Social isolation and deceit

[anonymous]

Hi there!

These days I am facing socially isolated from my peers and family. I don't carry any grudge or dispute specifically with any one. It's just that I feel Allah is testing me regarding my relationship with people. I have always been a very soft hearted and down to earth person and also happen to be generous. But I have experienced deceit and gossip in my social life to the extent that many of my so called friends just left me started ignoring me and hating me. One by one all my peers im talking about those who i befriended left me. Luckily my parents also judge me by saying that I have a bad tongue and people seem to dislike me. It is very hurtful as I have cried alone and been so lonely...... I have prayed to Allah to bless me with loyal companion and friends...respect and connection in my life....it seems im just struggling so hard in my relationships. I introspected and have long ago repented and rectified my anger problem now I feel like the kindest forgiving and softest person ever :) ... But I still am un able to secure a happy relationship with friends or gain the love of my family which seems next to impossible as my parents are judging me and invalidate my feelings and I feel hurt by it.......right now i am 30 years and this struggle is killing me inside....to connect with friends or family who will just celebrate my presence and support me. I think I'm being tested for lonliness and it is confusing and hurting me deep inside
:(..... I have been patient and I wonder that Allah is most merciful and when I would feel complete with His Grace and Mercy. Can anyone advice me in my situation??? I have been going through ?

[Butterfly]

As'Salaamu alaikum!

Reading your post I see that you recognize that Allah is testing you. Be patient with this test and keep reciting this dhikr: Alhamdulillah 'alaa kulli haal (All prase is for Allah, in every condition). As a muslim, we believe with no doubt that Allah knows everything, Allah sees everything, Allah hears eveything. Ever thought that maybe Allah is breaking these relationships for a reason that may not be obvious to you? I grew up with a with someone that I was really close to. We spent our early years playing together, learning together, etc. Sometimes we had fall outs. And mended them to still be friends. There were some things that sister did that did hurt me, and I asked Allah if this person is good for me then please allow us to be close, and if this person is bad for me then please keep me safe. Guess what happened? She moved. Allah knew what was better for me. I accepted that and we're cordial however not close.

Don't seek the pleasure and praise of friends and family. Change the way you look at your situation. Seek the pleasure of Allah by aiding your parents, being respectful. Holding promises with those around you for the sake of Allah. Allah judges us in our social dealings with people too. You mentioned that you had anger problems and your parents say you have a sharp tongue. Do you think any of your words and actions may have affected others in what they think of you? If you've made amends, just realize it will take those around you time to recognize that and process that.

Last thing: you are NOT alone. Allah is above us at all times. And best of all? Allah is THE BEST FRIEND you can ever have! The One who will keep all your secrets, The One who will provide for you, Al-Wadud, The One who loves you! The One that guides you and Forgives you over and over. Isn't that amazing? Keep Allah as your best friend and He will provide what you are looking for in this life or the hereafter.

[Alpha Dude]

Nobody is perfect. We all have flaws. You seem to have realised one particular flaw of yours and have taken action to rectify it.

People however don't easily forget things. As such, it's normal for them to recall your previous behaviour and continue to use it to form their judgement about you. We all do this to a certain extent.

In my opinion, there is little you can do except continue to be good and let your actions show that you have truly changed. Might take weeks, months or years for people to properly recognise and appreciate the new you. Take it easy and don't get too bothered by it. In your heart, you know you have good intentions and Allah knows this. This is all that truly matters.

Secondly, if people are being deceptive and gossiping - it is probably better that you are not in their company any more. Surely there are better more deserving people out there to be friends with. I'd say you should count your blessings that Allah has taken such toxic people out of your life.

[azc]

This tongue is proven a deadly weapon if not used properly.

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[anonymous]

Thankyou @sister butterfly

Your words are soothing and remind me of the thought that we feel most satisfied when we please Allah and make a good impression on Him.

@ brother alpha dude

Thankyou for your reply. It's great to have healthy boundaries with toxic people as we can't befriend everyone.
May Allah always put us on straight path with consistency and self discipline. Ameen.