Has this girl corrupted me? Am I being tested?

[Mustafa16]

Many of you may know about how I have trouble being modest with regards to females....
when I was 15, I befriended an 11 year old girl, and for about 2 years we would hang out whenever we saw each other, and I considered her my friend....however, keep in mind, at the time, I was going to alternative school with, at most at any one time, several students, all with severe behavioral issues, and only one was a girl, and I didn't like her, so I was lonely and desperate.....and even later, I was in special ed for many of my classes or in computer lab doing online classes, and later I still had socialization issues due to autism.....I began to fall in love with her....I had fantasies/schemes of going to a room in the gulenist cultural center with her where there was a piano, listening to her play the piano (she plays the piano very well), and flattering her and getting a kiss......once, when I went over to her house, I listened to her play the piano with excellence even though I thought music was haram, and my heart melted......when I heard her say she doesn't trust her neighbors, especially with her low functioning brother, I had fantasies of walking with her outside at night to protect her, of marrying her and taking care of her brother (I had a fear of the mentally feeble, but he was an exception because I loved him for the sake of his sister)....during political turmoil in turkey, (even though I live in the United States) i fantasized about moving with her to Romania (she's half Romanian)... I felt so sad when I heard her say her greatest wish was that her brother could speak, because I felt sorry for her......when I was leaving, I intentionally asked her if i could shake her hand goodbye, just so I could touch her hand, and I held on to that memory for a long time....one day, I hung out with her, but everybody else was either far away at some far of field next to the parking lot, or in an even more faraway building, and we were in the playground with her two younger brothers, one of whom was low functioning and the other couldn't speak.....so basically we were alone.....I started having a panic attack, like I always did when she was around (she makes me shy), and I said (like an idiot) "youre causing me to have a panic attack, please calm me down, you have experience calming your brother down and your mom's a psychologist....." I ended up following her around the cultural center, and was alone with her again in a room with only a bunch of young children who couldn't comprehend the situation.....she complained to her mother, and her parents were very upset and her father was angry...but after many months, they are only letting me talk to her at the table where they always sit, with their supervision......my mother was opposed her, but I begged her over and over to let me talk to her.....I felt like I was in love with her.....my mom eventually relented....is she a test? am I being corrupted?

[Umm♥Layth]

can't read one large paragraph.:heated:

[sister herb]

No not again this same. Leave girls alone.