I don't believe in Islam even though I'm Muslim

[xFakingDan]

Hello my name is Danial I migrated here from Singapore a couple of years ago and I'm in year 10 at the moment. I am doing this because I feel trapped. I do not believe in god anymore and I am afraid of my parents. My parents are great and kind and I love them with all my heart but they are true believers and I feel burdened with the weight of religion. Trust me when I say I am knowledgeable about Islam, I go for lessons and Friday prayers and I listen to sermons so usually if I write this down, I expect an answer saying that the devil is whispering in my ear but I do not want to hear that. Praying for me is like a hollow ritual and the fact that I have to miss school for Friday prayers just straight out angers me. My parents say that they don't want 'western culture' to lead me astray from the 'true' path but the truth is I stopped believing ever since I was 7 and I was still living in Singapore at the time. Furthermore, reading the Quran and praying doesn't light a spark or anything in me in fact I find a chore to do so. I am afraid to tell my parents but I just can't stand doing things that I don't believe in. I don't mind the fact that we can't drink or eat non halal meat because to be completely honest even if I wasn't a Muslim I still wouldn't want to drink or do any of that stuff. I'm not looking for any references to the Quran saying that I'm going to go to hell and believe me when I say I've seen a lot of them and it scares me a lot because if I so say so myself, I'm a good kid I help my parents I love them I do well at school I do my fair share of charity work and I don't know. I feel disconnected from the rest of my family. Everytime they talk about god, inside my heart I am cringing but I have to put on this facade, hiding who I truly am. I want to tell my parents, I do but I can't and I don't want to have to hold this in my heart for the rest of my life. Anyways thanks for reading this, maybe now you hate me or whatever but the truth of the matter is that I haven't been believing in Islam since I was 6 or 7 and all the praying and reading I've done up till now just makes me feel sad and hurt inside.

[Grandad]

Hello my name is Danial I migrated here from Singapore a couple of years ago and I'm in year 10 at the moment. I am doing this because I feel trapped. I do not believe in god anymore and I am afraid of my parents. My parents are great and kind and I love them with all my heart but they are true believers and I feel burdened with the weight of religion. Trust me when I say I am knowledgeable about Islam, I go for lessons and Friday prayers and I listen to sermons so usually if I write this down, I expect an answer saying that the devil is whispering in my ear but I do not want to hear that. Praying for me is like a hollow ritual and the fact that I have to miss school for Friday prayers just straight out angers me. My parents say that they don't want 'western culture' to lead me astray from the 'true' path but the truth is I stopped believing ever since I was 7 and I was still living in Singapore at the time. Furthermore, reading the Quran and praying doesn't light a spark or anything in me in fact I find a chore to do so. I am afraid to tell my parents but I just can't stand doing things that I don't believe in. I don't mind the fact that we can't drink or eat non halal meat because to be completely honest even if I wasn't a Muslim I still wouldn't want to drink or do any of that stuff. I'm not looking for any references to the Quran saying that I'm going to go to hell and believe me when I say I've seen a lot of them and it scares me a lot because if I so say so myself, I'm a good kid I help my parents I love them I do well at school I do my fair share of charity work and I don't know. I feel disconnected from the rest of my family. Everytime they talk about god, inside my heart I am cringing but I have to put on this facade, hiding who I truly am. I want to tell my parents, I do but I can't and I don't want to have to hold this in my heart for the rest of my life. Anyways thanks for reading this, maybe now you hate me or whatever but the truth of the matter is that I haven't been believing in Islam since I was 6 or 7 and all the praying and reading I've done up till now just makes me feel sad and hurt inside.

Hello.

Why are you afraid to tell your parents? You say you want to…then just do it. Remaining silent is only going to make matters worse for you (and when, eventually, they do find out…and they will…then they are going to wonder why you didn’t trust them. This will hurt).

Many people of your age (of any age, come to that) have periods of doubt – or of sheer disbelief. Sometimes these periods last but a short while; sometimes they last an entire lifetime. You did not ask for this; but it has come to you nonetheless. This, of itself, does not make you evil; it merely shows that you are human.

The problem comes when we make our disbelief an excuse to go wild; to do just what we like, when we like. You don’t strike me as that kind of person. Continue to be the best you can; and to love your parents as much as you can, behaving accordingly. But you need to talk to them. How else can they help you? Courage!

If you want to, come back and let me know how it went.

Very best regards.

[BarışEkinci]

Assalamualaikum! You are just confused I guess. Trust me this is a good thing. The devil is dealing with you. He wants to steal your faith and apparently he is almost succeeding it. But be happy. Like I said before, This is a good thing. But you may ask that "What! How can it be a good thing?!" You would be right if you asked it. :) I just want to give an example. An simple example. Think of a thief! and Think of an empty house! Did you think? Okay. Well done! Thank a lot. I am asking you. Will the thief go into the empty house? or Does a thief go into the empty house? Of course the answer is no. Because there is nothing to be stolen. The thief won't even think to steal. Because there is nothing to steal. Look, This is you and your situation. The thief(devil) is dealing with you. Because there is something to be stolen for him. Don't let him. Always pray. Always pray to god for yourself. Are you going to let him continue to steal? Will you never fight? Brother, Allah is sufficient for us and He is the Best Guardian! Surrender to Allah. You are on a difficult and complicated period. I believe it and I can say that I lived it, too. Always question and investigate. You will see that every path takes you to Islam. I send you all my respect and love from Turkey. Assalamualaikum rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

[xFakingDan]

Cheers man but at this stage I don't think I can talk to them although I'll take what you say into account thanks again

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[greenhill]

Welcome to the forum.

May Allah help you..


Wishing you a great stay.



:peace:

[Scimitar]

Hello my name is Danial I migrated here from Singapore a couple of years ago and I'm in year 10 at the moment. I am doing this because I feel trapped. I do not believe in god anymore and I am afraid of my parents. My parents are great and kind and I love them with all my heart but they are true believers and I feel burdened with the weight of religion. Trust me when I say I am knowledgeable about Islam, I go for lessons and Friday prayers and I listen to sermons so usually if I write this down, I expect an answer saying that the devil is whispering in my ear but I do not want to hear that.

Assalaam alaikum, not hello :) you joined a Muslim forum, remember? When you are guest, you comply to house rules, no? did your parents forget to teach you this? or are you just bad at listening??

Islam aside, I notice a fault in your very first line from your OP - as I mentioned just now, the fault is not with your parents or with Islam - it is with you. Why? you ask. I will come to that. And believe me, I won't be using satan as an excuse lol.

You ready? gooood.

Praying for me is like a hollow ritual and the fact that I have to miss school for Friday prayers just straight out angers me.

Well, you're pubescent and most likely have a torrent of haraam thoughts running through your mind every minute anyway, I'm NOT surprised. Do you really think you are thinking with a clear and focused mind while being pubescent? Do you entertain self delusion while claiming religions are self delusion in defense of your own inability to reason due to your "pubescent" state? Think about it.

My parents say that they don't want 'western culture' to lead me astray from the 'true' path but the truth is I stopped believing ever since I was 7 and I was still living in Singapore at the time.

Aaaaand, what is wrong with your own culture?

Furthermore, reading the Quran and praying doesn't light a spark or anything in me in fact I find a chore to do so.

Not surprised, year 10 and confused is hardly surprising young lad. I used to get beat with sticks at that age in masjid for mispronouncing ayaat of Qur'an. I apostated. Then life went from normal to baaaaaad but it happened so slowly, I didn't notice until it was almost too late - thankfully, through no effort of my own but entirely by Allahs mercy, I came to guidance. Not everyone is as fortunate as me though.

What you wish to let go of, may never come back. You do not know what you are asking.

I am afraid to tell my parents but I just can't stand doing things that I don't believe in.

DO you believe in murder? No? gooood - why not make a big deal out of it? Murder is a bigger problem than religion ever has been. So why not make a song and dance about that? Aren't you focusing on the wrong things?

You claim you know Islam - you know nothing lad. Nothing, at - all. I mean, you join a Muslim forum, claim you are Muslim, claim you know Islam, and start your post with "HELLO" ???? realllllyyy?

Come on!!! No one who makes such claims would stumble at something so basic, their understanding of Muslim sensitivities would ensure they present the correct etiquette. Meanwhile there's you - no decorum, just hubris. You ain't fooling me,

don't mind the fact that we can't drink or eat non halal meat because to be completely honest even if I wasn't a Muslim I still wouldn't want to drink or do any of that stuff. I'm not looking for any references to the Quran saying that I'm going to go to hell and believe me when I say I've seen a lot of them and it scares me a lot because if I so say so myself, I'm a good kid I help my parents I love them I do well at school I do my fair share of charity work and I don't know. I feel disconnected from the rest of my family. Everytime they talk about god, inside my heart I am cringing but I have to put on this facade, hiding who I truly am.

What's that? a boy who believes he is really a girl in a flowery dress and a bright pink balloon? Who are you ? tell us. LOL.

want to tell my parents, I do but I can't and I don't want to have to hold this in my heart for the rest of my life. Anyways thanks for reading this, maybe now you hate me or whatever but the truth of the matter is that I haven't been believing in Islam since I was 6 or 7 and all the praying and reading I've done up till now just makes me feel sad and hurt inside.

WOW.

No one hates you :) But what you need to know is that, we've seen these types of OP's a lot here, your problem is nothing new. You think it is, because you are in the situation - but we here, we seen it all before. Periodically, someone joins with the same issues as you.

Stick around. Be patient. Make some friends, we're a pretty cool bunch here.

And may the peace, be with you.

Scimi

[Umm♥Layth]

Asalaam Aleikum,

You need to ask yourself why you feel you don't believe in God, and don't go find some athiest website to explain it away. You have to come up with answers on your own. Try it and post it here.

Going through a period of questioning is good because there comes a time where you accept your faith on your own, not because it was passed down to you. Believe it or not, in Islam we are ENCOURAGED to seek knowledge and question our beliefs. We don't believe blindly.

As stated before, what you are experiencing is nothing new. ;)

[Yahya.]

The bedouins say, "We have believed." Say, "You have not [yet] believed; but say [instead], 'We have submitted,' for faith has not yet entered your hearts. And if you obey Allah and His Messenger, He will not deprive you from your deeds of anything. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful."
The believers are only the ones who have believed in Allah and His Messenger and then doubt not but strive with their properties and their lives in the cause of Allah . It is those who are the truthful.
Say, "Would you acquaint Allah with your religion while Allah knows whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth, and Allah is Knowing of all things?"
They consider it a favor to you that they have accepted Islam. Say, "Do not consider your Islam a favor to me. Rather, Allah has conferred favor upon you that He has guided you to the faith, if you should be truthful."
Indeed, Allah knows the unseen [aspects] of the heavens and the earth. And Allah is Seeing of what you do. [Hujurat 14-18]

I think these verses explain your situation at some points. Allahu A'lam. It was narrated that these verses were revealed when people from the tribe of Bani Asad came to Madina during a time of scarcity, exclaimed their Imaan and started boasting about themselves, telling the prophet that they haven't fought him while others fight against him etc., asking thus for a reward and charity. So Allah (swt) said: "You have not [yet] believed; but say [instead], 'We have submitted,''', for Imaan means being convinced by heart in believing to Allah and his prophet (saw). Instead, they are in the stage of Islam (submittance) now. ''You have not believed yet (ولما)'', indicating the hope, that those bedouins' hearts will be attached to faith in time, when they realize the beauty of it, and only then it can be called Imaan.

So there's a difference between Islām (submittance) and Imān (faith), Muslim and Mu'min.

Say, "Do not consider your Islam a favor to me. Rather, Allah has conferred favor upon you that He has guided you to the faith, if you should be truthful."
One does only himself a good in submitting to Allah, as it rescues him from the punishment in the hereafter. So you're doing yourself a favor by staying in the folds of Islam, not your parents or us.

[shahinmubarak]

if u dint believe in islam.how you are a muslim..

[Simple_Person]

As-salamu alaykum Daniel,

At your age it is TOTALLY normal what you are going through especially in the world of today. Why i say it is normal, because you are born in a Muslim family, but you haven't gotten any answers to your questions. At your age, you want to know things and understand things. You said you are knowledgeable, but knowledge is not the same as understanding. Which there is also nothing wrong with that, but pursue that.

Ask Muslims..the MOST "dangerous" questions even. Many times when we ask such questions other Muslim brothers and sisters get all scared and say..do not think like that. Do NOT ask those questions to people you know they will not know the answer or only will say ..do not ask this balblalb. Just like you at that age..i also just prayed but never really understood anything. I did everything other Muslims did. Because nobody really asked questions or gave good answers i became an atheist about the age of 19.

Now after many years and as an adult i did my own research and searched for those answers and pondered a lot about those answers, i again alhamdulillah became Muslim. I have looked from every perspective possible if there is a God and ALL point me to that there MUST be a God. The explanation for example the atheist give is like a cheese full of holes. You can even ask your questions here if you like.

The only thing i ask of you is be HONEST with the answers given. There is nothing wrong with wanting to understand the answer better by asking questions about the answer for more clarity, but be honest if you indeed have gotten a logical, rational and reasonable answer that your mind with 100% agrees with it.

I will not tell you sheytan this or sheytan that. Sheytan plays with the heart and if you lack knowledge or especially understanding of Islam he will deviate you. So my argument is ONLY about intellect. The rest in'sha'Allah will fit in its place automatically.

[azc]

Recite this dua: ''Allahumaj’al sarirati khayramin ‘alaniyati waj’al ‘alaniyati saliha. Allahuma ini as-aluka min salihi ma tu-tin nasa minal mali wal ahli wal waladi ghayra dalliw wa lal mudill''.... Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith: 3586.

[Karl]

Assalaam alaikum, not hello :) you joined a Muslim forum, remember? When you are guest, you comply to house rules, no? did your parents forget to teach you this? or are you just bad at listening??

Islam aside, I notice a fault in your very first line from your OP - as I mentioned just now, the fault is not with your parents or with Islam - it is with you. Why? you ask. I will come to that. And believe me, I won't be using satan as an excuse lol.

You ready? gooood.



Well, you're pubescent and most likely have a torrent of haraam thoughts running through your mind every minute anyway, I'm NOT surprised. Do you really think you are thinking with a clear and focused mind while being pubescent? Do you entertain self delusion while claiming religions are self delusion in defense of your own inability to reason due to your "pubescent" state? Think about it.



Aaaaand, what is wrong with your own culture?



Not surprised, year 10 and confused is hardly surprising young lad. I used to get beat with sticks at that age in masjid for mispronouncing ayaat of Qur'an. I apostated. Then life went from normal to baaaaaad but it happened so slowly, I didn't notice until it was almost too late - thankfully, through no effort of my own but entirely by Allahs mercy, I came to guidance. Not everyone is as fortunate as me though.

What you wish to let go of, may never come back. You do not know what you are asking.



DO you believe in murder? No? gooood - why not make a big deal out of it? Murder is a bigger problem than religion ever has been. So why not make a song and dance about that? Aren't you focusing on the wrong things?

You claim you know Islam - you know nothing lad. Nothing, at - all. I mean, you join a Muslim forum, claim you are Muslim, claim you know Islam, and start your post with "HELLO" ???? realllllyyy?

Come on!!! No one who makes such claims would stumble at something so basic, their understanding of Muslim sensitivities would ensure they present the correct etiquette. Meanwhile there's you - no decorum, just hubris. You ain't fooling me,



What's that? a boy who believes he is really a girl in a flowery dress and a bright pink balloon? Who are you ? tell us. LOL.




WOW.

No one hates you :) But what you need to know is that, we've seen these types of OP's a lot here, your problem is nothing new. You think it is, because you are in the situation - but we here, we seen it all before. Periodically, someone joins with the same issues as you.

Stick around. Be patient. Make some friends, we're a pretty cool bunch here.

And may the peace, be with you.

Scimi

He is not 10. He is in year 10 at school so is most likely a young adult of 15.

[Umm Malik]

I also born a Muslim ... but I did choose Islam by my own research
And the first thing for all this ... is before you left Islam you should seek Allah's help ... ask him to led you to the best
Don't lose this last chance to you
As the other brothers and sisters have said . you aren't the first in this situation
Try to ask your mother's douaa
You did tell us about your parents and how they love you
Kiss your mother's hand and tell her ask Allah for me
Ask Allah and he will answer you ... even you because Allah can answer to any one no matter how is he
Ask his guidance and don't be rash
You will understand soon
But know the truth even your head you believe in is not perfect ... because we didn't belive in a lot of things before but now we believe them just because it become a fact
How can people belive that you can see a prson from another place in the world in easy way while they can't even believe that can do a call
You know why ?
Because them mind still can't understand how
See how our mind is weak it's not perfect to can worship it other than Allah
Allah tell us about everything and give us signs to know him
And we will know more after we meet Allah
But don't be loser just because you know some people who just belive in mind and logic ..
Time by time we know how our mind is weak
So you can't worship him other than Allah
We shouldn't belive blindly but we should see the thing which correct in the Deen or the things which can know surely that it can't be correct
But if you look at Islam
You found everything clear
.. we just have a part besides all this clear things for everyon .... just a few things call it ghayb which means unseen
So please don't be rash and take your time ... ask Allah ... and ask your mother to ask Allah for you
And ask him be close to him before you left ... you may be left the door of blessings and good without knowing
You know if you are a Christian want to left Christianity and you are afraid I will understand you because you are still seeking the truth and don't sure yet where is it ... but why are you so rash to left islam to nothing
Wait for a while till you seek knowledge and being sure of what you are going to do
We ask Allah to guide you
And your question here is one of the guidance from Allah ... because he will not left you till he gives you all the thing which can led you to him
Open your heart and seek Allah's help
Look at this hadith

Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported:
Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, stated: I am near to the thought of My servant as he thinks about Me, and I am with him as he remembers Me. And if he remembers Me in his heart, I also remember him in My Heart, and if he remembers Me in assembly I remember him in assembly, better than his (remembrance), and if he draws near Me by the span of a palm, I draw near him by a cubit, and if he draws near Me by a cubit I draw near him by the space (covered by) two arms. And if he walks towards Me, I rush towards him.

draws near him .... say aouthou billahi Mina shaytani rajeem and LA hawla wala kuwwata illa billah
And seek his help befor its to late
May Allah help you and guide us all
Amen

[Scimitar]

He is not 10. He is in year 10 at school so is most likely a young adult of 15.

Year ten is fifteen years old, yes, I am still considering him pubescent - and confuddled.

Scimi

[Mustafa16]

Assalaam alaikum, not hello :) you joined a Muslim forum, remember? When you are guest, you comply to house rules, no? did your parents forget to teach you this? or are you just bad at listening??

Islam aside, I notice a fault in your very first line from your OP - as I mentioned just now, the fault is not with your parents or with Islam - it is with you. Why? you ask. I will come to that. And believe me, I won't be using satan as an excuse lol.

You ready? gooood.



Well, you're pubescent and most likely have a torrent of haraam thoughts running through your mind every minute anyway, I'm NOT surprised. Do you really think you are thinking with a clear and focused mind while being pubescent? Do you entertain self delusion while claiming religions are self delusion in defense of your own inability to reason due to your "pubescent" state? Think about it.



Aaaaand, what is wrong with your own culture?



Not surprised, year 10 and confused is hardly surprising young lad. I used to get beat with sticks at that age in masjid for mispronouncing ayaat of Qur'an. I apostated. Then life went from normal to baaaaaad but it happened so slowly, I didn't notice until it was almost too late - thankfully, through no effort of my own but entirely by Allahs mercy, I came to guidance. Not everyone is as fortunate as me though.

What you wish to let go of, may never come back. You do not know what you are asking.



DO you believe in murder? No? gooood - why not make a big deal out of it? Murder is a bigger problem than religion ever has been. So why not make a song and dance about that? Aren't you focusing on the wrong things?

You claim you know Islam - you know nothing lad. Nothing, at - all. I mean, you join a Muslim forum, claim you are Muslim, claim you know Islam, and start your post with "HELLO" ???? realllllyyy?

Come on!!! No one who makes such claims would stumble at something so basic, their understanding of Muslim sensitivities would ensure they present the correct etiquette. Meanwhile there's you - no decorum, just hubris. You ain't fooling me,



What's that? a boy who believes he is really a girl in a flowery dress and a bright pink balloon? Who are you ? tell us. LOL.




WOW.

No one hates you :) But what you need to know is that, we've seen these types of OP's a lot here, your problem is nothing new. You think it is, because you are in the situation - but we here, we seen it all before. Periodically, someone joins with the same issues as you.

Stick around. Be patient. Make some friends, we're a pretty cool bunch here.

And may the peace, be with you.

Scimi

big brother scimi, I didn't know you committed apostasy and reverted to islam....? luckily Allah guided you back, Alhamdulillah. may Allah guide all.

[Reminder]

Hello my name is Danial I migrated here from Singapore a couple of years ago and I'm in year 10 at the moment. I am doing this because I feel trapped. I do not believe in god anymore and I am afraid of my parents. My parents are great and kind and I love them with all my heart but they are true believers and I feel burdened with the weight of religion. Trust me when I say I am knowledgeable about Islam, I go for lessons and Friday prayers and I listen to sermons so usually if I write this down, I expect an answer saying that the devil is whispering in my ear but I do not want to hear that. Praying for me is like a hollow ritual and the fact that I have to miss school for Friday prayers just straight out angers me. My parents say that they don't want 'western culture' to lead me astray from the 'true' path but the truth is I stopped believing ever since I was 7 and I was still living in Singapore at the time. Furthermore, reading the Quran and praying doesn't light a spark or anything in me in fact I find a chore to do so. I am afraid to tell my parents but I just can't stand doing things that I don't believe in. I don't mind the fact that we can't drink or eat non halal meat because to be completely honest even if I wasn't a Muslim I still wouldn't want to drink or do any of that stuff. I'm not looking for any references to the Quran saying that I'm going to go to hell and believe me when I say I've seen a lot of them and it scares me a lot because if I so say so myself, I'm a good kid I help my parents I love them I do well at school I do my fair share of charity work and I don't know. I feel disconnected from the rest of my family. Everytime they talk about god, inside my heart I am cringing but I have to put on this facade, hiding who I truly am. I want to tell my parents, I do but I can't and I don't want to have to hold this in my heart for the rest of my life. Anyways thanks for reading this, maybe now you hate me or whatever but the truth of the matter is that I haven't been believing in Islam since I was 6 or 7 and all the praying and reading I've done up till now just makes me feel sad and hurt inside.

Can Humans build Humans? No, we only make stupid robots. God is WAY, WAY, WAY more intelligent than all Humans combined.

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I think sometimes when people are brought up into the deen, it can become "chore-like" to perform prayers, or recite, etc. because they have not discovered the true essence of their religion on their own. You haven't made a connection with it because your life, so far, sounds quite easy. Mashallah your parents sound great. They seem to know what they are doing considering how to raise you, and unfortunately while so many wish to have had devout parents like that, you have become somewhat desensitized from your faith. When you don't really go through a real struggle, then you don't feel like you "need" Allah. People sometimes find Allah through desperation. You should find him through your contentment with life. The fact that you fear passages in the Quran as you've stated:

I'm not looking for any references to the Quran saying that I'm going to go to hell and believe me when I say I've seen a lot of them and it scares me a lot because if I so say so myself,

means that you still believe in the punishment of the afterlife.

Secondly, I know you want to tell us that you're learned in the faith of Islam because you pray and read quran etc, but what you really have is just exposure. The fact that you couldn't start your post with proper salaams shows how knowledgable you are. You also have not really identified why you're not connected with Islam or believe in God specifically. I mean we all have bouts of fluctuations in our faith, but it takes something strong to say that you don't believe in God at all. Why should you feel sad that you prayed and read all these years? Has doing that brought harm to you or restricted you in any way? Because I sort of sense some resentment on your part, as if there is something you want to do but Islam/your parents are not allowing it?

[ebrahimH]

Aslamualaikum brother you are obviously seeking guidance ask yousellf what lead u to a muslim site seeking guidance if you dnt believe why come here for answers

[eshansah]

You must believe in Allah and s.a.w and your imaan is too weak

[Serinity]

may Allah bless you guidance and have mercy upon you, kind one. :)

This is a phase, and I will just say this:

we will welcome you and you can ask any questions on Islam you have, and any doubts you have.

you need to ask the "why" questions:

Why do we pray?

Why do we praise Allah :swt:?

Why do we read Qur'aan?

How is the Prophet Muhammad :saws: the last Prophet :saws: ?

Or any other question.

As long you are honest and sincere, Allah will guide you. Believe it!

Allahu alam.

[ElifAltun]

Daniel, I'm so glad you wrote this. I am Elif, currently in year 11. I haven't found anyone who's related to me before, you put my feelings into words perfectly. You wrote this 4 years ago, I don't know if you will ever see my reply but I'm struggling. I wonder where you are at now, if you are still muslim. Please if you ever see my reply then can we talk?