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RisingLight
10-15-2017, 11:48 AM
Salam Alaikum all

So I dont have contact with muslims except sometimes on internet and I am completely ignorant when it comes to this subject.

Is it true that is very hard to find a girl if you are not arab?

Is it true that you need to pay mahr and it is usually 5.000-10.000 euros/dollars?

What actually do they require in general?

If you see her on the street and you like her,do you just go and ask her wali or what? How sisters want to be approached?

How to spot a convert?

Do they want to work or let the man provide everything for the family?

I know how it should be but I am curious how it is in real life
Reply

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anatolian
10-15-2017, 02:52 PM
There is not a specific amount for Mahr as far as I know.. She can request as much as she wants. She can request 1 Euro too. It all depends her respect to you and your respect to her.

And ethnicity is not a barrier in Islam. You can marry to a woman from any race. I am sure you can find an Arab woman (if that's your personal preferance) who doesn't mind your ethnicity or being a convert too.
Reply

ardianto
10-15-2017, 03:52 PM
Originally Posted by DyingLight
Salam Alaikum all

So I dont have contact with muslims except sometimes on internet and I am completely ignorant when it comes to this subject.

Is it true that is very hard to find a girl if you are not arab?

Is it true that you need to pay mahr and it is usually 5.000-10.000 euros/dollars?
Wa'alaikumsalam.

Are you White?. ... Then you can easily get a wife in Indonesia since White convert guys are favorite among Indonesian Muslim girls. :D

Not rich is okay. As long as you are not lazy to work. Also you don't have to give big mahr.

----

Your problem actually relate to culture. Muslims in some societies with conservative culture, indeed, hard to accept men from other ethnic, or men who are poor. But Muslims in other societies with moderate culture usually look at personality. As long as this man has good personality, then he can be accepted, regardless his ethnic, or how rich this man. :)
Reply

M.I.A.
10-15-2017, 04:19 PM
Almost relevant link...

https://youtu.be/klbdLTimkJA
..
..
..missing an eye and walking backwards..

Classic humour there.

...yeah we know yours is still there, you've pointed to it before.
Reply

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RisingLight
10-15-2017, 04:25 PM
If you read my post: 6 years and still converting you will understand why I am not rich :p
I am not searching now actually I just wanted to know how it really is in real life,am curious
I know this about the indonesian girls.In general they are kinda gold diggers,thats why they like white converts so much.Is it true?
How you find out the wali of a muslim girl,in general? You just go and ask them on the street?
I know nothing about this subject :p

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by M.I.A.
Almost relevant link...

https://youtu.be/klbdLTimkJA
Uhuu 42 minutes. Ill grab popcorns and check :D
Reply

M.I.A.
10-15-2017, 04:34 PM
Originally Posted by DyingLight
If you read my post: 6 years and still converting you will understand why I am not rich :p
I am not searching now actually I just wanted to know how it really is in real life,am curious
I know this about the indonesian girls.In general they are kinda gold diggers,thats why they like white converts so much.Is it true?
How you find out the wali of a muslim girl,in general? You just go and ask them on the street?
I know nothing about this subject :p

- - - Updated - - -



Uhuu 42 minutes. Ill grab popcorns and check :D
Lol, yep.. makes sense.
..
..
In all fairness you get what you go in for..

So its almost never love but rather, need.

Allah swt raises and lowers as he wills.

..once you start digging for " "gold" " all becomes clear.
..
..
Cant wait to cash out and see what i got for all this digging. :|
Reply

RisingLight
10-15-2017, 05:48 PM
Originally Posted by M.I.A.
Lol, yep.. makes sense.
..
..
In all fairness you get what you go in for..

So its almost never love but rather, need.

Allah swt raises and lowers as he wills.

..once you start digging for " "gold" " all becomes clear.
..
..
Cant wait to cash out and see what i got for all this digging. :|
Right ! Need would be better.I cant express myself good in english.You are right

JazakhAllah Khair bro.Nouman is one of my fav speakers,it was a pleasure to hear him.I didnt know a lot of these stuff

That part about that guy sucking milk in the corner until he was man enough was epic
"What you doing bruh? We gettin married yet? -Naah still 4 years old,need two more bottles" :giggling:
Reply

*charisma*
10-15-2017, 05:50 PM
Walaikum Asalaam

Originally Posted by DyingLight
Is it true that is very hard to find a girl if you are not arab?
What does being Arab have to do with it? Are most nonArabs single? :D I think not...

Originally Posted by DyingLight
Is it true that you need to pay mahr and it is usually 5.000-10.000 euros/dollars?
Not unless you're arab ;D

Originally Posted by DyingLight
What actually do they require in general?
Depends on the girl you marry. Also you don't need to pay the mahr all at one time. You can make arrangements with the girl and her guardian on how to pay it. Also it doesn't have to be money..it can be anything. As I said, it depends on what was agreed upon during the time of the marriage contract.

Originally Posted by DyingLight
If you see her on the street and you like her,do you just go and ask her wali or what? How sisters want to be approached?
I don't suggest that unless you know the girl. If you were working with a girl you were interested in for example, you may respectfully ask her or better yet a third party who knows the both of you and can facilitate a meeting between you and her family.

Originally Posted by DyingLight
I know how it should be but I am curious how it is in real life
The reason why it may seem that its easier for other cultures to find suitable spouses is because it's often arranged by their families. Since that family aspect/culture is not there for you to utilize, it will be a bit more challenging, but not impossible. If you know any other muslims at all, you should let them know you're looking for a spouse. You can also ask at your local mosque. The other thing I suggest would be joining social media groups where conversations take place (like on facebook). You'd have to be careful about keeping things halal though. There are a lot of reverts out there who are in your same shoes looking for a spouse as well.

Originally Posted by DyingLight
Ps: Despite agreeing they liked the way I looked and my personality,I have been rejected more than once for not being an arab and poor,so I am just waiting till I get rich,if I do,in shaa Allah
Just as poor people can become rich, rich people can also become poor. It shouldn't be about the money. I understand that in general we all want someone who is financially stable, but it's not the most important thing out there. So don't feel hung up just because you are rejected due to your financial status. In the end, we all take what is destined for us regardless of what is in our pockets. May Allah make things easy on you brother and grant you with a wonderful spouse who compliments you in every way ameen. Also never forget to pray about it and leave it in His hands. :)
Reply

RisingLight
10-15-2017, 06:39 PM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
Walaikum Asalaam



What does being Arab have to do with it? Are most nonArabs single? :D I think not...



Not unless you're arab ;D



Depends on the girl you marry. Also you don't need to pay the mahr all at one time. You can make arrangements with the girl and her guardian on how to pay it. Also it doesn't have to be money..it can be anything. As I said, it depends on what was agreed upon during the time of the marriage contract.



I don't suggest that unless you know the girl. If you were working with a girl you were interested in for example, you may respectfully ask her or better yet a third party who knows the both of you and can facilitate a meeting between you and her family.



The reason why it may seem that its easier for other cultures to find suitable spouses is because it's often arranged by their families. Since that family aspect/culture is not there for you to utilize, it will be a bit more challenging, but not impossible. If you know any other muslims at all, you should let them know you're looking for a spouse. You can also ask at your local mosque. The other thing I suggest would be joining social media groups where conversations take place (like on facebook). You'd have to be careful about keeping things halal though. There are a lot of reverts out there who are in your same shoes looking for a spouse as well.



Just as poor people can become rich, rich people can also become poor. It shouldn't be about the money. I understand that in general we all want someone who is financially stable, but it's not the most important thing out there. So don't feel hung up just because you are rejected due to your financial status. In the end, we all take what is destined for us regardless of what is in our pockets. May Allah make things easy on you brother and grant you with a wonderful spouse who compliments you in every way ameen. Also never forget to pray about it and leave it in His hands. :)
Well well look whos post attracted moderators :P I am not searching now sis,even if I do there is no muslim girls where I am now lol,but in the future I am gonna need these info in shaa Allah.
So no talking on the street,got it.I was really confused about that.Good news that mahr can be everything.So I guess an Umrah or Hajj can be mahr.Awesome
Uhm if you know any social media groups that is worth it feel free to tell me here or in pm.
Thank you for replying every question with explanation
Judging from your title I guess you like making duaa,so i'd beg you to make one for me cuz I am going through a lot now.I'd make one for you too anyway
Thanks again :)
Reply

Amalalharbi
10-16-2017, 05:46 AM
racism is the worst thing ever

I don't think that there is a problem marrying Muslim from other countries as long as he is really a good Muslim,

the problem is how her family trust the man they know nothing about him at all, here after she agree her brothers

look for everything about him and how he deal with others to see if he really deserve the girl that is why in Islam there is (walli )

to look after the girl until they trust the man. they wont ask for a complete man but really good manner and Ethics .

some tribes do not prefer this marriage .

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah:that the Messenger of Allah said: "If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.'"

a good Muslim can marry a good girl Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'la said: (Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision) Surah An Noor

there is no racism but goodness

about almahr it depends on the girl I don't know may be start with 1500 Eur


but a good Muslim man really good I think is important than everything and a good Muslim woman you think you should marry

even if she asked 10000 Eur you would say it is not a big deal as long as I want her

but I think more than 1000 Eur useless coz it has no meaning .the mahr of the daughters of the prophet Of Allah was simple alhamdullah

a Swiss man proposed to my sister after a while and doing Istekhara prayer we knew that he used to hurt his x wife > he was wealthy with no manners
Reply

RisingLight
10-16-2017, 12:23 PM
Originally Posted by Amalalharbi
racism is the worst thing ever

I don't think that there is a problem marrying Muslim from other countries as long as he is really a good Muslim,

the problem is how her family trust the man they know nothing about him at all, here after she agree her brothers

look for everything about him and how he deal with others to see if he really deserve the girl that is why in Islam there is (walli )

to look after the girl until they trust the man. they wont ask for a complete man but really good manner and Ethics .

some tribes do not prefer this marriage .

It was narrated from Abu Hurairah:that the Messenger of Allah said: "If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.'"

a good Muslim can marry a good girl Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'la said: (Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision) Surah An Noor

there is no racism but goodness

about almahr it depends on the girl I don't know may be start with 1500 Eur


but a good Muslim man really good I think is important than everything and a good Muslim woman you think you should marry

even if she asked 10000 Eur you would say it is not a big deal as long as I want her

but I think more than 1000 Eur useless coz it has no meaning .the mahr of the daughters of the prophet Of Allah was simple alhamdullah

a Swiss man proposed to my sister after a while and doing Istekhara prayer we knew that he used to hurt his x wife > he was wealthy with no manners
If only everyone thought the same as you and the other sisters here.
Nah if she said 10.000 even if I had millions id just dissapear.I mean,wouldnt my money be hers too? Why would she take a part from the family's economy only for herself?
What do girls do with mahr? o.O
In shaa Allah you and your sister get married to men better than the ones you hope for
Reply

Kawlah
10-16-2017, 01:56 PM
Salaam bro ,

If you experience racism, which I hope not but if you do you can of course look for other converts too. Convert women would certainly be willing to marry another convert, it makes many things much easier because the cultural difference won't be there.

I will keep you in my dua.
Reply

RisingLight
10-16-2017, 05:31 PM
Originally Posted by Kawlah
Salaam bro ,

If you experience racism, which I hope not but if you do you can of course look for other converts too. Convert women would certainly be willing to marry another convert, it makes many things much easier because the cultural difference won't be there.

I will keep you in my dua.
Yup,if the conditions are right for me to search again ill do that in shaa Allah.No cultural difference and so much better understanding.Though converts are hard to spot,especially if they arent hijabi,no way you would know

Thank you sis,It keeps making my day :) You are the only person in the universe who prays for me lol.I am and will do that too
Reply

Amalalharbi
10-16-2017, 05:39 PM
Originally Posted by DyingLight
If only everyone thought the same as you and the other sisters here.
Nah if she said 10.000 even if I had millions id just dissapear.I mean,wouldnt my money be hers too? Why would she take a part from the family's economy only for herself?
What do girls do with mahr? o.O
In shaa Allah you and your sister get married to men better than the ones you hope for
I am against that much Mahr true , but do not be harsh on girls this is a right of their rights

I believe in dua

I think when you find her, try to talk with her family about that much Mahr they will accept as long as you are really a good Muslim they want her happiness .
Reply

Kawlah
10-16-2017, 06:22 PM
Originally Posted by DyingLight
Yup,if the conditions are right for me to search again ill do that in shaa Allah.No cultural difference and so much better understanding.Though converts are hard to spot,especially if they arent hijabi,no way you would know

Thank you sis,It keeps making my day :) You are the only person in the universe who prays for me lol.I am and will do that too
Salaam ale3koem wa rachmatoullahi wa barakathoe,

You spotted a convert without a hidjab (yet.. soon I will wear one Insha'Allah) so that's one thing you did today then. Haha.

Anyway, I do really pray for you and your peace of mind. I can sense your sadness from your post and hope that Allah will ease your burden

As for the mahr, I think that it depends on what is appropriate for the country and situation you are in. Mahr is a kind of insurance for a woman, so in a poor country she might ask more than me who comes from a country with a social security net for divorced women. I would not know what to ask, probably just some jewelry like is common here in the West as a marriage gift. More as a symbolic gift than actual money.

I guess the woman's family has a role to play in it too, and women from different cultural backgrounds might ask what is common in their countries which could be closer to an insurance. If you wish to marry I think you could go to a mosque and tell them that you're eligible, you might be surprised at the results. I asked Allah to bring love in your life, so who knows.. :)

I am a full member now, will take some time to PM you tomorrow Insha'Allah.
Reply

RisingLight
10-16-2017, 07:04 PM
Originally Posted by Kawlah
Salaam ale3koem wa rachmatoullahi wa barakathoe,

You spotted a convert without a hidjab (yet.. soon I will wear one Insha'Allah) so that's one thing you did today then. Haha.

Anyway, I do really pray for you and your peace of mind. I can sense your sadness from your post and hope that Allah will ease your burden

As for the mahr, I think that it depends on what is appropriate for the country and situation you are in. Mahr is a kind of insurance for a woman, so in a poor country she might ask more than me who comes from a country with a social security net for divorced women. I would not know what to ask, probably just some jewelry like is common here in the West as a marriage gift. More as a symbolic gift than actual money.

I guess the woman's family has a role to play in it too, and women from different cultural backgrounds might ask what is common in their countries which could be closer to an insurance. If you wish to marry I think you could go to a mosque and tell them that you're eligible, you might be surprised at the results. I asked Allah to bring love in your life, so who knows.. :)

I am a full member now, will take some time to PM you tomorrow Insha'Allah.

Alaikum Salam we rahmetullah

I didnt spot you,the whole forum knows your a convert :D .Ohhhh now that makes sense.I thought she just wanted to spend them on useless stuff.She deserves a huge mahr then

Cant go to a mosque yet,where I am now the mosques here arent really sunni and when I go back home you know I have trouble practising let alone marry lol.But I will do that on the first chance

You know when you make duaa the angel wishes the same on you too,so be careful being too lovey-dovey,it can have a boomerang effect,just kidding :haha: . I really appreaciate it.Thank you for always supporting me.You have a really good heart sister,wish everything for you turns out to be better than your heart
Reply

*charisma*
10-16-2017, 08:32 PM
Originally Posted by DyingLight
Good news that mahr can be everything.So I guess an Umrah or Hajj can be mahr.
Yes. There's actually a story which I think you may enjoy:

Hiba Ammar writes:

When my father proposed to my mother, he dedicated Surah Al-Imran which he memorized by heart as her "Mahr" (dowry). And when my husband proposed to me, my father told him that he would have to memorize a Surah of the Quran as my mahr and that the wedding will not go on unless I've received my mahr. I was asked to pick one of the surahs. I chose Surah Al-Noor for all the laws that the Surah contained within it and for the fact that it seemed hard to memorize on my behalf. And before our wedding day, aside of being busy preparing for our "Newly wedded Nest", the Quran wouldn't leave my husband's hand an entire month as he was memorizing the Surah.

A few day before our wedding day, my husband came to recite to my father the Surah which he had completed. My father told him every time you make a mistake, you would have to start from the beginning all over again.

My husband began reciting Surah Al-Noor with his calm/gentle voice in such a "beautiful" scene which I will never forget. My mother and I would look at one another and would smile awaiting my husband to make a mistake so he would have to start all over again and by that increase my "Reward". But my husband - May Allah bless him - had memorized the Surah off heart and didn't even forget one single verse of it. Once he finished my father hugged him and said to him: "Today I shall marry my daughter to you, for you have fulfilled her mahr and your pledge to me.."

He didn't pay me a financial mahr, and we didn't buy gold worth tens of thousands. He sufficed me with Allah's words as an oath/ contract between us. And the Question is.... I wonder what Surah my daughter will chose as her mahr in the future?"

Originally Posted by DyingLight
Uhm if you know any social media groups that is worth it feel free to tell me here or in pm.
If you search groups on facebook, you'll find plenty. Some examples "revert Muslims" "latino Muslims" "reverts in (country)". There are also specific groups for those looking for marriage.

Originally Posted by DyingLight
Thank you for replying every question with explanation
No problem :)

Originally Posted by DyingLight
Judging from your title I guess you like making duaa,so i'd beg you to make one for me cuz I am going through a lot now.I'd make one for you too anyway
Thanks again
Of course, inshallah. Just remember, the best du'a is the one you make for yourself as well :) May Allah ease your burdens ameen.
Reply

Amalalharbi
10-17-2017, 05:06 AM
Which I know you can approach her by going to her Walli or that your mother or any of your female relatives go to the house of the girl

If you can not and you're looking for her in Social Media, try not to talk to her alone. This is not a good thing

But if you have fear from Allah and really wanna marry , it is possible to gather three Muslim sisters (if they want to) with her in a group

and tell her that you want her father's or her brother's number to stay away from kholwah .

may Allah help you.
Reply

mslm
10-19-2017, 11:12 PM
It can be definitely intimidating to try and find a spouse locally, especially if you don't already have connections with other Muslims (if you do, just let people know you're looking to marry, and if Allah wills, someone will get back to you).

As a fallback, realistic option, you can try www.purematrimony.com (don't take this wrong, it's legitimately the most "pure" Muslim marriage site you can find, and I personally found my own spouse there :) ). You'll definitely do a double-take on this option, but keep it around; bookmark it or something. You can find a spouse through any means, given they're Halal, and there's nothing wrong with a controlled (i.e. monitored for misbehavior), meaningful, and sincere search through an online service. P.S. I have no affiliations with them except that I found my own there. But note, it costs money, but that is only a positive, because it ensures only serious people actually register, and there's plenty!
Reply

Amalalharbi
10-26-2017, 08:01 AM
Originally Posted by DyingLight
Salam Alaikum all

So I dont have contact with muslims except sometimes on internet and I am completely ignorant when it comes to this subject.

Is it true that is very hard to find a girl if you are not arab?

Is it true that you need to pay mahr and it is usually 5.000-10.000 euros/dollars?

What actually do they require in general?

If you see her on the street and you like her,do you just go and ask her wali or what? How sisters want to be approached?

How to spot a convert?

Do they want to work or let the man provide everything for the family?

I know how it should be but I am curious how it is in real life
If racism does not concern you and you have curiosity about some things in some countries, why not you try entering the Islamic University
Reply

RisingLight
10-26-2017, 10:25 AM
Originally Posted by mslm
It can be definitely intimidating to try and find a spouse locally, especially if you don't already have connections with other Muslims (if you do, just let people know you're looking to marry, and if Allah wills, someone will get back to you).

As a fallback, realistic option, you can try www.purematrimony.com (don't take this wrong, it's legitimately the most "pure" Muslim marriage site you can find, and I personally found my own spouse there :) ). You'll definitely do a double-take on this option, but keep it around; bookmark it or something. You can find a spouse through any means, given they're Halal, and there's nothing wrong with a controlled (i.e. monitored for misbehavior), meaningful, and sincere search through an online service. P.S. I have no affiliations with them except that I found my own there. But note, it costs money, but that is only a positive, because it ensures only serious people actually register, and there's plenty!
JazakhAllah Khair.If all else fails I will try this.Its a good website Ive heard of it.Thank you :)

Originally Posted by Amalalharbi
If racism does not concern you and you have curiosity about some things in some countries, why not you try entering the Islamic University
They wouldnt accept me in an islamic university.There were so many people wanting to enter that some friends I had,had to wait for years and were backed by imams to secure a place :)
Reply

Supernova
10-26-2017, 04:27 PM
Salam Alaikum all Wasalaam

So I dont have contact with muslims except sometimes on internet (And the other times?) and I am completely ignorant (I really believe this after reading all your questions) when it comes to this subject.(And beyond this subject it seems BUT I still believe you)

Is it true that is very hard to find a girl if you are not arab? ( Yes Very hard - Muslims who aren't Arab suddenly populate in a Manufacturing plant)

Is it true that you need to pay mahr and it is usually 5.000-10.000 euros/dollars? (This might shock you but sometimes they even ask for it in other currencies - example You know how you thought that only Arabs marry well - believe it it not they use their own currency at times - Hope this is not getting too difficult for you to keep up)

What actually do they require in general ( What made you use the word "Actually" - ?)

If you see her on the street and you like her,do you just go and ask her wali or what? How sisters want to be approached (How would you even know whether she is married or not leave alone even reaching the approach part? - Jumping the gun there mate)

How to spot a convert?(Using 3D sunglasses)

Do they want to work or let the man provide everything for the family?(Both)

I know how it should be but I am curious how it is in real li​ke (So in other words your "how it should be" is an imagination you created ?)
Reply

RisingLight
10-27-2017, 03:39 PM
Originally Posted by Supernova
Salam Alaikum all Wasalaam

So I dont have contact with muslims except sometimes on internet (And the other times?) and I am completely ignorant (I really believe this after reading all your questions) when it comes to this subject.(And beyond this subject it seems BUT I still believe you)

Is it true that is very hard to find a girl if you are not arab? ( Yes Very hard - Muslims who aren't Arab suddenly populate in a Manufacturing plant)

Is it true that you need to pay mahr and it is usually 5.000-10.000 euros/dollars? (This might shock you but sometimes they even ask for it in other currencies - example You know how you thought that only Arabs marry well - believe it it not they use their own currency at times - Hope this is not getting too difficult for you to keep up)

What actually do they require in general ( What made you use the word "Actually" - ?)

If you see her on the street and you like her,do you just go and ask her wali or what? How sisters want to be approached (How would you even know whether she is married or not leave alone even reaching the approach part? - Jumping the gun there mate)

How to spot a convert?(Using 3D sunglasses)

Do they want to work or let the man provide everything for the family?(Both)

I know how it should be but I am curious how it is in real li​ke (So in other words your "how it should be" is an imagination you created ?)

Nice colors :D .... Alaikum Salam we rahmetullah we barakatuh and Jummah Mubarak
Reply

Amalalharbi
11-02-2017, 08:36 AM
Originally Posted by DyingLight



They wouldnt accept me in an islamic university.There were so many people wanting to enter that some friends I had,had to wait for years and were backed by imams to secure a place :)
May Allah grant you which is best for you, keep going Allah the Exalted says: 'I am as my slave expects me to be' Allah will make your life more easier and if Islamic university or an Arab girl is good for you may Allah make it easy for you brother.
Reply

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