almost made the worse mistake due to family

[_E_3]

i want to make everyone happy my mother and the rest of the family i want to make them proud of me but am so useless at things
i dont work due to mental health problems i have no children but i view my cats as my babies
av never acheved any thing in my life that is worth anything i got to help the rest of the family happy
so i can see the young family members i got to be good or i will not see them
I HAVE TO DO WHAT MY BIGOTED MOTHER WANTS ME TO DO I know she does it out of love but she also does it for herself mostly
my mother is narcissistic and sometimes abusive and at the moment i hardly see her as she makes me feel like poop when av been at her when everyone else is out the room she pic me on things and she uses your feeling to her advantage

My mother thinks am christian i need to hide the fact am Muslim from her until am emotionally able to deal with her
i go and see her once a month and that its sometimes longer than that Its exhausting and makes me feel suicidal but i know that Allah loves me ...almost made the biggest mistake ever i looked at christian stuff when i should have been listen to ALLAH WORDS THE HOLY QURAN am so sorry Allah please forgive me
almost tried to OD tonight but i was able to tell my husband i had the pills he took them away and am now Safe
had to talk about how i really feel and i told him I LOVE NO OTHER THAN ALLAH
Please Allah HELP ME


i feel very unwell been thinking about death where i should think about life and Allah
Sorry am kinda depressed and upset sorry if this dont make sense
I will stay with Allah

[Shamnadanu]

tell your husband that you love him too...do not feel deppressed...soon you will get over this trouble...If you do truthfully..Allah will change their minds because of you...without struggle there is no success... Read the story of sahabas when you got time...our hardship are nothing.

[sister herb]

That´s right. Stay with Allah and trust that He takes care of you.

[_E_3]

there are people who are worse off than we are children and women in refugee camps in the winter freezing temperatures i want to do something dont have much money i can give a little give to the most needy for some reason i need to help them more than just money unsure what i can do
there are people who are in so much pain psychically and mentally for some reason i think am responsible for that
i have a voice and i should shout over the rooftops when people are being abused by some government that shows hate
If they show hate we should show love
Yea i know i sound like a hippy Am 40 and am a Muslim hippy
unsure what am trying to say here i just want you all to love yourself and love others
I dont know many verses in the Quran i dont know things that was said by Mohammad but all i know is love and i know that ALLAH IS LOVE
Its starts with Allah and ends with Allah

sorry am in a weird mood tonight and i should actually go to bed but i feel restless


Thank you for replying to me

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[_E_3]

my OCD is bad having bad blasphemous thoughts about Allah telling me bad thing about Mohammad , it feel so bad and its hurting my heart my husband says its my own thoughts but there Are voices screaming at me that i am going to hell for following Islam

seeing demon dogs there look so graphic there skin is ripped falling off there body and faces the demons look like that too
look my medication for it ...sometimes they work sometimes they dont

right now i feel scared my husband is playing his x box and am listening to nesheeds trying to keep myself busy unsure how long that will work for

[sister herb]

May Allah ease your suffering. For us others it might be difficult to understand what you're going through with this kind of illness.

[Serinity]

my OCD is bad having bad blasphemous thoughts about Allah telling me bad thing about Mohammad , it feel so bad and its hurting my heart my husband says its my own thoughts but there Are voices screaming at me that i am going to hell for following Islam

seeing demon dogs there look so graphic there skin is ripped falling off there body and faces the demons look like that too
look my medication for it ...sometimes they work sometimes they dont

right now i feel scared my husband is playing his x box and am listening to nesheeds trying to keep myself busy unsure how long that will work for

:salam:

Sister, I am 100% this is waswass. Shaytaan is trying his utmost best in turning you away from Islam.

What you should do is say Audhu billahi mina Shaytaani rajeem, Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem.

Recite Qur'aan with true conviction, and read the 3 quls, at NIGHT and at MORNING.

Shaytaan may disguise his waswass as your voice.

may Allah help both of us.. Ameen. I am going through similar ones. (Where shaytaan is indirectly trying to make me give up)

What we need to do - READ Quraan - not just read. But with the purpose and intention of UNDERSTANDING and taking it to heart.

I urge you to find a Masjid with sisters you can socialise with. There you can get, In shaa' Allah, psychological help (i.e. being able to tell your mom you are muslim) and spiritual nourishment.

Allahu alam

[_E_3]

am unable to go to the mosque ...i am unable to go on my own i have bad anxiety my husband isn't Muslim i know he needs to be a Muslim but because of my health he is my carer i cant look after myself and i have no family to take me as there against me being Muslim
sorry i shouldnt have posted this

please forgive me Allah

[_E_3]

he will not let me go to the mosque ...his mother is coming up from England to Scotland to see us ...av not to talk about islam or wear the hijab
dont want to embarrass him ... really feel like hurting myself ...he even dictates when i do that too :cry:

...

[Serinity]

:salam:

Try to keep your Hijab on even with your mom there. After all you are a grown up and you can not disobey Allah in obedience to the creation.

Be as polite as possible.

Islamically, you and your husband aren't married, since you became muslim.

may Allah help you. ameen.

[_E_3]

he's getting the rotar to ban the site there nothing i can do
sorry ...he says sick of us fighting about it
he in the loo at the moment so i have to post fast
thank you all and may Allah bless you all

[sister herb]

All the best to you dear sister. Keep Allah always in your mind.

[_E_3]

thank u

[Shamnadanu]

he's getting the rotar to ban the site there nothing i can do
sorry ...he says sick of us fighting about it
he in the loo at the moment so i have to post fast
thank you all and may Allah bless you all

you can visit this link
www.4everproxy.com
in the address bar in that site type Islamicboard.com


even this site is blocked you can still visit through 4everproxy site.

[_E_3]

my sister is on his side all i want to do is love Allahimsad

[_E_3]

:cry:imsad i really want to hurt myself ...av done no prayers today i know i should do them sorry
there all against this
can Allah take me now please ...

[Umm Abed]

:cry:imsad i really want to hurt myself ...av done no prayers today i know i should do them sorry
there all against this
can Allah take me now please ...

Whats up sister? Please dont hurt yourself.

Why didnt you do prayers today?

Allah loves you.:love:

[_E_3]

i dont know why we had builders in to fix things in the bath room and kichen so i couldnt use the sinks ...then we were fighting and my sister coming to stay over and we had to go food shopping ...am sorry i'll do it now

[sister herb]

This sister really worries me.

[_E_3]

Am sorry ...dont mean to make you all worry
i have to go to the group tomoorow mental health group he going to make me talk to another pastor a male one
he says what he think ...most likey tell me to follow jesus
but jesus isnt the son of God and there is only one Allah

[Umm Abed]

Am sorry ...dont mean to make you all worry
i have to go to the group tomoorow mental health group he going to make me talk to another pastor a male one
he says what he think ...most likey tell me to follow jesus
but jesus isnt the son of God and there is only one Allah

Ok, you try your best, as much as is possible for you to do your salah, Im hoping for the best.

About the visit to the pastor, perhaps you should give him da'wah instead? Or just dont take it in what is said...

[sister herb]

You can tell him that you already respect Jesus as one of the prophets.

[_E_3]

Sorry av not been here ...the pastor talked with me he said i wasn't Muslim that am wasting everyone time ...as i have tried to be Muslim before
he says am wasting everyone time , my husband has his mother up from England ...i cant even pray because if i do he will be mad at me
the only reason i can post is because my husband is sleeping he could wake up at any moment
please pray for me

[sister herb]

Your pastor is wrong and instead of you, it is he who wastes everyones time. He tries to brainwash you and I see it shows very low manners from the pastors to do so. Specially when he does it for the person who isn´t mentally stable because of this, is in the mentally vulnerable position.

[_E_3]

so tired of fighting with my husband over this ...his mother is here he upset as he says she getting older he only see her for one week a year normally he feels bad for living so far away he in tears most of the time when we are not with her
he says he feels like self injuring as well...its my fault he away from her and its my fault if he self injures because i pushed him too far
i know av changed my mind a lot but he says this because am not really Muslim just obsessed with other faiths
my mental health is going down hill fast ...av been self injuring and i feel very suicidal meant to be going to meet his mum soon
as we are doing some site seeing really dont want to but i have to go my husband says he dont want me to be on my own

:cry: he said he going to talk with the pastor again ...i feel bullied ...i guess its my own fault for not sticking to Islam the first time around
they says its my ocd making me do this... can an illness make you love Allah ?

[sister herb]

can an illness make you love Allah ?

The person you tries to change your way to think and believe to the similar way like he believes, isn´t valid to claim something like that. If he recommends to you Christianity instead of Islam, how you or he could know that Christianity too isn´t just only a symptom of illness? I afraid that kind of pastor causes to you and to your mental health more harm than help.

[_E_3]

sorry i haven't replied until now been out of the house for most of the day with my husbands mother and sister , there going away in the morning so tonight was the last time they would be able to see each other ...my husband says av not to wear the hijab he wants me to wear a hat and scarf instead...am so tired of fighting with him about this ...Its very unlikely that i'd be attacked but he says he worries about it
I feel like am letting Allah down ...
His conditions for me to follow is Islam is that i dont wear the hijab ...that i go to church with him on a Sunday and that i attended the group that the pastors run ...i know if i turn up wearing the Hijab the pastor will say something
I wish he would understand but i know id be wasting his time and my breathe

i really feel like doing something very bad please Allah forgive me ...
i cant keep doing this :cry::astag:

[sister herb]

Dear sister, don´t be hopeless. As you are sick and dependent of help of others, you obiviously can´t make some things as you wish to. Don´t be too hard to yourself but trust that Allah is merciful. All people should learn to be even a bit of mercuful to themselves too, and then they might feel a lot of better.

[_E_3]

Thank you sister

am about to go to bed set my alarm for prayers...

[_E_3]

my husband got up late so no church ( yay ) getting e mails from someone who belongs to a christian forum i use to go to he knows av been going back and forth between Christianity and Islam
i should block him he making me very confused saying bad things about Mohammed and Allah the forum i was on tell everyone that is lsam is evil am so sorry i made myself a member of that forum may Allah Forgive me ( no am not going to share the link )
i have blocked him just now ... i know i should stay away from bad influences but am still going to the church and being around people who are Christians
unless my husband changes his mind ( unlikely ) i have to keep my mind and soul on Allah and Mohammed ...
Am trying very hard to do all my prayers and to read the Quran but its hard when my husband says things about washu and ghus that its a stupid rule and there is no need for it i dont say anything to him just ignore him he is wrong id rather be clean when i pray to Allah not dirty and unclean

i have to go and pray praying makes me closer to Allah i wish i could be close to Allah for all time

[_E_3]

sorry to bump this i cant ghus because i have a big blister on my foot and if i go in the bath that has hot water its will pop the blister am unsure if i cant pray until am clean i dont want to make an mistake by praying when av not done ghus my husband says that my blister should be gone with in 3 days hopefully it will ...

[sister herb]

Hopely this helps:

https://islamqa.info/en/69796

It´s about having a wound but maybe it´s quite same thing.

[_E_3]

thank you sister

[_E_3]

am struggling so much right now to the point i feel like hurting myself was at a group today lots of cake i ate and ate i couldn't control myself at all am so disgusting then after that group there was another one wear we where doing mindfulness meditation unsure weather it is harm to do that but am not going back to it
as it brought up things and now am in this state i havent prayed due to the blister on my foot i would need to go in the bath to ghus but i cant put the blister in the bath as like before the blister may burst opening it up to infection i cant balance myself with one foot in and one foot in one foot out as i have very poor balance at the best of time and i also dont want to flood the bath room
i want to pray ...in fact i feel i need to pray to help myself mentally ...i really want to talk to other Muslims face to face and i cant going to the mosque just with a scarf and a hat plus my husband will not take me to the mosque as well the pastors think am christian ...my husband has now said for me to just wear the hat outdoors not when we are with friends or groups church etc my husband is making things hard for me he dont understand the reason for the hijab he says that the Quran was written so long ago and times changes things he says he dont like it and says is like a target for people to attack me because am wearing it

i feel so low ...sorry

[sister herb]

Your husband sounds like my mother was before. She disliked my hijab and said it bothers her that other are staring at me so she refused to walk outside with me. It took 10 years but then she stopped to take care of it and now she doesn´t notice my hijab at all.

[_E_3]

............

[sister herb]

Don´t be sad sister. The most important is that you keep Allah in your heart. Nobody can erase your faith.

[_E_3]

got good news my husband is allowing me to wear the hijab out the house av got one of my groups tomorrow unsure how the pastors are going to react
hesaid he think about me going to the mosque but one step at a time

[_E_3]

Sorry for bumping this up went to the group and one of the pastors talked with me and said he thinks my mental health is bad and that the illnesses i have are making me very unstable made me take of the hijab and now i cant wear it i cant pray feel like giving up want to die
i think this will be my last post here but before i go id like to wish you all good lifes and may allah bless you all

[sister herb]

Please sister don´t give up. I think all these ups and downs are because of your illness. You are unstable and it´s difficult to you keep your own will when others pressure you. It´s not your fault. That pastor behaves very badly when he/she harass you while you are ill. He/she should stop and leave you alone, not try to brainwash you.

[_E_3]

Am in tears ...he confusing me am going around in circles ...i cant live like this i have to choose between The Man i love and Allah who i love just as much he says its not love that i feel for Allah its an obsession that i cant control ...Am going to wreak our marriage ...my fault ...the rest of my family will abandon me
sorry i cant am sorry please Allah forgive me :cry:

[_E_3]

my husband is back with me just wearing my hat and scarf ...he says am driving him crazy my OCD has gotten so bad, i need to control myself at the moment i cant pray or read the quran i asked for help in a suicide forum and i said i was Muslim and someone posted back and said bad things about Mohammad i cant post there again it s was a support forum for people who want to kill themselves to live and get help
Someone also gave me domestic abuse info
Unsure if what he is doing is abuse unsure if the pastor is doing anything wrong with what he is doing he meant to be a friend he says that the people who love me want me to be well ...sorry imsad

[sister herb]

I think your husband doesn´t abuse you but try to help you and take care about you.

[Zeal]

Make meaningful dhikr

Whoever says,

لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللهُ وَحَدْهُ لَا شَرِيكَ لَهُ، لَهُ الْمُلْكُ وَلَهُ الْحَمْدُ يُحْيِي وَيُمِيتُ، وَهُوَ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ-
'La illaha illallah, wah-dahu la sharika lah, Lahul-mulku wa lahul hamd, wa huwa 'ala Kul-li shayin Qadeer.'-
(There is no god but Allah, alone, without any partner. The Kingdom and praise belong to Him and He has power over everything.)

...100 times a day... and it is a protection from Satan for that day until the night. No one does anything more excellent than someone who does more than that."

(Bukhari)


And also make plenty istighfar it really helps

[_E_3]

Sorry i havent posted for a while ...my husband is supportive of me but not supportive of me being Muslim , he not happy at all with this
my mental health is going downhill very fast seeing things like everyone have there face melting off its graphic and upsetting

i asked my husband if i can be Muslim he says am not Muslim imsad
HE says am christian and he said am just hiding because i find christian lent as a bad time for me
I GUESS i shouldnt be here sorry

[sister herb]

It is not your husband who decides can you be a Muslim or are you a Muslim or not. It is Allah. As well your husband is not a one who can decide are you a Christian or what else.

If you feel in your heart that you are meant to be Muslim, no other human can make any kind of other decisions.

[_E_3]

the pastor knows me well and says am wasting everyones time and that am not Muslim am not anything but Christian
I dont want to go to the groups again he a friend but he making me feel like am attention seeking or something my mother would say things like that to do with my mental health

i tried to talk to him about this but because av been back and forward with this he says its not what i really want to believe its my fault they will not accept me being Muslim
i cant do anything about it av been missing the prayers and washu i know its wrong not to pray but up until an hour ago i told him am still Muslim
he told me he not happy and he is going to talk to our friend ( the pastor ) when he needs support

[sister herb]

What this pastor really wants? To "save your soul" by force or what? This sounds brainwashing and its an unforgivable disgrace act when his victim is someone who is sick and mentally unstable. Can´t you just refuse to meet kind of person?

He says you waste everyone´s time? Well, tell him that he makes same - he wastes your time.

[_E_3]

he runs most of the groups i go to for my mental health he meant to help people with mental health problems he work for the NHS ( health service in the uk )
i like him apart from when he is like this i can never say what i want to say to him because he knows about different faiths more than me

I dont want to get anyone involved like his boss etc because he is a friend

[sister herb]

So he helps people with mental health problems as belittle their own religions, their rights to decide by themselves what is their faith and impose his own religion to them? ^o)

Hopely that´s not true but I have only misunderstood something in your earlier posts.

[_E_3]

Am unsure if he has said anything like this to anyone before or its just me he says i am not serous about Islam that am just playing games with people life which am not doing because i changed my mind so many time that s what is going against me
he said if i was serous about Islam i would have stayed with it the first time basically he says am a fraud this makes me feel very bad about myself and want to self injure
My illness is what is driving me to be Muslim not anything else unsure what i can do if i turn up there with the hijab on again he will say what he said the last time and makes me feel so bad ...my husband has pills in his bag i really want to take them all ...:(

[sister herb]

Dear sister, only you know what you have in your heart. If he is friend, he should leave matters like religion and stop pressure others with them. Everyone is sometimes unsure and specially then when you don´t feel well and might get unstable ideas. It´s because of your sickness I think. Don´t blame yourself.

[_E_3]

my husband is telling me that i MUST stay at the groups he said there nothing wrong with them and ill just been isolating myself
but i already am being isolated by him not letting me go to the mosque
sorry for saying what i did about the pills am safe my husband has the bag next to him so i cant get them

He will not listen to me

[Umm Abed]

Is there not any muslim women's shelter that you can go too? Or any muslims in your vicinity?

This is so difficult you are in a stuck situation with so much pressure all round, it seems..

[Mrciful_Servant]

Salam un alikum ...warakhmatullahi wa barakathi...dear sister first of all calm down and believe in Allah ...don't put pressure on your mind so that you will not be confused what to do....

[Mrciful_Servant]

Sorry to say but where is your own family ? I mean your mother father and siblings...?

[Mrciful_Servant]

Don't you know any Muslim there ?

[Mrciful_Servant]

Sorry to say..but the Quran clarifies that verily every kafir is your enemy ....
So am just saying if you r converting or already converted to Islam ...you cannot stay with your husband because you cannot marry a kafir....

[Mrciful_Servant]

I m happy to see that you don't have any kids or any if they would have followed the wrong path...you will be responsible for that ...so that is a huge pleasure and blessing from Allah ...because not everyone thinks alike ...all have different opinions maybe they would not believe in Allah ....thank all for what ever he has done ...

[Mrciful_Servant]

May Allah strengthen your and our deen...? You are still not sure what to do ...you are confused ..Allah is the ever forgiving...so don't listen to shaytan put you in waswasa...Allah will never send you in to jahanam once you accept his religion and seek forgiveness from him....

[_E_3]

Is there not any muslim women's shelter that you can go too? Or any muslims in your vicinity?

This is so difficult you are in a stuck situation with so much pressure all round, it seems..

as far as am aware there are no muslim womens shelter near me

Sorry to say but where is your own family ? I mean your mother father and siblings...?

am a revert my mother is a bigot my sister dont give a poop my nieces and nephew have there own lifes my BIO dad abandoned me and my step dad who i loved very much is dead he killed himself 6 years ago my husband is the only person who can care for me i cant look after myself because of my disabilities

Don't you know any Muslim there ?

i dont know any Muslims would go to the mosque but my husband will not let me go and i cant go on my own due to being unwell

thank you all for replying to me