Walaikum Assalam
I'll try to help by breaking down your problems a bit.
format_quote Originally Posted by
sadia.rajput
.i kind of had a traumatic childhood with my mum and dad always fighting(physically)
This can be traumatic for some children. However, I really want you to consider that this isn't your fault nor are you in control of what your parents do. If you can make a difference and make the situation better, then you may do that, but if you cannot, then please do not let it bother you. They are adults, they are responsible for their own actions and you shouldn't feel so affected by it.
format_quote Originally Posted by
sadia.rajput
i had extreme social anxiety....so i left school(please don't tell me to go back to school i cannot go back i'd rather get home schooled)
I used to have social anxiety when I was younger. I hated being around others. When you feel so bad about yourself, its very easy to think that others feel the same about you as well. But the truth is, no one is really thinking about you as much as you think they are. It's all in the mind. The thing that honestly cured it was learning more about Islam and finding strength in that. Our lives are based on our good deeds right? So if having anxiety is keeping you from being the best and strongest muslim you can be, then you have to get rid of it. You need to be stronger so that nothing can affect you. When you allow anyone to make you feel bad or give you anxiety, then you're preventing yourself from growing and healing. They're not important, but YOU are, so don't give them that power.
format_quote Originally Posted by
sadia.rajput
also jealous relatives used black magic to ruin my family(which they've been very successful in)
by the way black magic is very commonly used in my country sadly
You can protect yourself from black magic by making the morning and evening du'as, and also reciting verses from the Quran on yourself. Your family life could be this way by the bad choices family members have made and not by black magic. Either way, you need to strengthen your reliance and faith in Allah.
format_quote Originally Posted by
sadia.rajput
yes i am not very religious but not extremely non religious,i know that it's also a reason i'm this way but my ocd is so strong that i always miss prayers and get easily distracted(ADHD)that i forget to pray,i don't know what or who to blame me or my disorder?
OCD doesn't happen overnight. It's something you focused on too much which made you this way. You can easily remember whether you have done your prayers or not by making a chart which you can mark everytime you have completed prayers, or you can set an alarm and be diligent in making prayers on time, etc. There are several ways to ensure that your prayers are done. There's no reason to have OCD over this to the extent that you forget prayers.
format_quote Originally Posted by
sadia.rajput
the situation of my mind has become so bad that well it doesn't wish for anything but death(please do not say it's cowardly to wish death or something just because many of you haven't experienced depression or these thoughts,but i have sense it's forbidden
Never make this a choice for yourself. You can't expect changes in your life if you are not making any improvements. You cannot be happier if you are allowing unimportant things to affect your life. No matter how much suffering you feel like you are going through, it will get better as long as you do something positive about it inshallah and seek the help of Allah. But if you do nothing but feel bad about your situation all the time, then shaytan will keep coming to you and make you feel so depressed. I know you have siblings which are handling the situation differently and maybe this makes you feel alone because no one in your family can relate to you, but you need to persevere. Maybe the situation isn't as bad as you really think it is, but because you dwell on it so much and put everything on your shoulders, it feels worse. So stop doing that :) If you can't change the things that bother you, then don't worry about them. And if you can, then work harder in improving them. In the end, try to enjoy life more. You're still young. May Allah make it easy for you ameen.