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aymen
07-22-2017, 06:11 PM
Salam all,

I am 27 years old and already am in a destructive relationship from the past 1 year. I get beaten and abused. Yet I cannot take divorce as I am even more scared of my future or my brain has been feeded in such a way. I think that too has something to do with my husband. He has lowered my self-esteem to the extent that now I think I am useless person. I am an MS environmental science yet I am not allowed to do job despite our financial conditions being poor. Just recently, in the latest of minor skirmish I got slapped multiple times again and I closed myself in a room and hurt myself with knife. But then I controlled myself and let the thought go. The person I am turning into is giving me goosebumps so I just signed in to seek help before I turn into a Psychological patient. I am really unable to make any witty decisions right now and need sincere help.

(Cant turn to my parents for help)

Desperate and hurt
A muslim sister
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Umm Malik
07-22-2017, 10:05 PM
my dear sister ...
I feel your pain and Allah understand you and know how much you are suffering
but every hardship have in end
and Allah can change any thing with easy way
it's easy for Allah to change him and you too to the best
don't lose hope because even if you feel like there is no one with you ... you still have Allah
and wallahi in experience ... sometimes Allah do the miracles for his servant.
look at your life
try to found a sin ... repent and say a lot of istighfar ...try to change what you don't like in yourself
be happy because you have Allah
and the one who have Allah ... he already have everything
you just need to trust in him and change what you can change
and your life inshallah will be better soon
I am here with you as a sister
may Allah gather us in Jannah
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azc
07-24-2017, 11:21 AM
:wa: May Allah swt make your married life peaceful and happy. Ameen.http://islamqa.org/hanafi/askimam/29...this-behaviour
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*charisma*
07-24-2017, 12:23 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

Originally Posted by aymen
Salam all,

I am 27 years old and already am in a destructive relationship from the past 1 year. I get beaten and abused. Yet I cannot take divorce as I am even more scared of my future or my brain has been feeded in such a way. I think that too has something to do with my husband. He has lowered my self-esteem to the extent that now I think I am useless person. I am an MS environmental science yet I am not allowed to do job despite our financial conditions being poor. Just recently, in the latest of minor skirmish I got slapped multiple times again and I closed myself in a room and hurt myself with knife. But then I controlled myself and let the thought go. The person I am turning into is giving me goosebumps so I just signed in to seek help before I turn into a Psychological patient. I am really unable to make any witty decisions right now and need sincere help.

(Cant turn to my parents for help)

Desperate and hurt
A muslim sister
I'm sorry about what you are going through. First of all, it's not you who needs help, its your husband. He shouldn't be abusing you in any way. You're only one year married? You have to seek counseling and you should absolutely let your family or someone you trust know about this so that they can mediate between you both. Why are you unable to speak to your parents about it?

Secondly, please don't ever think about harming yourself. It's absolutely not worth it. Why would you abuse yourself on top of your husband abusing you? You need to be strong and find a way to get yourself out of this hole. You must strengthen your iman and trust in Allah. I see that you are very weak in that aspect.

I don't condone divorce unless it's the last resort and your safety is concerned. I would prefer that you tried to work it out with your husband, but if you are unable and had to divorce, then please do not be afraid of the outcome. You are a smart woman you will be able to take care of yourself. I assume you do not have any children either which, for now, is really good because otherwise it would have complicated things further. I suggest you speak to someone at the mosque and see what they suggest. Until then, make du'a and strengthen your confidence in yourself and your reliance in Allah inshallah. If this is the worst of your life, it can only get better from here.
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ahmedahmed
07-24-2017, 07:11 PM
Originally Posted by aymen
Salam all,

I am 27 years old and already am in a destructive relationship from the past 1 year. I get beaten and abused. Yet I cannot take divorce as I am even more scared of my future or my brain has been feeded in such a way. I think that too has something to do with my husband. He has lowered my self-esteem to the extent that now I think I am useless person. I am an MS environmental science yet I am not allowed to do job despite our financial conditions being poor. Just recently, in the latest of minor skirmish I got slapped multiple times again and I closed myself in a room and hurt myself with knife. But then I controlled myself and let the thought go. The person I am turning into is giving me goosebumps so I just signed in to seek help before I turn into a Psychological patient. I am really unable to make any witty decisions right now and need sincere help.

(Cant turn to my parents for help)

Desperate and hurt
A muslim sister
Dear Sister in islam
i feel what you are going through is hard but dont lose hope.allah is a protector and knows every thing about us.allah is aware of the situations of his servents.
do read
ayatul kursi every morning and afternoon and when sleeping
surah ikhlas ,falaq and alnaas same daily recitations and lots of istigfar.may allah ease you suffering and pain.
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Bhabha
07-24-2017, 07:19 PM
Originally Posted by aymen
Salam all,

I am 27 years old and already am in a destructive relationship from the past 1 year. I get beaten and abused. Yet I cannot take divorce as I am even more scared of my future or my brain has been feeded in such a way. I think that too has something to do with my husband. He has lowered my self-esteem to the extent that now I think I am useless person. I am an MS environmental science yet I am not allowed to do job despite our financial conditions being poor. Just recently, in the latest of minor skirmish I got slapped multiple times again and I closed myself in a room and hurt myself with knife. But then I controlled myself and let the thought go. The person I am turning into is giving me goosebumps so I just signed in to seek help before I turn into a Psychological patient. I am really unable to make any witty decisions right now and need sincere help.

(Cant turn to my parents for help)

Desperate and hurt
A muslim sister
This is the reason I am afraid of marrying.

Your husband seems like a terrible person. I do not have pity on people who abuse their wives and I highly doubt he is going to change. Can't you go to a women's shelter? Do you have a friend who can help you with shelter? I would seek divorce from this man, why can't you turn to your parents for help?
Reply

Arfa
07-31-2017, 05:24 PM
Dear sister,

Firstly you should stop hurting yourself with a knife. Since you are living in an abusive environment, you should try to seek help from some trusted source as soon as possible be it your family or friend! If you keep getting abused by your husband and hurting yourself, you will end up with zero self esteem. Trust Allah and remain steadfast in your imaan. Don't loose hope by destroying your life. Since you are educated im sure your sensible enough to find a solution out of this situation aswell.

Your husband should seek counselling or amend his ways. Involve your parents! Family intervention is an honourable practice, maybe a positive solution can come out of it. May Allah help you dear and make it easy for you Ameen
Reply

STN
07-31-2017, 08:12 PM
Originally Posted by aymen
Salam all,

I am 27 years old and already am in a destructive relationship from the past 1 year. I get beaten and abused. Yet I cannot take divorce as I am even more scared of my future or my brain has been feeded in such a way. I think that too has something to do with my husband. He has lowered my self-esteem to the extent that now I think I am useless person. I am an MS environmental science yet I am not allowed to do job despite our financial conditions being poor. Just recently, in the latest of minor skirmish I got slapped multiple times again and I closed myself in a room and hurt myself with knife. But then I controlled myself and let the thought go. The person I am turning into is giving me goosebumps so I just signed in to seek help before I turn into a Psychological patient. I am really unable to make any witty decisions right now and need sincere help.

(Cant turn to my parents for help)

Desperate and hurt
A muslim sister
Get your family involved, of course you can turn to your parents for help...they are your parents!. Tell them of this sick man's actions. If he then says even something bad or hurts you in anyway, run and divorce.

If you don't have kids, you're saved. Don't have kids until this man sees the wrong of his ways and treats you better for years.

Divorce is looked bad upon in Islam but that doesn't mean you have to endure torture and physical beating. What kind of man beats his wife after 1 year of marriage.

Sister, it is nothing but a sign of bad things. If you were to have kids and this wife beater would then be a father, he would make his kids lives hell.

If you have a brother, tell him and make him beat him to a pulp till he understand you are not to be hurt in anyway. I kid you not, there was a guy in our neighborhood who used to beat his wife and the girl told his brother who came and beat that man, beat him and beat him, made him cry and now he's a loving husband. Some men need some good beating before they learn to respect someone's sister who are given to them in wedding.

And if he doesn't start treating you better, don't be afraid of divorce especially at this early in marriage. You will get remarried and if not, so what...what kind of life is living with a wife beater? No self-respecting man would raise hands on his wife. Put your trust in Allah.

Why does he beat you?
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