Introduction
Hello, I was searching for an Islamic forum that was very active, I am extremely grateful that I found it. I currently live in Los Angeles and am an active practicing Muslim and proud of it. I am here because I need the guidance that I don't think I can properly articulate with other people in 'full theory,' meaning: entirely explain to someone willing to listen to the entire story. Hopefully I can find that here. So I do thank you all for taking the time to listen to what I have to say.
The Route to Islam
Why did I come to Islam? A question that has actually been asked quite a lot, especially since the majority, if not all Armenians are predominately Christian. Its as if Armenians are fanatically Christian to preserve their nationalism, and or "where they came from," or "what their grandparents fought for" against the Ottoman Turks in the Armenian Genocide of 1915. I can clearly advocate that Christianity was never the answer to any of my problems: I was once struggling with drugs, a history of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and mental abuse. As a Christian I was always told to, "pray to God" or "Jesus will heal you" yet that was never the case. The more I prayed to Jesus, the more I sank into my problems, I was never freed from the torment that re-enacted itself in my brain, reliving the pain memories of my past. As I got older I became an addict to pornography, and that changed the way I viewed women, It created problems such as: A desire to be intimate with the same sex, constant sexual cravings, and the possibilities of searching for anonymous encounters with random people-I was
NECK DEEP in SIN, yet
Christianity did not provide the answer. I spoke with the Pastor and he told me that I needed to pray with all the faith I had, yet I was living a moment of
DESPERATION! Christianity could no longer comfort me, and I felt homeless, deprived, useless, unworthy of a righteous path, yet I desired it more then anything! It was then that I decided I was going to be an Atheist, because I thought, "God has ignored me."
My sexual desires, my lust never led me to do anything irrational, but with the drug consumption, and addiction to pornography I was watching it 5-6 hours a day. I could no longer concentrate on school work, homework, or work without taking a minute to 'feed' on the images in pornography. My social interactions with anyone led me to think sexually, not rationally. I disrespected myself and I disrespected the people around me with the images of filth that flooded my mind. What was I going to do? I was HOOKED, and it felt like I was dying inside. One day I got on my knee's, I clasped my hands together, and I offered myself to anything that could save me... I said, "I freely give myself to anyone or anything willing to take me-and it was then that I remember the name...
ALLAH It was then that I surrendered myself. I knew the Shahada by listening to Nasheeds, so I said it.
The Change
My brothers and sisters I joke you not, and I swear it on my life. My life had changed that day. The very next day I no longer had a single craving to watch Pornography, and until this day I have not viewed it. Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala pulled my away from the computer and put me on a path headed towards HIM, I gave up drugs, I no longer crave the things I use to, but of course there are still struggles that I face.
FAMILY
My family is Christian, and it is highly unacceptable to be Muslim, in fact they don't even want me to have Muslim friends. Everything to do with Islam leads them to believe in the "Armenian Genocide was done by ALL Muslims" which is absolute nonsense. Allah (SWT) has saved me from a terrible fate, and a path of disgust. I put my faith in something that I once did not believe in, in something that I thought to be lies, slander, and pure blasphemy. I feel like Allah (SWT) is calling me for a higher path, he wants me to be a leader, he wants me to pursue something GREAT. I am not someone that sits back, I want to LEAD, but now I ask... How? My family controls most of my life, and I am very respectful towards my parents, but I am sure that they do not want me to follow Islam, and they would definitely not approve. What must I do? I want to lead, I want to help others, and I want to build Mosques, and I most definitely want to lead other Armenians to Islam, what must I do?