good to her and shower her with kindness. If she ever changes her mind about her life, she will come to you.

Take this from somebody with a non muslim family ;) let it go and focus on your own growth. The only one stopping you is you.
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azc
01-29-2017, 02:51 AM
May Allah swt keep you steadfast on deen. Ameen
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Scimitar
01-29-2017, 05:13 PM
Originally Posted by Mustafa16
I am very angry, and I want to know what I should do......
A man asked the Prophet pbuh "Give me advice". The Prophet pbuh said "Do not get angry". The man asked repeatedly and the prophet answered each time "Do not get angry".

Those who spend (in Allah’s cause) in prosperity and in adversity, who repress their anger, and who pardon men, verily, Allah loves the al-Muhsinun (the good-doers).”
3:134

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) knew that if a person controlled his anger he would be able to control everything else. That is why the Prophet mentioned in another hadith: "The powerful man is not the one who can wrestle, but the powerful man is the one who can control himself at the time of anger." Controlling anger can be an indicator of the strength of one’s personality.

Scimi
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Umm Malik
01-29-2017, 11:06 PM
Obey your mother as you can if doesn't ask you to disobey Allah, and feel sorry about her because you know while she is still ignorant
and take her guidance as a goal, and it will be a big deal for you to obey her and be her reason of guidance
it will be... if you remember that one single good act after a long time of sabr can be the key of your mother's heart and it will be the delay reminder of you to keep your Deen first after knowing how the Deen of Allah is beautiful.
all this are just a test and your mother can change if you keep her in your duae in sujud
if you thank her a lot for her treating with you and how he rising you and your siblings "brother and sister"
to let her think and believe that every goof thong in you is because of her teaching to you even if there no thing like this ... but be sure that every sweet word to your mom you will get it reward immediately and you will get the same from your children one day because you do that for the sake of Allah
and of you do this ... don't wait for her acceptance of your good work or your good treating ... remember it for Allah and you just wait for his reward.
try to make your mother smile a numbers of times every day ... and if you wasn't do those things before try to began them gradually
it a test for you, and for a lot people who have a non practicing parents or no Muslim family
but this is a gift from Allah to you and them take the massage , and to help your families and you may resurrect in the day of judgment with an ummah who guided because of you one after another.

May Allah guide us
Amen!
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