6 years and still converting

[RisingLight]

Salam aleikum :)
May I have your attention till the end please? It looks like a cliche story but its actually not.I was converted to Islam 6 years ago.When I was 16 years old.My family is christian since generations.There were a few who called themselves muslims but they belonged to the sect who prayed to graves.Anyway I think I am the first sunni.I say "I think" because I am starting not to feel a muslim anymore.I feel like Allah doesnt want me to be here,like He hates me that He wants me to leave the religion by myself,so I will can be more severely punished in Jahannam.It seems crazy but this is the thing.Since I became a muslim my family is so agaisnt it,they hate muslims.I left the house for Allah for 3 years and during those years I was praying,fasting,everything ok.But now I am back at my family,we live in a very poor country and in my age nobody can live independent.So I am stuck here,and here I cant pray.I cant do anything Islamic.In Ramadhan sometimes I drink only water and sleep without suhoor because I have to hide my fasting.I think of Allah every moment and make duaa every moment.I make duaa non stop to get out of here so I can be a muslim,and have a muslim wife,thats all I want in dunya.There is a chance to move in another country I am waiting for a yes or no answer.But I am waiting for 2 years now when the answer is given usually in 6 months.This can change everything and there is nothing more I can do its all in the hand of Allah.More than 20 million of people have what I am asking,Im not asking for something special.So,after 6 years of trying to be a muslim,why am I not seeing any opened door? Ofc I dont deserve it,but Id really love to have a chance.I got severe depression from not being able to be a muslim.I am living in pain every second,there is so much going on in my life that I could write till morning.And just getting a single piece of paper can change my dunya und akhira forever.If Allah doesnt help me because I am not praying,then I will never pray because if He doesnt get me out of here,I just cant pray.I feel like there is no place for me in Islam or like Allah doesnt care about me.I dont feel that connection I had with Allah anymore.
Anybody has any advice or encouraging words? Or if anybody wanna talk? I got no muslim friends I can share happiness or grief sometimes.
Thank you for reading it
Salam Alaikum :)

[Search]

:bism: Bismillah Ir-Rehman Ir-Raheem (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

:sl: (Peace be upon you)

Allah doesn't hate you, brother. If Allah hadn't loved you, you would not be a Muslim today. Please do not listen to negative whispers of your mind, and remain strong. Struggling is never easy against the self, but I request that you please for the sake of Allah continue to hold onto the rope of Allah and adopt patience until you're given a clear way out of your current situation. Some prayers are answered soon. Others are answered later. But the truth is that prayers are only answered when it is the best time for them to be answered, the right time as per divine decree. There are some reverts on this board, just like you. So, you're not alone, never alone. As Muslims, we're all in this together and your pain is our pain. Give it time though, and God-willing you will find your situation better itself soon. Patience is a light as a prophetic tradition informs, because patience is the glue that binds us to our Lord when our human eyes and ears deceive us into not believing what we know in our hearts to be true: Allah is with us.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)

Salam aleikum :)
May I have your attention till the end please? It looks like a cliche story but its actually not.I was converted to Islam 6 years ago.When I was 16 years old.My family is christian since generations.There were a few who called themselves muslims but they belonged to the sect who prayed to graves.Anyway I think I am the first sunni.I say "I think" because I am starting not to feel a muslim anymore.I feel like Allah doesnt want me to be here,like He hates me that He wants me to leave the religion by myself,so I will can be more severely punished in Jahannam.It seems crazy but this is the thing.Since I became a muslim my family is so agaisnt it,they hate muslims.I left the house for Allah for 3 years and during those years I was praying,fasting,everything ok.But now I am back at my family,we live in a very poor country and in my age nobody can live independent.So I am stuck here,and here I cant pray.I cant do anything Islamic.In Ramadhan sometimes I drink only water and sleep without suhoor because I have to hide my fasting.I think of Allah every moment and make duaa every moment.I make duaa non stop to get out of here so I can be a muslim,and have a muslim wife,thats all I want in dunya.There is a chance to move in another country I am waiting for a yes or no answer.But I am waiting for 2 years now when the answer is given usually in 6 months.This can change everything and there is nothing more I can do its all in the hand of Allah.More than 20 million of people have what I am asking,Im not asking for something special.So,after 6 years of trying to be a muslim,why am I not seeing any opened door? Ofc I dont deserve it,but Id really love to have a chance.I got severe depression from not being able to be a muslim.I am living in pain every second,there is so much going on in my life that I could write till morning.And just getting a single piece of paper can change my dunya und akhira forever.If Allah doesnt help me because I am not praying,then I will never pray because if He doesnt get me out of here,I just cant pray.I feel like there is no place for me in Islam or like Allah doesnt care about me.I dont feel that connection I had with Allah anymore.
Anybody has any advice or encouraging words? Or if anybody wanna talk? I got no muslim friends I can share happiness or grief sometimes.
Thank you for reading it
Salam Alaikum :)

[Kawlah]

Salaam brother,

I am a convert too (though a more recent one) that struggles with her faith. I have mental health issues and also family that is very much against Islam and no network around me to support me. So I am definitely willing to exchange PB's with you on here if I can. I am a new member so I don't know what my restrictions are but if I can answer PB's I will for you.

I would say that given all the trials you are going through, the fact that you still believe counts for a lot. As far as my understanding goes, Allah will reward you for that alone. So be a bit more confident, as He is the most Merciful.And it is better to be a hidden Muslim, than it is to not be a Muslim at all as I was reassured recently myself.

[Scimitar]

Khawlah, and Dying Light... this one is for you:

Imaan Booster: You are not alone || Imran Hussein exclusive!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XinkUyloE3Y

Scimi

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[RisingLight]

Search,Peace be with you too bro,I read your reply this morning it lifted my mood a bit.Scimi thank you too.

Everybody saying the same thing.Patience Patience.I have no more strengh but I guess I have no other option either.I hope I go through this...

Kawlah,I will definitely Pb you as soon as we are both full members in shaa Allah.Now I tried but I couldnt yet

[talibilm]

@DyingLight

:sl: brother

This life is test by which Allah wants us THE WELFARE OF THE NEVER ENDING AKIRAH for the best of his slaves even by putting trouble on them

kindly read post # 120 first and # 88

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...r-Wisdom/page3


And make yourself feel happy by comparing the state of Sahabas in the below hadith after whose sacrifices we are muslims today

Bukhari and Abu Dawud quote Habbab ibn Arat, who said once , during the days of trouble and torture in Makka, I went to Allah’s Messenger, who was sitting in the shade of the Ka‘ba. I was still a slave in the hands of the Makkans then. They inflicted on me severe tortures. Unable to endure those tortures any more, I requested Allah’s Messenger to pray to Allah for help and salvation. But he turned towards me and said:By Allah, previous communities had to endure more pitiless tortures. Some of them were made to lie in ditches and cut in two with saws but this did not make them forsake their faith. They were skinned alive but they never became weak against the enemy.

Surely Allah will perfect this religion, but you display undue haste. A day will come when a woman will travel alone by herself from San’a to Hadramawt fearing nothing but wild beasts. However, you show impatience.Habbab concluded:http:By Allah, what Allah's’s Messenger predicted that day, have all come true. I have personally witnessed it all.

Note: muslims suffered 13 in Mecca and the worst was even without food and medicines of pagans boycott and life of this world 20 years will pass like a few years is my experience

[RisingLight]

Salam Alaikum Taliblim

I dont know what to say bro.I am thinking but I dont know how to explain it.I mean,Its been getting worst since 6 years.Logically I should agree with you and the others in this post that it is a test and I should be patient but I am just so lonely and depressed I just pfff,I hope I go through this..

[Kawlah]

Khawlah, and Dying Light... this one is for you:

Imaan Booster: You are not alone || Imran Hussein exclusive!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XinkUyloE3Y

Scimi

Salaam bro it's great to see what you've been up to with this youtube channel! Very educative and positive, seems you changed the way you look at certain things too.

The irony of my sins.. if only it was a laughing matter. I have few vices (may Allah correct me if I am wrong) but I get tempted to apostate which is the worst of them all. I guess Shaytan fears some real problems from me converting. That is inspiring, Alhamdoelilah.

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Salam Alaikum Taliblim

I dont know what to say bro.I am thinking but I dont know how to explain it.I mean,Its been getting worst since 6 years.Logically I should agree with you and the others in this post that it is a test and I should be patient but I am just so lonely and depressed I just pfff,I hope I go through this..

The more you suffer bro, the more you get rewarded. You say you can't practice Islam properly right now, Allah says that with suffering He takes away our sins.

I suffer a lot too, mainly because of physical illness that already almost killed me twice. But I know that even the prick of a thorn is a payment for the sins of the believer, and because I have had serious sins it is to be expected that I suffer too. But Allah says there is two forms of fear and suffering, one is in this life for Allah and is rewarded with Paradise, and one is in the other life without Allah and without a reward. So stay strong.

Know that what you are going through compensates for the things you might lack in faith, our Lord is most Merciful.

I saw your PB, if I can I will answer it Insha'Allah.

- - - Updated - - -

I can't PB yet, I will try to become a full member soon Insha'Allah.

[RisingLight]

Hey sis check this.This book is a gem.It has a collection of all the duaas you may need in your everyday life,from what to say when you wake up till when having doubts in religion,painin your body,feeling depressed,even how to erase your sins by just saying a few words.It will help you agaisnt shaytan a lot.Also dont forget to say Astagfirullah 100 timesa day and you are good to go in shaa Allah.Trust me it has so much power thats how I am still surviving.I know its a bit messed up in latin arabic butat least everything is also translated in english

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...the-Muslim-PDF

[Kawlah]

Hey sis check this.This book is a gem.It has a collection of all the duaas you may need in your everyday life,from what to say when you wake up till when having doubts in religion,painin your body,feeling depressed,even how to erase your sins by just saying a few words.It will help you agaisnt shaytan a lot.Also dont forget to say Astagfirullah 100 timesa day and you are good to go in shaa Allah.Trust me it has so much power thats how I am still surviving.I know its a bit messed up in latin arabic butat least everything is also translated in english

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...the-Muslim-PDF

Salaam bro,

Thank you for the link, may Allah reward your effort to help me, ameen.

I am sorry I can't reply to your pm yet but I will as soon as I am able to Insha'Allah. I hope you are OK now, been making dua for you. Hope you have a blessed Jumah :)

[RisingLight]

Alaikum Salam sis

I understand,no worries.You are only 3 posts away anyway

Ohh that made my day,JazakAllah Khair :),I have done the same for you. Jummah Mubarak and may every Jummah find you closer to Allah ^^

[cinnamonrolls1]

Salam aleikum :)
May I have your attention till the end please? It looks like a cliche story but its actually not.I was converted to Islam 6 years ago.When I was 16 years old.My family is christian since generations.There were a few who called themselves muslims but they belonged to the sect who prayed to graves.Anyway I think I am the first sunni.I say "I think" because I am starting not to feel a muslim anymore.I feel like Allah doesnt want me to be here,like He hates me that He wants me to leave the religion by myself,so I will can be more severely punished in Jahannam.It seems crazy but this is the thing.Since I became a muslim my family is so agaisnt it,they hate muslims.I left the house for Allah for 3 years and during those years I was praying,fasting,everything ok.But now I am back at my family,we live in a very poor country and in my age nobody can live independent.So I am stuck here,and here I cant pray.I cant do anything Islamic.In Ramadhan sometimes I drink only water and sleep without suhoor because I have to hide my fasting.I think of Allah every moment and make duaa every moment.I make duaa non stop to get out of here so I can be a muslim,and have a muslim wife,thats all I want in dunya.There is a chance to move in another country I am waiting for a yes or no answer.But I am waiting for 2 years now when the answer is given usually in 6 months.This can change everything and there is nothing more I can do its all in the hand of Allah.More than 20 million of people have what I am asking,Im not asking for something special.So,after 6 years of trying to be a muslim,why am I not seeing any opened door? Ofc I dont deserve it,but Id really love to have a chance.I got severe depression from not being able to be a muslim.I am living in pain every second,there is so much going on in my life that I could write till morning.And just getting a single piece of paper can change my dunya und akhira forever.If Allah doesnt help me because I am not praying,then I will never pray because if He doesnt get me out of here,I just cant pray.I feel like there is no place for me in Islam or like Allah doesnt care about me.I dont feel that connection I had with Allah anymore.
Anybody has any advice or encouraging words? Or if anybody wanna talk? I got no muslim friends I can share happiness or grief sometimes.
Thank you for reading it
Salam Alaikum :)

salam aleikum brother.
Allah doesnt hate you. He doesnt. He's not making you doubt Islam. You just need to 100% get these thoughts out of your head and put your trust in him. As for the bad situation it will get better, Allah tests those who he loves.Look at how our prophet Mohammed pbuh struggled. look at how any prophet struggled wether that was Yunus pbuh or Ayub.
God will gelp you, however you should engage with your faith in a motivational way. Read the Quran, Read the hadith. listen to lectures etc
Im sorry i couldnt ve much gelp but just keep making dua and have full faith in Allah