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tuba
02-05-2017, 05:06 PM
Assalamoalaikum ,
I am new to this islamic board. I need some suggestion please. I am not the best of muslimoons. I try everyday to make myself better.

There is this man whom i came across on facebook last year. He proposed for marriage after a few weeks. We liked each other solely because of our islamic ways and thoughts. No materialism. He supported me through ups and downs last year. But things haven't been going well for him. He says he cannot tell his family about us before getting settled because he doesn't want to be called 'begairat'.

Time and again he gets caught up in doubt that maybe we aren't meant for each other. And i want to make it clear that i do not support any kind of haram relationship. I have met him as well but not when alone, my teachers and friends were around. ( I introduced him as my cousin )

My family is looking for a boy for me to get married to. And i don't want to get married right now, i am not ready to get married. So they have stopped looking for guys now. The things is , the man i love has given up on me because he says he doesn't like other guys coming to see me with marriage on their mind.
I believe we haven't even tried anything yet. Our families do not know anything.
Please write a message i can send him in a screenshot so that he doesn't lose hope.( i will try to send an email maybe because we are not talking now and i dont have his number, he behaved very rudely last time because of stress) ( Because of a lot of failures in life, he isn't much positive now,He believs in the qadr of Allah swt but isnt very positive when it comes to us)
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azc
02-05-2017, 05:59 PM
:wa: tell each and everything to your mother or sisters. It's surprising that You can tell your secret to us, the random people; but not to your own family....? You met a stranger on facebook and fell in love...! Take care of yourself. Your parents are your well wisher. Don't forget it
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Shamnadanu
02-05-2017, 06:29 PM
in my limited knowledge just visualising.


In the name of Allah the most merciful and kind.


you can do many things..if you truly confident or marry him for dheeny life


1.confess to your mother...many girls now a days confess to their mothers that you love someone for their dheen..so he would bring good to family..he is such and such

2.Pray Tahajjud and pray

3.Stop talking him for the sake of Allah..and lastly ask him to stay calm and have faith in Allah

4.He should be qualified degree or atleast hope of getting a job or hope to make a living...

5.It is most important toget permission from your parents...whatever you do or behave should be is to please your parents...

6.last ask him to talk with your parents ...not alone but with help of respected people about marriage with your parents...

7.intention should be is to live with dheen..do isthikhara ...Allah knows the best and unseen future...so pray for the best of your life with dheen
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Shamnadanu
02-05-2017, 06:38 PM
Originally Posted by azc
:wa: tell each and everything to your mother or sisters. It's surprising that You can tell your secret to us, the random people; but not to your own family....? You met a stranger on facebook and fell in love...! Take care of yourself. Your parents are your well wisher. Don't forget it
why are you telling like that!!! i got same situation expect the part...i didn't talk as fear of Allah...then Depression caught me...it is not simple to say...when suffered it is a pain for a lifetime...!love is haraam..so sister in this issue do thauba...your parents are more important to you...Ask their permission
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sister herb
02-05-2017, 07:14 PM
Sister, when here is with you or with this man anything you can´t talk honestly to your parents, then you should understand that there is something wrong.

"He says he cannot tell his family about us before getting settled because he doesn't want to be called 'begairat'."

I have no idea what "begairat" means but how he can get blessing from his parents to marriage if he can´t tell to them? Can you be 100% honest to yours?

Sister, this is serious matter as you know. Having "relationship" online or offline (this might means as real life) what you have to hide from your parents, it´s very near that you are going to do something haram.
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ardianto
02-05-2017, 11:37 PM
Wa'alaikumsalam.

Instinctively, if a man (Muslim or non-Muslim) seriously want to marry a woman, then he will contact the woman's family because he want the woman's family give him easiness to marry her.

So, if a man tell you that he want to marry you but he doesn't try to contact your family, you should questioning his seriousness.
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Simple_Person
02-06-2017, 06:32 AM
Originally Posted by sister herb
"He says he cannot tell his family about us before getting settled because he doesn't want to be called 'begairat'."

I have no idea what "begairat" means
Well i am not sure in other languages it might have a different meaning, but in Kurdish it means someone who is well..you could say "useless", "lazy"..
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ardianto
02-06-2017, 12:27 PM
Originally Posted by Simple_Person
Well i am not sure in other languages it might have a different meaning, but in Kurdish it means someone who is well..you could say "useless", "lazy"..
In the ears of non-Arab some Arabic words sound similar, but actually have different meaning. I know that you mean with "begairat" in Kurdish is "passionless", since the word passion in Indonesian language, that derived from Arabic, is "gairah".

But "bay ghairat" (ghairat-less) in Urdu that OP means derived from another Arabic word and has different meaning. It does refer to "not ashamed with his/her own condition". In example, a man haven't had a job, haven't had income, but dare to propose marriage to a woman.
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Simple_Person
02-06-2017, 01:27 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
In the ears of non-Arab some Arabic words sound similar, but actually have different meaning. I know that you mean with "begairat" in Kurdish is "passionless", since the word passion in Indonesian language, that derived from Arabic, is "gairah".

But "bay ghairat" (ghairat-less) in Urdu that OP means derived from another Arabic word and has different meaning. It does refer to "not ashamed with his/her own condition". In example, a man haven't had a job, haven't had income, but dare to propose marriage to a woman.
Jazakallahu khairan, for the explanation, but sometimes i do wonder where some words originate as i have looked in to the history of the Kurds many words we do not use anymore, while 100 years ago, still were being used. Many times you hear people (non-Kurds) claim things like Kurds being nomads originating from Eastern Asia, however looking in to the history of the Kurds, it is difficult to pinpoint them based on western findings. However, language is hard to manipulate and thus wipe out the history of a people.

The findings in historical Mesopotamia, would fall in the present day lands where Kurds currently live. Eastern Turkey, North Eastern part of modern day Syria, modern day Iraq and North western part of the modern day Iran. The old statues depict the same facial characteristics and hairstyle as some part of the Kurds, as Kurds in general originate from different tribes. However looking at old language similarities can be found.

There is a story called "Epic of Gilgamesh" originating to at least 2100 BC (4.000 years ago). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epic_of_Gilgamesh

In Kurdish language (although we have many dialects and because of that many words for the same thing or specific words for some detailed things), we call a bull "ga". A African Buffalo we call "gamesh". As you can see similarities of the word "gilgamesh" (Epic of gilgamesh). So knowing this, still cannot give you a definitive answer.

However in the Qur'an, Prophet Nuh (as) made a dua to let the boat rest on a blessed place. In the Qur'an Allah(swt) says this..


And it was said, "O earth, swallow your water, and O sky, withhold [your rain]." And the water subsided, and the matter was accomplished, and the ship came to rest on the [mountain of] Judiyy. And it was said, "Away with the wrongdoing people"


Mount Judi is in the HEART of the modern day Kurdish lands or historical Mesopotamia. Maybe you know if there were OTHER people living on the world when Allah(swt) raised water levels or were Prophet Nuh(as) and his small followers the only people still living on earth? If the case is that Prophet Nuh(as) and his followers were the ONLY human beings on this earth, one could conclude that humanity once again rose from that place. Modern day historical facts, have branded Mesopotamia as "cradle of civilization". If we assume right that humanity once again flourished, then one could say it was from the historical Mesopotamia and thus also language coming from there.

Even Prophet Ibrahim(as) is being said that his place of origin was modern day Iraq or modern day Eastern Turkey ..thus AGAIN being historical Mesopotamia. I do know that Kurds by "origin" ..looking at Yazidi's for example as they are also Kurds, worship elements.

As i am a Kurd myself when visiting there, i feel a very strange calming feeling when i am within the range of modern day Kurdish lands/historical Mesopotamia. Allah(swt) knows best if this also is included as part of the blessed land that Prophet Nuh(as) made dua for.

So why do i say all of this? When you know the origin of a word, you can better understand certain word. For example another word is "Tanur". A new word is majority of times a combination of multiple existing words to make a new word. A "tanur" is a clayoven in Kurdish. This word goes as far to as to ("Tandoori" Chicken). But what does "Tanur" mean as i have said a new word is a combination of multiple words. "Tani" means "ash" in Kurdish and "ur" means belly/stomach in that sense. If you look at the old clay-ovens it was a sort of a hole in the ground within on the bottom coals/wood being burned. On internal sides of the oven even to this day we make bread like that (thinking about it right now..makes me hungry XD)

It is possible that many people that migrated from historical Mesopotamia went to modern day Arabia and kept their language because of the isolation. When you are isolated, you tend to stick with what you know and thus less influence from outside. While modern day Kurdish for larger part has being influenced by other languages. As i am trying to learn Arabic i am amazed how rich Arabic language is.


BTW, we in Kurdish also use "be" as something without. If you know something that rejects my conclusion or confirms my conclusion please do let me know. I'd love to know it.
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tuba
02-08-2017, 01:31 AM
Originally Posted by ardianto
In the ears of non-Arab some Arabic words sound similar, but actually have different meaning. I know that you mean with "begairat" in Kurdish is "passionless", since the word passion in Indonesian language, that derived from Arabic, is "gairah".

But "bay ghairat" (ghairat-less) in Urdu that OP means derived from another Arabic word and has different meaning. It does refer to "not ashamed with his/her own condition". In example, a man haven't had a job, haven't had income, but dare to propose marriage to a woman.
Exactly what im talking about.
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tuba
02-08-2017, 01:38 AM
Jazakallah for all the replies, i didn't expect people would pay much heed to it. Also, i am not talking to him now, and i will try to convey your messages to him. Now that i have read your replies, i am becoming unsure of his intentions as well. But i dont know how the shaitan works , maybe he causes doubts about people in our hearts in order to ruin the relations. I will just trust the will of Allah swt , in sha allah if he is meant for me, he ain't going anywhere. And if he isn't then there is absolutely no reason for the whole conversation. :)
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tuba
02-08-2017, 01:39 AM
Originally Posted by ardianto
In the ears of non-Arab some Arabic words sound similar, but actually have different meaning. I know that you mean with "begairat" in Kurdish is "passionless", since the word passion in Indonesian language, that derived from Arabic, is "gairah".

But "bay ghairat" (ghairat-less) in Urdu that OP means derived from another Arabic word and has different meaning. It does refer to "not ashamed with his/her own condition". In example, a man haven't had a job, haven't had income, but dare to propose marriage to a woman.
Apt.
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