wrong decisions

[henashaikh]

assalam walaikum...each and evry day of my life each min i thnk that i have diverted my way because of the wrong choices i have made .. b it education or job or marriage. i now regret of listening to others.. i dnt stand for what i feel.. i feel now my choices wwer correct.. but now its too late im 27 now..i cant study again.. bcz im wrkng somewer .. evn im nt happy there bcz i wanted to do teaching job ... in my personal life also my proposal ws fix 4 yrs back.. wich i ws not approved of .. bt i agreed . now in 4 yrs hs family is delaying my marriage cz of there personal reason .. im in such a dilemma.. i cnt concentrate any wer else jst sobbing... plz help..

[greenhill]

Wa'alaikum salam . .

Each and every day we all make wrong choices. Big and small. It is always about what comes after. The following choices and the choices following that. It might be all wrong choices and it might be all right choices. Who knows what it will be at the time we make them. It is either a well considered decision or not at all considered. It could also be heavily weighed by our own desires... At the end of the day it could also turn out to be that the 'bad' decision we thought we made was a blessing in disguise or the good decision we made turned out to be full of trials.

It is disheartening when we feel that life is not going the way we wanted it. Is that the best for us? Perhaps you should look at what you should do as opposed to what you would like. What you like today may not be what you like in the future but what you have to do will remain the same. You see, we are trained to 'express' ourselves. We have rights. But the reality is that we have to 'submit' to the Will of Allah. We are His slave!

But you can still go to teaching.

On your possible marriage, it seems best to forget him. Already you will be starting at a disadvantaged position if you do marry him as his family are obviously not interested in you..Don't despair as Allah has said for everyone He has made a match? pair? partner? cannot remember the right word used.

Sorry I cannot help you further, but know that these are ALL Allah's test for you, just be patient and rebuild your life. You are still single and young.


:peace:

[respecta]

Istikhara is an amazing thing. If you don't know about it, look into it. Very quick and easy to do.

Other than that, its never too late to start again. Eg. A person has been reciting the Qur'an incorrectly for 40 years of their life, at the age of 60 they start all over again just to learn it correctly.

[aaj]

:wasalam:

You are still young. If teaching is your passion then you should look into it again, maybe there are some alternative programs you can go through to do that and if not then you could still do it part time if that's what you really want. Regarding your marriage proposal, if this is something you don't want then you don't have to be forced into it. It seems like the family of the guy is not taking this seriously to delay the marriage this long, essentially wasting 4 years of your life by putting it on hold. If you still want to go ahead with it then get an imam involved and the guy's family and have them resolve their issues and put down a date for nikkah or give you an answer as to what they want. Or if you don't want to go with it anymore, you can call it off. What happened in the past happened in the past, today you have a choice of what you want to do with your life starting tomorrow. So it is still in your hand, if you don't like where you are in life then make decisions to correct that and follow that path.

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[Umm♥Layth]

^^ Exactly what he said.

YES, you can make new decisions. YES you can make changes. Nothing is set in stone. Nikah should never be delayed for so long. It is clearly a sign of disinterest. I know what it is like to have somebody waste years of your life like that, but believe me, there will be better days. Don't be afraid sis.

[henashaikh]

actualy our proposal ws arrange. he got an elder bro also . n bcz of him hs family delayed bcz they want to do there marriage together. n last yr hs dad expired.. every yr one or other problems erupt with hs family..

[respecta]

actualy our proposal ws arrange. he got an elder bro also . n bcz of him hs family delayed bcz they want to do there marriage together. n last yr hs dad expired.. every yr one or other problems erupt with hs family..

I'm not suggesting that you 'break it'... But unless you have signed a marriage contract, then you are not bound by anything. You are able to break off the engagement and get married to someone whos interested in getting married.

If you're unsure at this stage, maybe ask your fiance's family clearly what the stance on marriage is, are they going ahead with it or are they unsure, possibly get a fixed date so you got something to look forward to, during marriage situations it is important that everything is clearly laid out.

[henashaikh]

m already 27 and its really difficult to take that step.. who will get married with mee.. il get someone whose 40.. and im also doim a job wer i get 30000 per month... so wats d guarantee of finding a teachn job aftr i passed out... thats the question haunting me

[aaj]

I don't know what country you are in but you can find a guy in his 30s. The thing you have to decide is if you want to continue waiting on that family another 4 years or if you want to do something about it. Same thing teaching, if that is your passion that you really want to go into then that is an option for you but the it will be at the cost of less money, teachers' don't exactly get paid that well. So if you are willing to take a pay decrease or not is something you will have to decide for yourself. Sometimes following your passion is great and sometimes it's not so great.

[henashaikh]

I'm frm india.. and its difficult to find a new relation aftr my proposal ws fix 4 yrs back.. the reason i want to quite this job is because m wrkn in bank.. n its haram fr us..m jst Stressed out..