format_quote Originally Posted by
someone_hurted
Salam
Thank you for your reply sister. No i didn't watch pornography at first. It all started only after i accidentally learned on how to masturbate. But alhamdulillah i stopped myself from watching any of dramas, movies or tv series that are undecent. My problem right now is that the urgency to masturbate comes randomly. I mean suddenly my heartbeat rate increase and i feel rush of adrenaline. Help me ...its killing me...i want to change
Alhamdullialh, it is great that there is no pronography addiction added to this, it makes things much easier. Do you take note of when these urges come? I'd like you to start writing down your cycle days and journal how you feel every day of your cycle. Cycle day 1 is the first day of your period. It is important to note patterns so that you may be able to help yourself better.
Women have many rises and falls of different hormones throughout their cycle and arousal is the highest right around ovulation and right before her period arrives. This doesn't mean there is no arousal the rest of her cycle, but these are peak times. So please keep this in mind before you judge yourself harshly.
Do you have excess facial hair and/or body hair?
Are you overweight or underweight?
How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Is there a chance you can begin looking for a spouse?
What does your typical day look like from sunrise to sunset?
Do you have any extracurricular activities or hobbies?
format_quote Originally Posted by
someone_hurted
Salam,
Can i ask something? Is there a difference whether i forgive myself or not? Isn't it God forgiveness is the most important?
I can't bring myself to love myself when i already done a lot of sins. Not when i am shameful enough that i commit back those sins in the future. Is there a remedy so that i can't lose apart of my memory. I always hope that i don't even know how to masturbate.Life is hard for me when i am always feeling remorseful.
Yes, there is a big difference. If you can't forgive yourself or stop looking at yourself in disgust then it is difficult for you to let go of the guilt that is causing you so much distress. Allah created us to sin, if we all stopped sinning he would replace us with other who sin because it is the sin that brings you closer to him.
For example in your case, your guilt triggers you to ask for forgiveness and mercy, which brings you closer to him. However, if you cannot forgive yourself as well, shaytaan takes advantage and can easily use your weakness against you, in this case, he whispers to you that you are dirty, useless, worthless and unworthy of love. Can you see that? If Allah doesn't believe that of you, then why should you think that of yourself? I hope this makes sense. :)