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Sadone
07-06-2017, 03:31 PM
Salaam

First time I've posted on forum I feel I will gain from this

I'm 30 year old Pakistani Muslim living in the uk

Many years ago I had arrange marriage which I didn't really want I had to.
I tried make it work but we are two different people never going to work. Stuck at it as no alternative as I was very close to my mum if I left my husband I would of had leave my mother as my brother would of banned me from family home. Alhumdulliah blessed with daughter things looking up. Always was that little voice saying your not happy. Me and my husband of that time split up then my dear mother passed away the love of my life was no more I struggled I still am to this day.

Then day by day I started to re bell stopped listening to family to my husband then I met a guy and I started to have an affair he was everything I wanted he also had son from pervious relationship so me and my daughter him n his son started to meet we were just perfect picture. This person I was with was already on final warning at work then he didn't turn up they sacked him I then started to give him money he would chill buy designer clothes go out he smokes weed I loved him I carried on by this point me and husband got divorced he moved out.

i went further into the relationship I met his family everything marriage was on cards
I was very happy my daughter was happy
then I found out he was texting his ex then I found he's texting girl from Manchester then I found out he went to his ex work place. I would always find out even tho we didn't live same city I would always find out wat he's done

then he promised he wouldn't do it again I forgive him
i fell pregnant we then got married
tried get him back into work he wouldn't stay I was going bk fwd to my home town due to work so couldn't really stay that much everything I earned give him let go of myself stopped paying bills mortgages I got into more debt. On day of my nikkah after my nikkah was done he called me took 100 pound hakmer off me give it his dad so he can pay rest of airline ticket I thought nothing of it then he said when will you give my dad money so he can buy car in Pakistan as he had promised him failed to give I didn't know wat to say so I said when my house sells his sister asked me for loan 15 thousand again said when my house sells. By then I'm in debt I lied and lied pushing dates then lying all cause I didn't have this money couldn't say no

by this point life was hell he was beating me cheating on me taking all my money swearing at my dead mother everything. I started to bleed lost baby I didn't tell anyone as he said only married me cuz was pregnant so I prentended still pregnant

his is mother this point had enough decides to join his dad in Pakistan

i eventually moved in got job in same city hitting got worse always about money money money.

eventually I left come bk to my home town but we still remained contact still give him money his family found out lying about money lies I told they all hate me I understand

this point he starts get in touch English women which was his sons uncles ex wife both father n son start spending time there I found out he assured me she was only family by then his sister asked him to move out n leave did give him option live at other sisters house until he got council accommodation but he instead decides to move in with English women this point still giving money I did give option he moved in with me he wouldn't.

Ramadan started he Kept no fast still smoking weed still at English women house she would look after his son he would go out I was still giving money brought him n his son 700 pound eid clothes yet me n my daughter had nothing

night before eid he comes to my house I picked him up I told him wasn't pregnant now he thinks never was then he wanted more interested in wat money he was getting for eid kept demanding I showed him how much I had got I had no money he beat me this time pushed my daughter to the ground previously he pulled my daughters hair. I saw text msgs between him n English women wear declaring love for each other I rang her she wouldn't tell he rang her said have I ever touched u etc she said no evidence clear on his phn plus he had love bite


Long story short he took last 125 pound I had he hit me my child he then he drove my car 40 miles to his home town writes dirty slag on my car buys food stands on English women's road says my life is with her now I said plz eid tomorrow got no money how will I feed my child he give my daughter two pound. He mentioned she's getting so,e claim money 20k car accident 4 whip lash claims

he has told me he hates me and that I lied that his sister looking fwd to my baby as she had lost her own he's told me stay away

he hasn't mentioned divorce nothing

I've lost everything money job house had declare self bankrupt I give him everything

i know now I should not of lied everyone says to me not my fault why do I hurt why can't I hate him

sit around all day to see if he calls he has not

he is contacting his ex trying get bk with her she doesn't want to know
hes texting his cousin wife his cousin jail previously he spread rumour slept with his cousin wife he was trying say he didn't say that he wudnt disrespect her

all through our relationship been begging his ex bk has even said he would divorce me for her

he hw calls me tramp I'm ugly he's Better I can Neva be women

please be honest I feel this all my fault he won't come bk
my car has dirty slag written all over it

wait around checking my phn for him call he don't I've tried he said it's over he swears

plz help me

I love him

- - - Updated - - -

I forgot to mention his car was on fianance I struggled to pay money was drying up the car was going into repossession but he got stopped by police and car now in police impound give him money twice but he didn't get out now bill 1100
he blames me for the car for living his job for losing his parents house blames me everything all lies everything
Reply

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Hamza Asadullah
07-07-2017, 05:19 AM
Originally Posted by Sadone
Salaam

First time I've posted on forum I feel I will gain from this

I'm 30 year old Pakistani Muslim living in the uk

Many years ago I had arrange marriage which I didn't really want I had to.
I tried make it work but we are two different people never going to work. Stuck at it as no alternative as I was very close to my mum if I left my husband I would of had leave my mother as my brother would of banned me from family home. Alhumdulliah blessed with daughter things looking up. Always was that little voice saying your not happy. Me and my husband of that time split up then my dear mother passed away the love of my life was no more I struggled I still am to this day.

Then day by day I started to re bell stopped listening to family to my husband then I met a guy and I started to have an affair he was everything I wanted he also had son from pervious relationship so me and my daughter him n his son started to meet we were just perfect picture. This person I was with was already on final warning at work then he didn't turn up they sacked him I then started to give him money he would chill buy designer clothes go out he smokes weed I loved him I carried on by this point me and husband got divorced he moved out.

i went further into the relationship I met his family everything marriage was on cards
I was very happy my daughter was happy
then I found out he was texting his ex then I found he's texting girl from Manchester then I found out he went to his ex work place. I would always find out even tho we didn't live same city I would always find out wat he's done

then he promised he wouldn't do it again I forgive him
i fell pregnant we then got married
tried get him back into work he wouldn't stay I was going bk fwd to my home town due to work so couldn't really stay that much everything I earned give him let go of myself stopped paying bills mortgages I got into more debt. On day of my nikkah after my nikkah was done he called me took 100 pound hakmer off me give it his dad so he can pay rest of airline ticket I thought nothing of it then he said when will you give my dad money so he can buy car in Pakistan as he had promised him failed to give I didn't know wat to say so I said when my house sells his sister asked me for loan 15 thousand again said when my house sells. By then I'm in debt I lied and lied pushing dates then lying all cause I didn't have this money couldn't say no

by this point life was hell he was beating me cheating on me taking all my money swearing at my dead mother everything. I started to bleed lost baby I didn't tell anyone as he said only married me cuz was pregnant so I prentended still pregnant

his is mother this point had enough decides to join his dad in Pakistan

i eventually moved in got job in same city hitting got worse always about money money money.

eventually I left come bk to my home town but we still remained contact still give him money his family found out lying about money lies I told they all hate me I understand

this point he starts get in touch English women which was his sons uncles ex wife both father n son start spending time there I found out he assured me she was only family by then his sister asked him to move out n leave did give him option live at other sisters house until he got council accommodation but he instead decides to move in with English women this point still giving money I did give option he moved in with me he wouldn't.

Ramadan started he Kept no fast still smoking weed still at English women house she would look after his son he would go out I was still giving money brought him n his son 700 pound eid clothes yet me n my daughter had nothing

night before eid he comes to my house I picked him up I told him wasn't pregnant now he thinks never was then he wanted more interested in wat money he was getting for eid kept demanding I showed him how much I had got I had no money he beat me this time pushed my daughter to the ground previously he pulled my daughters hair. I saw text msgs between him n English women wear declaring love for each other I rang her she wouldn't tell he rang her said have I ever touched u etc she said no evidence clear on his phn plus he had love bite


Long story short he took last 125 pound I had he hit me my child he then he drove my car 40 miles to his home town writes dirty slag on my car buys food stands on English women's road says my life is with her now I said plz eid tomorrow got no money how will I feed my child he give my daughter two pound. He mentioned she's getting so,e claim money 20k car accident 4 whip lash claims

he has told me he hates me and that I lied that his sister looking fwd to my baby as she had lost her own he's told me stay away

he hasn't mentioned divorce nothing

I've lost everything money job house had declare self bankrupt I give him everything

i know now I should not of lied everyone says to me not my fault why do I hurt why can't I hate him

sit around all day to see if he calls he has not

he is contacting his ex trying get bk with her she doesn't want to know
hes texting his cousin wife his cousin jail previously he spread rumour slept with his cousin wife he was trying say he didn't say that he wudnt disrespect her

all through our relationship been begging his ex bk has even said he would divorce me for her

he hw calls me tramp I'm ugly he's Better I can Neva be women

please be honest I feel this all my fault he won't come bk
my car has dirty slag written all over it

wait around checking my phn for him call he don't I've tried he said it's over he swears

plz help me

I love him

- - - Updated - - -

I forgot to mention his car was on fianance I struggled to pay money was drying up the car was going into repossession but he got stopped by police and car now in police impound give him money twice but he didn't get out now bill 1100
he blames me for the car for living his job for losing his parents house blames me everything all lies everything
:sl:

My sister abuse whether physical or mental should never take place in a marriage nor be tolerated and so one needs to take the necessary action to protect oneself and ones children in such situations. Have you tried contacting any women's domestic violence support groups? Please contact Solace immediately. They are based in London but also provide support outside London and can signpost you to the right contacts. They are a support group for Muslim sisters:

http://www.solaceuk.org/index.php/apply-for-help

May Allah ease your affairs. Ameen
Reply

M.I.A.
07-07-2017, 05:04 PM
Its a prison of your own making...

Love allah swt.

..and he will love you back...


So where is allah swt?

Allah swt is in the things you put forward.


...just as he has done.

"/

Although maybe a little differently.

..then one day maybe those planning for you might carry a different agenda.
..
Different day.


I hate this place sometimes. :facepalm:
Reply

azc
07-07-2017, 06:07 PM
:wa: don't let him make you fool again and again; and take care of your daughter
Reply

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Sadone
07-07-2017, 07:52 PM
Originally Posted by azc
:wa: don't let him make you fool again and again; and take care of your daughter

I cannot believe how blind I become he was clever manipulating everything blaming me

now just me n my daughter never allow her come to any harm again just wish never met him

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you

I have support worker trying life back together

more i I put this up as I blame myself he blames me saying ruined this marriage my heart tells he did all this was all about money he used me

never wish this on anyone 12 months of badness I've had some don't even get through there life time
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
07-07-2017, 07:57 PM
Originally Posted by Sadone
I cannot believe how blind I become he was clever manipulating everything blaming me

now just me n my daughter never allow her come to any harm again just wish never met him

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you

I have support worker trying life back together

more i I put this up as I blame myself he blames me saying ruined this marriage my heart tells he did all this was all about money he used me

never wish this on anyone 12 months of badness I've had some don't even get through there life time
:sl:

My sister this relationship started as a result of a pre marital relationship which are devoid of blessings. However you must look forward now and learn from what has past. Get closer to Allah and ask of him to aide and help you to get your life back together.

Please read through the following thread which will help you inshaAllah:

Advice for those suffering from pre-Marital relationship:

How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship
Reply

Sadone
07-07-2017, 08:21 PM
I know what I did was wrong, I committed grave sin had an affair broke my marriage to go get married to this guy who did all this to me I have apologised sincerely to my ex husband told him everything so he has closure I am praying repenting to Allah

i dont understand not meant be then then why did we get married

i just keep blaming myself

myself he has not gone said to me stay away it's over he doesn't understand give him everything today got nothing I forgive him over n over anyone else wouldn't of stood for it

I just leave to Allah

i feel been unjusticed by this person
Reply

azc
07-08-2017, 03:53 AM
Originally Posted by Sadone
I cannot believe how blind I become he was clever manipulating everything blaming me now just me n my daughter never allow her come to any harm again just wish never met him- - - Updated - - -Thank you I have support worker trying life back together more i I put this up as I blame myself he blames me saying ruined this marriage my heart tells he did all this was all about money he used me never wish this on anyone 12 months of badness I've had some don't even get through there life time
May Allah swt make it easy for you. Ameen
Reply

greenhill
07-08-2017, 04:40 AM
Welcome to the forum.

I'm not sure I am reading this correctly... but I find that from what you write, this is something you have put yourself into. The choices you make, the feelings you get and the conclusions you come to. Then from carrying out those actions despite the 'realities' that may result because of it you find yourself in a predicament . . .

Where you are now is easily foretold right from the outset. What you do also has a karmic effect of rebounding back to you. You had an affair, now you find out he has several! But starting with you concluding that you both were from different people and it will never work, then it will never work because no relationship is without problems. It is developing the relationship that is the work.

Falling for the wrong guy is another problem. You had someone that provided for you (but you feel unhappy) you go to a guy that abuses you and you have to provide for him, yet you feel ok (happier perhaps?) then I cannot comment vey much. I am not sure you are thinking straight.

There is a lot for you to reconsider and learn to stand firm. What is right should be first, what you want should be a very distant second.

Wishing you a great stay.


:peace:
Reply

eesa the kiwi
07-08-2017, 09:42 AM
Were you praying your five daily salah throughout all of this?
Reply

Sadone
07-08-2017, 11:47 AM
Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi
Were you praying your five daily salah throughout all of this?

no I was not praying 5 times naamaz

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by greenhill
Welcome to the forum.

I'm not sure I am reading this correctly... but I find that from what you write, this is something you have put yourself into. The choices you make, the feelings you get and the conclusions you come to. Then from carrying out those actions despite the 'realities' that may result because of it you find yourself in a predicament . . .

Where you are now is easily foretold right from the outset. What you do also has a karmic effect of rebounding back to you. You had an affair, now you find out he has several! But starting with you concluding that you both were from different people and it will never work, then it will never work because no relationship is without problems. It is developing the relationship that is the work.

Falling for the wrong guy is another problem. You had someone that provided for you (but you feel unhappy) you go to a guy that abuses you and you have to provide for him, yet you feel ok (happier perhaps?) then I cannot comment vey much. I am not sure you are thinking straight.

There is a lot for you to reconsider and learn to stand firm. What is right should be first, what you want should be a very distant second.

Wishing you a great stay.


:peace:

i know I caused a lot my gravest mistake was have an affair.

Hard to explain I do believe that what I did to my ex husband has bitten me bk

i really thought I would be happy my current husband very manipulative everything was always my fault.

chasing something wasn't mine

out of this I'm worse off lost everything I know parts were due my fault

:(
Reply

greenhill
07-08-2017, 09:50 PM
Alhamdulillah. You realise.

Now you have to be patient with what He gives to you. The heavier the tests you face here on this earthly life and bear with it patiently, from my understanding is that it has ways of blotting out sins of the past. So bemoan not and make those corrections in your life. Hopefully you would have already dumped him for good.

The thing is, I have found that in failure, really if we were to analyse it deep, there were many things we could have done to have solved the matter but chose a different course of action instead. At times leading to destruction.

I believe we have lost the way in our expectations as a husband and wife from the influence of western media.. not only the marriage, but the lifestyle too. Then we forget to count our blessings.

I don't know where I am exactly going with this but I fear you will have your work cut out for you and that you will be strong to face it and remember that it is all a test with the rewards in the hereafter.

Be mindful of repeating the same mistakes again in the future. Falling for sweet promises and believing all too quickly.


:peace:
Reply

Sadone
07-08-2017, 11:57 PM
Originally Posted by greenhill
Alhamdulillah. You realise.

Now you have to be patient with what He gives to you. The heavier the tests you face here on this earthly life and bear with it patiently, from my understanding is that it has ways of blotting out sins of the past. So bemoan not and make those corrections in your life. Hopefully you would have already dumped him for good.

The thing is, I have found that in failure, really if we were to analyse it deep, there were many things we could have done to have solved the matter but chose a different course of action instead. At times leading to destruction.

I believe we have lost the way in our expectations as a husband and wife from the influence of western media.. not only the marriage, but the lifestyle too. Then we forget to count our blessings.

I don't know where I am exactly going with this but I fear you will have your work cut out for you and that you will be strong to face it and remember that it is all a test with the rewards in the hereafter.

Be mindful of repeating the same mistakes again in the future. Falling for sweet promises and believing all too quickly.


:peace:
thank you so much, for your advice all taken board I'm glad posted this thread wanted advice views from other Muslims who don't know me who just side with tell something make me feel better

in sh allah me and my daughter concentrate on our deen may Allah guide us


jzk
Reply

happymuslim
07-09-2017, 12:57 AM
May Allah help everyone on this forum to never have a marriage like this ameen
Reply

azc
07-09-2017, 02:07 AM
Originally Posted by Sadone
thank you so much, for your advice all taken board I'm glad posted this thread wanted advice views from other Muslims who don't know me who just side with tell something make me feel better in sh allah me and my daughter concentrate on our deen may Allah guide us jzk
Now it's the responsibility of your parents/elders to find a suitable man for you.
Reply

Sadone
07-09-2017, 11:30 AM
Originally Posted by happymuslim
May Allah help everyone on this forum to never have a marriage like this ameen

Ameen

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by azc
Now it's the responsibility of your parents/elders to find a suitable man for you.
Im on my own one person who would help me which was my mother passed away
my dad not interested
and rest all just add there two pennies my own sister always digging at me

I've lost everything I have faith in Allah will mk it again

thank you for kind words
Reply

azc
07-09-2017, 05:34 PM
Originally Posted by Sadone
Ameen- - - Updated - - -Im on my own one person who would help me which was my mother passed away my dad not interested and rest all just add there two pennies my own sister always digging at me I've lost everything I have faith in Allah will mk it again thank you for kind words
May Allah swt make it easy for you. Ameen
Reply

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