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[Mustafa16]

my dad said he would talk to me after a long time of not talking to me due to me threatening suicide.
i deicded to do the fast of Dawud (AS)
My mother pressured me into not talking to my father and telling him to be a better father.
i told him by text.
i felt guilty, and told my mother severing ties of kinship were haram, but she didnt listen and forbade me from texting him.
i told my friend, my gulenist friend who fled turkey, and he said i am merely practicing dissassociation from people who are toxic, which the Prophet did, so I listen.
I felt guilty so i texted my dad anyway.
no reply for days.
i text my dad again apologizing.
no reply.
still no reply.
my mother's relationship with me is getting toxic, and i took too many sleeping pills to calm myself down. i am currently dizzy, and almost drunk.
my mother even choked me and partially broke my phone to the point there was a black mark on the screen.
she recorded me, and said i was a pedophile (I was crushing on a 12 year old pubescent girl), and said she would upload it to youtube, which is what prompted suicidal thoughts and OD on pills.
i called a bunch of gulenists and they all blamed me.
i left islam......
i felt as if I was going to die from overdose, so i made taubah to Allah took shahadah, and prayed salah.
i decided gulenists were a toxic group, and i merely needed to distance myself from my mother while remaining dutiful to her, but not severing ties.
i made taubah, decided i was going to do a lot of ruqyah and dhikr, and do a lot of ibadat and dua, and get off of the addictive pharmaceuticals like brother @Abz2000 suggested before, after talking with my social worker and mother, and instead try to cure it with black seed oil, zikr, spirituality, and honey as ive been doing, but with more intensity. im strongly considering ditching the gulen jamaat, and maintaining distance with my aunt who told me to "go ahead and kill myself" and that "i had no reason to kill myself"
I've decided to practice the fast of dawut and only eat meat once a week, to cut down on lust, and take black seed oil and make dhikr and drink honey and listen to ruqyah and be religious to cure my anxiety and depression. please pray for me.
please reassure me that i can find a spouse without gulen movement in spite of my shyness, please help guide me, and please tell me if i can get engaged in college so long as i dont date, and how all that works. @azc please....someone....please....help me.... @Muhammad ????? why isnt anyone responding....am i a worthless human being....does allah hate me.... @crimsontide06 could you please help, brother?

[Simple_Person]

Bro, Remember Rasullah(saws)..remember Musa(as)..remember Ibrahim (as)..these three prophets are very important but also very known to us. Yet if we look at their life and who took care of them when in need we come to know it is and it was Allah. How did they get their spouses?..you again see all they were focused on was their character..they were shy and still got their spouses.

Be patient don't expect but submit. I am myself more than 10 years older than you. I do NOT have any trust in my family finding me a good spouse which would be a rather culture-Muslim if it were up to them which off course I do not want. I have said to myself..ya Allah if you give me a spouse to marry Alhamdullilah ..if you do not give me a spouse to marry also alhamdulillah. As in both the cases there are blessings in them. By not being married especially these days ..the responsibility is only looking out for myself. Is to answer to Allah only. Do not have to discuss or talk everything over with my spouse or be a mulr day in day out to work my a... off to get my family their food and their stuff. A lot of stress. The downside is obvious of not having children or a spouse to have tranquility etc. However by improving the concentration of my prayer i at least can calm my heart.

Anyways now i myself am still unmarried I see that as a blessing to be able to change as much as possible what is within myself and thus when married I would be the best husband I could be and even change more easily as being more easily to be able to change. So for now I know having a spouse is very hard and I can relate also to you as that is my biggest weakness which Allah already has made clear in the Qur'an a woman being our biggest desire than after that money and children and fast horses (cars these days) but again woman being on #1. Remember Allah sees your and my hardship however it is the test to us how to behave and how to respond as our soul is able to carry such heavy test or else Allah would have given us a spouse all along.

[Mustafa16]

Bro, Remember Rasullah(saws)..remember Musa(as)..remember Ibrahim (as)..these three prophets are very important but also very known to us. Yet if we look at their life and who took care of them when in need we come to know it is and it was Allah. How did they get their spouses?..you again see all they were focused on was their character..they were shy and still got their spouses.

Be patient don't expect but submit. I am myself more than 10 years older than you. I do NOT have any trust in my family finding me a good spouse which would be a rather culture-Muslim if it were up to them which off course I do not want. I have said to myself..ya Allah if you give me a spouse to marry Alhamdullilah ..if you do not give me a spouse to marry also alhamdulillah. As in both the cases there are blessings in them. By not being married especially these days ..the responsibility is only looking out for myself. Is to answer to Allah only. Do not have to discuss or talk everything over with my spouse or be a mulr day in day out to work my a... off to get my family their food and their stuff. A lot of stress. The downside is obvious of not having children or a spouse to have tranquility etc. However by improving the concentration of my prayer i at least can calm my heart.

Anyways now i myself am still unmarried I see that as a blessing to be able to change as much as possible what is within myself and thus when married I would be the best husband I could be and even change more easily as being more easily to be able to change. So for now I know having a spouse is very hard and I can relate also to you as that is my biggest weakness which Allah already has made clear in the Qur'an a woman being our biggest desire than after that money and children and fast horses (cars these days) but again woman being on #1. Remember Allah sees your and my hardship however it is the test to us how to behave and how to respond as our soul is able to carry such heavy test or else Allah would have given us a spouse all along.

thank you, brother ill take your advice. :) EDIT: May Allah grant you a pious spouse if it is what Allah sees befitting for you ameen.

[Mustafa16]

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[Muhammad]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I've decided to practice the fast of dawut and only eat meat once a week, to cut down on lust, and take black seed oil and make dhikr and drink honey and listen to ruqyah and be religious to cure my anxiety and depression. please pray for me.
please reassure me that i can find a spouse without gulen movement in spite of my shyness, please help guide me, and please tell me if i can get engaged in college so long as i dont date, and how all that works. @azc please....someone....please....help me.... @Muhammad ????? why isnt anyone responding....am i a worthless human being....does allah hate me.... @crimsontide06 could you please help, brother?

Brother Mustafa, you have to go easy on yourself and take things step by step. Beware of overburdening yourself. It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah رضي الله عنها said: The Messenger of Allaah صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “O people, you should do whatever good deeds you can, for Allaah does not get tired (of giving reward) until you get tired. And the most beloved of good deeds to Allaah is that in which a person persists, even if it is little. If the family of Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم started to do something, they would persist in it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 43; Muslim, 782.

Focus and give priority to the most important things, above all which is Tawheed. Belief in Allah is the foundation of Islam, so it is a must that a Muslim's beliefs about Allah be correct. Tawheed is so important that it is considered the very purpose of our creation, and it is the cause behind entering Paradise or the Hellfire. It was the message of all the Prophets.

Briefly, Tawheed involves: (1) believing in Allaah as One and Unique with regard to His actions such as creation, sovereignty, control, giving life and death, and so on; (2) devoting all acts of worship, both inward and outward, in word and deed, to Allaah Alone, and not worshipping anything or anyone other than Allaah, no matter who he is; (3) affirming the Names and Attributes of Allaah and believing that there is none like unto Allaah in His Names and Attributes.

You may think this is irrelevant to your issues. On the contrary, it is directly related. From the beauty of Tawheed is that it liberates mankind from worship and submission to other than Allaah. It strengthens the soul, because it gives the believer a strong mental attitude, by which he fills his soul with hope in Allaah, confidence in Allaah and reliance upon Allaah, pleasure with His Decree, gives him patience upon His tests and freedom from reliance upon the creation. It fills the soul of the believer with peace and satisfaction. He does not fear anyone except Allaah and Tawheed blocks the ways to fear of loss in provisions, fear from mankind and other than that from those things which are feared.

Allaah sets forth a beautiful parable in the Qur'an:

See you not how Allah sets forth a parable? A goodly word as a goodly tree, whose root is firmly fixed, and its branches (reach) to the sky (i.e. very high). Giving its fruit at all times, by the Leave of its Lord, and Allah sets forth parables for mankind in order that they may remember. [Ibrahim: 24-25]

'A goodly word' has been explained to refer to testifying to La ilaha illallah, (none has the right to be worshipped but Allah).

One of the things we understand from Tawheed is that Allaah سبحانه وتعالى is the only real power in existence - nothing happens in creation except what He allows to happen. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم further elaborated on this concept, saying:

"...Know that even if the Nation (or the whole community) were to gather together to benefit you with something, they would not benefit you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with something, they would not be able to harm you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried." (Tirmidhi)

So, having a firm understanding of Tawheed and having this strong link with Allaah سبحانه وتعالى will help to make you a stronger person. It will help you to stop worrying about the future or things which are not in your control. And, very importantly, it will keep you away from forbidden things such as horoscopes and astrology which contradict the concept that knowledge of the unseen and the future belongs solely to Allaah, and that apparent 'good fortune' and 'misfortune' are both from Allah and cannot be caused by good-luck charms or zodiacal signs.

Always think positively about Allaah سبحانه وتعالى and never think that He hates you or that you are worthless. Remember the hadith in which the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “Nothing befalls a believer, a (prick of a) thorn or more than that, but Allaah will raise him one degree in status thereby, or erase a bad deed.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5641) and Muslim (2573))

May Allaah سبحانه وتعالى rectify all your affairs, grant you complete shifaa and keep you firm upon His guidance, Aameen.