I think this is the real issue.
Originally Posted by MSBi
If it is failure you think of before you even start, failure it will be. It will be a self fulfilling prophecy and when it happens becomes ingrained in your own psyche that you are failure. As such, you lose self worth and get depression and then depend on medication. Every step of the process is a negative one and your are also facing the negative direction, how are you ever going to get out?
If it is to be, it is up to me! Not anybody (else). They can only support you. But you should want it for yourself with or without their support!
First thing. You got your qualification, second thing, you are doing further studies, third thing, you are paying bills. You are already worth something. Losing a job is not the end of the world, it only appears so because of the importance you place upon it (especially if has to do with a sense of achievement and security). But you were without a job before, so it is nothing new.
On something else, I also believe that you should find a way to get off the meds. It will definitely do you more harm than good in the long run. Better if you find a way to 'build' yourself up, spiritually and mentally. Concentrate on what you can do, learn how to improve yourself (list a few things you would like to develop) and don't stress about things you can't do.
In all honesty, nobody could help you carry the burden you choose for yourself. All we can tell you is to throw away those unnecessary ones, especially like already concluding to yourself that you will be "destroyed mentally and in your soul".
Help yourself, don't destroy yourself.