How to stop letting girl(s) influence my decisions? (OCD)

[Mustafa16]

For several months, if not about a year now, I have tried to adjust my career and degree plans based on the possibility of me ending up with a girl I knew as a child......i told you all about her, but for those of you who are new, I was friends with a girl my age as a child, then moved, then tried to rekindle our friendship as a teen over social media and the phone but got in trouble with her dad and ignored by her, and i even harassed her dad, but eventually apologized.....i haven't talked to her since I was 9 or 10, and her and I are both 18 now (I know because we have the same birthday). I have gotten so bored and desperate, I have resorted to using numerology and astrology to see if we're compatible. My psychiatrist says I suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). (actually, as a matter of fact, ive had that diagnosis for a LONG time). It's gotten to the point where, if I wanted a degree in a field that requires at least a master's degree, I give up, for fear that I will not please her and she will marry another if I have a low income due to stipends from uni being low in my country. (also, gulenists are materialist, is my theory). I need to know how to overcome my OCD and focus on my education and career, and stop focusing on this girl.

[Ibn Yaqzan]

Haha you make me laugh almost every day

[Bobbyflay23]

For several months, if not about a year now, I have tried to adjust my career and degree plans based on the possibility of me ending up with a girl I knew as a child......i told you all about her, but for those of you who are new, I was friends with a girl my age as a child, then moved, then tried to rekindle our friendship as a teen over social media and the phone but got in trouble with her dad and ignored by her, and i even harassed her dad, but eventually apologized.....i haven't talked to her since I was 9 or 10, and her and I are both 18 now (I know because we have the same birthday). I have gotten so bored and desperate, I have resorted to using numerology and astrology to see if we're compatible. My psychiatrist says I suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). (actually, as a matter of fact, ive had that diagnosis for a LONG time). It's gotten to the point where, if I wanted a degree in a field that requires at least a master's degree, I give up, for fear that I will not please her and she will marry another if I have a low income due to stipends from uni being low in my country. (also, gulenists are materialist, is my theory). I need to know how to overcome my OCD and focus on my education and career, and stop focusing on this girl.

The fact that she would choose you because of your money or looks isn't the type of person you want marry for deen marriage is even for the poor

[Mustafa16]

BUMP from a mental health perspective, how do I get her out of my mind? if no one answers adequately, i will ask again in the health or advice section

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[shafat10]

For several months, if not about a year now, I have tried to adjust my career and degree plans based on the possibility of me ending up with a girl I knew as a child......i told you all about her, but for those of you who are new, I was friends with a girl my age as a child, then moved, then tried to rekindle our friendship as a teen over social media and the phone but got in trouble with her dad and ignored by her, and i even harassed her dad, but eventually apologized.....i haven't talked to her since I was 9 or 10, and her and I are both 18 now (I know because we have the same birthday). I have gotten so bored and desperate, I have resorted to using numerology and astrology to see if we're compatible. My psychiatrist says I suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). (actually, as a matter of fact, ive had that diagnosis for a LONG time). It's gotten to the point where, if I wanted a degree in a field that requires at least a master's degree, I give up, for fear that I will not please her and she will marry another if I have a low income due to stipends from uni being low in my country. (also, gulenists are materialist, is my theory). I need to know how to overcome my OCD and focus on my education and career, and stop focusing on this girl.

First off, what you did with astrologer and all, that was Haram for you to do that. Using astrology to seek help or find out about future is Shirk, and only Allah knows about the future, so your chances of finding a out the future won't ever be fruitful, just leave it up to Allah.

Secondly, if you want to marry her, then you need her permission, and also her parents permission, in that case, your career shouldn't be a factor. As long as you have a good career, she should be accepting you. If she demands something specific from you, then it's good for you that you find out what she actually is wants from you, because if you cannot fulfil that, then your married life won't be happy. So take your time and take decisions. Nothing to hurry.

[new2010]

BUMP from a mental health perspective, how do I get her out of my mind? if no one answers adequately, i will ask again in the health or advice section

You get her out of your mind, by thinking not of hear. Instead think and reflect about life and the hereafter, about the reason why you're on this planet. Thinking generally about useful stuff is a good idea. Try to improve yourself in any aspect. Set a useful goal that you want to achieve and work hard on it. By thinking to a woman you will wast your time.

Chatting or talking to non-Mahram women is not permissible, so we're obligated to lower our gazes (Quran, 24:30). If we would stick to Allahs rulings, we would not even come into such situation.

May I ask you from which scholars do you take knowledge from? What kind of lectures do you watch?

[Mustafa16]

You get her out of your mind, by thinking not of hear. Instead think and reflect about life and the hereafter, about the reason why you're on this planet. Thinking generally about useful stuff is a good idea. Try to improve yourself in any aspect. Set a useful goal that you want to achieve and work hard on it. By thinking to a woman you will wast your time.

Chatting or talking to non-Mahram women is not permissible, so we're obligated to lower our gazes (Quran, 24:30). If we would stick to Allahs rulings, we would not even come into such situation.

My I ask you from which scholars do you take knowledge from? What kind of lectures do you watch?

i dont listen to lectures much anymore, but i used to listen to lectures from YouTube channels such as TheMercifulServant, YaSeen Media, TheProphet'sPath, and LoveAllah328. They included a variety of scholars, but didn't include their names, or at least they would mention them on screen in passing and I would be focused on the lecture. I listened to such scholars as Mufti Menk, Bilal Assad, Nouman Ali Khan, Yusuf Estes, etc. A long time ago I used to listen to HudaTV, until I realized it was Saudi TV and my father told me not to listen because he said the Saudis were too extreme. My family is part of the Gulen movement, so I have many books by Said Nursi, Muhammed Fethullah Gulen (simply known as Fethullah Gulen), and Ali Unal (Ali Unal is now in prison, due to the Gulen movement's persecution).

[new2010]

Okay, did you look to any other lectures except about marriage etc? What I want to say is: when you call on astrology to find any answer to your problems, it shows you watch the wrong lectures. I would recommend you to watch a series of lectures about the Islamic Creed, means: Aqidah. And try to internalize it. When your Aqidah, your believe, has a foundation and someone talks about astrology you should see the warning signs.

Or read the Islamic Creed Series by Dr. Umar S. al-Ashqar.

And when you get busy with that, I guess your other problem will be solved.

[Mustafa16]

Okay, did you look to any other lectures except about marriage etc? What I want to say is: when you call on astrology to find any answer to your problems, it shows you watch the wrong lectures. I would recommend you to watch a series of lectures about the Islamic Creed, means: Aqidah. And try to internalize it. When your Aqidah, your believe, has a foundation and someone talks about astrology you should see the warning signs.

Or read the Islamic Creed Series by Dr. Umar S. al-Ashqar.

And when you get busy with that, I guess your other problem will be solved.

all i could find was an article on him by kalamullah.com.....is that a reliable source?

[new2010]

I don't know that site. But it seems reliable. Just look at the authors. Nonetheless, don't take knowledge blindly, so do not trust a site, else check the authors.

Just googled: Hey, cool the books of al-Ashgar are all available there for free. You even do not need to buy them. Here is the link: https://www.kalamullah.com/umar-al-ashqar.html

Just read this series and try to internalize their content. Don't care about movements, stick and live according to the way of Quran and Sunnah and you will be fine, insha Allah.

[Mustafa16]

I don't know that site. But it seems reliable. Just look at the authors. Nonetheless, don't take knowledge blindly, so do not trust a site, else check the authors.

Just googled: Hey, cool the books of al-Ashgar are all available there for free. You even do not need to buy them. Here is the link: https://www.kalamullah.com/umar-al-ashqar.html

Just read this series and try to internalize their content. Don't care about movements, stick and live according to the way of Quran and Sunnah and you will be fine, insha Allah.

could i still marry a woman who follows a movement, or should i only marry a woman who sticks only to quran and sunnah? also, will i go to hell if i follow a movement?

[new2010]

I cannot tell you, if you can marry a woman who follows a movement. Islam says, men are allowed to marry people from the Jews and the Christians. You need to ask this a trustworthy Imam. However, when I think about marrying a woman who doesn't follow Quran and Sunnah, I need to question myself, why I want to marry this girl. Is it only because of her beauty or is it because of her religion? If it's because of her beauty only, you probably have the wrong measurement. If it's the religion, but she follows a movement, you need to read the books... We actually should marry someone who brings us closer to Allah and helps to increase our Iman and our religious commitment. Can someone who doesn't follow Quran and Sunnah accomplish this? Be honest! Maybe she is a good women, has a good character etc. but when she practices things that are not according to Quran and Sunnah and you have nonetheless love for this person while she's doing this practices: you need to read the books mentioned above.

Long story short: My humble opinion is, we should marry people who help us to come closer to Allah. When she's deep into this movement and you don't want to give up your religion because of her, be sure, there'll be a lot of fighting in the marriage.

You're 18, I don't want to advise you, I am not a scholar. But make sure to not make your decisions based on your hormones. Focus on learning the Aqeedah and about Islam, now. Be sincere and honest. Allah is most merciful.

Your last question: I cannot answer that, I think it depends on how you define movement and what kind of movement we're talking about. When this movement is not aligned to Quran and Sunnah, most likelihood it's misguided. Think only about innovation in religion (Bi'dah). Every innovation is a misguidance, and every misguidance leads to hellfire. So be careful, which movement you follow. But a last word: The best movement is the movement of RasulAllah, actually there is no need for other and Allah will not accept any other way except the way of RasulAllah.

I do hope that I haven't wrote anything wrong: if so, corrections are welcomed.