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ham4zah
01-25-2017, 06:53 PM
Hi All,

I am really struggling to get past someone i loved and wanted to marry and i know you will all say allah must have a better plan but i feel so low!! I wanted it soo much. How could this woman break my heart !! Shes not even sorry for being so cruel and leaving me.
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Umm♥Layth
01-25-2017, 07:07 PM
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I know you don't care to hear that right now, but it is true. When Allah takes something away and it gives you pain, it is the perfect opportunity to let HIM in and become closer to him. That's what tests are for.

Take a lesson from this. Why didn't it work out? Why did she leave? If you wanted it so bad, why didn't you marry her right away?
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ham4zah
01-25-2017, 07:48 PM
Ofcourse i wanted to marry her she didnt marry me because her parents wanted someone else and ofocurse i have gotten closer to Allah but im just scared that i will never love anyone again! Or find better than what i lost. Also why am i being tested what about her? I dont even think she cared enough about me to do this
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noraina
01-25-2017, 07:54 PM
I don't know the details of you situation, but at the end of the day of course a woman (and a man) is going to listen to their parents' choice at the end of the day. From this you can learn that if you ever want to approach a sister for marriage, approach her parents for and ask for their consent. If they refuse, then back away before you invest too much emotionally into it.

And one should avoid getting too attached to someone of the opposite gender too much before marriage anyway - it protects from unnecessary pain and hardship such as this. If you're looking for marriage, maybe do it through your parents, or some elders, or a brother you know, inshaAllah.

And it might hurt for a while, but no doubt you will be able to love someone again when you realise there was something good in this. A sister Umm Layth said, when Allah swt takes something from you, it is always for the best for your deen and dunya and He will replace it with something better. Just have patience and trust in Him.
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ham4zah
01-25-2017, 08:30 PM
Aww thanks thats true. I will pray for the best.
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Umm Malik
01-25-2017, 09:03 PM
( 78 ) [Al-Khidh r] said, "This is parting between me and you. I will inform you of the interpretation of that about which you could not have patience.
( 79 ) As for the ship, it belonged to poor people working at sea. So I intended to cause defect in it as there was after them a king who seized every [good] ship by force.
( 80 ) And as for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared that he would overburden them by transgression and disbelief.
( 81 ) So we intended that their Lord should substitute for them one better than him in purity and nearer to mercy.
( 82 ) And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the city, and there was beneath it a treasure for them, and their father had been righteous. So your Lord intended that they reach maturity and extract their treasure, as a mercy from your Lord. And I did it not of my own accord. That is the interpretation of that about which you could not have patience."

When we look at this surah we understand how Allah prepared for us while we think it's bed
And by the time you will understand what Allah prepared for you
And as for the think that there isn't a better choice than her ... you will see by the time ... and as the sisters have said you will find better and Allah can choose for you the best either she or another one but the best inshallah
Learn from this and wait for the best Allah can open a doors when a door closed
May Allah make it easy for you
Amen!
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ham4zah
01-25-2017, 09:28 PM
Thanks bro. I need to do SABR in sha allah i will one day look back and be thankful. I should trust him.

Think i just feel abit envy when i see her with someone after leaving me but may Allah give me better ameen
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Maya7
01-25-2017, 09:58 PM
Hamzah, just move on. I think guys are more tempted to have closure faster than girls. Also, when Allah prevents sth you wished from happening, it means that he has better plans for you. Don't worry and have trust in him :)
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ham4zah
01-25-2017, 10:24 PM
Thanks Maya. I am trying my best to move on i am.
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Umm♥Layth
01-25-2017, 10:57 PM
Originally Posted by ham4zah
Ofcourse i wanted to marry her she didnt marry me because her parents wanted someone else and ofocurse i have gotten closer to Allah but im just scared that i will never love anyone again! Or find better than what i lost. Also why am i being tested what about her? I dont even think she cared enough about me to do this
As sister noraina said, next time you meet a girl you would like to marry, approach her parents NOT her. This will save you heartache. Also, don't get emotionally involved before marriage. This is the biggest mistake most of us make. You need to protect your heart and your imaan at all times. Don't allow anyone who isn't your spouse to enjoy your love.ever. They are not worthy of it until they commit to you in a lawful manner with Allah's blessings.


I know it isn't much comfort to you during this time and I'm sorry it is so painful for you. To answer your question, yes you will learn to love again and when you learn to love INSIDE of marriage, it is effortless and comforting.


Many of us have experienced the heartache you are experiencing now and only Allah can heal that. Make a plan of action for yourself, focus on your salah and dua, get up for tahajjud every night and start your healing process. When the right woman shows up, go straight to marriage and you'll see how wonderful it is :)
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ham4zah
01-25-2017, 11:20 PM
Thank you all for the kind words. I did want to marry this person but she backed out and married of her parents choice. And yes id never attach myself to annyone again! Lesson learnt sir! Wht i dont get is why am i suffering ... i mean we both spoke to each other and promised marriage yet shes living happily ever after and im suffering lol
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ham4zah
01-25-2017, 11:21 PM
Not that i dont want her to be happy but am i only at fault ?
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sister herb
01-25-2017, 11:30 PM
Actually, you don´t know how she feels or what she has in hers heart. But you better leave thinking about it behind.
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Umm♥Layth
01-25-2017, 11:42 PM
Sister herb is right, you don't know what is in her heart and how she is feeling. You are not "at fault", but there are consequences to becoming attached to a person out of marriage, even if the intention is marriage. Even when one does get married, sometimes it doesn't work and that really really hurts and sometimes one person hurts more than the other but there is no use in worrying about who is hurting the most. Don't compare your journey to another person's journey. Focus on what Allah is trying to show you :)
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aminah996
01-26-2017, 07:03 AM
Originally Posted by Umm[emoji813
Layth;2946406]Sister herb is right, you don't know what is in her heart and how she is feeling. You are not "at fault", but there are consequences to becoming attached to a person out of marriage, even if the intention is marriage. Even when one does get married, sometimes it doesn't work and that really really hurts and sometimes one person hurts more than the other but there is no use in worrying about who is hurting the most. Don't compare your journey to another person's journey. Focus on what Allah is trying to show you :)
Well said, may Allah grant you Sabr and a better replacement. Allah always plans while we plan, yet he is the best of planners. Remember if Allah takes away something from you, it is only your benefit everyone is unique and get different types of tests - that your creator wants to see whether you pass or not. After we get something better we realise why Allah did so. So be patient brother. This is the time for evaluation and a plan for the better future. Make concentrated prayers, perform good deeds and better your relationship with Allah. In no time you will gain Allahs mercy and a better spouse (InshaAllah). We need to trust Allah and not to doubt our trust in him during hard times. The prophet Ibrahim AS as an example. He went through every test sucessfully because of his trust in Allah. He didn't give up hope, he prayed and continuously seeked Allah! We need to refer to him as an example when we are facing tests and low days. There's also nothing wrong with asking Allah to give you a pious wife who fears Allah. Wishing you best sucess.
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azc
01-26-2017, 07:43 AM
Originally Posted by ham4zah
Hi All, I am really struggling to get past someone i loved and wanted to marry and i know you will all say allah must have a better plan but i feel so low!! I wanted it soo much. How could this woman break my heart !! Shes not even sorry for being so cruel and leaving me.
forget her. InshaAllah you will better girl as your life partner.
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ham4zah
01-26-2017, 08:08 AM
Honestly thank you all sisters and brothers you have made me feel really hopeful . God bless you all
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