format_quote Originally Posted by
temp123
Hi all, I'm new to this community so excuse me if i'm breaking any posting rules.
The reason for why I started this thread is because I have quite a big problem whenever I have a first meeting with potential fiancees. It's all hunkey dorey until the inevitable question of occupation arises, what is your job? My problem lies in the fact that I don't have a job because of years of trading and investing. I have made a lifetimes salary in my early twenties so I don't see the need to work. You may be wondering where the problem lies, well as soon as the question of jobs is asked and i give my answer of either; I don't have one/ I'm an investor/ I'm retired, the next logical question for them to ask is, so how much do you make (per year)? This answer usually corrupts their opinion of me into a massively favourable light and skews the rest of the pre-marital 'courtship'. I'm a humble guy and so this is alien to me. I always heard that money had this effect on people but i'd rather be on an equal playing field and be judged based on who I am and the compatibility between the girl I'm interested in.
So my question is, would it be okay to lie and say i have a normal job? I am a university graduate so it isn't completely implausible to have a reasonably high paying job. should i try to dance around the question? should I ask the family to go through the whole the pre-engagement spiel and ask about occupation as the last question?
Help pls. I've lost too much already
:sl:
Your situation is relevant to many of those who are looking for marriage and run into such situations. Firstly what I would say is regardless of how much wealth you have amassed then I don't think it should stop you from working completely. Maybe get a part time job or study something you have always wanted to do or become especially if it will benefit mankind in some way. Even if it means volunteering for a charity, working for the less privileged in your community etc. Just because Allah has given you wealth you should not allow this "comfort" to stop yo from doing that which will benefit others.
Also there is no guarantee in life with regards to one's financial situation. As you know wealth comes and goes and in a flash your amassed wealth can disappear. In that case if you haven't worked for a long time then you may find it difficult to get into a job because of having a blank CV and not being in the routine of work.
On top of that working naturally gives one respect because it is in a man's nature to work. So if you are going to get married then you want to have that natural respect from your partner, her family and yours as well as others. Also when your married then trust me you would want to work to have the excuse of getting out of the house sometimes! ;D
With regards to questions asked by a potential's family, then I can understand why they would ask you what your occupation is as it is natural that they want reassurance that you will give their daughter financial stability but I personally think asking that asking about the specifics of your salary is going too far. I would also say that you are within your rights to kindly decline having to answer such a question. What many parents do not understand is that happiness, contentment and happiness in a marriage is not in a big salary. In fact the more money many have the more problems, in many cases. Unless the wealth you have you are spending in the path of Allah night and day as per the Hadith for such a person it is permissible to envy them. Therefore spend in the way of Allah, build Islamic schools, water wells, an that which will be Sadaqa Jaariya (ongoing charity) for you. The other downfall of not working and earning is you may hesitate to spend in the path of Allah thinking you need your wealth to last you a lifetime.
With regards to what you can say to parents then there is no harm in saying you trade and invest and Alhamdulillah you are financially stable and leave i at that without having to go into the specifics. Ask of Allah to aide you in your search to find a good pious partner and good inlaws. Stand up in the latter part of the night for Tahajjud and continue praying this prayer for the rest of your life and you will find that it will bring you such peace, blessings, contentment and happiness in your marriage. This is the secret of happiness in a marriage. When both partners awaken together and pray in the latter part of the night and the kids grow up knowing their parents prayed Tahajjud and adopt the habit themselves. Subhanallah it is such a neglected prayer but one with the secret of success in this world and the next.
May Allah find you and others to find good pious partners and put peace, love, happiness, blessings and contentment into such marriages. Ameen