Am I divorced?

[aziakader]

As-salamu alaykum,
I'm new to this forum but would greatly appreciate some advice, I'm a revert so I don't have many people around me who I can ask.
I got married in 2012 to a Muslim guy, at first everything was great, had my daughter in 2014 and my husband changed immediately he began taking drugs and drinking everyday. Over time he became unbearable to live with, he was very abusive and extremely paranoid. After giving him many chances to change and numerous ultimatums I finally left him 10 months ago after realising he will never change..
I have moved back with my parents. He is worse now than before he threatens me constantly and has even smashed up my car twice (police have been involved) and just won't leave me alone.
He said talaq over the phone 3 times consecutively, my parents heard this. Now he says he didn't mean it and it doesnt count, is he right? Am I divorced?
I just want to move on with my life and be free from him. Thankyou in advance any advice is appreciated. :-)

[Scimitar]

Go to a scholar or imam. in sha Allah they will be able to advise better.

Scimi

[aziakader]

I have already asked the Imam at my local mosque, he didn't know but said he would ask someone for me. He never contacted me back. Thanks for your reply though.

[Scimitar]

I hope you can find some clarity on this issue in sha Allah.

You will find members here would think twice before giving any advice for a very good reason - we only have one side of the story... yours.

Even the imam you spoke to would have understood this, and in fairness he would have to speak to your (ex?)husband as well before he can measure how to proceed.

I hope you understand what I am saying.

Scimi

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[aziakader]

Yeh I guess because my ex is so drugged up all the time no one knows if he said it whilst stoned or not. Only he knows himself. Thanks for reply.

[SoldierAmatUllah]

Yeh I guess because my ex is so drugged up all the time no one knows if he said it whilst stoned or not. Only he knows himself. Thanks for reply.

Walaikum as Salaam Sister!

Please tell us if he was initially good in Deen ?

Then changed?

Few details would be better.....

[Scimitar]

That's not the issue,

The issue is that we only have "your side of the story"... we cannot know if your statements are 100% true or based on a bias against your husband - we do not know if you did any wrong to him which turned him to drugs - we would have to wait to hear from him and listen to his story as well as yours before we can attempt to look for solutions.

And this is most likely why your imam hasn't done anything. Give your imam your (ex?) husbands phone number and let them speak.

Scimi

[aziakader]

Yes he was good when I first met him, I would never of married him if he was not. I think he smoked weed for a while before I found out after I had my daughter, but after I found out he had no shame he showed his true colours, began getting drunk at home every night, taking drugs at home then eventually started taking cocaine. I initially left him so he would get a shock and change but he's only gone worse. His friends are all the same so he thinks I should just accept it. He doesn't have family in the UK they live in Iraq so it's not as if I can tell them.

[aziakader]

The imam tried speaking to him over the phone, he agreed to mediation but it can't happen as there is bail conditions he's not allowed to contact me currently.

[aziakader]

And I have never changed since getting married so I don't think anything I did would make him turn to drugs. He has just decided to forget his religion. He has bad friends that doesn't help. I only ever tried to help him to be good. But unfortunately no one can change him but himself.

[Scimitar]

Sister, you do not understand what I am saying,

Just get your imam to contact him and find out his side of the story - THAT'S IT.

It's got nothing to do with bail conditions - you don't have to see him - I thought I explained it very simply so anyone can follow - why are you getting confused?

Before responding to me - read my posts at least ten times so you understand what I am saying.

I don't have time to waste, jazakAllahu khair.

Scimi

[aziakader]

And all I want to really find out is if someone says talaq 3 times over the phone does it count?

[Scimitar]

Yes, it counts.

They can write it in a letter, tell you over the phone, even whatsapp it to you - it counts. But on;y if he was in a sound frame of mind when he said it. That's what the imam has to establish.

THIS IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU TO TELL THE IMAM TO INVESTIGATE HIS SIDE OF THE STORY!

Mediation is not required at this stage ;) first one has to establish FACTS before any mediation can take place ;)

Scimi

[aziakader]

Ok thanks that's answered my question

[Scimitar]

NO it doesn't.

DO NOT USE MY ADVISE WRONGLY TO JUSTIFY YOUR POSITION.

THIS IS AN OPEN CASE AND REMAINS OPEN UNTIL THE IMAM TELLS YOU THE ANSWER.

you don't have an answer - yet.

I'm starting to see what the problem is, you want for me to justify your bias - guess what sister? I ain't like other guys who roll over and take it, coz a lady asked. NAH.

I THINK. BECAUSE I AM SMARTER THAN YOUR AVERAGE JOE ;)

Scimi

[aziakader]

My name is not assiyah it's Aleeza, azia for short. I thankyou for your time and I have not taken your advice wrongly, I just wanted some clarification on talaq as I have read so many different opinions online. I am proceeding with the Imam and will contact him tomorrow to assist with the problem.. its not easy when i know my ex divorced me and he was 100% clear headed but now he will make up an excuse.. I'm not disobedient but thanks for the insult.

[Alpha Dude]

As has been mentioned, the sanity of your husband at the time of giving talaq needs to be established. If he was of a sound mind, only then does it count.

Is your name Assiyah? Judging by your username - it is.

The name means "disobedient" in Arabic, and there is a well known hadeeth about a Muslimah who was disobedient to her parents (the name Assiyah means disobedient), so the Prophet pbuh advised her parents to change her name to something with a good meaning. So they did, and she started to obey her parents after that.

If your name is Assiyah, I can understand why you are getting the wrong end of my posts constantly in this thread - it's because you are naturally disobedient. Maybe that's one reason your husband will give?

Scimi

This is entirely uncalled for and rude.