Feeling dead and lost faith

[aislamiya]

I dont know whats been happening to me recently.
in fact the last couple of months
i just feel like no matter how much i try i no longer will be connected to Allah like i was before
Allah just never gives me the good things i want. i feel like no matter how much i pray or fast or abstain from sin, Allah still makes everything hard on me.
im on my early 20s and so far most of my life has been kind of miserable. i will start university in some days but im too late anyway
and i see all the people who sin have all the things that i could use in life.
i am short which makes me very sad. i have some asthetic problems which make me feel sad (a big nose that i broke in an accident
i feel hopeless and i hesitate to even pray. but i do pray but without a feeling.i even fast and try to be a good muslim and practice, but whenever i practice, i dont feel a thing. sometimes even when i read quran i dont feel a thing. even when i listen to the quran i dont feel a thing. i feel dead inside. sometimes i pray that i want to die i feel like i cant love anyone anymore. i just dont feel like an alive person. i feel like i am only physically movin but so do zombies.
im tired of feeling like this. i dont believe in concepts of hope anymore. i was broken long time ago and that trust in Allah, i just cant fix.

[rozyred]

Salam. I understand what you say. I think everyone goes through this situation in their lives once in their lifetime. It's very good that you don't quit your rituals. This is only a test. Allah loves you and He's testing your patience. If you are praying for something and Allah doesn't give you, that doesn't mean He ignores you... Maybe whatever you are requesting isn't favorable for you. Or either You are not asking sincerely. But don't forget Allah knows the best and He will do the best for you.

check on this video: https://youtu.be/V1pOypz6TqA

[aislamiya]

Salam. I understand what you say. I think everyone goes through this situation in their lives once in their lifetime. It's very good that you don't quit your rituals. This is only a test. Allah loves you and He's testing your patience. If you are praying for something and Allah doesn't give you, that doesn't mean He ignores you... Maybe whatever you are requesting isn't favorable for you. Or either You are not asking sincerely. But don't forget Allah knows the best and He will do the best for you.

check on this video: https://youtu.be/V1pOypz6TqA

ok i will check this video. its very sad to feel dead at all times. its kind of hard to predict that the future will be good now
i want a good girl in life, but all the girls that look good somehow "arent meant to be with me " that saddens me further.
there was a beautiful girl who loved me so much in life, and i lost her and now i feel big regret. how could i let such a young lady go
why did i listen to the musliim "brother" who said she is not for me.
the wounds are deep
nothing is helping me ever since. i feel like the future is.. black

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and ok.. lets say i got over that
but whats wrong with asking Allah for a 17 year old girl - some years yonger than me
shes not a sinner. she is younger. she is beautiful. why cant she be with me ? why should all good girls go to those who deserve them? why should i be alone
? do u know how much being alone hurts? especially to me im a young person with a lot of desire.
not only sexual. but desire to be surrounded by people. and by a female companion. see up to my 20s i have taken care of my self to not fall into zinah
but was it worth it?
i see these zinah people, they get the most georgeous girls. even some very good girls to be honest! like those who took care of themselves and protected theimselves. so if these people are getting one another. why not me? why?
dont i desreve it?
its one of those things that just make me abonodon religion ( not saying like becomin agnostic or atheist) but just abondon practicing.
it drives me to a place of darkness and confusion. and it hasnt been stopping for years now. ?
i feel bad, nothing is fixiing this

[Zeal]

Maybe you're heart isn't in the right place

Remember these people may have girls but those girls may give them std's ;p and even worse hellfire
Here you've been given the greatest blessing islam. Begin to appreciate it and be grateful.


Come the akhira the arguments are gonna be reversed in a manner

Focus on yourself build iman and character ponder and reflect upon islam

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[RisingLight]

Brother Wallahi I understand you 100%.I have been going through exactly what you are going.Firstly Congratulations for staying pure,I know its not easy
Now you see these beautiful girls with zinnah people,I have seen them too,but you havent seen their behaviour as wives.They would have made your life miserable,or as Zeal here said,hellfire.Many of those girls inside are the complete opposite of their outside look.So dont envy those zinnah people,be grateful you arent married with someone you would like for a few years only

Dont stop practising.What if Allah has choosen for you an amazing girl,but the conditions arent right for you to meet? That would be shameful wouldnt it? Turning your back from the One who created a girl that will love and care about you till death.That would be shameful,so dont shame yourself

Think clearly what you want in a girl,except from beauty,then write it down.Make a few questions that will show you if a girl has these traits or not and when you see a muslim girl you like,find her wali,meet the girl and ask these questions to see if she is the one.Make duaas meanwhile and work on yourself,then the right girl will come in shaa Allah

And please stop this 17 year old thing,a 17 year old hardly knows anything about real life
Wish you all the best
Salam Alaikum :)

[aislamiya]

thanks so much for the nice words. but recently i been so dead inside, so suicidal that im not even trying to go after anyone anymore.
i feel like im already late with everything in life, and i have done so many mistakes. its too late. i guess ill never be all right

[aislamiya]

its not that im doing any big sin. i left pornography long ago. i abstain from masutbation. you see , i odnt even do these sins anymore. since we are talking about desires. not only have i never had a gf, zinah, i dont even do things on my own anymore cause i fear Allah from transgression. but if im this good, why is my state so bad? im losing my mind , wallahi its not easy!! i am litterally close to losing my mind
i even quit music- something that i used to love a lot
yet i am MISERABLE. I am more dead than the dead, you have no clue how i am inside. i feel like death is better than life nowadays. its been like this for months. i never find peace. no patience anymore

[RisingLight]

Brother I got severe depression and still having it.My life is upside down.I dont know if Allah has even abandoned me or not.Trust me I have a clue how you are inside.Those people with sins may be getting their reward here,in the dunya,and then they will have nothing in akhirah,so dont envy them.You know sometimes I think,maybe this is our blessing.,this terrible condition we are in now.Maybe Allah is removing our sins because of this,and is shaping our personality,making us ready for the future.The price to enter Jannah isnt low.Everyone has its own way of paying,maybe this is ours

I know sometimes you want to die,I wish I stopped existing too.But we have no choice but Jannah or Jannaham.We can give up after all we did and follow the shaytan,or hold tight to the rope of Allah,hoping one day we will be out of this pit

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5pyZkY93B2A

:allahuakbar1:

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

You still have faith. But you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You stopped sinning, and that's great..but what else are you doing in your life?? Instead of dwelling on everything going wrong and the things you have no control over, why not take control of the things you can change and you can do. If you can't make yourself happy, try making someone else happy who cannot do it for themselves. Think outside of yourself. Don't allow yourself to sit in depression to this extent. Depression comes from a variety of things, but it always stems from the thoughts of "what if.." and "why me?." You need to remove these thoughts from your head because they won't do you any good. As for feeling suicidal, your soul does not belong to you, it belongs to Allah. Your family also has rights to you, and what benefit will it bring you to commit suicide anyway?? We are not kuffar to believe that pain stops if we kill ourselves. The punishments of the grave are no joke. I don't understand why these days it's so easy for people to speak about wanting to commit suicide. I'm sure there are a lot of things in your life you can do. So what if you're short?? You're not the only short person in this world. Get over that insecurity. Being a good Muslim is not doing the bare minimum. How much of the Quran have you memorized? How do you treat your parents? Are they happy with you? Do you make du'a for them? There are so many things you can do to improve your life. If you're having trouble finding someone to marry, the only thing I can say is that you're probably not even ready to mentally handle marriage.

[aislamiya]

why am i not ready for marriage according to you?
the only reason its cause i am not financially able to. all the others are things that i would fix. but the sadness is that i never have luck in landing into a good girl that i like.

[Muhammedbin]

Salam aleikum brother, Everything is not in our hands but in Allahs, I have been there and almost felt like you a while, i almost left islam istaghfurallah. But dont dwell on the thing you do not have control over, you probably feel like everyone is judging you because they feel comfortable, but do not look on the thing you so not have instead focus on what you have, and be grateful. I have a Ruqya i want you to hear it, it really helped me but listen to it for 7 days. It might be long but just surrender to allah whilst you are listening to it and i hope it helps u inshallah. https://www.youtube.com/embed/vflMn02j2sY

[aislamiya]

Assalamu Alaikum

You still have faith. But you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You stopped sinning, and that's great..but what else are you doing in your life?? Instead of dwelling on everything going wrong and the things you have no control over, why not take control of the things you can change and you can do. If you can't make yourself happy, try making someone else happy who cannot do it for themselves. Think outside of yourself. Don't allow yourself to sit in depression to this extent. Depression comes from a variety of things, but it always stems from the thoughts of "what if.." and "why me?." You need to remove these thoughts from your head because they won't do you any good. As for feeling suicidal, your soul does not belong to you, it belongs to Allah. Your family also has rights to you, and what benefit will it bring you to commit suicide anyway?? We are not kuffar to believe that pain stops if we kill ourselves. The punishments of the grave are no joke. I don't understand why these days it's so easy for people to speak about wanting to commit suicide. I'm sure there are a lot of things in your life you can do. So what if you're short?? You're not the only short person in this world. Get over that insecurity. Being a good Muslim is not doing the bare minimum. How much of the Quran have you memorized? How do you treat your parents? Are they happy with you? Do you make du'a for them? There are so many things you can do to improve your life. If you're having trouble finding someone to marry, the only thing I can say is that you're probably not even ready to mentally handle marriage.

and you are saying that being short isnt a big deal?
as far as i know, all women want tall guys. ibut its build in the ladies to want taller man. and that kills me.
so many things kill me slowly. you might think they arent much big deals but its better that you dont know. being on the twenties and neever tasting a womans touch is not easy,when my friends have done those and long forgoten about their first experiences. i struggle with my desires everyday. i struggle with the fact that i shouldnt have even existed. i am late on life with everytihng

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Salam aleikum brother, Everything is not in our hands but in Allahs, I have been there and almost felt like you a while, i almost left islam istaghfurallah. But dont dwell on the thing you do not have control over, you probably feel like everyone is judging you because they feel comfortable, but do not look on the thing you so not have instead focus on what you have, and be grateful. I have a Ruqya i want you to hear it, it really helped me but listen to it for 7 days. It might be long but just surrender to allah whilst you are listening to it and i hope it helps u inshallah. https://www.youtube.com/embed/vflMn02j2sY

thanks a lot for the reply bro. i havent listened to music for the last month. im listening to quran at times and i hope that this helps. i suffer from waswas aswell.

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Assalamu Alaikum

You still have faith. But you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You stopped sinning, and that's great..but what else are you doing in your life?? Instead of dwelling on everything going wrong and the things you have no control over, why not take control of the things you can change and you can do. If you can't make yourself happy, try making someone else happy who cannot do it for themselves. Think outside of yourself. Don't allow yourself to sit in depression to this extent. Depression comes from a variety of things, but it always stems from the thoughts of "what if.." and "why me?." You need to remove these thoughts from your head because they won't do you any good. As for feeling suicidal, your soul does not belong to you, it belongs to Allah. Your family also has rights to you, and what benefit will it bring you to commit suicide anyway?? We are not kuffar to believe that pain stops if we kill ourselves. The punishments of the grave are no joke. I don't understand why these days it's so easy for people to speak about wanting to commit suicide. I'm sure there are a lot of things in your life you can do. So what if you're short?? You're not the only short person in this world. Get over that insecurity. Being a good Muslim is not doing the bare minimum. How much of the Quran have you memorized? How do you treat your parents? Are they happy with you? Do you make du'a for them? There are so many things you can do to improve your life. If you're having trouble finding someone to marry, the only thing I can say is that you're probably not even ready to mentally handle marriage.

meanwhile the zinah people are tall and get the preetiest of ladies. i have a friend who was into zinah, and still is. he even cheated on his girl.while his girl is a gem! shes the typical home kind of a girl. a wife material kind of girl.
why dont these kinds of women come to me? why do i have to wait forever? will i end up alone?
all my life i been dealing with women who werent worth it so i never truly tried. i need answers, so i may find peace

[Muhammedbin]

Is this really what the questions about my brother? Zinah? Women? You must understand that women like confident men and if islam does not give you confidence i do not know what will. Islam teaches you that your are not in control over everything and that allah is, so physiologically that should give you calamity and confidence. If you are a true muslim.

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Im not tying to go hard on you bro since you are doing that job on yourself pretty good, all im saying bro, have patience and believe in allah blindly, everything will go well after that inshallah, that there worked for me.

[aislamiya]

Is this really what the questions about my brother? Zinah? Women? You must understand that women like confident men and if islam does not give you confidence i do not know what will. Islam teaches you that your are not in control over everything and that allah is, so physiologically that should give you calamity and confidence. If you are a true muslim.

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Im not tying to go hard on you bro since you are doing that job on yourself pretty good, all im saying bro, have patience and believe in allah blindly, everything will go well after that inshallah, that there worked for me.

wallahi brother. its so hard to be patient. the desires are killing me and i fell way too alone. its not that i am un confident around women. i am confident around everybody wallah. but i dont want to go the bad ways. i want to find a good girl in life so i can show her my confidence. but a good girl i never meet!
i never ever ever get lucky to meet the women my friends meet. two of my best friends have already met the women of their lives and they are gems. me?
as always stuck behind. no money. no wife. nothing. And wallahi i intend no zinah. if i wanted i could have done it.
but i want a wife to complete half of my deen, to not feel alone. to find peace while looking at her. to fullfill my desires with her. to share a ramadan with her.
brother things arent as easy as you think

[Muhammedbin]

Bad people attracts other bad people so if you see zinnah people with beautiful girls remember that how beautiful she might seem, there is a reason why she is with a zinnah man, Im young i live in Sweden and i see those temptations alot, but that is all satans work, trust me i know how hard it is, but Allah bless people who are patient remember that.

[aislamiya]

Bad people attracts other bad people so if you see zinnah people with beautiful girls remember that how beautiful she might seem, there is a reason why she is with a zinnah man, Im young i live in Sweden and i see those temptations alot, but that is all satans work, trust me i know how hard it is, but Allah bless people who are patient remember that.

only one friend is a zinah person. the other is not. dont missunderstand that. i just feel like ill never meet the woman i need in life. i always only meet those i dont like.

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Bad people attracts other bad people so if you see zinnah people with beautiful girls remember that how beautiful she might seem, there is a reason why she is with a zinnah man, Im young i live in Sweden and i see those temptations alot, but that is all satans work, trust me i know how hard it is, but Allah bless people who are patient remember that.

dont want to spend my whole life with a " spouse " and then look around and might fall into zinah. cause i am not attracted to the woman i marry. i want a beautiful girl who is also religious. THATS what i cant find. its not that i am unconfident around women. dude i hade my chances but i left them fisibililah!

[Muhammedbin]

Im not judging you bro, I have the same desires you have and wallahi I also mako duas for that, I started really to practicing islam for about 4 months ago, I still see pictures of my friends having beautiful wives, and may allah bless them with more in life. But I believe in Allah blindly, Never say you feel alone and that might be the case but allah is always with you, no matter how big of a problem you have. Allah loves those who are patient and what is more important to you Allahs love or a women? Be patient brother for Allahs sake.

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Im not judging you bro, I have the same desires you have and wallahi I also mako duas for that, I started really to practicing islam for about 4 months ago, I still see pictures of my friends having beautiful wives, and may allah bless them with more in life. But I believe in Allah blindly, Never say you feel alone and that might be the case but allah is always with you, no matter how big of a problem you have. Allah loves those who are patient and what is more important to you Allahs love or a women? Be patient brother for Allahs sake.

[aislamiya]

Im not judging you bro, I have the same desires you have and wallahi I also mako duas for that, I started really to practicing islam for about 4 months ago, I still see pictures of my friends having beautiful wives, and may allah bless them with more in life. But I believe in Allah blindly, Never say you feel alone and that might be the case but allah is always with you, no matter how big of a problem you have. Allah loves those who are patient and what is more important to you Allahs love or a women? Be patient brother for Allahs sake.


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Im not judging you bro, I have the same desires you have and wallahi I also mako duas for that, I started really to practicing islam for about 4 months ago, I still see pictures of my friends having beautiful wives, and may allah bless them with more in life. But I believe in Allah blindly, Never say you feel alone and that might be the case but allah is always with you, no matter how big of a problem you have. Allah loves those who are patient and what is more important to you Allahs love or a women? Be patient brother for Allahs sake.

dude.. i get that Allah is with me. But wasnt Allah with Adam when he created EVE?dont misentepret what i am saying. thanks for the words but you have to understand what im saying i always pray that my friends are in peace too but , being alone IS CAUSING ME TOO MUCH FITNAH IN SOUL. its not as easy as it was some years ago. i dont know.. im mature now or whats wroong. i just cant stand being alone anymore.i came to thepoint that i even feel dead and numb due to loneliness

[Muhammedbin]

Its your testosterone levels getting higher, and you have a weakness now, that shaytan takes advantage of. " I get that Allah is with me" your wrote it as if it is something basic, Im not really judging you, listen to the ruqya i sent you I hope it helps. You are looking for answers in this forum but really allah is the one with all answers so aproach to find those answers in the right way may allah be with you brother.

[aislamiya]

Its your testosterone levels getting higher, and you have a weakness now, that shaytan takes advantage of. " I get that Allah is with me" your wrote it as if it is something basic, Im not really judging you, listen to the ruqya i sent you I hope it helps. You are looking for answers in this forum but really allah is the one with all answers so aproach to find those answers in the right way may allah be with you brother.

thanks for the words bro. may Allah reward you.

[Muhammedbin]

Jazzak Allah Kheer

[aislamiya]

Its your testosterone levels getting higher, and you have a weakness now, that shaytan takes advantage of. " I get that Allah is with me" your wrote it as if it is something basic, Im not really judging you, listen to the ruqya i sent you I hope it helps. You are looking for answers in this forum but really allah is the one with all answers so aproach to find those answers in the right way may allah be with you brother.

what kills me is that all the beautiful women in the world are zinah women. or at least have kissed someone else first. and its very rare and very hard to find a woman who is cute or hot and who is religious. and me as a religious man, what choice am i left with? dude this is killing me.

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Its your testosterone levels getting higher, and you have a weakness now, that shaytan takes advantage of. " I get that Allah is with me" your wrote it as if it is something basic, Im not really judging you, listen to the ruqya i sent you I hope it helps. You are looking for answers in this forum but really allah is the one with all answers so aproach to find those answers in the right way may allah be with you brother.

what kills me is that all the beautiful women in the world are zinah women. or at least have kissed someone else first. and its very rare and very hard to find a woman who is cute or hot and who is religious. and me as a religious man, what choice am i left with?

[Scimitar]

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what kills me is that all the beautiful women in the world are zinah women. or at least have kissed someone else first. and its very rare and very hard to find a woman who is cute or hot and who is religious. and me as a religious man, what choice am i left with?

LOL, i'm forty two, never been married... keep your chin up, young man! Be happy with what Allah has given you. Never feel so down that you forget that which Allah has blessed you with.

The glass is half full, not half empty.

[Eien]

So.. You've already been given a lot of great counsel. I think what I can offer here is my perspective as a female, to prove to you that you are not alone in your struggle. See the world from my side.

I am 25 years old and I am unmarried. In fact, only Allah knows, but I am probably not even close to being married. I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. I have a career as a software engineer at a top company. I am, I truly hope, a morally good person. I don't want to go on about my positive traits haha, but I will just say that I have several friends and family members who continually tell me how perplexed they are that I am still unmarried. But, all I can tell them is that I am yet to meet a man that fits my 4 main criteria.

And, do you know what's top on that list? I want to be with someone who has the will to believe and humility to submit their will to the one that created them. The reason I am looking for will and humility is that I know there are moments when we don't believe as is truly deserved Allah. I understand that as I have experienced that myself. But, even in those times, we never stop searching for the truth. I really want someone who wants to live according to that truth. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed. :) Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person. Anyhow, that's another topic. The point is, we won't always be young and beautiful. The one I'm with must be strong enough, compassionate enough to withstand the temptation, hardship, head and heartache that is sure to come. Thirdly, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be a better person. This is so important and though it's my third criteria, it's truly the reason I want to be married in the first place. So, perhaps it should be first, even though the previous two are like-wise required. You may not understand this until you meet someone who, just by being who they are, whether you have a relationship with them or not, draws out the best of you - but before money and comfort, this is what I need. And, fourth on that list might actually surprise you.. I want someone who has not been in a relationship before. This might seem a bit unrealistic, given the world we live in today, but of someone who has resisted all the temptation that batters us endlessly.. there is something to be said. It gives me confidence that such a person will meet my second most important criteria. And, nothing gives a girl confidence in your interest in her than if you've passed all the rest up and chose her.

Really, that's all I've been waiting for. You might think I have a whole bunch of other criteria that I'm not mentioning, and while there are about 20 other "nice-to-haves" - if I found these characteristics in someone who I felt comfortable with and happy around and they wanted to marry me, I would. What that means is basically they should be a clean, pleasant person, who I have compatible major life goals/lifestyle (ex: children, parental support, values) with. So, ok, a couple more really demanding criteria haha. I will tell you that height is definitely not even a criteria for all women, at least not for me. Of the men I have had an interested in, 2 have been shorter than myself and one my height. The rest have been taller, but being 63.5 inches tall myself, that's the majority of men.. Regarding looks, attraction is not as simple as it may seem. You seem concerned by your nose.. At least you have a nose. :P But, if your nose truly does bother you, there is no shame in changing it. But, ask yourself sincerely what that would be worth, and what you could be giving up in exchange for that.

I'll tell you honestly, over time I've gotten a bit more bitter about my situation and men in general haha. xD But, it's hard to fault them. When they're surrounded by everything they want - which is girls who flirt and do whatever they want with them, why would they be interested in someone like me? I've had several guys that were interested in me, but I just wouldn't give them what they wanted. Just a couple of weeks ago a man which I was mutually interested in invited me to his place for dinner, but I had to reject him as I just don't find it appropriate. Many guys in these days find me too restricted, and eventually they decide they want someone who's more laid back and mainstream. Sometimes it's really hard.. but, realistically I wouldn't really want to be with someone who doesn't value that which I value in myself.

Anyhow, I really wanted to share this perspective with you. But, all that I've mentioned, it's trivial. It's nothing compared to the sacredness of my and your life. Please don't take it so lightly. Don't make the assumption that should you be given all or even some that you want now, it would be any easier. Life only becomes easier with gratitude and contentment, really. And the source of that is the connection with us and the one that is unlike any other created thing. It's ok to feel pain. It's ok to express that pain as well. Open the well of your soul to the one that knows it, the one that will tend to it. Draw up the wealth within yourself and offer it. That which was put in to you is meant to be returned, increased. Don't give up on yourself. You are a fine creation of the intention behind this universe. Own that nobility. I will do my best as well, InshaAllah.

[Kawlah]

what kills me is that all the beautiful women in the world are zinah women. or at least have kissed someone else first. and its very rare and very hard to find a woman who is cute or hot and who is religious. and me as a religious man, what choice am i left with?

Salaam Ale3koem,

What is more important to you bro, that she is beautiful or that she is religious? Doesn't her deen make her beautiful unless she is truly beastly which is rare?

And if you want a woman that has never been kissed you might be in for a hard time these days indeed, but remember that Allah forgives converts for all their sins when they convert and even if they commited zina before converting after they are pure as a baby to Him. So if you look for a religious woman who is pure, maybe you should look for a convert if this is a real concern of yours.

However, my question remains on what is truly important. Is it more important that she is beautiful and never kissed anyone, or is it more important that she fears her Rabb and knows your rights over her?

[rozyred]

She fears her Rabb and knows your rights over her.

[aislamiya]

Salaam Ale3koem,

What is more important to you bro, that she is beautiful or that she is religious? Doesn't her deen make her beautiful unless she is truly beastly which is rare?

And if you want a woman that has never been kissed you might be in for a hard time these days indeed, but remember that Allah forgives converts for all their sins when they convert and even if they commited zina before converting after they are pure as a baby to Him. So if you look for a religious woman who is pure, maybe you should look for a convert if this is a real concern of yours.

However, my question remains on what is truly important. Is it more important that she is beautiful and never kissed anyone, or is it more important that she fears her Rabb and knows your rights over her?

i live in a muslim country. id like a beautiful girl who never kissed. as of religion i can teach her. i wouldnt like to have a religious wife who i dont like. im sorry i dont want to be too harsh brother. i value women as they are. they are beautiful and kind creatures. its never their fault for all the problems in the world. its mostly cause of men who cause and fight wars, and rape them and kill their children. i value women. i know that they will go through so much hurt just to bare a child. just to give me my child. but i would love, and Allah willing. a woman who makes me smile when i look at her. see i just want to be with someone i love. and theres this younger girl who i find more innocent. compared to my ages (22) most of the women are non virgin by now. brother ,it wasnt easy to stay aaway from zinah ,i would love to be paid of with a great spouse. Wallahi i intend nothing more than one spouse. someone who will love me,and someone who i will love. cause nothing in life is more important than a good spouse, even Rasulallahi saw said that.

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So.. You've already been given a lot of great counsel. I think what I can offer here is my perspective as a female, to prove to you that you are not alone in your struggle. See the world from my side.

I am 25 years old and I am unmarried. In fact, only Allah knows, but I am probably not even close to being married. I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. I have a career as a software engineer at a top company. I am, I truly hope, a morally good person. I don't want to go on about my positive traits haha, but I will just say that I have several friends and family members who continually tell me how perplexed they are that I am still unmarried. But, all I can tell them is that I am yet to meet a man that fits my 4 main criteria.

And, do you know what's top on that list? I want to be with someone who has the will to believe and humility to submit their will to the one that created them. The reason I am looking for will and humility is that I know there are moments when we don't believe as is truly deserved Allah. I understand that as I have experienced that myself. But, even in those times, we never stop searching for the truth. I really want someone who wants to live according to that truth. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed. :) Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person. Anyhow, that's another topic. The point is, we won't always be young and beautiful. The one I'm with must be strong enough, compassionate enough to withstand the temptation, hardship, head and heartache that is sure to come. Thirdly, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be a better person. This is so important and though it's my third criteria, it's truly the reason I want to be married in the first place. So, perhaps it should be first, even though the previous two are like-wise required. You may not understand this until you meet someone who, just by being who they are, whether you have a relationship with them or not, draws out the best of you - but before money and comfort, this is what I need. And, fourth on that list might actually surprise you.. I want someone who has not been in a relationship before. This might seem a bit unrealistic, given the world we live in today, but of someone who has resisted all the temptation that batters us endlessly.. there is something to be said. It gives me confidence that such a person will meet my second most important criteria. And, nothing gives a girl confidence in your interest in her than if you've passed all the rest up and chose her.

Really, that's all I've been waiting for. You might think I have a whole bunch of other criteria that I'm not mentioning, and while there are about 20 other "nice-to-haves" - if I found these characteristics in someone who I felt comfortable with and happy around and they wanted to marry me, I would. What that means is basically they should be a clean, pleasant person, who I have compatible major life goals/lifestyle (ex: children, parental support, values) with. So, ok, a couple more really demanding criteria haha. I will tell you that height is definitely not even a criteria for all women, at least not for me. Of the men I have had an interested in, 2 have been shorter than myself and one my height. The rest have been taller, but being 63.5 inches tall myself, that's the majority of men.. Regarding looks, attraction is not as simple as it may seem. You seem concerned by your nose.. At least you have a nose. :P But, if your nose truly does bother you, there is no shame in changing it. But, ask yourself sincerely what that would be worth, and what you could be giving up in exchange for that.

I'll tell you honestly, over time I've gotten a bit more bitter about my situation and men in general haha. xD But, it's hard to fault them. When they're surrounded by everything they want - which is girls who flirt and do whatever they want with them, why would they be interested in someone like me? I've had several guys that were interested in me, but I just wouldn't give them what they wanted. Just a couple of weeks ago a man which I was mutually interested in invited me to his place for dinner, but I had to reject him as I just don't find it appropriate. Many guys in these days find me too restricted, and eventually they decide they want someone who's more laid back and mainstream. Sometimes it's really hard.. but, realistically I wouldn't really want to be with someone who doesn't value that which I value in myself.

Anyhow, I really wanted to share this perspective with you. But, all that I've mentioned, it's trivial. It's nothing compared to the sacredness of my and your life. Please don't take it so lightly. Don't make the assumption that should you be given all or even some that you want now, it would be any easier. Life only becomes easier with gratitude and contentment, really. And the source of that is the connection with us and the one that is unlike any other created thing. It's ok to feel pain. It's ok to express that pain as well. Open the well of your soul to the one that knows it, the one that will tend to it. Draw up the wealth within yourself and offer it. That which was put in to you is meant to be returned, increased. Don't give up on yourself. You are a fine creation of the intention behind this universe. Own that nobility. I will do my best as well, InshaAllah.

sister thank you so much. yes in sha Allah i intend rhinoplasty one day cause i just feel like even Allah would allow me to do it cause i felt and feel suffering due to it cause its an accident. but right now i cant afford it. sister i understand your situation. and i know that men recently have been feminised and i know that you deserve a MAN. NOT A BOY. wallahi i hope on the names of Allah that you will meet the man of your life. you are young too. but the desires in us are strong so thats what makes us un patient. i am very charismatic , whenever i step in a room everyione becomes my friend. but when it comes to women i barely meet anyoen who i love. they are rare. even tho i just love women in general and really respect them as a creature they are. but i hope on Allahs name that He the mighty will give me someone that will make my heart filled with joy. somoene i can take care of .someone who can take care of me on some things ( cause men should be more responsible in relationship, im ready to take that - such as being able to work and maintain ourselves and that.

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So.. You've already been given a lot of great counsel. I think what I can offer here is my perspective as a female, to prove to you that you are not alone in your struggle. See the world from my side.

I am 25 years old and I am unmarried. In fact, only Allah knows, but I am probably not even close to being married. I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. I have a career as a software engineer at a top company. I am, I truly hope, a morally good person. I don't want to go on about my positive traits haha, but I will just say that I have several friends and family members who continually tell me how perplexed they are that I am still unmarried. But, all I can tell them is that I am yet to meet a man that fits my 4 main criteria.

And, do you know what's top on that list? I want to be with someone who has the will to believe and humility to submit their will to the one that created them. The reason I am looking for will and humility is that I know there are moments when we don't believe as is truly deserved Allah. I understand that as I have experienced that myself. But, even in those times, we never stop searching for the truth. I really want someone who wants to live according to that truth. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed. :) Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person. Anyhow, that's another topic. The point is, we won't always be young and beautiful. The one I'm with must be strong enough, compassionate enough to withstand the temptation, hardship, head and heartache that is sure to come. Thirdly, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be a better person. This is so important and though it's my third criteria, it's truly the reason I want to be married in the first place. So, perhaps it should be first, even though the previous two are like-wise required. You may not understand this until you meet someone who, just by being who they are, whether you have a relationship with them or not, draws out the best of you - but before money and comfort, this is what I need. And, fourth on that list might actually surprise you.. I want someone who has not been in a relationship before. This might seem a bit unrealistic, given the world we live in today, but of someone who has resisted all the temptation that batters us endlessly.. there is something to be said. It gives me confidence that such a person will meet my second most important criteria. And, nothing gives a girl confidence in your interest in her than if you've passed all the rest up and chose her.

Really, that's all I've been waiting for. You might think I have a whole bunch of other criteria that I'm not mentioning, and while there are about 20 other "nice-to-haves" - if I found these characteristics in someone who I felt comfortable with and happy around and they wanted to marry me, I would. What that means is basically they should be a clean, pleasant person, who I have compatible major life goals/lifestyle (ex: children, parental support, values) with. So, ok, a couple more really demanding criteria haha. I will tell you that height is definitely not even a criteria for all women, at least not for me. Of the men I have had an interested in, 2 have been shorter than myself and one my height. The rest have been taller, but being 63.5 inches tall myself, that's the majority of men.. Regarding looks, attraction is not as simple as it may seem. You seem concerned by your nose.. At least you have a nose. :P But, if your nose truly does bother you, there is no shame in changing it. But, ask yourself sincerely what that would be worth, and what you could be giving up in exchange for that.

I'll tell you honestly, over time I've gotten a bit more bitter about my situation and men in general haha. xD But, it's hard to fault them. When they're surrounded by everything they want - which is girls who flirt and do whatever they want with them, why would they be interested in someone like me? I've had several guys that were interested in me, but I just wouldn't give them what they wanted. Just a couple of weeks ago a man which I was mutually interested in invited me to his place for dinner, but I had to reject him as I just don't find it appropriate. Many guys in these days find me too restricted, and eventually they decide they want someone who's more laid back and mainstream. Sometimes it's really hard.. but, realistically I wouldn't really want to be with someone who doesn't value that which I value in myself.

Anyhow, I really wanted to share this perspective with you. But, all that I've mentioned, it's trivial. It's nothing compared to the sacredness of my and your life. Please don't take it so lightly. Don't make the assumption that should you be given all or even some that you want now, it would be any easier. Life only becomes easier with gratitude and contentment, really. And the source of that is the connection with us and the one that is unlike any other created thing. It's ok to feel pain. It's ok to express that pain as well. Open the well of your soul to the one that knows it, the one that will tend to it. Draw up the wealth within yourself and offer it. That which was put in to you is meant to be returned, increased. Don't give up on yourself. You are a fine creation of the intention behind this universe. Own that nobility. I will do my best as well, InshaAllah.

and to be honest im quite losing the patience and hope at times, that ill ever find someone i love. i hate ending up alone. i hate imagining being alone.

[aislamiya]

Wallahi brothers and sisters .even though i dont know you, i love you so much . thanks sooo much for all the kind words. may we get to be happy by Allahs name!

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for the words of kindess, and for the words of trying to guide me

[RisingLight]

So.. . I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed. :) Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person.

Salam alaikum sis

How did you know this guy wanted you just for the passport?
And what if somebody has those qualities you mentioned (which I think a looot of muslims have) but didnt have US passport,youd still marry him? How will he proove that he has those qualities then?

Which men have you observed that dont want that sort of commitement? From what I have observed its the complete opposite.When I could practise islam (you can read my thread:6 years and still converting,if you want to know why I cant now) I met some awesome muslims.One of whom always refused to marry a second wife even though the first one was encouraging him.Another married a girl with one arm and he is happy being with only her.Or me that I rejected many times a rich girl that would have saved my life and religion,because I knew I would never treat her as good as to win jannah cuz of that.If this doesnt show commitment idk what does :P . There are way better muslims than us out there,and less better,who have partnership interests same as women,and that can be satisfied with just one person.
I just had to react to that :omg:

You can go on details if you want,maybe I am wrong

[Eien]

I hate to hijack this thread to discuss my personal circumstances.. I will reply here on this occasion, but perhaps if you would like to discuss further we can create another thread.

I know that I was wanted for my citizenship because the family told me so, more or less. :) I was approached by them because they thought I had good qualities and would make a good wife for their brother who was looking to come to the US. I never had any contact with him personally. I was asked if I would like to marry him, and given that I was only 18 at the time, I wasn't even interested in determining if I was actually interested in him as a person. One month later, they found someone who accepted the proposal and they were married.

"And what if somebody has those qualities you mentioned (which I think a looot of muslims have) but didnt have US passport,youd still marry him? "

I would hope that a lot of Muslims meet those criteria, but to be honest I haven't found any correlation between what I'm looking for and being Muslim (at least in males). Due to my career, the majority of males I am exposed to are Hindu. And I can honestly say that they are the closest group of people I have found to meeting my criteria. I think Indians in general have a great respect for marriage and place a lot more significance on such a union than any other group of people. Perhaps to too great of an extent haha. But world wide, marriage is becoming less common, shorter and losing societal value.

To answer those questions, having a US passport is not a criteria haha. And it is not possible to prove that any man meets the criteria I have, passport or not. But, I would definitely need to have established my confidence that he does by getting to know him and his people. The third criteria is unique, because it's a response that his being evokes in myself. And as I mentioned, it's the reason I would want to marry a person in the first place.

Which men have you observed that dont want that sort of commitement?

Again, I can't call out a particular group, but many of the men that I have met throughout my life (married and unmarried) would be just as happy or more to have an uncommitted relationship with a woman over a committed one. And, when I say commitment, I of course mean a two-way agreement. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that would want a committed woman, and they themselves are free to have paramours as they please. I'm not saying at all that men don't commit, and hold fast to the commitments that they make - just that I don't find it to be something many men are inclined to. If you have known otherwise, perhaps I should be wherever you are. xD

[Kiro]

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LOL, i'm forty two, never been married... keep your chin up, young man! Be happy with what Allah has given you. Never feel so down that you forget that which Allah has blessed you with.

The glass is half full, not half empty.

weren't you married once?

[aislamiya]

can this thread be more about me? i started it. i mean im ok with discussion and that but..cmon

[Eien]

As I still can't send personal messages, I will reply here. I just wanted to apologize for derailing your thread a bit.

I had a thought that has probably been had by many, but as I currently can't find anything on the issue, I will air it here. :) If there isn't already a thread on this forum dedicated to those interested in finding a spouse, I think there should be. I have done a quick scan for one and not found anything, yet. If there isn't one that currently exists, would there be any problems with making one?

[aislamiya]

I so hate to be alone on this age.
and i fear that even tho im patient. it will be lost cause in the end i wont get what i love.. but whats left. like a girl who was divorced... its just this feeling i got.
22 and still single. never kissed or touched. when is this lonely stupid game gonna end

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or maybe a girl who is.. just ... meh.
cause all the girls i love always end up to someone else. or ill end up and die alone. or one day il lsay this is enough and just go buy some prostitues.. i dont know.
im tired. not having a companion 0 someone to say goodmorning darling its not easy.
its the biggest fitnah. its my biggest burden. its heavy on my shoulders. i dont want to keep going like this

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dont i deserve just ONE girl in this world? why not spend my youth years with someone. why odnt i meet someone i like? and when i do it doesnt work.
why am I being deprived by Allah with a young lady love?
what am i doing wrong?
when will this stupid game end?
can anyone tell?

[aislamiya]

why do i want to cease existing so much?

[aislamiya]

whats the point of living when, i never get sometihng that i love in life?
i no longer feel like i want to live. to get married. to get kids. to get old. i just feel like i shouldnt exist any longer. its hard to live with this feeling at all times

[Scimitar]

weren't you married once?

what has that got to do with this video... never been married lol

[aislamiya]

me? married? nah never.
damn. i just feel like ill never be all right again. everytihng is becoming worse, not better. i was a good guy my whole life. i expected more out of this. im too afraid that the God i called didnt answer me

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nothing is helping. no one is helping. nothing is making me happy. i feel like i would rather just dissapear and no longer exist, than to go to jannah or jahannam. i dont want Allah to not answer ,my duas with 3 options he has. i want the things i ask! i dont want the other life. i havent seen jannah! why should my life be so broken just so my next can be good? im losing them both this way.

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is it ok if i leave practicing islam but i just stay a muslim?
i dont feel like its been worth it ever to keep continuing this way. i want to focus on other things completely now

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I mean.. i pray 5 times a day. i fast all ramadans since 2008. i also fast volunteraly at times.
i keep a beard. i dont listen to music anymmore. i lvoe it but i left it for Allah. and its not easy.
i left pornography and other illegall sexual ways. i havent had any zinah with another girl ever. i enjoy some of Prophet Mohamads pbuh sunnahs such as perfumery and keeping cleanliness. even through all these things that should make me happy, my life is at bottom point?
meanwhil i see the people who are sinners who have it all?
im not asking it all, just a girl by my side who makes me happy cause I AM SAD. and nothing is helping me. nothing is fixing me. i expected more of Allah to help me but its just not happening. this makes me abondon everything..
to stay a muslim biut to stop practicing. to focus on other things, maybe like that ill be fine.

[aislamiya]

aaaaaaaaand no one is replying anymore on this thread so i guess i should just go

[RisingLight]

aaaaaaaaand no one is replying anymore on this thread so i guess i should just go

i am lol :P...Bro why dont you just propose to someone then man?

[AabiruSabeel]

[aislamiya]

i am lol :P...Bro why dont you just propose to someone then man?

thats the problem brother. dont know who. i always either find someone who is good but has been used (has had sex before).someone who is a ---- and knows nothing bout islam.
or someone who is good but doesnt like me back. recently i liekd a 17 year old girl which i thought i could teach a lot about islam since shes more innocent. she was beautiful. dark skined to compliment my light dark skin. i liked her and i thought we could get to know each other. but as always, anything that is good never comes to me. if it does it stays just a little to go soon and leave me broken.

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i am lol :P...Bro why dont you just propose to someone then man?

if all these years i waited,why cant i have a beautiful lightly dark skined lady with green eyes?
why should all the good go to the bad?
why should then i be left alone, or with someone who isnt as good?
why am i so alone after all these years?
i dont get it man. these things make me want to stop practicing at all. it feels useless anyway

[RisingLight]

thats the problem brother. dont know who. i always either find someone who is good but has been used (has had sex before).someone who is a ---- and knows nothing bout islam.
or someone who is good but doesnt like me back. recently i liekd a 17 year old girl which i thought i could teach a lot about islam since shes more innocent. she was beautiful. dark skined to compliment my light dark skin. i liked her and i thought we could get to know each other. but as always, anything that is good never comes to me. if it does it stays just a little to go soon and leave me broken.

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if all these years i waited,why cant i have a beautiful lightly dark skined lady with green eyes?
why should all the good go to the bad?
why should then i be left alone, or with someone who isnt as good?
why am i so alone after all these years?
i dont get it man. these things make me want to stop practicing at all. it feels useless anyway

SubhanAllah dont stop practising because you cant get a lightly skinned girl with blue eyes,its not a smart decision
I would give anything to practise again,and you want to stop :facepalm:..tsk tsk tsk....

Try to find another girl in a different country then.If you really try and make duaas and dont compain,Allah will help you in shaa Allah
I dont know what to say more than what is already said in this thread.Just realise it is just a small test.Marriage life will bring tests harsher than this one so if you give up now,how can you expect to face those...

[aislamiya]

SubhanAllah dont stop practising because you cant get a lightly skinned girl with blue eyes,its not a smart decision
I would give anything to practise again,and you want to stop :facepalm:..tsk tsk tsk....

Try to find another girl in a different country then.If you really try and make duaas and dont compain,Allah will help you in shaa Allah
I dont know what to say more than what is already said in this thread.Just realise it is just a small test.Marriage life will bring tests harsher than this one so if you give up now,how can you expect to face those...

the point is : how many other hearbreaks should i go through?
why do the bad get what i should get?
why do i have to suffer so much just because i am religious?
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

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SubhanAllah dont stop practising because you cant get a lightly skinned girl with blue eyes,its not a smart decision
I would give anything to practise again,and you want to stop :facepalm:..tsk tsk tsk....

Try to find another girl in a different country then.If you really try and make duaas and dont compain,Allah will help you in shaa Allah
I dont know what to say more than what is already said in this thread.Just realise it is just a small test.Marriage life will bring tests harsher than this one so if you give up now,how can you expect to face those...

you think its easy for me?
its rippingmy heart and soul out. its not easy to want to cease existing. i want to fully be deleted. i freakin hate every second of my life. this isnt living
ill never be all right. ill never get what i want.

[RisingLight]

the point is : how many other hearbreaks should i go through?
why do the bad get what i should get?
why do i have to suffer so much just because i am religious?
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

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you think its easy for me?
its rippingmy heart and soul out. its not easy to want to cease existing. i want to fully be deleted. i freakin hate every second of my life. this isnt living
ill never be all right. ill never get what i want.

Its not easy but its not so hard as you make it.There are people out there who dream to have what you have.Who dont even have clean water to drink.And you,what did you eat for dinner today? I bet your writing this from your comfy bed,while many others dont even have a shelter. If yours isnt living then what should they say?

If you want a girl you need to be a Man,and a Man doesnt complain like this.Dude if you really read what we all have actually replied you would have known the answer to those questions.
Dont stop practising,or shaytan will make you feel more miserable.Thats all i had to say am sorry

Peace be with you.I hope its all good soon

[aislamiya]

Its not easy but its not so hard as you make it.There are people out there who dream to have what you have.Who dont even have clean water to drink.And you,what did you eat for dinner today? I bet your writing this from your comfy bed,while many others dont even have a shelter. If yours isnt living then what should they say?

If you want a girl you need to be a Man,and a Man doesnt complain like this.Dude if you really read what we all have actually replied you would have known the answer to those questions.
Dont stop practising,or shaytan will make you feel more miserable.Thats all i had to say am sorry

Peace be with you.I hope its all good soon

i expected more from my Lord. now im here broken. thats all i gotta say. and thanks for your advices. all well be withyou aswell.

[aislamiya]

Its not easy but its not so hard as you make it.There are people out there who dream to have what you have.Who dont even have clean water to drink.And you,what did you eat for dinner today? I bet your writing this from your comfy bed,while many others dont even have a shelter. If yours isnt living then what should they say?

If you want a girl you need to be a Man,and a Man doesnt complain like this.Dude if you really read what we all have actually replied you would have known the answer to those questions.
Dont stop practising,or shaytan will make you feel more miserable.Thats all i had to say am sorry

Peace be with you.I hope its all good soon

and what do you say that, the girl that i prayed such a long time for, the girl that i prayed every ramadan before breaking the fast, that girl i saw with someone else today?
tell me brother, what do you say?

[aislamiya]

well let just tell you one thing. In Allah i put my trust. And i believe that i am one of the un usual people. Allah keeps guiding me even when i dont see it. but tonight i saw it. cause when i have a doubtful question, a video or something pops up. a post by someone that opens my eyes. feels like Allah is talking direcltly to me. doesnt this mean that He All mightly loves me, doesnt that make me feel significant on His eyes?
lets leave all the past behind and in sha Allah, the future will be bright by His Name. I am hoping my best, that i will keep being a great believer.
thank you for your advices

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I guess that Allah knows i intend no harm, and maybe this from a creature is what He wants and loves the most

[Scimitar]

and what do you say that, the girl that i prayed such a long time for, the girl that i prayed every ramadan before breaking the fast, that girl i saw with someone else today?
tell me brother, what do you say?

i'd say "i need to grow bigger balls" then! If you liked her, why didn't you propose to her? she aint telepathic mate

[ahmed.ishaaq]

I'd say that if you prayed for something, then you should trust that Allah Will Grant it to you no matter what happens. If not in this life, then you'll get it after death. The most important is that Allah Is Still Permitting you to ask from Him. Anything that you've asked for, you will get, whether now or after death. Allah Is Greater than any thing. If you truly believe that Allah Is Greater than any other thing, then it should suffice that Allah Is yours even if you've lost everything.