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trueteach
05-08-2017, 03:16 PM
Salaam,

The Muslim Ummah as a whole is in a dilemma regarding how to deal with this progressively aggressive sexualisation of society. Stats suggest that some Muslim countries account for some of the most addictive porn viewing habits alongside some of the worse stats on sex crimes and misogynist views. Clearly Sex Ed is still very taboo in some Muslim countries and this is becoming more and more evident given the inability to deal with this very serious problem appropriately.

Now would it not be better for parents to teach Sex Ed to their own children as opposed to putting the responsibility of Sex Ed on schools (or the state)?
It seems that nowadays parents want to outsource teaching these very delicate subjects to people who have not been morally certified in any way, shape or form. Compare this to a traditional Islamic setup (i.e. during Islam's golden age), where even teachers of natural sciences were very pious people indicating ethical morality was the norm.

My point is that Sex Ed is very essential for our young Muslim minds to learn about. If they are not taught, they will fill that void through self education (not a good idea). And the way schools teach Sex Ed is from a view that young ppl are 'gonna do it anyway so let's make sure they do it safely'.

A simple search on Amazon will show how much responsibility the Christian community has taken on this subject...dozens and dozens of resources for parents, compared with Muslim friendly resources showing very few (and very poorly rated).

My Primary Question: Do you feel Muslim parents should teach sex ed to their children (if the resources were available)...?
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Zeal
05-08-2017, 07:22 PM
La zina la zina la zina

(Arab for no zina x3)


And that would pretty much solve most sexual problems
Reply

Sakina'141
05-09-2017, 01:06 AM
Originally Posted by trueteach
Salaam,

The Muslim Ummah as a whole is in a dilemma regarding how to deal with this progressively aggressive sexualisation of society. Stats suggest that some Muslim countries account for some of the most addictive porn viewing habits alongside some of the worse stats on sex crimes and misogynist views. Clearly Sex Ed is still very taboo in some Muslim countries and this is becoming more and more evident given the inability to deal with this very serious problem appropriately.

Now would it not be better for parents to teach Sex Ed to their own children as opposed to putting the responsibility of Sex Ed on schools (or the state)?
It seems that nowadays parents want to outsource teaching these very delicate subjects to people who have not been morally certified in any way, shape or form. Compare this to a traditional Islamic setup (i.e. during Islam's golden age), where even teachers of natural sciences were very pious people indicating ethical morality was the norm.

My point is that Sex Ed is very essential for our young Muslim minds to learn about. If they are not taught, they will fill that void through self education (not a good idea). And the way schools teach Sex Ed is from a view that young ppl are 'gonna do it anyway so let's make sure they do it safely'.

A simple search on Amazon will show how much responsibility the Christian community has taken on this subject...dozens and dozens of resources for parents, compared with Muslim friendly resources showing very few (and very poorly rated).

My Primary Question: Do you feel Muslim parents should teach sex ed to their children (if the resources were available)...?
Yes, that would be best for so many reasons. I think that would be more healthy for the young ones.
Reply

Bobbyflay23
05-09-2017, 01:07 AM
Originally Posted by Zeal
La zina la zina la zina

(Arab for no zina x3)


And that would pretty much solve most sexual problems
That won't work. It's like telling a little kid not to grab a chocolate bar you need to explain to them why you shouldn't and how they have been given a gift from allah swt to be educated on keeping there modesty in times of fitna just saying no with no explanation will make them think well why not there's no harm in it
Reply

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Silas
05-09-2017, 01:26 AM
Pornography and sexual deviancy is a big problem right now, pretty much all over the world at this point.

There is a movement among very conservative men in the US and Europe to encourage proper relationships, and abstention from viewing pornography. It is difficult for some young men (and even some women) to come to grips with the fact that while sex in itself is not bad (within marriage), pornography most certainly is: in addition to religious prohibitions against it, it is culturally damaging, exploitative, and harmful even to those who view it. It is a vice.

Sex education in the US and Europe is also a problem. We now have schools teaching children about homosexuality and transgenderism. This is clearly against Islam and Christianity.

We home school our children, so we tackle the subject of sex education how we think it should be. There are private schools in the west that take a conservative approach on this issue. The masjid in my neighborhood has a school in it for kids ages 6 through 13.

But I agree that sex education should be left to the parents
Reply

Sakina'141
05-09-2017, 01:30 AM
Originally Posted by Zeal
La zina la zina la zina

(Arab for no zina x3)


And that would pretty much solve most sexual problems
Good idea but it needs deeper explanation. Zina is not just sex before marriage...even before it gets to that stage, you got to tackle the zina of eyes and mind so its not as simple as saying "No Zina, no zina", you have to teach about lowering gaze, guarding modesty...the imprtance and reasons behind these practices etc.

Me and my brothers never got "sex education" at home but our mother always said to me "don't talk to boys, its haram" like every day since I started going to mixed school (I went to girls school before) and my brothers got told not to speak to girls and we actually believed that it was haram to talk to opposite gender for few wks then we realised it was impossible to avoid talking to them to do school work and it wasn't haram to talk, it was only haram to flirt/become friends or boy/girlfriends. My mother was crazy but looking back it was a good thing to scare us off opposite gender interactions at a young age.

Sex education at school was not very good in my opinion...it was awful...lots of pictures of STIs and how to put condom on...I remember the innocent boys/girls found it traumatising experience! But it was alright for the mature teenagers who already knew about it all...in my opinion there should have been seperate classes tailered differently based on level of innocence and maturity. It was rediculous and not done in sensitive/smart way.
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Serinity
05-09-2017, 04:29 AM
:salam:

Yes, we live in a hyper-sexualised society. Although I find the sex ed at school disgusting. Women should teach women, and men - men. What do we do about this fitna of hyper-sexuality?

Btw there is no need for us to learn about sex itself really. But we need to learn about it in the sense of what exactly?? It is natural to have the desire for a partner, however, one should keep oneself chaste.

Allahu alam
Reply

Bobbyflay23
05-09-2017, 05:52 AM
Originally Posted by Serinity
:salam:

Yes, we live in a hyper-sexualised society. Although I find the sex ed at school disgusting. Women should teach women, and men - men. What do we do about this fitna of hyper-sexuality?

Btw there is no need for us to learn about sex itself really. But we need to learn about it in the sense of what exactly?? It is natural to have the desire for a partner, however, one should keep oneself chaste.

Allahu alam
I think we should have to learn about sex just not the degree of them about talking about anal and lesbians and gays and like I don't hate the people who do those stuff I just think it's disgusting and like the teachers sortve talk about it like promoting it so more people can do it so it's kinda bi ist and like if they're going to teach about sex why don't they teach about the more important stuff like how masterbation can get you pre mature ejaculation and how men skip foreplay but it's necessary for the women's side not learning about "how to put on a condom" or "oral sex" certain aspects of sex should be taught about but certain topics should be left alone and are too explicit like okay teach them about what exactly is sex and foreplay but they go to deep by basically promoting it saying it's normal all teenagers do it and stuff because it's basically saying if everybody else does why shouldn't I so yea things that well benifit with a marriage realtionship and also teaching about how the opposite gender should be treated if your there spouse is good sex education and it's been practiced even during the time of the prophet saw but teaching them about how to commit zina and different ways and what are the best ways and all that stuff is wrong
Reply

Serinity
05-09-2017, 07:17 AM
Originally Posted by Bobbyflay23
I think we should have to learn about sex just not the degree of them about talking about anal and lesbians and gays and like I don't hate the people who do those stuff I just think it's disgusting and like the teachers sortve talk about it like promoting it so more people can do it so it's kinda bi ist and like if they're going to teach about sex why don't they teach about the more important stuff like how masterbation can get you pre mature ejaculation and how men skip foreplay but it's necessary for the women's side not learning about "how to put on a condom" or "oral sex" certain aspects of sex should be taught about but certain topics should be left alone and are too explicit like okay teach them about what exactly is sex and foreplay but they go to deep by basically promoting it saying it's normal all teenagers do it and stuff because it's basically saying if everybody else does why shouldn't I so yea things that well benifit with a marriage realtionship and also teaching about how the opposite gender should be treated if your there spouse is good sex education and it's been practiced even during the time of the prophet saw but teaching them about how to commit zina and different ways and what are the best ways and all that stuff is wrong
I think if that is the case - there needs to be a kind of segregation - men talk to men, women to women.

i think sex is natural, so everyone instinctively knows what it is - no need to teach. But about masturbation and its ills, etc. Ok, and other NECESSARY stuff (as to avoid harm)

There is no shyness in gaining knowledge for one's benefit (in deen and dunyah) even if it is about sex, correct? Say, asking a fatwa about sex. AFAIK. (As long as it doesn't go against Islam)

BTW, this is VERY important, would YOU rather have your child ask YOU About sex, or rather have the child go to a stranger you don't know?? I'd rather teach my children about it than have others teach them, imo.

When such matters come up, we can't be mad, rather we should answer and be understanding. But, we should not teach our children about sex. Isn't it better to stay ignorant of the details???

Like, teaching them may lead to negative consequences.

Allahu alam.
Reply

noraina
05-09-2017, 10:20 AM
Wa alaykum assalam,

Sex education is important, but it is how it is given and in what context. I do believe it should be primarily the parents responsibility, but there is no harm if a teacher or another responsible, trusted adult were to take it on.

As has been said, it must be given in an age appropriate way and not in a mixed gender classroom, and by a teacher who is the same gender as the individuals he/she is teaching. In UK schools the sex education is extremely explicit, they are teaching five-year-olds about it and then they complain that young children no longer behave like children. They completely normalize promiscuity.

I went to school until I was 10-years-old and when I was around 9 they began doing these 'classes'. My mother pulled me out of them and for that I'm glad because I remember two children coming out to throw up in the toilets....and it's not like I was unaware, my mother had kind of told me but in a way which was age appropriate and what I didn't need to know she didn't tell me. But yes, my mother was very firm on limited interaction with the opposite gender even while I was at primary school.

So it is important for young people to learn about this, especially from an Islamic perspective they should understand why our deen says what it does about gender segregation, zina and marriage, so that in their life they can make informed decisions for the better in'sha'Allah.
Reply

sister herb
05-09-2017, 10:23 AM
Maybe we shouldn´t call this kind of teaching as sex education but health education only. As I remember, that was it´s name when I was at school (well, long time ago). It wasn´t teaching how to have sex but how to keep yourself health and about those physical and emotional changes in puberty.
Reply

Serinity
05-09-2017, 10:45 AM
Yeah, first of all, the kind of "sex education" that is at school is utterly disgusting and makes me wanna throw up - no benefits in it whatsoever.

The negative consequences could be that young prematurely learn about it. young 5-7-8 year olds would then try to "test" what he/she saw in the sex education with the opposite gender - that we don't want.

We should teach them from the perspective of Islam and with Islamic morale. I'd never allow my children to enter a sex-education program, ever. Nor should children be taught what is not relevant.

Say when 5-10 years old, just say "don't mingle with the opposite sex" - and be firm on that - don't speak about anything else, and when he/she comes of understanding, you explain when appropriate and when there is a need to - with hayaah.

Besides, there is NO need to explain "sex", how did our forefathers get offspring?

We should not try to imitate how the west does it - rather we should do it from the Islamic perspective.

Allahu alam.
Reply

noraina
05-09-2017, 11:50 AM
I have heard in America there is the opposite problem - here in the UK it is very explicit, and in the US there is a lot of opposition to teaching it in schools. Is this true?

Young children are very susceptible to the values they're taught, especially at school where teachers are considered to have a huge amount of authority. Every parent should be concerned with and involved in what kind of values and moral groundings are being passed on to their children.

I am all for bringing awareness in terms of safety and health about this kind of thing, but only if it is taught age-appropriately and within the right context. Are all of those images and vivid descriptions and videos and models necessary to get the message across? I don't think so.

And to be honest I don't think it would be too hard for a school to separate the class into girls and boys, in separate rooms, and just explain to them what's necessary in terms of their welfare. But again, in this age of political correctness, that suggestion would be opening a can of worms.
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keiv
05-09-2017, 01:20 PM
We had several classes during my elementary and middle school years here in the US. The one we had in elementary, the boys and girls were separated. The middle achool ones were all mixed. During one class, we went to an actual hospital where medical professionals held the class. None of these classes taught us how to perform the act but were all geared towards teaching us the risks involved.

My personal opinion is that it really did not make a difference overall. A lot of the kids I went to school with took it as a joke and ended up eventually doing whatever they wanted. Hell, in highschool, there were pregnant girls walking around.. With the stories I've heard, I can't imagine what grade school is like these days. I'm just glad I went through it when I did because even then, it felt like it was starting to get bad.
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noraina
05-09-2017, 02:04 PM
It never makes a difference really.

I still remember those anti-smoking campaigns complete with graphic pictures and warnings....and still I see 12-13 years old smoking away like chimneys past a huge billboard which says SMOKING KILLS in 6-foot tall letters.

That sounds really pessimistic, lol, but that's how it seems these days.
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azc
05-09-2017, 04:59 PM
It depends on which society you belong to. At least in our society we can't think of it where a married girl/boy even can't sit on the same cot where her/his spouse is sitting in presence of her/his parents
Reply

Bobbyflay23
05-09-2017, 05:50 PM
Originally Posted by noraina
I have heard in America there is the opposite problem - here in the UK it is very explicit, and in the US there is a lot of opposition to teaching it in schools. Is this true?

Young children are very susceptible to the values they're taught, especially at school where teachers are considered to have a huge amount of authority. Every parent should be concerned with and involved in what kind of values and moral groundings are being passed on to their children.

I am all for bringing awareness in terms of safety and health about this kind of thing, but only if it is taught age-appropriately and within the right context. Are all of those images and vivid descriptions and videos and models necessary to get the message across? I don't think so.

And to be honest I don't think it would be too hard for a school to separate the class into girls and boys, in separate rooms, and just explain to them what's necessary in terms of their welfare. But again, in this age of political correctness, that suggestion would be opening a can of worms.
No in middle school they showed us (I live in America) a video of a women giving birth and a the blood seeping out of her private parts and everything I wasn't really a good Muslim at the time so I just laughed and said eww with my friends but kept watching and like they also showed us a movie about a slaves and the entire movie allot of the women had no shirt and brah on so they where half naked and that was in middle school not highschool so things in America are still pretty bad if they arnt as bad as in the U.K.
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Umm♥Layth
05-09-2017, 06:08 PM
I believe like all other knowledge, it has to come in layers. We don't just teach our children about reproduction and human anatomy one time. My child started asking questions at about 8 years of age and that about the time the "first crush" came. All other body changes I saw were indicative that puberty was on its way and the bigger subjects had to be approached, but gently.

Parents need to be aware and learn to have regular conversations with their kids from the start, not just shout when they do something wrong yet the parent never taught them anything....

A child actually does have to know about sex, how it works, what it is for and all the stuff that makes many of us uncomfortable to talk about. The issue is that many adults have a very unhealthy view about sex to begin with, for example, that it is somehow dirty. If they feel this way about it, the chances of them passing on anything other than "No zina, haraam!" is slim to none.

What we should achieve as parents is clarity with our children and we should eliminate the curiosity that drives so many to zina and pronography.

I consider myself to be quite liberal in my thinking and I'm open to any subject really as long as there is an educational purpose and not for idle talk of course. However, even for me, the sex talk was just too much. I couldn't even bring up simple puberty, let alone intercourse and body parts and all that. I found it quite surprising to be honest, I didn't expect to be this way, but when its your own kid.... it isn't easy.

What I did was get a book that I approved of which was age appropriate and allowed the book to guide us and welcomed any questions to come from it. It didn't cover puberty as much as it did reproduction, pregnancy, birth and all that, but after getting over that initial hurdle, I was able to cover body changes and grooming on my own lol. :shade:

My child knows more than I did at that age and that is actually empowering and wonderful to see. Alhamdullilah, there is no more curiosity, not a single question has been asked for well over 2 years now and the human body and its functions are just a matter of fact. No hush hush, no feelings of shame and insha'Allah no curiosity driven desires in the future. I hope that by being open and honest from the start, my children will come to me when sexual urgencies and desires happen (because they happen to everyone) and I can once again, cover the subject in a more profound manner. Knowledge always comes in layers.

I wish my parents were more active in teaching me. Alhamdullilah my sex education experience wasn't horrific. They just spoke about female reproduction and pregnancy. Nothing else. It clearly wasn't enough though.

My point is, yes, parents need to take the lead and not rely on institutions to teach their kids. I like the idea of assigning a trusted person for the parents who just simply can't bring themselves to tackle the subjects. I would probably volunteer for that position when I'm older, insha'Allah. Kids deserve to have questions answered without having to resort to questionable sources.
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trueteach
05-09-2017, 10:37 PM
Originally Posted by sister herb
Maybe we shouldn´t call this kind of teaching as sex education but health education only. As I remember, that was it´s name when I was at school (well, long time ago). It wasn´t teaching how to have sex but how to keep yourself health and about those physical and emotional changes in puberty.
That would be alright if sex wasn't a public affair. I would be first
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trueteach
05-09-2017, 10:47 PM
That would be alright if sex wasn't a public affair. I would be first to support a more modest society but we as muslims have to deal with the situation we're presented with.
There is nothing wrong with the word sex in and of itself. It's the way it's defined which can present an issue.
i.e. if sex = porn, that's an issue
However, if sex = loving my spouse, making children, seeking Allah's pleasure, then Alhumdulillah.
Reply

trueteach
05-09-2017, 10:57 PM
Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth
I believe like all other knowledge, it has to come in layers. We don't just teach our children about reproduction and human anatomy one time. My child started asking questions at about 8 years of age and that about the time the "first crush" came. All other body changes I saw were indicative that puberty was on its way and the bigger subjects had to be approached, but gently.

Parents need to be aware and learn to have regular conversations with their kids from the start, not just shout when they do something wrong yet the parent never taught them anything....

A child actually does have to know about sex, how it works, what it is for and all the stuff that makes many of us uncomfortable to talk about. The issue is that many adults have a very unhealthy view about sex to begin with, for example, that it is somehow dirty. If they feel this way about it, the chances of them passing on anything other than "No zina, haraam!" is slim to none.

What we should achieve as parents is clarity with our children and we should eliminate the curiosity that drives so many to zina and pronography.

I consider myself to be quite liberal in my thinking and I'm open to any subject really as long as there is an educational purpose and not for idle talk of course. However, even for me, the sex talk was just too much. I couldn't even bring up simple puberty, let alone intercourse and body parts and all that. I found it quite surprising to be honest, I didn't expect to be this way, but when its your own kid.... it isn't easy.

What I did was get a book that I approved of which was age appropriate and allowed the book to guide us and welcomed any questions to come from it. It didn't cover puberty as much as it did reproduction, pregnancy, birth and all that, but after getting over that initial hurdle, I was able to cover body changes and grooming on my own lol. :shade:

My child knows more than I did at that age and that is actually empowering and wonderful to see. Alhamdullilah, there is no more curiosity, not a single question has been asked for well over 2 years now and the human body and its functions are just a matter of fact. No hush hush, no feelings of shame and insha'Allah no curiosity driven desires in the future. I hope that by being open and honest from the start, my children will come to me when sexual urgencies and desires happen (because they happen to everyone) and I can once again, cover the subject in a more profound manner. Knowledge always comes in layers.

I wish my parents were more active in teaching me. Alhamdullilah my sex education experience wasn't horrific. They just spoke about female reproduction and pregnancy. Nothing else. It clearly wasn't enough though.

My point is, yes, parents need to take the lead and not rely on institutions to teach their kids. I like the idea of assigning a trusted person for the parents who just simply can't bring themselves to tackle the subjects. I would probably volunteer for that position when I'm older, insha'Allah. Kids deserve to have questions answered without having to resort to questionable sources.
What you've done for your child is absolutely wonderful. I would like to know what resource you used. Also, do you feel that if some well informed adult taught you how to teach your child...i.e. at this stage teach this, etc, you would feel more comfortable approaching your child compared with using a book as your reference?
Reply

trueteach
05-09-2017, 11:05 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Yeah, first of all, the kind of "sex education" that is at school is utterly disgusting and makes me wanna throw up - no benefits in it whatsoever.

The negative consequences could be that young prematurely learn about it. young 5-7-8 year olds would then try to "test" what he/she saw in the sex education with the opposite gender - that we don't want.

We should teach them from the perspective of Islam and with Islamic morale. I'd never allow my children to enter a sex-education program, ever. Nor should children be taught what is not relevant.

Say when 5-10 years old, just say "don't mingle with the opposite sex" - and be firm on that - don't speak about anything else, and when he/she comes of understanding, you explain when appropriate and when there is a need to - with hayaah.

Besides, there is NO need to explain "sex", how did our forefathers get offspring?

We should not try to imitate how the west does it - rather we should do it from the Islamic perspective.

Allahu alam.
I agree that we need to teach sex ed from an Islamic perspective as opposed to how the west is teaching it, however , it still needs to address the issues we face in the west that are unique to this era.
How confident would you feel teaching your children sex ed if someone gave you the right tools?
Reply

trueteach
05-09-2017, 11:10 PM
Originally Posted by Sakina'17
Good idea but it needs deeper explanation. Zina is not just sex before marriage...even before it gets to that stage, you got to tackle the zina of eyes and mind so its not as simple as saying "No Zina, no zina", you have to teach about lowering gaze, guarding modesty...the imprtance and reasons behind these practices etc.

Me and my brothers never got "sex education" at home but our mother always said to me "don't talk to boys, its haram" like every day since I started going to mixed school (I went to girls school before) and my brothers got told not to speak to girls and we actually believed that it was haram to talk to opposite gender for few wks then we realised it was impossible to avoid talking to them to do school work and it wasn't haram to talk, it was only haram to flirt/become friends or boy/girlfriends. My mother was crazy but looking back it was a good thing to scare us off opposite gender interactions at a young age.

Sex education at school was not very good in my opinion...it was awful...lots of pictures of STIs and how to put condom on...I remember the innocent boys/girls found it traumatising experience! But it was alright for the mature teenagers who already knew about it all...in my opinion there should have been seperate classes tailered differently based on level of innocence and maturity. It was rediculous and not done in sensitive/smart way.
What would you have preferred in your sex ed as opposed to what you were taught at school?
I kinda want you to think from an Islamic perspective that...
...at age 11, I would like to have been taught x.
...at age 13, y would be good.
What topics do you feel would be appropriate to teach muslims youth in the context of Islamic sex ed?
Reply

trueteach
05-09-2017, 11:16 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I think if that is the case - there needs to be a kind of segregation - men talk to men, women to women.

i think sex is natural, so everyone instinctively knows what it is - no need to teach. But about masturbation and its ills, etc. Ok, and other NECESSARY stuff (as to avoid harm)

There is no shyness in gaining knowledge for one's benefit (in deen and dunyah) even if it is about sex, correct? Say, asking a fatwa about sex. AFAIK. (As long as it doesn't go against Islam)

BTW, this is VERY important, would YOU rather have your child ask YOU About sex, or rather have the child go to a stranger you don't know?? I'd rather teach my children about it than have others teach them, imo.

When such matters come up, we can't be mad, rather we should answer and be understanding. But, we should not teach our children about sex. Isn't it better to stay ignorant of the details???

Like, teaching them may lead to negative consequences.

Allahu alam.
The age where reprimanding our children for mentioning sex is long gone. That happened when sex happened behind closed doors. Nowadays almost a quarter of all websites are sex related (according to some stats).
How would you approach the topic of sex or reproduction with your child? And at what age?
Reply

Umm♥Layth
05-09-2017, 11:52 PM
Originally Posted by trueteach
What you've done for your child is absolutely wonderful. I would like to know what resource you used. Also, do you feel that if some well informed adult taught you how to teach your child...i.e. at this stage teach this, etc, you would feel more comfortable approaching your child compared with using a book as your reference?
I used a book called "It's NOT the stork", however, some Muslims may not know how to use this book as it does mention in one place that a family could be made up of two mommies or two daddies :heated: so I just skipped over that section. I did not find another resource that I liked which covered all the subjects I wanted covered.

I don't think that I have ever needed somebody to guide me step by step, although gathering courage was a bit difficult and that's where I could have used support. Until today, I have just discussed things in an age appropriate manner, but I do think other parents would appreciate some guidance, especially if they are uncomfortable with talking about sexuality and reproduction in general. I have clients who shy away as soon as I ask anything about period or intercourse....so I know there's still many adults, even in my own generation that are just icked out and it comes from culture.

When such matters come up, we can't be mad, rather we should answer and be understanding. But, we should not teach our children about sex. Isn't it better to stay ignorant of the details???
I disagree. I think questions should be answered as the child needs them answered. I don't believe a child should be sat down all of a sudden and given a sex 101 class, that's too much. Each child develops differently.

I remember my parents NEVER spoke a single word to me about the subject and in 3rd grade I was learning from other kids and the dictionary.I still remember the first time I heard the word sex. It made a huge impact on me. Keeping a child in ignorance is much more dangerous than empowering them with knowledge. It is the people who are deprived of knowledge and told NOT to do something or they earn the wrath of Allah without explanation that end up making big mistakes, in my opinion.

Parents need to be educated on how to educate their kids it seems like. There is balance to sex education. I would hate to marry my children off without teaching them the basics of intercourse, the opposite gender's anatomy, natural family planning and all that. It must be covered by parents, which means parents have to buckle down and educate themselves lol.
Reply

fromelsewhere
05-10-2017, 12:16 AM
To answer the OP's question, if kids do not learn about sex from their parents, they will learn about it elsewhere - usually from their peers who may not necessarily have their best interest in mind and who may themselves be confused on many issues. Teaching about sex in layers, as another poster suggested, is a great way to teach about it. Sex education at school may be helpful (it may complement what parents teach), but I find that many teachers do a fairly poor job on the topic, and they don't always take the maturity level of the children into consideration. For the truly important subjects that kids ought to know about, parents shouldn't overly rely on teachers. Parents got to be parents at the end of the day and instill in their kids the values they want them to have and the proper knowledge on certain more sensitive/mature topics.
Reply

trueteach
05-10-2017, 11:55 AM
Do you think parents need guidance on how to teach the subject to their children?
Aside from info on what I would call necessary sex ed (i.e. like reproductive organs, where babies come from, etc) I am thinking about info to deal with more modern phenomenon like internet security, dealing with homosexuals/transgenders, pornography. Do you think parents should be equipped with how to teach these things to their children (at appropriate ages)?
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trueteach
05-10-2017, 12:03 PM
Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth
I have clients who shy away as soon as I ask anything about period or intercourse....so I know there's still many adults, even in my own generation that are just icked out and it comes from culture.
What do you train your clients in?
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trueteach
05-10-2017, 12:12 PM
Originally Posted by fromelsewhere
To answer the OP's question, if kids do not learn about sex from their parents, they will learn about it elsewhere - usually from their peers who may not necessarily have their best interest in mind and who may themselves be confused on many issues. Teaching about sex in layers, as another poster suggested, is a great way to teach about it. Sex education at school may be helpful (it may complement what parents teach), but I find that many teachers do a fairly poor job on the topic, and they don't always take the maturity level of the children into consideration. For the truly important subjects that kids ought to know about, parents shouldn't overly rely on teachers. Parents got to be parents at the end of the day and instill in their kids the values they want them to have and the proper knowledge on certain more sensitive/mature topics.
The issue I have with schools teaching sex ed is that it is religiously insensitive. I am in favour of empowering parents to teach their children sex ed because they will have heard it first from someone they trust. Also they will have been taught one perspective about sex with which to challenge future perspectives that do not complement their understanding.
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Umm♥Layth
05-10-2017, 12:12 PM
Originally Posted by trueteach
What do you train your clients in?
My clients usually come to me for help with weight management, however, I'm a holistic practitioner so I cover all three areas (psychological, spiritual and physical) and I do have to go into great detail about menstrual cycles, pregnancy, intercourse, relationships, abuse, parenting and just... treat a person as a whole. Whatever needs to be addressed will be addressed. :statisfie
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Umm♥Layth
05-10-2017, 12:20 PM
Originally Posted by trueteach
Do you think parents need guidance on how to teach the subject to their children?
Aside from info on what I would call necessary sex ed (i.e. like reproductive organs, where babies come from, etc) I am thinking about info to deal with more modern phenomenon like internet security, dealing with homosexuals/transgenders, pornography. Do you think parents should be equipped with how to teach these things to their children (at appropriate ages)?
Yes, absolutely. Most parents give their little babies and children free reign with electronics. 5 year old go through entire youtube lists without parents being aware as if nothing bad could happen. Parents not only need to understand the dangers, but also be able to educate their children. Parents definitely need guidance on how to keep their children protected from online predators and running into pornography.
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fromelsewhere
05-10-2017, 04:37 PM
Originally Posted by trueteach
The issue I have with schools teaching sex ed is that it is religiously insensitive. I am in favour of empowering parents to teach their children sex ed because they will have heard it first from someone they trust. Also they will have been taught one perspective about sex with which to challenge future perspectives that do not complement their understanding.
One argument in defense of schools teaching sex ed is that some parents might do a poor job of teaching sex ed to their kids and might skip over important sections either due to lack of education or due to lack of a good approach for talking about certain topics. Having the right resources is important, but you will always have some ultra-conservative parents who will teach barely nothing. Personally, I think that by puberty, kids can discuss some general topics relating to sex such as saying "no" and abstinence, contraception, how STDs are transmitted, pregnancy, periods (for girls, and guys should understand how that works as well), and a few other such things that are just part of general knowledge and are not particularly controversial. Ideally, parents should have taught a lot about sex ed to their kids before they have had the sex ed class so that things don't come as a shock.

I do grant you that schools generally do a poor job, however.
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Sakina'141
05-10-2017, 05:35 PM
Originally Posted by trueteach
What would you have preferred in your sex ed as opposed to what you were taught at school?
I kinda want you to think from an Islamic perspective that...
...at age 11, I would like to have been taught x.
...at age 13, y would be good.
What topics do you feel would be appropriate to teach muslims youth in the context of Islamic sex ed?
Well, Aim of sex education at school is to teach about SAFE Sex to teenagers to a) Prevent Teenage Pregnancies and b) prevent STI's. That was the WHOLE point of sex education at school...assume everyone is having sex openly or secretly and to teach us all how to use condoms so we don't get pregnant while playing around and remind us clearly that sex = risk of catching STIs (showed a lot of nasty images of STIs to Scare everyone).

I think that is very appropraite education for all the schools in West where teenagers are doing sexual activities before marriage...there are muslim girls and boys who are doing it behind their parents backs in the west so it is appropriate for them to be taught about safe sex, risk of pregnancy and catching STis as well. But not every teenager in West are sexually active or want to be at that age and I just think its traumatising experience for innocent teenagers...it was very insensitive and not tailered for the innocent souls and just so inappropraite for some.

What I would have preferred was explanation of what puberty at aged 10-11 years old - periods and not allowed to pray/fast etc.

At age 13, mature enough to know what exactly sex is; male and female reproductive system and how babies are made then from Islamic point of view to explain that it happens after marriage to get pregnant and to have children.
I think 13 is too young to explain about zina unless they are going to mixed school then explain about boy-girl friend relationships being haram...explain about vain desires, opposite gender friendships and how it can lead to haram. Teach them about the importance of lowering their gaze and guarding their modesty at Puberty when they are all hormonal.

At age 16-17...talk further about vain desires and avoiding oppoiste gender interactions without necessity and aviding zina. Teach them about respecting themselves and their bodies, self control and to be supportive/optamistic about finding a good girl/boy for them to marry once they feel mature/ready. Make sure they know that you are approchable/open to discussions about marriage...to girls or boys they are interested in whilst at school/university - say you are open and will consider whoever and help pursue in halal way...explain to them about halal way of pursuing a life partner and haram way of doing things....the reasons why it is haram.

Originally Posted by trueteach
Do you think parents need guidance on how to teach the subject to their children?
Aside from info on what I would call necessary sex ed (i.e. like reproductive organs, where babies come from, etc) I am thinking about info to deal with more modern phenomenon like internet security, dealing with homosexuals/transgenders, pornography. Do you think parents should be equipped with how to teach these things to their children (at appropriate ages)?
Yes of course, parents will need guidance. Its like the most awkward topic to talk about to their children...hence why our parents never did talk about it with us except telling us not to ever talk to boys or keep repeating "no zina" as someone said earlier.

Yes, I say you need parental control in everything..TV, computers, laptops, phones and tablets...everything needs parental control until they become 15-16yr probably... I don't know its very difficult to keep all the sexualised material away but I think if you have a islamic household with islamic tv channals, innocent childrens tv programmes/world news/sports & documentary channels and you also pray together and read Quran together on daily basis and you focus on playing sports and going to the mosque for madrasa on weekly basis then may be children will not end up being interested in haram romantic relationships, pornography, romance films, gossip shows and fashion dramas.

May Allah make us righteous parents and grant us good righteous children who Allah will be pleased with, Ameen.
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Sakina'141
05-10-2017, 05:47 PM
I think its important to choose a good spouse who likes to pray, read Quran an go to the mosque as often as they can. Then the children are less likely to go astray athough it can still happen if you don't keep a close eye on your children and become not very interested in your children.
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Serinity
05-10-2017, 06:52 PM
Originally Posted by trueteach
I agree that we need to teach sex ed from an Islamic perspective as opposed to how the west is teaching it, however , it still needs to address the issues we face in the west that are unique to this era.
How confident would you feel teaching your children sex ed if someone gave you the right tools?
Sex education is very very embarassing. What is the Islamic Stance? I just find it ... embarassing. But I'd start with saying "don't mingle" and if they ask why... Hmm.................. I am just bad at teaching lol.

I hate the western way of teaching. It hurts one's innocence. I could NEVER watch a video on sex with the opposite gender, let alone, alone! Just too inappropriate and disgusting!

I don't think I will marry any time soon tho.
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trueteach
05-10-2017, 08:23 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Sex education is very very embarassing. What is the Islamic Stance? I just find it ... embarassing. But I'd start with saying "don't mingle" and if they ask why... Hmm.................. I am just bad at teaching lol.

I hate the western way of teaching. It hurts one's innocence. I could NEVER watch a video on sex with the opposite gender, let alone, alone! Just too inappropriate and disgusting!

I don't think I will marry any time soon tho.
May Allah have mercy on you. Your innocence is commendable.

However, let me expand.
Let's go with the argument that there is no islamic stance on sex ed. Stats show that Muslim countries are amongst the worst when it comes to consumption of online pornography. So of we continue on the course that we are on, we are gonna have a social calamity befall us (that's if it hasn't already arrived).
So it's the Muslim's duty to come up with a solution to restore modesty back to society as best as he/she can.
In this case, innocence isn't bliss. Being informed of vice so you can safeguard yourself against them is necessary.

Thus I advocate the responsibility of teaching your own children about sex ed. Given instructions/guidance you would be more than capable of teaching your offspring.

Lastly, I do dua Allah grants you a suitable spouse (when you're ready [emoji3] ).
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trueteach
05-10-2017, 10:39 PM
Originally Posted by Sakina'17
I think its important to choose a good spouse who likes to pray, read Quran an go to the mosque as often as they can. Then the children are less likely to go astray athough it can still happen if you don't keep a close eye on your children and become not very interested in your children.
You could also be very caring parents but are unaware of what your child could be exposed to at school or any social gathering. Don't forget, filth is available at our fingertips via our mobiles. So as much being good parents count, actually teaching your children what is good and bad will better prepare them for awkward encounters. What do you think?
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Silas
05-11-2017, 02:17 PM
When I was a kid, sex education consisted largely of the biology of procreation, along with some information about STDs. I don't think there is any issue there.

These days, schools have politicized sex education to include discussions about homosexuality, "transgenderism", deviant sexual practices, etc. It is an effort to normalize behaviors that are out-of-the-mainstream.
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Serinity
05-11-2017, 02:22 PM
Originally Posted by Silas
When I was a kid, sex education consisted largely of the biology of procreation, along with some information about STDs. I don't think there is any issue there.

These days, schools have politicized sex education to include discussions about homosexuality, "transgenderism", deviant sexual practices, etc. It is an effort to normalize behaviors that are out-of-the-mainstream.
I'd NEVER let my children enter a sex education that:

A. Has pornographic videos of any shape or form, or teaches any kind of sex that instill lustful desires, or incite indecency, on any levels.
B. Talks about homosexuality, transgenderism, etc. In any shape or form.

It is just outright disgusting.
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Umm♥Layth
05-11-2017, 03:34 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I'd NEVER let my children enter a sex education that:

A. Has pornographic videos of any shape or form, or teaches any kind of sex that instill lustful desires, or incite indecency, on any levels.
B. Talks about homosexuality, transgenderism, etc. In any shape or form.

It is just outright disgusting.
It's easy to say what you will and will not allow for your children when you have none and it is clear you find the subject of sex uncomfortable, however, you need to focus on solutions. The main message of this thread is, your children WILL be exposed, you simply cannot keep them in a bubble and even if you move to Muslim countries, it is much worse.

I've heard of young girls in Muslim schools discussing virginity and what sexual acts can be done and still remain a virgin (vaginally). IT HAPPENS. So parents have got to take responsibility. If you ever plan to have a family, it is wise you begin to lighten up, educate yourself and come to terms with what it takes to be a decent parent :)
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Serinity
05-11-2017, 04:44 PM
Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth
It's easy to say what you will and will not allow for your children when you have none and it is clear you find the subject of sex uncomfortable, however, you need to focus on solutions. The main message of this thread is, your children WILL be exposed, you simply cannot keep them in a bubble and even if you move to Muslim countries, it is much worse.

I've heard of young girls in Muslim schools discussing virginity and what sexual acts can be done and still remain a virgin (vaginally). IT HAPPENS. So parents have got to take responsibility. If you ever plan to have a family, it is wise you begin to lighten up, educate yourself and come to terms with what it takes to be a decent parent :)
I see.. correct me if I am wrong..

so it is not about keeping your child in a bubble, or not allowing, of course one wouldn't. But reality is, my children, if I ever get any, will be exposed to such stuff. The important thing to teach one's children is HOW to deal with it, what to do when such situations arises, how to act, etc.

I do realise that it is easier said than done, I know I will not be able to protect my children from that. So we should give them tools on how to deal with it.

Some sex knowledge is important, I have learnt. But even then, even if it is important, it should still be segregated, and if it is necessary to ask about the opposite gender (which will happen), it is important to keep decency and be modest, and strong.

I am not interested in any kind of sex education tho, because I dont like it one bit. I loathe it..

And Allah :swt: knows best.
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Sakina'141
05-11-2017, 07:42 PM
Originally Posted by trueteach
You could also be very caring parents but are unaware of what your child could be exposed to at school or any social gathering. Don't forget, filth is available at our fingertips via our mobiles. So as much being good parents count, actually teaching your children what is good and bad will better prepare them for awkward encounters. What do you think?
No I think if your religious, have standards and preach about whats haram and halal and keep a close eye on your children then it is likely they will be able to avoid all th filth that you talk about that exist outside and available at their fingertips. Its all about building good character and what is right and wrong things to be interested in/look at.

I just hope I have children who will be more interested in geeky/religious/historical/phylosophical things than to be interested in boys & girls, love stories, relationships and romance poems/novals...good thing it doesn't seem to run in our family during our teenage years...no childhood sweethearts and forbidden love affairs for us but Im sure everyone's had a secret crush in school...that's normal. I suppose its about teaching children its natural to have crush on someone/like or develop feelings...its about how to control and overcome those feelings, attraction and changes.

It really is not impossible to get children-teenagers who are not interested in being involved in a haram romantic affairs and sexual activities. I always stayed away from all that like avoiding the plague...having a strict over-protective mother had a lot to do with it.

Don't get me wrong...just like every other girl and guy in the world, I have always dreamed of having a romantic love story but in my head and imagination it must be with someone I am married to or strictly promised to marry...its only safe that way so that my husband will be stuck with me forever like glue and he won't be able to run away from me!...Yes, I have issues and lot of insecruities but I say its a good thing as I will never have the courage to have a pre-marital love affair...it will start when I am finally get married and conjoined to someone. Until then I shall live happily with me, myself and I...but I do sometimes wonder if whoever I am supposed to be destined to marry is living under a big rock somewhere far away...or living a billion miles away in Mars/different galaxy or parallel universe! Hmmm...Lucky guy...he should enjoy the bliss whilst he can before he ends up bumping into me! Lol!
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Umm♥Layth
05-11-2017, 08:23 PM
I think that there is lack of clarity in this discussion.

What exactly do YOU (you, the reader) interpret "sex education" to be? We need to come to an understanding of what is implied by this and why some of you feel it is so disgusting.

I will tell you my take on sex education for a small child who has not yet reached puberty. It is educating a child about a male and female's basic anatomy as well as proper and improper touching. It is teaching them about conception, childbirth, puberty, body changes and personal grooming. Anything more than that is for a more mature audience.

For a teenager, they need to know what to do in case of wet dreams (clean themselves, their clothing and all that while keeping their dignity), they need to know how to perform ghusl, they need to know what to do if they have urges that are difficult to control. They also need to know how to avoid being pressured into a relationship, how to avoid being sexually assaulted and what sexual assault may look like.

For a young adult who is ready to marry, it is necessary to educate them on family planning options, the difference between consensual intercourse and rape. For women, one has to be sure they understand their reproductive cycle clearly and learn to tell when things could be going wrong (like hormonal imbalances). One has to teach them what is permissible and what is not and a few other subjects depending on the individual and what they have already learned on their own by this stage.

If a parent is too uncomfortable, there are good resources out there, you'll just have to look. It is better to guide our kids than to have them struggle due to our reluctance to teach them.

Do you know how much married couple struggle in this department? Especially women. There's women who go many many years without ever being fulfilled sexually because nobody wanted to talk about sex...I mean really. Some don't even realize how much of an impact that has on their happiness and connection with their spouse. That's very unfair and it only comes from ignorance. Intimacy is not haraam in a marriage and it is meant to be enjoyable. There's a time and place to disclose certain information, but sending our children off into the world with such ignorance is just wrong.

Also, remember that what you see on the outside of a person, isn't always what is on the inside. You may see a very geeky/nerdy brother or sister who appears to have no interest in the opposite gender and keeping themselves until marriage. This doesn't mean they don't struggle with pornography or they don't participate in masturbation or other things to fulfill their urges. You simply do not know. Again, it is better to teach them, give them tools and don't pretend like it is some terrible subject that brings shame. That's how people get tangled up in bad situations!

Here's a question for you. If y our child gets molested at a very young age, how will he/she be able to tell you what is happening if you avoid the subject like the plague? If he/she doesn't know what a penis and a vagina are? If he/she doesn't know what inappropriate advances are? THIS is a big reason why molestation happens (also, freely trusting parents).
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Serinity
05-11-2017, 08:53 PM
I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what I'd do if my child got molested. I wouldn't ever want that either.

I just don't feel comfortable around the subject. I am not saying it is haram, but rather to have modesty in explaining things.

Allahu alam.
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Umm♥Layth
05-11-2017, 10:10 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what I'd do if my child got molested. I wouldn't ever want that either.

I just don't feel comfortable around the subject. I am not saying it is haram, but rather to have modesty in explaining things.

Allahu alam.
I posed a question. What is your interpretation of "sex education" and why do you find it disgusting? Please elaborate :)
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Serinity
05-11-2017, 10:58 PM
Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth
I posed a question. What is your interpretation of "sex education" and why do you find it disgusting? Please elaborate :)
I will In shaa' Allah. I ask Allah to forgive me if I had any unislamic stances regarding sex ed and sex in general. Ameen.

I will reply after sleeping, In shaa' Allah. On what I see as sex ed, its definition, how it is taught, and my moral dilemmas with it.

After reading your post, I realise I might have had some unislamic stances. Which worries me, so I ask Allah for guidance. Sin e only Allah can guide.

EDIT: may take a little while since I have a project.
And Allah :swt: knows best
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najimuddin
05-11-2017, 11:00 PM
:salam:

The following book may be of interest here. Click on the image below for a free PDF copy.

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Serinity
05-12-2017, 12:19 PM
What is Sex Education?
Sex education is, in my experience, where you teach about the opposites gender's anatomy (how you do that ??), their cycles, etc. Pregnancy, teach both about ghusl, and stuff like that. For children pre-pubescents, you say to them to not befriend the opposite gender, or to mingle with them. For the teenager, you talk about ghusl, and what initates ghusl, wet dreams, and to not feel ashamed of being attracted to the opposite gender, but to rather control these desires, and to do ghusl if a wet dream happens, and the importance of avoiding the opposite gender. I, myself, do not know much about women’s psyche, nor much about their menstruation, nor about their period. But sex education involves informing a teenager / and a child about inappropriate advances, and improper touch.

For the more mature audience (those who are ready for marriage) you teach about the women’s / man’s right, family planning, and to be very gentle and to not rush into sex. The importance of foreplay, and that the Prophet :saws: AFAIK forbade sex without foreplay.

The harm in intercourse when one’s wife is on their period, and the realization and understanding of women being slower in getting their sexual desires fulfilled (i.e. it takes longer, the man gotta get some patience). The importance of being presentable… etc. The prohibition on anal sex… etc.

Why is it important to learn about this

Because being ignorant may lead to haram acts, or harmful intercourse (when one’s period) or the harm in sex without foreplay, etc. It is better to be knowledgable about it as to avoid harm, etc.
It is important to know about the psyche of one’s partner because men and women are different, and not knowing may lead to doing injustice (i.e. not fulfilling the rights of one’s wife, etc.). It can lead to serious neglect, and an unhappy sex life. I think…

My questions


How would one teach about one’s anatomy? How is it even relevant?
How can this be taught with decency? (By segregation, I know)

My problem with today’s sex education is that it is corruption in disguise. It is all about the deviant sexual acts and it destroys one’s innocence.

Completely insensitive, and outright disgusting. I am very sensitive to this topic, and I don’t need the details. I am all for going into detail about something which if not known, may lead to injustice. But other than that, I don’t want to go into detail.

I hope I elaborated.. may Allah :swt: forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.

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Zeal
05-12-2017, 01:18 PM
My experience of sex ed was the classroom being separated into just the boys and we we're shown a video about the changes that our bodies go through and then we all screamed in shock and looked away when we saw a teenage boys private parts.

It was a disgusting traumatising experience as @Serenity said and I didn't need to be taught that at all as a ten/eleven year old.

Then when we were around 14/15 we were taught more about aids/hiv etc but that was okay because we weren't traumatised by indecent images alhamdulillah and I guess in our society the way things were means there was a need
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Serinity
05-12-2017, 01:26 PM
Originally Posted by Zeal
My experience of sex ed was the classroom being separated into just the boys and we we're shown a video about the changes that our bodies go through and then we all screamed in shock and looked away when we saw a teenage boys private parts.

It was a disgusting traumatising experience as @Serenity said and I didn't need to be taught that at all as a ten/eleven year old.

Then when we were around 14/15 we were taught more about aids/hiv etc but that was okay because we weren't traumatised by indecent images alhamdulillah and I guess in our society the way things were means there was a need

Exactly. It is revolting against the fitrah to look at nakedness (Is it?) At least I find it disturbing and rather disgusting.

One should be worried if he feels no aversion to seeing nakedness, am I right? There is no need to have pictures etc. As it is haram to look at a naked body, and even more abhorent to look at the same gender's.

Allahu alam.
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LaSorcia
05-12-2017, 01:41 PM
Originally Posted by noraina
I have heard in America there is the opposite problem - here in the UK it is very explicit, and in the US there is a lot of opposition to teaching it in schools. Is this true?

Young children are very susceptible to the values they're taught, especially at school where teachers are considered to have a huge amount of authority. Every parent should be concerned with and involved in what kind of values and moral groundings are being passed on to their children.

I am all for bringing awareness in terms of safety and health about this kind of thing, but only if it is taught age-appropriately and within the right context. Are all of those images and vivid descriptions and videos and models necessary to get the message across? I don't think so.

And to be honest I don't think it would be too hard for a school to separate the class into girls and boys, in separate rooms, and just explain to them what's necessary in terms of their welfare. But again, in this age of political correctness, that suggestion would be opening a can of worms.
Yes, there are a lot of Christian parents who do not want the school teaching their children about sex. I am one of them, but I home school so I don't have to worry about it. I really like your idea about taking the girls and boys into different classrooms if they HAVE to teach it. I'd probably keep my kid home that day though if they did go to school!
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Umm♥Layth
05-12-2017, 02:16 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity

My questions


How would one teach about one’s anatomy? How is it even relevant?
How can this be taught with decency? (By segregation, I know)

My problem with today’s sex education is that it is corruption in disguise. It is all about the deviant sexual acts and it destroys one’s innocence.

Completely insensitive, and outright disgusting. I am very sensitive to this topic, and I don’t need the details. I am all for going into detail about something which if not known, may lead to injustice. But other than that, I don’t want to go into detail.

I hope I elaborated.. may Allah :swt: forgive me if I said anything wrong. Ameen.
See? You have, Masha Allah, a very good understanding of what is important to know. There are details missing, but you have the gist of it. Alhamdullilah.

Yes, teaching about anatomy is very important. You don't have to go into fine detail, but small children have a great curiosity to understand what their own body looks like as well as what makes a boy a boy and what makes a girl a girl. The book I used to help us out had very mild pictures in cartoon form. No explicit details and no big pictures. Also, having young siblings of the opposite gender in diapers also helps alot. That's how I learned some basic anatomy LOL, by changing my little brother's diapers.

If we don't t each anatomy, the kids will learn somehow and it is usually inappropriate. They will peek into bathrooms, make other children remove clothing (very common when parents are too busy in a social environment and letting the kids play alone!). Some adults think that by sheltering their kids, somehow they won't become curious. It is part of fitra to want to know, but nobody really discusses this out of shyness or shame (understandable). Some kids are more curious than others and puberty begins to approach at different ages.

How would one teach this? Privately or in a segregated classroom. The issue with classrooms is that not all of the children have the same maturity level. One really has to get to know their children to see what form of information they will be open to and comfortable with.

My problem with today’s sex education is that it is corruption in disguise. It is all about the deviant sexual acts and it destroys one’s innocence.
This was not my experience. It wasn't through sex ed that I learned everyone has sex and just be sure you don't get STD's. I learned that through ads, billboards, music, pamphlets and in other ways. Generally yes, though, I agree with you. I would not want my kids in a public sex ed class. ever.

It is normal to shy away from fine details, especially if you've never been married and super fine details are really for adults only. I'm very much a science heavy person when it comes to the human body and to me personally, all these things are just functions and I'm comfortable discussing them in the right situations (segregated or behind an anonymous name in a forum for example). I stopped seeing them in a shameful/lustful/sexual manner years ago after sex wasn't a mystery anymore. It IS difficult to discuss with kids, no doubt as we all have a level of shyness naturally :)
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Serinity
05-12-2017, 02:34 PM
I shy away very quick. I am fine with only knowing the essentials. there are things I do not want to learn yet (because I don't know where to get it from - ps. I don't wanna risk the eye of Zina searching...)

It is not relevant yet tho..

If one is completely ignorant one might do more harm than good.
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Sakina'141
05-12-2017, 07:45 PM
Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth

For a young adult who is ready to marry, it is necessary to educate them on family planning options, the difference between consensual intercourse and rape.

Also, remember that what you see on the outside of a person, isn't always what is on the inside. You may see a very geeky/nerdy brother or sister who appears to have no interest in the opposite gender and keeping themselves until marriage. This doesn't mean they don't struggle with pornography or they don't participate in masturbation or other things to fulfill their urges. You simply do not know. Again, it is better to teach them, give them tools and don't pretend like it is some terrible subject that brings shame. That's how people get tangled up in bad situations!

Here's a question for you. If y our child gets molested at a very young age, how will he/she be able to tell you what is happening if you avoid the subject like the plague? If he/she doesn't know what a penis and a vagina are? If he/she doesn't know what inappropriate advances are? THIS is a big reason why molestation happens (also, freely trusting parents).
Oh yeah I forgot to mention about sex education in school/home including consent and legal age/stance on sex...it should definately cover peerpressure, manupilation and grooming that cause a lot of harm. Consent and encouraging them to say No is quite important as well.

Yes, of course I agree with you on 2nd paragraph quoted..yeah just because someone is geeky/religious that doesn't mean that they don't have Private struggles with pornography etc. I wasn't saying that one should "pretend like its some terrible subject that brings shame"...of course we need to talk about pornography and mastubation with our children AT appropraite time which may be at different age for different children (you can't just set a specific age to teach all children about this). It needs to be discussed at a relevant time...not when its too early (still innocent) or too late (already addicted/got problems).

I don't agree with you on that we should normalise the subject of sex/pornography/mastubation like its a normal thing to talk about with our children over dinner table. In my humble opinion, I would not find it modest..these subjects shouldn't be normalised in the household but not completely avoided like a plague either. You can talk about intimate things on daily basis with your husband if you like but I really don't think there is any need to with your children until appropraite/necessary time. No child wants to hear lecture on sex/consent/contraception/pornography/mastubation from their mother on casual/frequent basis...it should be one of those serioud conversations that happen only few times that your child will remember for ever.

This is just my opinion...you may disagree but I would definately prefer my mum's method of "don't talk to boys" one liners over her talking openly to me about sex/boys/pornography/matubation without any haya, normalising the subject like there is no shame left in it...that would abnormal and personally would be freaked out...its different if your talking about it was with your girl/boy friends but children have certain respect for their parents and don't expect them to talk to you about sex like its a normal subject. Its about finding right balance between not making it embarassing for them and still maintaining modesty.

I never said avoid the subject like the plague...of course they need to know the anatomy, biology of reproductive system and the chemical/hormonal changes that occur and about desires. Of course they need to know about private parts and having haya and what is immodest unacceptable behaviour such as touching private parts and inappropriate places. If you teach them about these things at a young age then may be they will know if someone is molesting them. Allah forbid. Such a awful thing to happen to any child at any age. May Allah protect all the children in the world from evil predators and deceiving people, Ameen. There is so much evil in this twisted world...can't trust many people. Being an over protective parent is not a negative thing that some people percieve it to be, there is a lot of wisdom beind it.

Originally Posted by Serinity
The importance of foreplay, and that the Prophet :saws: AFAIK forbade sex without foreplay.
Oh really...I did not know that! I really should read that book that brother najimuddin posted! I will read it sometime before my wedding day. There is no need for it now unless I have to right an article on it or do a lecture on it.
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Sakina'141
05-12-2017, 08:10 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity

One should be worried if he feels no aversion to seeing nakedness, am I right?
Yes exactly. There should be sense of shame. I think sometimes people try so hard to remove the shame/normalise certain subjects/images/acts that innately make us lowering our gaze and be modest with our eyes and ears.

Originally Posted by Serinity
I shy away very quick. I am fine with only knowing the essentials. there are things I do not want to learn yet (because I don't know where to get it from - ps. I don't wanna risk the eye of Zina searching...)

It is not relevant yet tho..

If one is completely ignorant one might do more harm than good.
I agree, just need to know whats essential and whats relevant for you at certain times in your life. 16 years old muslim girl who is definately not contemplating of getting marreid at young age doesn't need to know about all the different contraception methods available & the methods...its just not relevant/essential knowledge and inappropraite at young age when one is not thinking about marriage. Of course, it becomes essential knowledge later on when they are ready for marriage. Its just not necessary knowledge 10-15 years before you feel ready for marriage but of course everyone learns about it as they get older as they get exposed to many things in university/college.
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Umm♥Layth
05-12-2017, 08:47 PM
Originally Posted by Sakina'17
I don't agree with you on that we should normalise the subject of sex/pornography/mastubation like its a normal thing to talk about with our children over dinner table. In my humble opinion, I would not find it modest..these subjects shouldn't be normalised in the household but not completely avoided like a plague either.
I actually never said or implied that we should talk to our kids about masturbation or self exploration, at any point. Perhaps you misread or misinterpreted.

You can talk about intimate things on daily basis with your husband if you like but I really don't think there is any need to with your children until appropraite/necessary time. No child wants to hear lecture on sex/consent/contraception/pornography/mastubation from their mother on casual/frequent basis...it should be one of those serioud conversations that happen only few times that your child will remember for ever.
That was also never implied. I don't believe it is proper to unload such an important subject on a child all at once. There is no way to cover details that way as there is an initial shock that they have to digest first.

This is just my opinion...you may disagree but I would definately prefer my mum's method of "don't talk to boys" one liners over her talking openly to me about sex/boys/pornography/matubation without any haya, normalising the subject like there is no shame left in it...
Can you tell me what "don't talk to boys" teaches?

Also, why do you keep bunching sex/boys/pornography/masturbation together? They are not necessarily related and this is exactly what I mean when I say that people have a negative and dirty connotation to sex, THIS is not normal.

Why does a person have to feel ashamed about something that is natural and allowed in Islam by means of marriage? Urges are normal and ofr some people they are stronger than others. A person should never be made to feel ashamed for that. The shame is committing illegal sexual acts, the shame is promiscuity.

Haya and shame are NOT the same thing! I suppose we need to discuss the difference between the two. There is a way to talk about these things with plenty of hayaa. My kids never discuss it around each other or their parents or at the dinner table as it if was nothing, but they WILL approach me alone with questions and THAT is where a parent wants to be. It is called trust.

its different if your talking about it was with your girl/boy friends
So if your friend learns all of their "facts" from google or books that go against Islamic teachings, how are they educating you exactly? Friends are probably the worst people to go to at a young age about this stuff, they need to be guided not leading other blind people.

but children have certain respect for their parents and don't expect them to talk to you about sex like its a normal subject.
Is it not respectful to hold your parents in high estimation and come to them first for guidance? What does it mean to be a parent?

Its about finding right balance between not making it embarassing for them and still maintaining modesty.
I agree and this is why this thread was started (I assume). How to overcome the shyness to clarify important life information while remaining modest at the same time.

I never said avoid the subject like the plague...of course they need to know the anatomy, biology of reproductive system and the chemical/hormonal changes that occur and about desires. Of course they need to know about private parts and having haya and what is immodest unacceptable behaviour such as touching private parts and inappropriate places. If you teach them about these things at a young age then may be they will know if someone is molesting them. Allah forbid. Such a awful thing to happen to any child at any age.
Right. A bit contradicting though. So who do they get this information from? You said, no sex ed in classrooms (fair enough, I understand why and I wouldn't put my kids through that) but you also said not from parents. How do you suggest an 8,10,12 or 14 year old gather this information in the proper manner?

I hope this doesn't come off as me trying to have a go at you :embarrass I'm simply guiding this conversation so that it is fruitful and we get to the bottom of things and gain clarity. It is only a discussion and your input is just as valuable as that of everyone else :)
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Sakina'141
05-12-2017, 11:39 PM
Sorry sister UmmLayth, I was not looking for a debate with you and it is clear we see things very differently. I did not mean to imply that I am right and you are wrong and I don't think its necessary for you vise versa either because we have very different view points and we should agree on that. Clearly, I do not have any experience in bringing up children in modern West as you do so you have a lot of experience and understanding that I do not as a single, unmarried person without any children.

Sorry, I did not grow up in the West at Peak of my childhood when I learnt about religion, languages and social/cultural values and standards from non-western point of view. I think because of this I still have some values/standards of haya that is based on ancient times/standards that you are clearly disagree with. I do agree there is no shame in act of sex..it shouldn't have all the negative stigma that many link with it in certain cultures, it is indeed a natural feeling that Allah has created and if fulfilled in halal way it is even rewarded and act of worship from islamically point of view...I am not ignorant of that fact. But in certain countries, sex is not always related to sex After marriage with their halal spouses alone, I think you need understand why it has all the negative stigma related to it where pre-marital/extra-marital affairs are quite common where "x slept with y" is common gossip at high school/workplaces.

Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth
I actually never said or implied that we should talk to our kids about masturbation or self exploration, at any point. Perhaps you misread or misinterpreted.
Oh sorry, I must have misunderstood because I thought you said "It is educating a child about a male and female's basic anatomy as well as proper and improper touching." and "the kids will learn somehow and it is usually inappropriate. They will peek into bathrooms, make other children remove clothing (very common when parents are too busy in a social environment and letting the kids play alone!)." and I think you also said something about talking to children about wet dreams too.

But, no you did not say anything about discussing masturbation. Sorry that is my mistake.

That was also never implied. I don't believe it is proper to unload such an important subject on a child all at once. There is no way to cover details that way as there is an initial shock that they have to digest first.
Yes, you are quite right, you never said talk about all these intimate matters at once or frequently. I think you talked about making it comfortable and not associating shame with it. Explaining it is normal feelings and desires Allah has created and not to be ashamed so kids come and talk about it. Theoratically and practically, its a very good way of dealing with the matter.

Can you tell me what "don't talk to boys" teaches?
Lol you wouldn't have liked my mother...you would definately argued back/questioned.

What my mother meant by that phrase was that it is haram to talk to boys unnecessarily and don't get into haram relationships with boys which includes close friendships and Im not going to go on about zina again. But let me explain further why and what my mother meant that phrase...before it ever gets to zina stage, it starts off with small talk with girl and a boy then more talk and friendship then feelings and desire then you know what could happen eventually. But where did everything root from...the seed gets planted with just simple unnecessary talk/chit chat or whatever you want to call it. Ok, my mother did not explain all this to me and I may not have been the smartest girl in school but my mother knows I ain't no fool and she doesn't need to give me big lecture/explain herself.

Obviouslt, that phrase would have never worked for you but as I explained I knew the reason behind the phrase without any explanation. Just because you can't see any lessons behind something even if only 4 words, please remember it doesn't mean there is no wisdom/lesson behind it. Many words and phrases are like poetry, it can be read with new meanings from fresh pair of eyes.

Nevertheless, I can understand why you feel the phrase is pointless and disputable. I thought the same for a second when I was a child.

Also, why do you keep bunching sex/boys/pornography/masturbation together? They are not necessarily related and this is exactly what I mean when I say that people have a negative and dirty connotation to sex, THIS is not normal.

Why does a person have to feel ashamed about something that is natural and allowed in Islam by means of marriage? Urges are normal and ofr some people they are stronger than others. A person should never be made to feel ashamed for that. The shame is committing illegal sexual acts, the shame is promiscuity.
As I said above. You are right it should have postive connotation and not be associated with pronography etc. It is indeed natural desire and halal in marriage setting. All the boys and girls should get married early/young to fulfil these natural desires in halal way if they cannot control them especially if they are strong like with some people more than others. What do you think is best option for 16-17yr old girls/boys with strong sexual desires/urges which is very natural and should not be shameful of? DO you think they should get married straight away fulfil these desires in halal way because you know the other options are not very halal except for fasting and asking them to focus on school work/religious acts but you could argue that they shouldn't suppress their natural desires that was created in men right?

Haya and shame are NOT the same thing! I suppose we need to discuss the difference between the two.
Yeah I don't think we understand what haya encompasses. Haya’ is more complex and dynamic than just modesty and encompasses many shades of meaning, including humility, sensitivity, shyness, apprehensiveness, and shame.
“The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: ‘Among the early prophetic teachings that have reached people is this: if you do not feel shame, do what you wish.’ ”
Related by Bukhari

There is a way to talk about these things with plenty of hayaa. My kids never discuss it around each other or their parents or at the dinner table as it if was nothing, but they WILL approach me alone with questions and THAT is where a parent wants to be. It is called trust.
MashaAllah, that is excellent. I think you have a great relationship with your children and has taught them well. May Allah always maintain this trust with your children and protect you all from any evil, Ameen.

I hope to have a close and open relationship with my children too as I have with my parents who I could always appraoch with any problems. We have a lot of trust in our family too.

So if your friend learns all of their "facts" from google or books that go against Islamic teachings, how are they educating you exactly? Friends are probably the worst people to go to at a young age about this stuff, they need to be guided not leading other blind people.
I never said learn "facts" or anythign from friends...I just said girls talk to their close girlfriends about secret things...its just general chit chat that girls do..doesn't mean I was a fool and believed everything friends said.

If we teach our children what is Islamic/halal then they would know when they go to school/google/books that somethings are against Islamic teachings; once they have an understanding at young age, they would be able to look around the playground and spot unislamic/bad behaviour and stay away from tha and they would find a good/trouble-free friend to stick by.

Is it not respectful to hold your parents in high estimation and come to them first for guidance? What does it mean to be a parent?
That is true. They should be able to approach you with anything without feeling ashamed or embarrassed as there is should be no shame associated with natural feelings. Even if they got themselves into bad situation with someone, they should come seeking advise and guidance from you first.

I agree and this is why this thread was started (I assume). How to overcome the shyness to clarify important life information while remaining modest at the same time.
Yes, I think that was the reason for OP starting this thread.

Right. A bit contradicting though. So who do they get this information from? You said, no sex ed in classrooms (fair enough, I understand why and I wouldn't put my kids through that) but you also said not from parents. How do you suggest an 8,10,12 or 14 year old gather this information in the proper manner?
I really cannot remember saying no sex education in school or at home! Where did I imply this?

I said I was traumatised after sex education at school but it was necessary education for sexually active children/teenagers...I think its useful for them to know about contraception and contracting STIs. I also said that schools should included topics of consenting and grooming etc. I myself and some other kids/teenagers in school found the lessons traumatising and inappropraite at that age because we were still innocent and having sex was never in our mind so the lesson will be inappropraite/insensitive for some kids. Thats what I said I think.

I think I posted on page 1 what I will possibly talk about with my children at various ages which included biology, act of sex, hormones, puberty changes and emotions and desires.

I hope this doesn't come off as me trying to have a go at you [IMG]file:///C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\c lip_image001.gif[/IMG]I'm simply guiding this conversation so that it is fruitful and we get to the bottom of things and gain clarity. It is only a discussion and your input is just as valuable as that of everyone else [IMG]file:///C:\Users\User\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\c lip_image002.gif[/IMG]
No you didn't attack me or my family upbringing personally. Its cool, we are here for discussion and its important to debate with open mind and learn from one another.

Thank you for your reply and input. I learnt a few things from you and this conversation also made me realise something…realised Allah, The Most Merciful, All Knowing saved me from marrying very unsuitable match with conflicting personality/views although tried to come across like he wasn’t a very conflicting person but it all makes sense now! It was all a big show...of course he sees the world completely different to the way I do but he was just hiding and wearing mask! Just a big masquerade. Alhamdulillah, escaped marrying him! Thank you making me realise this now!
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Bobbyflay23
05-13-2017, 05:44 AM
Btw guys you should be careful about shaming sex you should shame zina but like I was listening to a podcast about marriage problems like a month or two ago and one of the big probelems is parents over making sex a really bad thing and never really taught there kid it's zina that's bad not marriage and like some people end up crying and end up depressed after being with the spouse because of that that's just what I heard though
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Sakina'141
05-13-2017, 02:04 PM
Originally Posted by Bobbyflay23
Btw guys you should be careful about shaming sex you should shame zina but like I was listening to a podcast about marriage problems like a month or two ago and one of the big probelems is parents over making sex a really bad thing and never really taught there kid it's zina that's bad not marriage and like some people end up crying and end up depressed after being with the spouse because of that that's just what I heard though
That's because many muslims have lack of islamic knowledge on this subject. Many muslims are just not aware that islamically sex with your spouse performed in correct way (according to islamic teachings) is actually act of worship...and I remember my father told me once about reciting something before having intercorse to get good children. I don't really have much of a clue about these things but many muslims including myself don't read around sunnah/islamic guide to sexual relations for whatever reason so this is the reason why some muslims who are married may feel dirty/bad after performing sex not realising it is actually act of good that is rewarded, its a halal good thing, not going to be counted as a dirty sin as some may even wonder.

I don't know...muslim families don't talk about these things so they don't know the islamic knowledge about it and you can't expect people to be born with knowledge either. But in this day and age in modern households, for all those who are going to get married or already married...there are plenty of resorces available at their fingertips to learn from such as the book posted above^. Its all available for those who are interested who are engaged/married. I personally don't think its necessary for myself or young adults to read about it 5-10 years before getting married.
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Serinity
05-13-2017, 02:41 PM
Sex is not the pinnacle of life, yes it is important inside of marriage. But we have the Hereafter ahead of us.

Putting too much importance is not good either, or am I wrong on this?

Allahu alam.
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Sakina'141
05-13-2017, 03:17 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Sex is not the pinnacle of life, yes it is important inside of marriage. But we have the Hereafter ahead of us.

Putting too much importance is not good either, or am I wrong on this?

Allahu alam.
Exactly. There is no need to talk further.
I think everything that could possibly be discussed on this thread has probably already been said.
Its been interesting discussion and we all have things to learn in life and about our religion in general. Personal growth is ongoing continuous process...everyone is on their own journey with their Lord and religious insight and knowledge.

May Allah forgive us if we said anything wrong/unislamic/sinful, Ameen. Please forgive me if I have offended/hurt anyone with view points. It was never my intention. JazakAllah khair to everyone here! :) Peace & Take care my brothers and sisters! :sl:
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Umm♥Layth
05-13-2017, 04:25 PM
I disagree, everything that needs to be discussed HAS NOT been discussed. In all fairness, most participants here are youth and this thread appears to be aiming for parents. This is parenting problem that needs to be addressed, the thread isn't actually about sex. You young ones may be seeing it like that because your thinking is a bit linear at this stage of life, especially about a subject t hat is not of much interest due to you not being married or having kids, and that's fine. Just sit back and learn, no need to participate if you are done airing your opinion :statisfie

I have some responses to make here, but won't have time until tonight or tomorrow evening insha'Allah.
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noraina
05-13-2017, 05:14 PM
Just my two pennies...

I consider myself as having a close relationship with my mother alhamdulillah, and I asked her about these 'sensitive' questions quite a while back. She found it extremely funny and awkward, lol, but she explained it to me in an age-appropriate way and I appreciate that, rather than me taking is that information from friends or the internet. Kids make up strange fantasies.

In my community, and in many Muslim countries, there is something of a culture among parents underestimating just how aware children are from a very young age about a lot of thing. I knew a lot more than my mother thought I did when I was 10 and, despite being 18, my father probably assumes I don't know anything still.

There is nothing wrong with discussing this if it is done in a sensitive and age-appropriate manner, and maybe going into more detail when you're nearing the time of getting married. Of course there should be modesty in our speech, but all too often we immediately say 'astaghfirullah' and treat these subjects as a taboo when they're not.

You know, when I read some hadiths a couple of years ago I was *shocked* how straightforward the female Sahabah and the Sahabah in general were with their questions about 'intimacy' and all of that, it was never done indecently of course, but it was still bold for me and I thought this wasn't allowed in Islam.

A middle approach is important. We need to be careful of falling into either extreme of being too 'forward' about this topic and then the other extreme of not talking about it at all.
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Sakina'141
05-13-2017, 06:50 PM
Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth
I disagree, everything that needs to be discussed HAS NOT been discussed. In all fairness, most participants here are youth and this thread appears to be aiming for parents. This is parenting problem that needs to be addressed, the thread isn't actually about sex. You young ones may be seeing it like that because your thinking is a bit linear at this stage of life, especially about a subject t hat is not of much interest due to you not being married or having kids, and that's fine. Just sit back and learn, no need to participate if you are done airing your opinion :statisfie

I have some responses to make here, but won't have time until tonight or tomorrow evening insha'Allah.
Yup Im done airing my opinion...nothing more to say!
I'll leave it with you big sister! :)...leave it in the hands of The Experienced.

Goodbye! & Peace out sis! :)
May be see you in another debate..but Im staying from it all for now! :)
:jz:

Originally Posted by noraina
Just my two pennies...

I consider myself as having a close relationship with my mother alhamdulillah, and I asked her about these 'sensitive' questions quite a while back. She found it extremely funny and awkward, lol, but she explained it to me in an age-appropriate way and I appreciate that, rather than me taking is that information from friends or the internet. Kids make up strange fantasies.

In my community, and in many Muslim countries, there is something of a culture among parents underestimating just how aware children are from a very young age about a lot of thing. I knew a lot more than my mother thought I did when I was 10 and, despite being 18, my father probably assumes I don't know anything still.

There is nothing wrong with discussing this if it is done in a sensitive and age-appropriate manner, and maybe going into more detail when you're nearing the time of getting married. Of course there should be modesty in our speech, but all too often we immediately say 'astaghfirullah' and treat these subjects as a taboo when they're not.

You know, when I read some hadiths a couple of years ago I was *shocked* how straightforward the female Sahabah and the Sahabah in general were with their questions about 'intimacy' and all of that, it was never done indecently of course, but it was still bold for me and I thought this wasn't allowed in Islam.

A middle approach is important. We need to be careful of falling into either extreme of being too 'forward' about this topic and then the other extreme of not talking about it at all.
Agree, its about finding the middle path...not the two extremes but balance between the two.

Some people are too forward and some people are completely closed. No need to talk too much or completely dismiss the subject like its not important/taboo. It can't be an easy task for our parents...may Allah bless them and grant them jannatul firdos for all they have done for us, Ameen.

:sl: :)

:peace:
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AHMED PATEL
05-13-2017, 08:51 PM
most of the problems of the ummah result from mainly a few things

lack of knowledge and understanding of islam indepth..it really is necessary
therefore bad parenting and low standards overall in the community

thus ignorance and frustration lead to what we see today

a community degraded by their own failures but experts in blaming others
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Serinity
05-13-2017, 10:06 PM
:salam:

There certainly is a huge problem in our Muslim socities, otherwise there wouldn't be such huge numbers of pornography.. but this might also be forked numbers to make us Muslims look bad.

But if they are true, there must be some deep problems.

Allahu alam.
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trueteach
05-13-2017, 10:13 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
:salam:

There certainly is a huge problem in our Muslim socities, otherwise there wouldn't be such huge numbers of pornography.. but this might also be forked numbers to make us Muslims look bad.

But if they are true, there must be some deep problems.

Allahu alam.
As the saying goes

Plan for the worst, hope for the best.

Even if the stats are inflated for Muslims, we still have a duty as parents to prepare a new generation of Muslims growing up in a highly sexualised world.
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AHMED PATEL
05-13-2017, 10:34 PM
the voldemort effect is our "favourite solution"


these cultural practices are accepted not inflated

just research "bacha bazi" in pakistan and afghanistan

and ask yourself ,why?

its time we stopped constantly playing victims and wonder why allah taalas help does not come
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Sakina'141
05-14-2017, 05:47 PM
Originally Posted by trueteach
As the saying goes

Plan for the worst, hope for the best.

Even if the stats are inflated for Muslims, we still have a duty as parents to prepare a new generation of Muslims growing up in a highly sexualised world.
I don't have the solutions to this major problem in our WORLD...highly sexualised material are available whether ur living in the West or whether ur living in Pakistan/Dubai.

But Alhamdulillah there are lectures like this avialable for youth and there should be more in every masjid in the globe as so relevant to muslim youth of today :



These talks should be going viral on the internet & phones rather than haram things. But obviously, that's not how the world works. I can only dream.

Basically, if we want to protect our children from all the filth exist outside and in privacy, we have to preach like Nouman Ali Khan or Mufti Menk in our households on daily basis (not on same topic obviously)...we have to address these issues & teachings in the best Islamic manner so it enters our childrens hearts. We have to have such good character that our children will respect and hold on to what we teach & advise.

Its a huge thing to achieve for those who are not formally learned in Islamic sciences but its not impossible. Nothing is impossible, we don't have to become a scholar...we just need to be open minded and learn from them, be around good & inspiring brothers/sisters who we can look up to and keep Islam alive in our households. Its not easy in our unislamic enviroment and surrounding but not impossible either...the more difficult the struggle/task, the higher the rewards, forgiveness and goodness if done with good&right intentions (pleasing Allah alone). May Allah swt accept out good deeds and make us sincere believers always, Ameen.
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Serinity
05-14-2017, 05:53 PM
:salam:

If not under control (sexual desires) it can destroy your dignity and honour. Never ever entertain it. Suppress it and do something else.. it is usually when we don't do anything, that sexual desires get to us.

Crushes and infatuations are mere uncontrolled desires / hormones where the one who succumbs loses himself to his desires, while the one who succeeds, wins.

Either you enslave yourself to your desires, or you enslave yourself to Allah :swt:

Allahu alam.
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Sakina'141
05-14-2017, 06:10 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
:salam:

If not under control (sexual desires) it can destroy your dignity and honour. Never ever entertain it. Suppress it and do something else.. it is usually when we don't do anything, that sexual desires get to us.

Crushes and infatuations are mere uncontrolled desires / hormones where the one who succumbs loses himself to his desires, while the one who succeeds, wins.

Either you enslave yourself to your desires, or you enslave yourself to Allah :swt:

Allahu alam.
Very True but not every Muslim sees it like that though. We all have to build our character and relationship with our Creator. Some people need to acknowledge this fact first rather than become defensive...some muslims are very defensive about what they already know and not open to changing their perspective/thinking. They are settled in their ways.
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Serinity
05-14-2017, 06:33 PM
Idk about others but I feel disgusted whenever I have desires in me. I feel it is a duty to combat everything that is against Islam, be it one's own desires, because anything else will leave one empty.

They need to become more Allah-conscious - have taqwa. Not like Islam didn't give us a solution towards these desires - either marry, and if you can't - fast.

What helped me snap out of it, was, first of all, Allah :swt: guided me, and I started reflecting, I started feeling the emptiness of desires and the sweetness of Imaan.

I love Imaan and hate the emptiness of desires.

We need to stop treating our kids who are 13+ as kids, but as adults!

Allahu alam.
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fromelsewhere
05-14-2017, 06:56 PM
Originally Posted by Serinity
Idk about others but I feel disgusted whenever I have desires in me. I feel it is a duty to combat everything that is against Islam, be it one's own desires, because anything else will leave one empty.
We all have normal primitive drives within ourselves. We just need to learn to control these drives, such as when people abstain from eating, drinking, smoking and engaging in sexual activity during Ramadan.
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Serinity
05-14-2017, 07:01 PM
Originally Posted by fromelsewhere
We all have normal primitive drives within ourselves. We just need to learn to control these drives, such as when people abstain from eating, drinking, smoking and engaging in sexual activity during Ramadan.
It is a matter of discipline. Leaving a haram thing for the sake of Allah :swt: and abstaining from eating in Ramadhan is a way of purifying one's heart and freeing one's heart and submitting to Allah :swt: .

Let your mind be enslaved to Allah :swt:. If the Heart becomes good, the limbs will follow.
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Sakina'141
05-14-2017, 10:27 PM
Lol this thread made me go and search for some really funny videos on youtube...this is sooo funny...

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Sakina'141
05-14-2017, 10:34 PM
This is also a really good illustrated reminder...



Love these illustrated reminders...really effective I think! There are so many talks and reminders on these subjects on youtube..
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