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snakeisthatyou
07-24-2017, 03:53 PM
Salam all, I will try my best to keep this short.
My family recently have been pushing me to move out and live with my brother. His place is beautiful in a nice city so I'm all for it. Only issue is his crippling marijuana addiction. Smokes out of his bong numerous times a day, gets defensive when I bring it up and it's not something I'm comfortable with nor happy to be around. I don't know what to do, I'm afraid to tell my parents and I feel like I'm constantly letting them down because they think I'm just being lazy by not living with him. Please help, this constantly consumes me.
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Bhabha
07-24-2017, 04:03 PM
Is your family Muslim?
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snakeisthatyou
07-24-2017, 04:06 PM
Yes and very religious
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Bhabha
07-24-2017, 04:08 PM
Originally Posted by snakeisthatyou
Yes and very religious
Why are they asking you to move out and live with your brother? I'm confused.
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snakeisthatyou
07-24-2017, 04:11 PM
They want me to help him with his business. They're not forcing me to do anything, but theyre suggesting it. I want to but with his selfish acts of getting high all the time, I can't relax there.
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Bhabha
07-24-2017, 04:15 PM
Originally Posted by snakeisthatyou
They want me to help him with his business. They're not forcing me to do anything, but theyre suggesting it. I want to but with his selfish acts of getting high all the time, I can't relax there.
Well, you can see this as an opportunity to help him get out of his addictions, for guidance in a non-forceful way. Does he live far from you?
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snakeisthatyou
07-24-2017, 04:24 PM
40-50 minute drive. not too far. He's been like this for years. He gets defensive and violent if I bring it up or speak up
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Bhabha
07-24-2017, 04:46 PM
So don't bring it up and don't speak. If he lives 45 minutes from you, no need to move in with him, this is a normal commute for some people to work. Get to the underlying issues of why he's using it, without actually asking him about it.
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azc
07-24-2017, 05:02 PM
Originally Posted by snakeisthatyou
Salam all, I will try my best to keep this short.My family recently have been pushing me to move out and live with my brother. His place is beautiful in a nice city so I'm all for it. Only issue is his crippling marijuana addiction. Smokes out of his bong numerous times a day, gets defensive when I bring it up and it's not something I'm comfortable with nor happy to be around. I don't know what to do, I'm afraid to tell my parents and I feel like I'm constantly letting them down because they think I'm just being lazy by not living with him. Please help, this constantly consumes me.
inform your parents about his drug addiction.
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Bhabha
07-24-2017, 05:06 PM
Originally Posted by azc
inform your parents about his drug addiction.
So then his brother doesn't ever confide in him or share with him anything?
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azc
07-24-2017, 05:21 PM
Originally Posted by Bhabha
So then his brother doesn't ever confide in him or share with him anything?
I can't say this. But the important thing is to stop him from further damage to his health.
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snakeisthatyou
07-24-2017, 05:23 PM
I'm scared of losing his trust and having their heart broken. I can't face either of those.

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by Bhabha
So then his brother doesn't ever confide in him or share with him anything?
I agree and this is a factor. I can't have that happen
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Bhabha
07-24-2017, 05:26 PM
Originally Posted by azc
I can't say this. But the important thing is to stop him from further damage to his health.
Someone who is taking marijuana will not just "stop" because his parents were told. What is most likely to happen is 1) he looses the trust of his brother and 2) he doesn't want to speak to his parents because now you will have three parties nagging to him about marijuana 3) he might derail more from the religion out of spite for being told what to do.

Does the OP know how long his brother has been using marijuana? How often does he use it?
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snakeisthatyou
07-24-2017, 05:43 PM
Originally Posted by Bhabha
Someone who is taking marijuana will not just "stop" because his parents were told. What is most likely to happen is 1) he looses the trust of his brother and 2) he doesn't want to speak to his parents because now you will have three parties nagging to him about marijuana 3) he might derail more from the religion out of spite for being told what to do.

Does the OP know how long his brother has been using marijuana? How often does he use it?
He got caught once 5 years ago. I cleaned up his mess for him. I took his drug tests and I defended him because hes my older brother. He claimed to have stopped so I am not sure how long he's done it for. But i know he smokes numerous times a day. I'd say 3-5 times.
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Bhabha
07-24-2017, 05:53 PM
Originally Posted by snakeisthatyou
He got caught once 5 years ago. I cleaned up his mess for him. I took his drug tests and I defended him because hes my older brother. He claimed to have stopped so I am not sure how long he's done it for. But i know he smokes numerous times a day. I'd say 3-5 times.
Where do you live? Do you know why he started smoking? Marijuana smokers have a wide range of causes that prompt them to start....

Some are depression, anxiety, inability to cope with stressful situations,
Others are for pain (medicinal purposes); when medication doesn't help the situation.
etc.
There are transitional smokers, those that go through a phase and eventually stop after the phase has died out.
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snakeisthatyou
07-24-2017, 06:01 PM
Originally Posted by Bhabha
Where do you live? Do you know why he started smoking? Marijuana smokers have a wide range of causes that prompt them to start....

Some are depression, anxiety, inability to cope with stressful situations,
Others are for pain (medicinal purposes); when medication doesn't help the situation.
etc.
There are transitional smokers, those that go through a phase and eventually stop after the phase has died out.
I live in Canada where weed is more common than water. He began in university and these days he explains it helps with work stress. his job isn't stressful enough to need drugs, i assure you
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Bhabha
07-24-2017, 07:00 PM
Originally Posted by snakeisthatyou
I live in Canada where weed is more common than water. He began in university and these days he explains it helps with work stress. his job isn't stressful enough to need drugs, i assure you
I live in Canada as well. Maybe it's something else within the work, but not the actual duties of the job itself that make him stressed out? Is he single?

Have you tried explaining the harmful effects of marijuana?

(decreased and debilitates sperm count) for one...
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ahmedahmed
07-24-2017, 07:04 PM
tell him to read surah ikhlas,falaq and naas and ayatul kursi every morning and afternoon and also when sleeping.drug is a satanic tool to overwhelm the mind of the humans.indeed,sheitan may allah curse him is our wost enemy.
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snakeisthatyou
07-24-2017, 10:02 PM
Originally Posted by Bhabha
I live in Canada as well. Maybe it's something else within the work, but not the actual duties of the job itself that make him stressed out? Is he single?

Have you tried explaining the harmful effects of marijuana?

(decreased and debilitates sperm count) for one...
He has a girlfriend. Shes just some white girl, I often hint at him getting married. I know his life well enough to know nothing is causing him enough stress to confide in drugs. and he won't listen to negative effects. He's just like the rest of society, preaching its healthy and cures everything
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*charisma*
07-24-2017, 11:08 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

Sounds like your brother just likes to get high. THere's no reason for him to smoke weed, and even if there were a reason, it's haram.

You have to be his sound of reason and just keep reminding him about it. He might get defensive and annoyed, but deep down I know he knows you're right. He just wants to do what he wants to do without any consequences from anyone. Unfortunately this is a common issue with some young men these days. They try to make what is haram into halal, and then keep falling into haram with other things. He needs to strengthen his iman, so if he's not listening to you in the aspect of leaving weed, then maybe you he will listen to you about other aspects of the deen which will lead him to leaving it. He shouldn't have a girlfriend either if he's not willing to get married. There's a halal way to do things, and he is choosing the haram route. It's ok to keep nagging him about these things because we are sent to be reminders to one another. As an older brother he should be setting a good example for you, so it's sad that you are the one having to do it for him.
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Bhabha
07-25-2017, 01:41 PM
Originally Posted by snakeisthatyou
He has a girlfriend. Shes just some white girl, I often hint at him getting married. I know his life well enough to know nothing is causing him enough stress to confide in drugs. and he won't listen to negative effects. He's just like the rest of society, preaching its healthy and cures everything
"Just some white girl" -_- I take it you don't like white people?

Just like Charisma mentioned, keep reminding him about the harms of it in a subconscious manner. Not to his face in a confrontational manner, or that might backfire.
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FinalNyc
07-26-2017, 06:07 AM
Originally Posted by azc
I can't say this. But the important thing is to stop him from further damage to his health.
I agree with you.
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DanEdge
07-26-2017, 09:17 AM
Greetings,

I have been through this before, and it's very tough. For myself, I would say it's not a good idea to live with a family member who is using drugs. Whether you decide to make an issue of it or not, it will create conflict in the relationship. It will make both of you uncomfortable. In my experience, it's no use harping on someone for drug use unless it becomes life-threateningly destructive. Then it's time for rehab. Not that one should never say anything about it at all, just not bring it up all the time.

Weed is one of the weakest drugs out there, and many who smoke weed don't move on to harder drugs. Hopefully that will be the case with your brother. The best thing one can do is stay out of harm's way and offer unconditional love and support.

Thanks for reading,

--Dan Edge
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