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-arisa-
05-30-2017, 05:26 AM
As-salāmu ʿalaykum,
I hope you are all in the best of health and iman.

Please listen to my story. I am so desperate right now and do not know who to talk to.

I am 23 years old this year. I live with my stay-at-home mother and two siblings. My parents divorced when I was in junior high school. My father used to financially support us, but not anymore for the last few years.

We have been living for around 14-15 years in our old, beloved house. Since my parents divorce, we never maintained our house due to our financial condition. And now our roof leaks, the ceiling breaks, and so on. Our house is no longer in a safe, acceptable condition. I am afraid we will risk our health and safety if we live in this house.

I have a bachelor's degree in chemistry and used to work as a research assistant at university. I resigned from my job this month because I am awarded a scholarship to study abroad. I am unemployed and do not have a lot of savings in my bank account.

What can I do in this condition? I am so confused and desperate. I tried to explain about our condition to my father who now has a new family, but it is no use. He cannot help us. I think hard about what to do. I want to find a job but the salary would not be enough to fix our condition. We cannot rely on my mother's savings anymore and my siblings are still in school.

Sometimes I just have this dark thought to just kill myself. Astagfirullah. I know that sounds so wrong but I cannot stop this suicidal thought sometimes.

I also consider prostitution as the solution but I just cannot do it because I know it means that I will just pile big sins upon my already many sins. And there will be no blessing for our family by using the haram money.

I am stuck. Please help me. Just say something...
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*charisma*
05-30-2017, 05:37 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

Sister, try going to a local masjid and see if they are able to help you out. Sometimes they have programs where they help locals in need inshallah. Make du'a for yourself and your family and never ever think about suicide or prostitution. Allah tests us in many ways. Alhemdulilah your family is safe and healthy, and while I understand you are worrying and in distress, you must be patient. How old are your siblings? Everyone can do something extra to pull their weight and help. Maybe look for a more suitable apartment? Sell some old things to make money? Maybe you can hold an event which can make you some money as well? You are an educated girl mashallah. THere's a lot of things you can do to help your family, don't feel hopeless.
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Alpha Dude
05-30-2017, 06:38 AM
Wa alaykum salam,

Allah has told us that he does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear (Qur’an, 2:286). So, whatever testing difficulties we face in life, we have been given the individual strengths to withstand them and to also bear them within the confines of the rules of Islam. Finding a haram option like prostitution or going to the extreme of taking your own life - these are not solutions, they are but thoughts derived from the evil whispers of the shayateen.

The first step is to build a solid connection with Allah. One where you believe he is capable of anything (and he is). Once you have such a connection, you wouldn't waver come what may. How do some Muslims keep strong in times of trial whereas others crumble and fall and don't have a clue what to do? It's the difference in strength of connection with your lord. He does give you if you ask. Allah has let us know from hadith that he is as his servants think him to be. So, if we think of Allah as an all powerful being who can solve all our problems, that is what will materialize.

Make plenty of dua, especially in this blessed month - just before the time of iftar and the latter part of the night. Have an optimistic, positive outlook despite what you see on the surface.

I agree with sister charisma's suggestion. Have a look around to see if there are any mosques or charities operating in your area who may be able to assist. Perhaps you could also look into learning some DIY to fix up minor problems in the house, if you don't already.
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-arisa-
05-30-2017, 06:42 AM
Thank you for your advice sister.
I could try going to the local masjid but I do not think my mom will be alright with that. I mean we are worried about how the neighborhood will see us.
Yes I pray for myself and my family for now, to ease this painful and hopeless feeling.

My siblings are 19 and 16 years old. They cannot work due to their packed schedule, assignments, and exams at university and school. There is no apartment here at my place. We cannot try to rent a house either because of our limited funding. My mother prioritizes our education more, therefore moving will be very difficult. We do try to sell our old car. I hope it will sell quickly.

What do you mean by holding an event? Can you give me some examples?

Thank you again for listening sister. May Allah give you the best place in Jannah.
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-arisa-
05-30-2017, 06:46 AM
Thanks a lot brother. I will try to be stronger and more positive.
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*charisma*
05-30-2017, 10:22 AM
Originally Posted by -arisa-
I could try going to the local masjid but I do not think my mom will be alright with that. I mean we are worried about how the neighborhood will see us.
No one needs to know about it other than your family. You can request that it be private help. I mean I assume it would be anyway.

Originally Posted by -arisa-
What do you mean by holding an event? Can you give me some examples?
For example, you can rent out a hall at a hotel or even use a room at the mosque or an islamic school gym, and organize an event with an entry fee. For events, you can create ramadan themed activities for children, have sisters sign up to sell their things, have a bake sale, etc. Actually if you do a bake sale at an islamic school during school hours, there's no doubt you'd make some cash lol. If you can take the time to put some work into it, it can be really great and I'm sure you can get some help in respect to mosques or islamic schools allowing you to do your event there for free if you discuss your situation with them. Maybe you can even provide a service using your chemistry skills such as doing a mini chemistry show or lesson for students. You just have to be creative.

I understand that school is prioritized first, but your siblings should help as well, even if just short-term. School's almost finished anyway..they can do something during the summer?

Originally Posted by -arisa-
Thank you again for listening sister. May Allah give you the best place in Jannah.
Jazaki allahu khair <3 May we all achieve Jannatul firdous ameen.
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-arisa-
05-31-2017, 04:25 AM
Thank you so much sister :statisfie
There is good news today! Alhamdulillah, my dad decided to help us fixing our house even though it is only temporary solution. I can try to save money and do part-time jobs once I start my study abroad. That way, I can send the money to my mom to repair our house.

And thank you to those who sent me supportive PM, and responded to or even just read my thread.

May Allah let us all meet in Jannah.

With love,
-arisa-
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-arisa-
05-31-2017, 04:45 AM
I am sorry to those who sent me PM, I cannot reply since I am not a full member yet.
Anyone asking where I currently live, I am in Indonesia.
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ardianto
05-31-2017, 04:30 PM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
Sister, try going to a local masjid and see if they are able to help you out. Sometimes they have programs where they help locals in need inshallah.
Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
Have a look around to see if there are any mosques or charities operating in your area who may be able to assist.
Assalamualaikum.

After I know that sister Arisa is from Indonesia I begin to understand difficulty that she face.

Noticed from the concern for education, I guess, sister Arisa was coming from educated middle-class family, with father who worked to fulfill the family needs, and mother who was housewife. But then the parent divorced, and the father remarried with someone else and established his own family. The father still tried to fulfill sister Arisa family. But fulfill the needs of two families is not easy. Also the priority is given to the father new family. It make sister Arisa family often in financial difficulty, especially since the last few years.

Sister Arisa family indeed, is always in financial difficulty. However, in society her family still considered as middle class. It make her cannot get financial help from charity foundation or government institution.

There are many people who still live in poverty in Indonesia. Indeed, there are program to help the poor, including house renovation program. But the budget is very limited while the poor who need help are many. And like I have said, sister Arisa family still considered as middle-class, not considered as poor that can get financial help.
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ardianto
05-31-2017, 04:32 PM
Originally Posted by -arisa-
Thank you so much sister :statisfie
There is good news today! Alhamdulillah, my dad decided to help us fixing our house even though it is only temporary solution. I can try to save money and do part-time jobs once I start my study abroad. That way, I can send the money to my mom to repair our house.

And thank you to those who sent me supportive PM, and responded to or even just read my thread.

May Allah let us all meet in Jannah.

With love,
-arisa-
Assalamualaikum

I understand difficulty you face. If now your father decide to fix your house, Alhamdulillah. At least one problem has been solved although temporarily. Now what you must do is working to fulfill your family needs. You can also seek side income with your skill and creativity. There are many things that you can do such as teaching English, selling your friends products, etc.

And one important message from me is, if not in emergency situation do not sell the family properties like car, furniture, or house. You can be regret later. Try to survive although with limited financial. It's not easy indeed. But if you always in tawakal and always do ikhtiar, In Shaa Allah, Allah will give you easiness.

I am sorry if I can't help you, because there are many other people who need help too. But I know that you understand it.

Yang sabar ya, mbak Arisa. :)
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Scottish Celt
05-31-2017, 05:12 PM
Originally Posted by -arisa-
Thank you so much sister :statisfie
There is good news today! Alhamdulillah, my dad decided to help us fixing our house even though it is only temporary solution. I can try to save money and do part-time jobs once I start my study abroad. That way, I can send the money to my mom to repair our house.

And thank you to those who sent me supportive PM, and responded to or even just read my thread.

May Allah let us all meet in Jannah.

With love,
-arisa-
salam alaikum

that's great news sis, I am happy for you,and now things can only get better for you and your family
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-arisa-
05-31-2017, 09:41 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
Assalamualaikum.

After I know that sister Arisa is from Indonesia I begin to understand difficulty that she face.

Noticed from the concern for education, I guess, sister Arisa was coming from educated middle-class family, with father who worked to fulfill the family needs, and mother who was housewife. But then the parent divorced, and the father remarried with someone else and established his own family. The father still tried to fulfill sister Arisa family. But fulfill the needs of two families is not easy. Also the priority is given to the father new family. It make sister Arisa family often in financial difficulty, especially since the last few years.

Sister Arisa family indeed, is always in financial difficulty. However, in society her family still considered as middle class. It make her cannot get financial help from charity foundation or government institution.

There are many people who still live in poverty in Indonesia. Indeed, there are program to help the poor, including house renovation program. But the budget is very limited while the poor who need help are many. And like I have said, sister Arisa family still considered as middle-class, not considered as poor that can get financial help.
Wa-Alaikum-Salaam brother,

You described our situation really well. Yes, we are often in financial hardship. Finding help can be quite hard, that is why we try to fix our condition ourselves. My mom tried to work in a canteen once, but my mom is not young anymore so yeah, she cannot work for a long time. She worked for a few months and quit. That was when I was an undergraduate.

We can only get financial help by relying on my mother's family. Of course, we cannot rely on them much because they have their own family as well. Another form of financial help is a scholarship at university. I had to rely on my academic performance throughout my years in university to get the scholarship. Alhamdulillah, I always get the scholarship every year. And now, my sister who is in university also tries to do the same thing. I hope she can get a scholarship.
Reply

-arisa-
05-31-2017, 09:48 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
Assalamualaikum

I understand difficulty you face. If now your father decide to fix your house, Alhamdulillah. At least one problem has been solved although temporarily. Now what you must do is working to fulfill your family needs. You can also seek side income with your skill and creativity. There are many things that you can do such as teaching English, selling your friends products, etc.

And one important message from me is, if not in emergency situation do not sell the family properties like car, furniture, or house. You can be regret later. Try to survive although with limited financial. It's not easy indeed. But if you always in tawakal and always do ikhtiar, In Shaa Allah, Allah will give you easiness.

I am sorry if I can't help you, because there are many other people who need help too. But I know that you understand it.

Yang sabar ya, mbak Arisa. :)
Well, I did teach English to my juniors in university but I can could not take their money somehow. I feel happier teaching without being paid :exhausted
And I do not think I could work since I have to focus on my upcoming placement exams at the university abroad. I have not finished the paperwork required as well. I think I can only try to do part-time job once I am overseas like what I have mentioned in previous post.

Lol, too late to say that. My mom already made up her mind to sell our car. I did not object as well because we really need to fix our house ASAP or we risk ruining our house more. And yeah, we really really try to survive.

Nah, do not say that. Listening and responding to my story is a form of help as well, I really appreciate that.

Iya mas/pak, saya sabar :)
Thanks a lot ya
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-arisa-
05-31-2017, 09:51 PM
Originally Posted by Scottish Celt
salam alaikum

that's great news sis, I am happy for you,and now things can only get better for you and your family
Wa-Alaikum-Salaam

I really hope so brother! Thanks :)
Reply

*charisma*
06-01-2017, 08:56 AM
Originally Posted by -arisa-
Wa-Alaikum-Salaam brother,

You described our situation really well. Yes, we are often in financial hardship. Finding help can be quite hard, that is why we try to fix our condition ourselves. My mom tried to work in a canteen once, but my mom is not young anymore so yeah, she cannot work for a long time. She worked for a few months and quit. That was when I was an undergraduate.

We can only get financial help by relying on my mother's family. Of course, we cannot rely on them much because they have their own family as well. Another form of financial help is a scholarship at university. I had to rely on my academic performance throughout my years in university to get the scholarship. Alhamdulillah, I always get the scholarship every year. And now, my sister who is in university also tries to do the same thing. I hope she can get a scholarship.
I apologize sister, I didn't know you were in Indonesia. I assumed you were somewhere in the west. Mashallah your english is excellent :)

Anyways, May allah ease your affairs ameen. Alhemdulilah you're getting some help. May Allah continue to aid you. Do not lose hope sis. Allah will provide inshallah.

And please never feel guilty for taking money for the work that you do. As long as it's honest work it's halal for you! Especially when you are in need of it. May Allah bless you ameen.
Reply

-arisa-
06-01-2017, 09:04 AM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
I apologize sister, I didn't know you were in Indonesia. I assumed you were somewhere in the west. Mashallah your english is excellent :)

Anyways, May allah ease your affairs ameen. Alhemdulilah you're getting some help. May Allah continue to aid you. Do not lose hope sis. Allah will provide inshallah.

And please never feel guilty for taking money for the work that you do. As long as it's honest work it's halal for you! Especially when you are in need of it. May Allah bless you ameen.
No worries sister! Do not say that, I am still learning English :embarrass

Yeah, thanks a lot for the support! May Allah bless you as well :statisfie
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*charisma*
06-01-2017, 09:08 AM
I understand how you feel. Mashallah you're a bright person, and you want to help your family, but you also need to succeed in life so you can have a better future and more opportunities, which will help your family even more. I used to feel the same with my family. Id think I wish there were two of me! One who could study, and one who could work! lol but subhanallah, this is just life. We take it day by day :)
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-arisa-
06-01-2017, 09:18 AM
Hahaha yeah!! That would be great if I could clone myself! :giggling:
I also sometimes feel that 24 hours a day is not enough to do everything!
Well, I think it is just the way Allah teaches us to really use our time productively and appreciate the limited time we have in this life :)
Reply

*charisma*
06-01-2017, 09:31 AM
Originally Posted by -arisa-
Hahaha yeah!! That would be great if I could clone myself! :giggling:
I also sometimes feel that 24 hours a day is not enough to do everything!
Well, I think it is just the way Allah teaches us to really use our time productively and appreciate the limited time we have in this life :)
Yes exactly how I'd feel as well, lool or I'd wish that I could freeze time! Subhanallah.

Alhemdulilah for everything. In the end, we all are able to overcome our burdens and look back at these times and laugh lol alhemdulilah.
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farhan
06-01-2017, 06:40 PM
:sl:

Do you have bank account linked with Paypal?

I can give you some odd jobs here and there to give you. Will be simple stuff don't worry, like you are on computer typing this now, just like that :). If interested let me know, happy to support.
Reply

-arisa-
06-02-2017, 02:41 AM
Originally Posted by Jewel
:sl:

Do you have bank account linked with Paypal?

I can give you some odd jobs here and there to give you. Will be simple stuff don't worry, like you are on computer typing this now, just like that :). If interested let me know, happy to support.
Wa-Alaikum-Salaam

Masha Allah brother, thank you so much for the offer :statisfie
Unfortunately I do not have a Paypal account. I did try to link my bank account years back but it was unsuccessful. I even asked to the bank and they said I have to own a credit card to use that service. There would be no way I can have a credit card with how much I have in my savings :hmm:

I really appreciate it brother. Super super thanks! Reading your response really brighten my day!
May Allah bless you always and gift you the best place in Jannah! :)
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AbdurRahman.
06-02-2017, 07:04 PM
:wa:

sister, you are very well educated, keep looking for a job of your profession or any other well paid job; with your education that shouldn't be too hard to come by?; be diligent; Allah assists those who persevere, and once you get a job, save up and fix your house bit by bit

it's only a matter of step by step action, some patience and waiting game until it's all sorted inshallah!
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Life_Is_Short
06-03-2017, 12:53 AM
Assalamu alaykum w. w.

Firstly sister, you must make dua to Allah SWT for surely He is able to help you. Keep steadfast in your prayers and do as many good deeds as you can.

Secondly, you must stay patient as this is a test from Allah SWT.

Thirdly, there are lots of jobs for women. Where do you live? I'll find you a job. Never turn to prostitution, it isn't a solution but rather a potential problem.
Reply

-arisa-
06-03-2017, 04:13 AM
Originally Posted by AbdullahAziz
:wa:

sister, you are very well educated, keep looking for a job of your profession or any other well paid job; with your education that shouldn't be too hard to come by?; be diligent; Allah assists those who persevere, and once you get a job, save up and fix your house bit by bit

it's only a matter of step by step action, some patience and waiting game until it's all sorted inshallah!
Well, where I live it's still hard to land a good job with only a bachelor's degree. There's this bureaucracy problem as well. That's one of the reasons I continue my study, for better job opportunities. Alhamdulillah I am awarded a scholarship and will be taking a master's in chemistry this year.

I did work as a research assistant in university right after graduation until last week but I had to resign because I need to focus on studying for my upcoming placement exams at university. The salary was enough for my monthly expense and I tried to save 75% of my salary. However, I already used almost all of my savings for the medical check-up required by the scholarship :exhausted
Thus, I have so little left and can't fix the house right now.

I'll save some money from the scholarship's stipend later so we can repair our house. I think it's still a long way to go to permanently fix our house or maybe move out. Hope I'll get a good job once I graduate from my master's! I'm thinking to apply to a university or research institute in the future.

Thanks for the support brother :statisfie
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-arisa-
06-03-2017, 04:18 AM
Originally Posted by Life_Is_Short
Assalamu alaykum w. w.

Firstly sister, you must make dua to Allah SWT for surely He is able to help you. Keep steadfast in your prayers and do as many good deeds as you can.

Secondly, you must stay patient as this is a test from Allah SWT.

Thirdly, there are lots of jobs for women. Where do you live? I'll find you a job. Never turn to prostitution, it isn't a solution but rather a potential problem.
Wa-Alaikum-Salaam sister

Yes, thank you for your advice!
I live in Indonesia. I can't really work right now because I have to focus on my placement exams :exhausted
Yeah I won't turn to prostitution. Don't worry sister :statisfie
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Life_Is_Short
06-07-2017, 12:09 AM
Originally Posted by -arisa-
Wa-Alaikum-Salaam sister

Yes, thank you for your advice!
I live in Indonesia. I can't really work right now because I have to focus on my placement exams :exhausted
Yeah I won't turn to prostitution. Don't worry sister :statisfie
Inshallah sister in that case pray two nafl to Allah SWT and make dua. Only Allah is the source of our income which is written.
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