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Brother_40805
04-26-2017, 03:42 PM
I am sorry to bother everyone here but I am feeling used by everyone around me especially my family.

I stay happy and positive when i talk but my mum puts me down and has in her this thing where she finds out weakness in a person and uses them by bringing up a topic they hate in conversation or action which they will put them in negative mood then uses it to steer others towards negative moods and feelings.

My brothers are far too cunning and far too clever and use me by acting a certain way in front of me to please me enough and then have there own motives and thoughts which they never disclose to keep me below them.

If my own family is like this, a family who I cant talk to and thinks me worthless because I don't have a good job as my brother even though i am trying three times as hard as him in life, a family who never acknowledges my hard work even after showing them then what do i expect from other people.

I am seriously destroyed. I pray on time, read quran with understanding and keep away from all major sins and try my best to become patient but feelings come out of the blue and all what is happening to me is destruction.

Consistent destruction in my life.

(CRIES). I am done man. Why when I want to abide by commands of Allah and want to be a good person that this is happening. It makes no sense and all this comes out of nowhere. The feeling of instant worthlessness and change of mood and my whole soul changes in two seconds.

I have done everything in my power to correct myself and my family hasn't tried one bit.

I have consulted a doctor/psychiatrist and he says I have no problem.

Am I doing something wrong if so then why don't i know it in my head. If this is a test by God then how am i suppose to know because my I am simple and not smart enough.

I am scared of going home everyday because I would disrespect my mum when i don't want to but she pisses me off to the extent where even the most patient person would not stand by it. Also my brothers are on their laptops and mobiles all the time following friends and their lifestyles.

Not only that but my self respect and worth goes away in front of other people by this sudden changes in side me.

(CRIES)(CRIES)(CRIES) - why doesn't god just destroy me? (CRIES)
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Muslimah inshal
04-26-2017, 04:32 PM
Originally Posted by MSBi
I am sorry to bother everyone here but I am feeling used by everyone around me especially my family.

I stay happy and positive when i talk but my mum puts me down and has in her this thing where she finds out weakness in a person and uses them by bringing up a topic they hate in conversation or action which they will put them in negative mood then uses it to steer others towards negative moods and feelings.

My brothers are far too cunning and far too clever and use me by acting a certain way in front of me to please me enough and then have there own motives and thoughts which they never disclose to keep me below them.

If my own family is like this, a family who I cant talk to and thinks me worthless because I don't have a good job as my brother even though i am trying three times as hard as him in life, a family who never acknowledges my hard work even after showing them then what do i expect from other people.

I am seriously destroyed. I pray on time, read quran with understanding and keep away from all major sins and try my best to become patient but feelings come out of the blue and all what is happening to me is destruction.

Consistent destruction in my life.

(CRIES). I am done man. Why when I want to abide by commands of Allah and want to be a good person that this is happening. It makes no sense and all this comes out of nowhere. The feeling of instant worthlessness and change of mood and my whole soul changes in two seconds.

I have done everything in my power to correct myself and my family hasn't tried one bit.

I have consulted a doctor/psychiatrist and he says I have no problem.

Am I doing something wrong if so then why don't i know it in my head. If this is a test by God then how am i suppose to know because my I am simple and not smart enough.

I am scared of going home everyday because I would disrespect my mum when i don't want to but she pisses me off to the extent where even the most patient person would not stand by it. Also my brothers are on their laptops and mobiles all the time following friends and their lifestyles.

Not only that but my self respect and worth goes away in front of other people by this sudden changes in side me.

(CRIES)(CRIES)(CRIES) - why doesn't god just destroy me? (CRIES)
Assalamu alaikum akhi .

May I ask a question ? Do your brothers pray or not ?.
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Brother_40805
04-26-2017, 04:56 PM
@Muslimah inshal

One brother is 1 year younger and the other brother is 17. 17 year old doesn't pray on time and doesn't pray isha and fajr at all and most prayer not on time. The 1 year younger brother is fixed to computer 24/7 and he pray on time but at home and doesn't give a crap about what others are doing.
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Umm♥Layth
04-26-2017, 05:05 PM
I know it seems tough right now, but it will pass an you'll see how it isn't as bad as you think it is. Life can be very tough and what you need to do is find a way to get through it patiently. Don't worry about what others are doing and stop comparing yourself. Comparison is one of the worst poisons.
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Brother_40805
04-26-2017, 05:09 PM
Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth
I know it seems tough right now, but it will pass an you'll see how it isn't as bad as you think it is. Life can be very tough and what you need to do is find a way to get through it patiently. Don't worry about what others are doing and stop comparing yourself. Comparison is one of the worst poisons.
I am sorry but you don't understand. So I can understand its hard for you to fathom what i am trying to explain. This has not just immediately happened. Its something that has always existed since my birth and developed over time and intensified to such an extent that now there is no way out for me.
Explain to me when I am not even thinking of comparing myself to anyone then why do i feel it.
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Umm♥Layth
04-26-2017, 06:13 PM
You are comparing yourself to your siblings. Stop it. It only makes things more difficult for you. Let them do what they are gonna do and if you don't want to do anything for them then don't. You don't have to be anyone's doormat. That's a choice we make.

You are right, I don't understand what it is like to be in your shoes, but I can assure you it isn't as horrible as you think it is. You have shelter, you don't bare the responsibility of large bills, dependents and so on. Get to know other people outside of your bubble, listen to life stories and see where you really stand in the grand scheme of things. I'm not saying your situation isn't hurting you and I am not denying your emotions at all. I just want you to step outside of yourself for a while because you are in charge of your own reality, nobody else is.

I have a mother similar to yours in a sense that all I ever remember growing up is how bad of a job I did at most things, and how fat I was and how [insert negative comment here]. You'll have to step in her shoes for a moment and try to understand how SHE was raised and what SHE endured. There's a saying "hurt people, hurt people". It doesn't excuse their behavior, but it gives you a place to begin to heal and learn to not let it get under your skin.
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Brother_40805
04-26-2017, 06:17 PM
Originally Posted by Umm[emoji813
Layth;2959872]You are comparing yourself to your siblings. Stop it. It only makes things more difficult for you. Let them do what they are gonna do and if you don't want to do anything for them then don't. You don't have to be anyone's doormat. That's a choice we make.

You are right, I don't understand what it is like to be in your shoes, but I can assure you it isn't as horrible as you think it is. You have shelter, you don't bare the responsibility of large bills, dependents and so on. Get to know other people outside of your bubble, listen to life stories and see where you really stand in the grand scheme of things. I'm not saying your situation isn't hurting you and I am not denying your emotions at all. I just want you to step outside of yourself for a while because you are in charge of your own reality, nobody else is.

I have a mother similar to yours in a sense that all I ever remember growing up is how bad of a job I did at most things, and how fat I was and how [insert negative comment here]. You'll have to step in her shoes for a moment and try to understand how SHE was raised and what SHE endured. There's a saying "hurt people, hurt people". It doesn't excuse their behavior, but it gives you a place to begin to heal and learn to not let it get under your skin.
Confirmed you don't understand. Anyway thanks for the reply. May Allah bless you for your good intentions
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Umm♥Layth
04-26-2017, 06:29 PM
What is understanding going to get you? Do you want to be able to move forward with your life? Do you want to learn how to no feel so miserable? Do you want a virtual hug?

What are you looking for exactly?
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Muslimah inshal
04-26-2017, 06:42 PM
Assalamu Alaikum akhi .

Be yourself . Take care of yourself and don't worry too much about your brother's . Let them do whatever they wanna do and don't let them make you feel worthless .
This is your test and their test will be different but at least you pray , read the words of Allah swt and make dhikr alhamdulillah . Don't ever think of leaving your prayers , never . That's a great step you are doing alhamdulillah .

Try to see the faults that they have and try to correct yours . So that you would feel better. By this I mean , like imagine if your brother's don't read Qur'an daily then what you can do is try read Qur'an daily . Be like an example and maybe they will change inshallah inshallah .
And when they let you down tell them that they made you feel bad and only Allah swt knows .

And according to your mum , wallahi akhi what i can recommend you is don't answer her when she is talking bad to you . Just ignore her .
Try to say la illaha illa Allah ,but to yourself , when she seems to hurt you . And when she is quiet tell her what she said was very bad and it's not good for a mother to tell that to her child .

But the best think you can do is not to try to respond her when you are angry . Because if you do , then you will regret it .

And may Allah swt ease your affairs and make it easy for your family to understand how you feel .

I hope inshallah I did help you a bit .
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azc
04-26-2017, 06:56 PM
Are you still a student..? Anyways, try to stand on your feet at the earliest.
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Simple_Person
04-26-2017, 07:03 PM
Brother your family is not the only one.

My own family their way of saying things. At first i needed to reflect our conversation to connect the dots and see the meaning behind what they say as i did not grow up in that culture most of my life. I HATE THAT SECRET between the lines talk. This is a typical behavior in my culture. All sarcasm..no honesty or direct talk. Very disgusting habit.

However although i myself do not live with them and have not lived with them for large part of my life, yet when i am with them i see this sarcasm. Not only that, but the ungratefulness they show to people as well to Allah as far as i see it. With mouth 1000 times alhamdulillah, but the moment alhamdulillah is spoken comes the complaining while they have sooooo much Allah has given them. I am the youngest of my family and because of that they look down on me as the stupid doesn't know a thing. In the past i warned them to not throw away food, i warned them to not mind what other people say or think, but rather look what Allah finds oke or not oke, i reminded them to visit more often people that you feel at home instead of going to places just because "you know them".

Now all the things that they treated me as if i am a "not worth paying any attention to", Allah has made their situation much more difficult. All they care about is worldly gain. Money..money..money. I asked them, do you pay rent (have their own house)..no rent..i said what are the costs of electricity and water (like 50 euro's for 3 months or so for both). I said do you die from hunger? no. My brother because he listens so much to people and what people think married some girl because of the pressure from people asking him when he is going to marry (he is 33 years)..after 8 months..divorced and $20.000 bill so to say. My mother tries to pressure me between the lines to find a good job to pay off his debt and putting my deen on #2 because i want a job that i can also go to Khutbah. While i remember saying the woman to marry according to Rasullah(saws) advice of finding a sister to marry and he (my brother) brushing me off as nonsense..

They had gathered some money and i really wished they used at least some part of that money to send my mother to haij as my mother is nearly 60 years old. Yet my brothers marriage had priority but my mother also it looks like is the last thing she cares about.

I asked my brother ONLY for 3 things.

1. Send my mother to haij
2. Let her visit her mothers grave because she has never visited it, as she is buried in another city in another country but nearby. That was one thing she really wanted to do.
3. Tell her to show him where my father is buried in the SAME city 10 minutes drive from the house. He is 33 years old and has never visited his fathers grave. My mother also i believe for the last 10-15 years or so never has visited his grave and my sister well the same as my brother.

I mean sub'han'Allah..look at the priorities of people in life. They have time to go to shopping, they have time to sit and watch COUNTLESS hours of series and other useless things on the tv. They have time to visit so many people..but these SIMPLE things at least ONCE not 20 times or even 1000 times. Just once.

I to be honest have placed them in a category of people that have MORE rights upon me than the average human being. Emotionally i have become dead inside when talking about having any connecting with them. If it was not for the sake of Allah and Allah has forbid us to cut ties, i would have done it all along. I am very honest in this.

So also for you, put your emotional side in the closet, try to draw certain borders. If your brothers ask you something..they have hands..they have feet..they have eyes and brains to do themselves. When your mother asks you to do something for her, that does not go against Islamic rulings..do that for her. Remember, throw your emotional side in the closet.

I remember hadith from i believe Aisha(ra) that she said when the time of prayer came to be, that Rasullah(saws) saw them as strangers and his priorities flipped major.

Be good to your mother even if she is ungrateful. You think she is ungrateful to you by being ungrateful to you? Rather people who are ungrateful to other people logically speaking are ungrateful to Allah. Because again logically speaking to be grateful to Allah is the thank at least the people who have helped you with something. It is Allah Who has put those people on our path to help us with certain things. That is why i have learned to always be grateful to people who have helped you. However be very careful as there are people that help you for the sake of you helping them in the future..no matter if it may be haram or halal. You help somebody out of the goodness of your heart and for the sake of Allah, not because you expect something in return.

So even if your mother is ungrateful to you, you have a obligation towards her as you have to pay back for everything she has done for you. Paradise is under her feet.
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Brother_40805
04-26-2017, 10:51 PM
@Simple_Person , @Muslimah inshal - Thank you for the replies. May Allah give you jannah.

But I'm afraid you don't understand. I think the problem was thatI am not very good at explaining the complexity of my condition. How is it I can't even sit two second alone on a chair without feeling emotional inside for no apparent reason. Why is it that when I go to work every morning (by the way I am 26) that I my soul doesn't allow me to concentrate and focus and motivate me to work. How come I have no ambition or common sense of how I should be acting in different instances in my life.

I love my family a lot and my mistake was being attached to them and explaining my feelings to them.

Having difficult things come your way like debts, unemployment, poverty and god forbid leaving islam is a test from the outside but what if on the inside I am cursed as no one in my whole life wanted to spend more than two minutes talking to me.

how can I be self confident when the stuff i utter from my mouth no matter how long and hard i form my sentence comes out wrong hence it reducing my self esteem and confidence. Why is it I stay in consistent confusion throughout the day.

I didn't ask Allah for the riches of the world. I asked Allah for simple life but having motivation to learn my deen and keep me steadfast in it.

It is unfair to live life with all this inhibitions when to have to do certain things in life like finding job and getting married and taking responsibility of my brothers and parents. Never once my mother was pleased with me in life even though I fall down on her knees every night asking for forgiveness and doing all the things she wants from me.

At least you all have convinced yourself in some way or another what you deem in right and gives your strength and that in embedded now in your mind and soul. Why is it I can never do that?.
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Umm♥Layth
04-26-2017, 11:07 PM
I just want you to know that some of us understand you more than you can imagine even if it doesn't appear that way :) and there's others in similar situations as you. I don't have it in me to post a lengthy response as I'm exhausted (moving day for the 3rd time in a year), but I'll come back and offer whatever I have at some point soon, insha'Allah.
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Simple_Person
04-27-2017, 03:52 AM
Originally Posted by MSBi
@Simple_Person , @Muslimah inshal - Thank you for the replies. May Allah give you jannah.

But I'm afraid you don't understand. I think the problem was thatI am not very good at explaining the complexity of my condition. How is it I can't even sit two second alone on a chair without feeling emotional inside for no apparent reason. Why is it that when I go to work every morning (by the way I am 26) that I my soul doesn't allow me to concentrate and focus and motivate me to work. How come I have no ambition or common sense of how I should be acting in different instances in my life.

I love my family a lot and my mistake was being attached to them and explaining my feelings to them.

Having difficult things come your way like debts, unemployment, poverty and god forbid leaving islam is a test from the outside but what if on the inside I am cursed as no one in my whole life wanted to spend more than two minutes talking to me.

how can I be self confident when the stuff i utter from my mouth no matter how long and hard i form my sentence comes out wrong hence it reducing my self esteem and confidence. Why is it I stay in consistent confusion throughout the day.

I didn't ask Allah for the riches of the world. I asked Allah for simple life but having motivation to learn my deen and keep me steadfast in it.

It is unfair to live life with all this inhibitions when to have to do certain things in life like finding job and getting married and taking responsibility of my brothers and parents. Never once my mother was pleased with me in life even though I fall down on her knees every night asking for forgiveness and doing all the things she wants from me.

At least you all have convinced yourself in some way or another what you deem in right and gives your strength and that in embedded now in your mind and soul. Why is it I can never do that?.
Brother although you say the we do not understand and you just "want" a simple life and make you steadfast in the deen and learn the deen.

I often see this behavior that people who reach your level of emotional breakdown it seems as if the last thing they do is reflect and ponder. To understand something of saying what is the wisdom behind this and what is the wisdom behind that you need to reflect and ponder.

Your grasp of understanding of the deen it seems is not very deep at all.

Allah tells us in the Qur'an do they think they can say "I believe and they will not be tested"?..

Your understanding it seems as if things should go YOUR way of wanting them to go. It seems to me as if you want Allah to wait for His tests till you are ready that He sends you a postcard with time and date when the test is going to start and what the test is and what the solution is and if it becomes difficult that Allah stops this test for you. Or even worse just gives you "this simple" life you want and no problems down the way.

For sure Islam if you ask me is the HARDEST way of life that exists on this earth however it is the true way of life and Allah knows what we harbor in our hearts. The ones among us who say they are Muslim doesn't matter how hard the tests get they ask their Rab for keeping them steadfast, to give them patience and thank Him for every other test as with each test comes a load of wisdom and knowledge and cetain abilities. These people in NO way they ever talk about leaving Islam

Leaving Islam has two reasons, you leave Islam because you don't understand or know a single thing. This happened to me in the past. As I was a culture-Muslim and my family typical culture family that says having questions in Islam and in the intellectual direction ..is haram..to have. Also had no place where to find this intellectual argument but alhamdulillah for Internet.

The other is hypocrisy as deep down you never accepted Islam to be the truth but just got along with it as one takes the advantages here and there.

Off course there is also mentally insane people but I am not talking people who are mentally ill.

So I would suggest go and find out yourself first what makes Islam the true religion and not Judaism or Christianity or Atheism etc. As it looks like you miss a lot of the Intellectual part of it. I ALHAMDULLILAH with a steadfast when my imaan gets the lowest of the lowest there is NO thought that goes through my mind that Islam is the false religion. Because imaan resides in the heart not in my mind. My mind still functions just fine and still are able to say for sure Islam is the true way based on logic, rationality and reason. So you even bringing up "leaving Islam" in your sentence it to me shows that you lack much UNDERSTANDING of Islam. Remember knowledge of Islam is not the same as understanding. Understanding comes directly from Allah. So I would argue you lack self reflection and also pondering about the deen. Understanding is something on a COMPLETE different level than knowledge. You and I can become hafiz of the Qur'an with dedication spend on it...however another person might not know a single surah by heart but what he reads he understands it on a completely different level than us.

So go and reflect more and ponder more if you ask me.
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Brother_40805
04-27-2017, 08:19 AM
@Simple_Person

I love Allah and the Prophets. The way I get responded back from people after explaining my own situation makes me feel I should not talk. No matter where I go on the internet and where I have my say I end up being defeated and misunderstood as if my feelings don't all get conveyed properly through English language. Thank you for taking the time out to read and respond to my messages but I am certain that Allah is the only who understands me and loves me and will guide me even if I have little knowledge in my religion because my life is in his hands.

I should leave islamicboard. I just like to apologies for creating this topic and wasting all of your time.

Aslamoalikum,
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Simple_Person
04-27-2017, 08:45 AM
Originally Posted by MSBi
@Simple_Person

Because of all you messages I think Islamicboard is not a place for me and I should leave. Your question my imam just because I don't know how to write properly and you do. It's sad that social media is not of much use when the stuff you say isn't even understood properly. You are judging me that I don't know what Allah wants of me. Just because a few statements you judged me that I don't have much knowledge in islam to know how this life operates. You gave so many examples and almost accuse me of leaving my religion. From your response not only do I feel you feel your self rightous with a big ego but also you lack compassion and patience to understand the condition of another individual. I think the only thing you do know is how to write long paragraphs which could be shortened down in few good points.

You know nothing of how I feel and what and to what level I believe in my religion and how much I love Allah and the prophets.

May Allah keep all of you at peace but I am leaving. Thank you for all your contributions.
Instead of saying islamicboard is not the place to be for you, rather say you (meaning me). I will say thank you for the feedback and i will leave you be. I may be part of the community, but i am one of many. There are people who are FAR more knowledgeable than me, they are far more wise than me, they posses far more better way of understanding and talking people than me.

Why i said what i said is you are all broken up as it seems to me from your different comments. Saying you are not able to express yourself to people, well then DON'T. Go to Allah as HE is able to understand you better than you yourself. Go to Allah and ask Him to make it easy for you to express yourself, to reveal to you what you don't know about yourself. In a previous comment you said that you have become so attached to your family. You know everything in Islam is being moderate. Also your love for your family. Some people love their children SOO MUCH, when one child dies..everything they believed dies with them. They lose ALL the hope and believe in Allah. Be moderate in things. That is why i say ponder and reflect to analyze your life and your current position in life. This is mere a test, on the Day of Judgement the SAME people who loved so much, will not even give you 1 good deed of theirs. Start treating this also as a test. You are born alone, you will die alone.

These people that Allah has given to you as family, are not your family as how you see things or how we in general see things. The real family are the Muslims not your blood related family members. Remember the story of prophet Nuh(as) where he asked why Allah did not save his family (son..) Allah replying he was not of your family.

Your blood related family is mere the test for you, give them their rights, as their rights are FAR more than the average right of the average Muslim. However also remember the story of Luqman and the wise things he told his son how to interact with people.

Anyways i wish you the best and i hope even if my comments were worth less than 0.1% in value through your eyes, i still hope that that less than 0.1% might benefit you. As everything that is not beneficial according to you and you have seen it as an insult comes from me and please do forgive me because that i did not intend like that. Whatever benefit how little that may be you did found useful in my comments comes from Allah and only Allah is to be thanked for that.

May Allah forgive our shortcomings, give us patience and give us a better understanding of our own thoughts and the thoughts of others. Ameen.
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Muslimah inshal
04-27-2017, 08:52 AM
Originally Posted by MSBi
@Simple_Person

I love Allah and the Prophets. The way I get responded back from people after explaining my own situation makes me feel I should not talk. No matter where I go on the internet and where I have my say I end up being defeated and misunderstood as if my feelings don't all get conveyed properly through English language. Thank you for taking the time out to read and respond to my messages but I am certain that Allah is the only who understands me and loves me and will guide me even if I have little knowledge in my religion because my life is in his hands.

I should leave islamicboard. I just like to apologies for creating this topic and wasting all of your time.

Aslamoalikum,
No akhi . You don't have to leave islamicboard. I also sometimes feel like people don't understand what I want to say ( because of my English ) .
There are good and bad people in this world so you don't have to take nothing bad to your heart . Just ignore it . I think the sister's and brothers here are TRYING their best to help you . I don't think they said nothing bad to you . Maybe the way you understand it is the problem . But you have to understand that not everybody should act in the same manner . Take just the advice you think that will help you and the negative ones leave them .

The best way to get out of your problems is to tell Allah swt in sujud what you feel and how bad people around you make you feel and tell Allah swt to take you out of it inshallah.

I hope you stay in IB :) because there are a lot of people with the same problem as you and that will help you think positive .

May Allah swt put baraka in your efforts and ease your affairs . Amiin ya rab .
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Brother_40805
04-27-2017, 09:28 AM
Originally Posted by Simple_Person
Instead of saying islamicboard is not the place to be for you, rather say you (meaning me). I will say thank you for the feedback and i will leave you be. I may be part of the community, but i am one of many. There are people who are FAR more knowledgeable than me, they are far more wise than me, they posses far more better way of understanding and talking people than me.

Why i said what i said is you are all broken up as it seems to me from your different comments. Saying you are not able to express yourself to people, well then DON'T. Go to Allah as HE is able to understand you better than you yourself. Go to Allah and ask Him to make it easy for you to express yourself, to reveal to you what you don't know about yourself. In a previous comment you said that you have become so attached to your family. You know everything in Islam is being moderate. Also your love for your family. Some people love their children SOO MUCH, when one child dies..everything they believed dies with them. They lose ALL the hope and believe in Allah. Be moderate in things. That is why i say ponder and reflect to analyze your life and your current position in life. This is mere a test, on the Day of Judgement the SAME people who loved so much, will not even give you 1 good deed of theirs. Start treating this also as a test. You are born alone, you will die alone.

These people that Allah has given to you as family, are not your family as how you see things or how we in general see things. The real family are the Muslims not your blood related family members. Remember the story of prophet Nuh(as) where he asked why Allah did not save his family (son..) Allah replying he was not of your family.

Your blood related family is mere the test for you, give them their rights, as their rights are FAR more than the average right of the average Muslim. However also remember the story of Luqman and the wise things he told his son how to interact with people.

Anyways i wish you the best and i hope even if my comments were worth less than 0.1% in value through your eyes, i still hope that that less than 0.1% might benefit you. As everything that is not beneficial according to you and you have seen it as an insult comes from me and please do forgive me because that i did not intend like that. Whatever benefit how little that may be you did found useful in my comments comes from Allah and only Allah is to be thanked for that.

May Allah forgive our shortcomings, give us patience and give us a better understanding of our own thoughts and the thoughts of others. Ameen.
You are right. I will try my best to head your advice and incorporate patience and thirst for knowledge and positivity in my life. To understand the meaning of the Quran and incorporate the lifestyle and teaching of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) in my life.

I have these burst moments where my soul self destructs when just prior to that i am serene and calm about everything. Please don't take to heart my comment because it was out of self disgust for myself.

I value the response of all muslim ummah.

I just dont want you all to think i am worthless, low and not of any understanding of the tests in this life which Allah has presented in many forms for his servants.

I have come to the understanding today from all of your responses that obviously the non muslims are right about me being worthless and not worth the effort when my own muslim brothers and sisters think that what i said is not worthwhile as everyone else is going through same stuff.

But the thing is i dont feel valued anywhere in life to be honest. I stay alone at work where no gives a crap about me even after trying to contribute. At home my family is segregated and people in life pretend to help and love is obviously sign of end times.

It all good and all now to say don't go from islamicboard or rather apologise for your response when it was right the first time.

I am the problem and I for certain am sure that my existence in this life doesn't matter in the sense that wherever i go i get shutdown by people and circumstances and on top of that my own soul is confusing and quite frankly i may be 26 but i feel weak inside because of the points mentioned above.

I am not leaving islamicboard because of this certain circumstance. I am leaving because i tested myself being here and I am certain now that I have no worth

Please forgive me. Or rather it doesn't matter because nothing I've said would ever spark interest in your eyes.

Before I go and Allah knows in my heart when i say please don't think bad of me as I too am a creation of Allah.
Reply

Muslimah inshal
04-27-2017, 09:39 AM
We really don't think bad of you . Rather we all need some advice to continue with another perspective of life .
I think that you shouldn't try to know what people around you think of you . Just do your work and do it for the sake of Allah and this way people will appreciate your efforts cause now you do it for the Sake of Allah swt . And if you do it for the sake of Allah swt then you will feel at ease and happy .
Just try not to think what people think of you .
Reply

Simple_Person
04-27-2017, 09:42 AM
Originally Posted by MSBi
You are right. I will try my best to head your advice and incorporate patience and thirst for knowledge and positivity in my life. To understand the meaning of the Quran and incorporate the lifestyle and teaching of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) in my life.

I have these burst moments where my soul self destructs when just prior to that i am serene and calm about everything. Please don't take to heart my comment because it was out of self disgust for myself.

I value the response of all muslim ummah.

I just dont want you all to think i am worthless, low and not of any understanding of the tests in this life which Allah has presented in many forms for his servants.

I have come to the understanding today from all of your responses that obviously the non muslims are right about me being worthless and not worth the effort when my own muslim brothers and sisters think that what i said is not worthwhile as everyone else is going through same stuff.

But the thing is i dont feel valued anywhere in life to be honest. I stay alone at work where no gives a crap about me even after trying to contribute. At home my family is segregated and people in life pretend to help and love is obviously sign of end times.

It all good and all now to say don't go from islamicboard or rather apologise for your response when it was right the first time.

I am the problem and I for certain am sure that my existence in this life doesn't matter in the sense that wherever i go i get shutdown by people and circumstances and on top of that my own soul is confusing and quite frankly i may be 26 but i feel weak inside because of the points mentioned above.

I am not leaving islamicboard because of this certain circumstance. I am leaving because i tested myself being here and I am certain now that I have no worth

Please forgive me. Or rather it doesn't matter because nothing I've said would ever spark interest in your eyes.

Before I go and Allah knows in my heart when i say please don't think bad of me as I too am a creation of Allah.
From this comment of your brother so far i respectfully disagree very much.

Who gives who value? Do i see you as a valued person or a worthless person? Do i see my self as a valued person or a worthless person? What you see me or yourself, is not the perspective how Islam sees things.

It is Allah who gives me or you value or sees you or me as a worthless person. For example, look at MANY..MANY..MANY people now a days how they see Rasullah(saws) as a worthless person. They see Rasullah(saws) as a person who has given nothing but destruction. However we do not look from their perspective, our perspective as Muslims is through the perspective of Allah. Allah has put his last Rasul (saws) the HIGHEST position among WHOLE humanity.

He could not read nor could not write. The majority of people now a days would not pay even 1 second to a illiterate person. Look at the Jews for example back in Medina in the time of Rasullah(saws). They looked down on him because he was illiterate. Yet look how much we love our prophet despite we are able to read and write and he not able to do that, we still see him of more value than ourselves.

Stop looking for confirmation of whatever value you have in the eyes of people. The BEST way possible to show you how people are is this..They will never be satisfied with you. They will always have something bad to say about you.





"Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Islam began as a something strange and it will return to being strange, so blessed are the strangers.”

Sourced used: http://dailyhadith.abuaminaelias.com...-to-strangers/

I see it as really a blessing. I am strange in many aspect compared to people in society. But again i am alhamdulillah reminded of this hadith.
Reply

AHMED PATEL
04-27-2017, 11:10 AM
Originally Posted by MSBi
I am sorry to bother everyone here but I am feeling used by everyone around me especially my family.

I stay happy and positive when i talk but my mum puts me down and has in her this thing where she finds out weakness in a person and uses them by bringing up a topic they hate in conversation or action which they will put them in negative mood then uses it to steer others towards negative moods and feelings.

My brothers are far too cunning and far too clever and use me by acting a certain way in front of me to please me enough and then have there own motives and thoughts which they never disclose to keep me below them.

If my own family is like this, a family who I cant talk to and thinks me worthless because I don't have a good job as my brother even though i am trying three times as hard as him in life, a family who never acknowledges my hard work even after showing them then what do i expect from other people.

I am seriously destroyed. I pray on time, read quran with understanding and keep away from all major sins and try my best to become patient but feelings come out of the blue and all what is happening to me is destruction.

Consistent destruction in my life.

(CRIES). I am done man. Why when I want to abide by commands of Allah and want to be a good person that this is happening. It makes no sense and all this comes out of nowhere. The feeling of instant worthlessness and change of mood and my whole soul changes in two seconds.

I have done everything in my power to correct myself and my family hasn't tried one bit.

I have consulted a doctor/psychiatrist and he says I have no problem.

Am I doing something wrong if so then why don't i know it in my head. If this is a test by God then how am i suppose to know because my I am simple and not smart enough.

I am scared of going home everyday because I would disrespect my mum when i don't want to but she pisses me off to the extent where even the most patient person would not stand by it. Also my brothers are on their laptops and mobiles all the time following friends and their lifestyles.

Not only that but my self respect and worth goes away in front of other people by this sudden changes in side me.

(CRIES)(CRIES)(CRIES) - why doesn't god just destroy me? (CRIES)
believe me when i say ,i know what you are going through
i even wrote this poem,from personal experiences



if you remain silent ,many will take advantage of you
if you are patient,some will deem it as weakness
if you speak the truth you will be called a madman
if you are angry,your oppressor will blame you
if you cry theyll claim not to know why
if you are hurt,it is your fault
you want your rights,why do you shout?

they will not help you,but blame you
they will malign you,not understand you
they will hurt you further,not heal you

dont even try ,theyll say
you are nothing,theyll hiss


they will plan and scheme
and have the perfect facade
nothing can destroy their public charade

but,there will be ..that day..
from adam to the last soul
the judgement of all .
Reply

Muslimah inshal
04-27-2017, 11:11 AM
Also akhi if we didn't care or understand how you feel we wouldn't be here trying to take some time to write what we want you to know .
We all go through difficult situations and we have to accept it and try to get out of it.
Reply

Muslimah inshal
04-27-2017, 11:14 AM
Originally Posted by AHMED PATEL
believe me when i say ,i know what you are going through
i even wrote this poem,from personal experiences



if you remain silent ,many will take advantage of you
if you are patient,some will deem it as weakness
if you speak the truth you will be called a madman
if you are angry,your oppressor will blame you
if you cry theyll claim not to know why
if you are hurt,it is your fault
you want your rights,why do you shout?

they will not help you,but blame you
they will malign you,not understand you
they will hurt you further,not heal you

dont even try ,theyll say
you are nothing,theyll hiss


they will plan and scheme
and have the perfect facade
nothing can destroy their public charade

but,there will be ..that day..
from adam to the last soul
the judgement of all .
Assalamu Alaikum
Good one :)
I love it!
Reply

Mrciful_Servant
04-27-2017, 05:55 PM
May Allah solve all of your problems ...that's all I have got to say...[emoji15][emoji17]
Reply

Mrciful_Servant
04-27-2017, 06:03 PM
I can just pray for you and cannot do anything else because everyone is responsible for their lives i don't know how you really feel even by sharing ....I cannot still get it [emoji817] percent ....I really feel sympathy for you ...may Allah help ..U...because when he helps everything will be easy ...I have tiny advice turn towards Allah ....instead of asking here ...ask him ....tell him to guide you and show you the right path ...and the right answer to this trial that he has put you into ...and by him ....he knows everything ...
So stop asking us ...or anyone ask him right away all the time ...it would calm u ...zikar calms me down ...I feel happy [emoji4] after talking and praying to my lord...Allah ...that's Allah ....jazakallah...
Reply

Umm Malik
05-01-2017, 01:46 PM
The only thing I can tell you is to forget about others
because you can't change them and they just can make your suffering worst
But rather change yourself ... try to see what are the- things which- make them like that ???
They may not think like they hurt you
I also live like this one day but after changing I know that they just was trying to make me better but by them own way
If the whole world try to change you and you don't decide this you won't be change
Why you speak like that with yourself ??
Don't think that this is reality
It just a lie thinking
And if you began to see how much you have and what is your strong points you will be another parson
It's hard to change
But if you decide this you will see how your life will be
I live this kind of life and I lose a lot of time in it but alhamdulillah at least I get experiences from it.
But don't let this period take so long
It wasting your time and your life because it become against you if you don't change, especially how you think about your self
Don't blame any one ... forgive them all.
And promise yourself to let them know who you are soon
Why you don't try
I know you have tried before.
But don't stop there- ...
the most of great people in the world began from nothing... they failed and didn't stop trying.
Everyone have his own suffering but which make you feel strong, is when you think how much you have problems and things against you, and yet become more than everyone can think.
And they all will be with
Know that behind every action a good intention
They may slap you while they think that they want to waking you up
But anyway help yourself and forget about other's
You can forgive them mistakes because when you think about them you will harm yourself
Reply

Dr. Blitz
05-01-2017, 06:15 PM
Ya akhi,

I would say ignore them and keep your mind on the bigger picture- why were u born ie what is your prime objective in life.
- Be the best of the best muslim and set your standards high. You are here to please Allah SWT and remember the love parents demonstrate towards their children is nothing compared to the love Allah the Al - Wudood has in store for you.
- Read if possible the biographies of Prophet Muhammed PBUH (the best of the creation) and Abu Bakr As Siddique the best of the caliphs. It has taught me how to deal with impossible situations. Remember you should not lose hope if your family has no hope on you- you are not on this planet for your family. Allah SWT will never lose hope on you and he has kept millions of doors open for you to be successful. Also, if you are financially/ professionally less successful than those you are comparing yourself with then the test upon you is much easier for them because Allah SWT does not simply give one wealth and prosperity to keep to themselves/show off with.
- Some have already mentioned the importance of not making your parents angry at you and that is important no doubt how unhelpful/detrimental they are to you. That's because duas made by parents against their children can have severe consequences even if the parents are at fault. Doesn't mean they don't pay. In a hadith narrated by Sheikh Bilaal Assaad he mentions a mother wrongly making dua against her son damaging him in the process but she ends up dying in a tragic road accident as the dua becomes reality.
- And needless to say get away from them asap because if someone doesn't support u in the path of Islam they are simply bad company. Yes you have certain duties towards your parents - they didn't afterall dump u in a trash can n let u die when you were in an infant. But u can simply support them financially or arrange for someone to take care of them when u can afford if it comes down to that. However, nothing should come between you and your Iman. And when your Iman is strong you will understand you are better than the sinners in Allah's eye, the only eye that matters. If Allah loves you He grants you anything that you can handle. You should not cry. You should be proud that you have not inherited the traits of your family that you have complained about. That is Allah's SWT mercy on you.

Anyways, I'm new on this forum and I apologize in advance if I have uttered anything harsh by mistake. I hope you find the light.



Originally Posted by MSBi
I am sorry to bother everyone here but I am feeling used by everyone around me especially my family.

I stay happy and positive when i talk but my mum puts me down and has in her this thing where she finds out weakness in a person and uses them by bringing up a topic they hate in conversation or action which they will put them in negative mood then uses it to steer others towards negative moods and feelings.

My brothers are far too cunning and far too clever and use me by acting a certain way in front of me to please me enough and then have there own motives and thoughts which they never disclose to keep me below them.

If my own family is like this, a family who I cant talk to and thinks me worthless because I don't have a good job as my brother even though i am trying three times as hard as him in life, a family who never acknowledges my hard work even after showing them then what do i expect from other people.

I am seriously destroyed. I pray on time, read quran with understanding and keep away from all major sins and try my best to become patient but feelings come out of the blue and all what is happening to me is destruction.

Consistent destruction in my life.

(CRIES). I am done man. Why when I want to abide by commands of Allah and want to be a good person that this is happening. It makes no sense and all this comes out of nowhere. The feeling of instant worthlessness and change of mood and my whole soul changes in two seconds.

I have done everything in my power to correct myself and my family hasn't tried one bit.

I have consulted a doctor/psychiatrist and he says I have no problem.

Am I doing something wrong if so then why don't i know it in my head. If this is a test by God then how am i suppose to know because my I am simple and not smart enough.

I am scared of going home everyday because I would disrespect my mum when i don't want to but she pisses me off to the extent where even the most patient person would not stand by it. Also my brothers are on their laptops and mobiles all the time following friends and their lifestyles.

Not only that but my self respect and worth goes away in front of other people by this sudden changes in side me.

(CRIES)(CRIES)(CRIES) - why doesn't god just destroy me? (CRIES)
Reply

Umm Malik
05-01-2017, 10:39 PM
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=49bNm_JtS9o
Check out this video
It's like an advice from Allah to you
Reply

ZeeshanParvez
05-02-2017, 12:50 AM
Originally Posted by MSBi

I am seriously destroyed. I pray on time, read quran with understanding and keep away from all major sins and try my best to become patient but feelings come out of the blue and all what is happening to me is destruction.

Consistent destruction in my life.

(CRIES). I am done man. Why when I want to abide by commands of Allah and want to be a good person that this is happening. It makes no sense and all this comes out of nowhere. The feeling of instant worthlessness and change of mood and my whole soul changes in two seconds.

I have done everything in my power to correct myself and my family hasn't tried one bit.

I have consulted a doctor/psychiatrist and he says I have no problem.

There is a high chance Allaah loves you



It was narrated from Anas bin Malik that the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:

“The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves a people He tests them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure but whoever is discontent with that earns His wrath.”


Do you not see the Prophets were tested the most

Al-Tirmidhi (2398) narrated that Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I said: “O Messenger of Allaah, which of the people are most sorely tested?” He said: “The Prophets, then the next best and the next best. A man will be tested in accordance with his level of religious commitment. If his religious commitment is strong, he will be tested more severely, and if his religious commitment is weak, he will be tested in accordance with his religious commitment. Calamity will keep befalling a person until he walks on the earth with no sin on him.” Classed assaheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 143.



The words of the pious scholars

Al-Hasan al-Basri (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Do not resent the calamities that come and the disasters that occur, for perhaps in something that you dislike will be your salvation, and perhaps in something that you prefer will be your doom.”

Al-Fadl ibn Sahl said: “There is a blessing in calamity that the wise man should not ignore, for it erases sins, gives one the opportunity to attain the reward for patience, dispels negligence, reminds one of blessings at the time of health, calls one to repent and encourages one to give charity.



Always make du'aa against evil destiny

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said, "Take refuge with Allah from the difficulties of severe calamities, from having an evil end and a bad fate and from the malicious joy of your enemies."

Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 6616
Reply

Brother_40805
05-02-2017, 10:36 AM
Thank you for your replies.

I have undertaken fasting three times a week which has in turn helped me become more patient and aided my mind and soul in coping with difficulties.

I will definately take on board everyones points

All i ask is for everyone to remmeber me in there prayer and may allah forgive the rightous and make us steadfast in times of difficulty.

Forgive me I wasnt prepared to handle this trial because it came upon me all of a sudden
Reply

Muslimah inshal
05-02-2017, 10:41 AM
Originally Posted by MSBi
Thank you for your replies.

I have undertaken fasting three times a week which has in turn helped me become more patient and aided my mind and soul in coping with difficulties.

I will definately take on board everyones points

All i ask is for everyone to remmeber me in there prayer and may allah forgive the rightous and make us steadfast in times of difficulty.

Forgive me I wasnt prepared to handle this trial because it came upon me all of a sudden
Don't worry brother . You will be in our prayers inshallah :)
May Allah make you happy .
Reply

AHMED PATEL
05-02-2017, 03:20 PM
research "gaslighting "and toxic parenting
dont be a victim
deal with it
collect proof by video ,audio etc
dont let others destroy you
you have rights too
patience is sometimes not the right way
sometimes things need to be done
for the sake of your own sanity
when you fight back,you will develop skills which will help you in life
or you will be forever a victim
Reply

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