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northernlights
05-17-2017, 05:41 PM
Hello,

I am writing here to gain some perspective on my situation.

I am a male in my early 30s; wanting to get married to a girl I have been getting to know for about 2 years.

When we went over to their house to start the ristha process, her mum
caused a lot of issues. Her mum has been divorced twice and is maybe bipolar. The girl doesn’t like her mum most times.

During a phone conversation with my mum, this lady told my mum that she was
divorced and my mum replied that she wouldn’t tell her husband (my dad –
reason below). When we went over to the house, the lady said to my dad ‘’Baji said she wouldn’t tell you, but I am telling you anyway. I am a divorcee etc’’.

Obviously, this didn’t go down well with my mother and issues have been happening ever since. However, this lady is quite head strong, controlling and quite dominant. She doesn’t want her daughter to get married to me for whatever reasons and tried her best to put us off.

However, her daughter stopped talking to her and she has now apologised and wants to move forward with the marriage.

Previously, in phone conversations between my mother and this lady, she has been disrespectful and didn’t want to hear what my mother had to say.
However, I am not sure what my mother has said neither as this lady
apparently hasn’t liked some of the things my mum has said but I am pretty sure my mother hasn’t behaved the way this mother has.

I really dislike this woman and want no relationship with her, which her daughter has agreed with. I won’t have a issue with her seeing her mother any time she wants but I just won’t be going with her or having a relationship with her as she might cause issues with me, my family or my marriage.

The thing is, my parents don’t have a conventional marriage either. The basically don’t like each other, argue and just don’t get along but we live under the same household. My mum is the dominant one and also can be quite
controlling. My dad keeps himself to himself and just doesn't care about anything. So I don’t know how my mother or my father will be after I get married neither but I think it should be fine. I am the last child, so it
will only be me, my wife and my parents living in the house. My brothers
have married and moved out.

There are a lot of rules in the house, that I think only this girl will be
okay with as she comes from a broken home herself. I really like her so I do want to marry her but I don’t know whether her mum will cause issues?

What would you advise?

I am thinking that maybe I should find someone else?

Thank you
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AbdurRahman.
05-18-2017, 10:26 PM
bro my two cents, if there is already trouble brewing before marriage with the inlaw, imagine what it would be like after marriage??; plenty of fishes .. as the saying goes so best look for someone new! :)
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*charisma*
05-18-2017, 10:38 PM
Assalamu alaikum

The first thing you should do is pray istikhara.

Secondly, even though you don't like the girl's mother, it's wrong to cut ties with her and have her own daughter cut ties with her as well after marriage. This is not islamic and even though she may be flawed, she is still a mother.

Thirdly, do you plan on living with your parents after marriage? Because I don't think that's a good idea at all. You should have your own place without the influence/drama/negativity of anyone, especially in the first year. It will put a lot of pressure, stress, and anxiety on you and your wife. Even if your parents were stable and had a good relationship, it's still really difficult to deal with having to live with others.
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