format_quote Originally Posted by
Serinity
True, it does require pondering. Because Allah :swt: granted them this beauty. And to attribute this blessing to one self, is arrogance.
So in a way, pious beautiful sisters that has taqwa, has most likely recognized this blessing, and has not become arrogant by it.
What do you mean by "give her what she needs, not what she wants"?
Allahu alam.
Well Allah(swt) gives us what we need, not what we want. I don't think i have more to explain this..further.
In case of a sister you marry is just generally. By giving her what she needs, instead of what she wants, you make her more meaningful and a person who contains depth in their character. If you give her what she wants is making her shallow. This might even give you more confusion, but this had to be told before explain it further. The best to picture this is a gold digger wife VS a devoted wife.
A gold digger wife gets what she wants, but in return she is a shallow person intellectually and emotionally. She is quickly bored when she got what she wanted. So pursuing further in the realm of searching for the thing to want in the assumption of that is what she is searching for and in "need". Often going beyond the borders of being faithful to her husband and making you as husband more unsure what is going to happen. She cheating on you..etc. etc.
A devoted wife gets what she needs. When she gets what she needs she will not ask for what she wants, because this is secretly without her knowing it..THE THING she wanted, but asked for something else THINKING that might have been the thing she needed it. So we human beings by general we always pursue what we want in the assuming that THAT is what we need. While often in the end realizing by getting what we wanted it turned out to be not what we needed.
Your wife might say she wants something, but you do not listen to what she says, you listen to what eases her heart.
I know it is a bit hard to understand, read a few more times to understand it, if you haven't understood yet.
The question after this is, how can you know what your wife needs? This can be gained by gaining strong observation skills. Analyzing little details. Human psychology is a MUST in this. Being able to LISTEN is a MUST in this. Keeping her in your mind with every decision you make just like when for example you get out of house checking your keys if they are with you.. you also having this sort of mentality regarding your wife is a MUST. More things might be part of this off course.
When you do these things, even bringing her a flower on a normal day is more of a value than giving her a car. This i have seen with poor people for example. Your presence at their house they tend to respect you more than buying them a expensive gift. Romantic feelings can be repeated unexpectedly and result to more love, while giving materialistic gifts tend to fade away quicker. Think with me, when you got a present when you were a little kid, you forget sometimes the person very fast that has given you that awesome give. You directly went and played with your toy and giving all the attention to that toy instead. While a simple flower can make the wife special and directing her focus on you. Or even giving her a compliment as ma'sha'Allah how lucky i am that Allah(swt) has given a ugly person like me such a beautiful wife. This special feeling that you ignite in the heart of your wife will make her maybe giggle and shy and feeling the luckiest girl a life to even hear that.
Listen to what she is saying. DON'T TALK or reply to her.. just LISTEN and show her that you are listening by for example asking for questions regarding the issue. This is a confirmation that you are listening and following what she is saying. DO NOT ADVICE her what to do. Just listen nothing more.
When you are outside let her know what you plan to do if somebody might ask to go and do something and ask her permission first. See her as a adviser and ask her how she sees things. Make a decision together. Why? When a decision is a bad decision you both agreed on that decision and nobody points to the other for the bad decision. When it was a good decision it is as if you have something to celebrate and share each others joy. See her as a equal not as less. You will spend your most joyful moments together and spend most saddest moments together. This creates this completion of the deen part if you ask me. Your "waves" also will align. What i mean by this is, you both will find the same things funny and reject the same things. You like to do the same things. Which is why deen is essential because this must be the "ka'bah" that you both are circling around within your both hearts.
When you have strong observation skills you know quickly what makes her upset and what makes her happy. No more words are needed as if you will become her arm and she becomes your arm.
This all will result in fulfillment of the needs in'sha'Allah. Off course there are more specific things, but just this is by general meaning. Allah knows best, but this is my conclusion so far.