format_quote Originally Posted by
NewYorker1626
Salaam. My wife (31 and I (34) have been married for 20 months. Prior to marriage we had agreed to wait a year before we start trying for a child. I found out on my wedding night my wife was on the pill. I asked my wife to come of the pill after 9 months so we could start trying on the 12 month and the pill would be out of her system. She refused, and came off the pill on the 13th month. So I said we'd wait for a few months to let the body remove the remains of the pill. After the 4 months had passed I brought up the discussion about trying and I was told that if my wife fell pregnant instantly that would mean she would give birth during Ramadan. She didn't want to put others out her family etc and she thinks people would be in a bad mood. Now we are finally trying and during the most fertile days my wife decides to stay with her own family and spend time with her friends and then comes home tired. I desperately want to start a family. My wife is well aware of this.
A little background on my wife. She had a lot of problems living with her fathers family. Her mum has been basically told to run around after children and her dads brothers. My wife lived in the household running around after her cousins. She said she despises children. She barely bonds with my nieces and nephews.
I love my wife to bits. Ive given her own house. she sees her family, friends and I want her to have a career. I have always put her first. I just really want children. Where do I stand? I always thought women would want children and grow the ummah. I really don't know what to do..... please help
Asalaamualaykum
I am sorry that you and your wife are undergoing this issue.
Whatever happens - Talaq is the last resort. Do not even consider that for now.
Being a woman is not synonymous to a baby machine. A woman is a prideful flower of creation and like a flower is gentle and sways with the wind. The hand that plucks a flower has to be gentle too.
Speak to her with gentleness and different times of the day and month. Woman don't only have chemical imbalances during the periods but can also have many other imbalances based on diet and changes of their physical environment. These changes can impair the judgement - Every human undergoes this.
Give her time yet be firm on it. She has already agreed to it before marriage ALTHOUGH that doesn't making it binding. We all have a change of heart from time to time and that change of heart is sometimes a knee jerk reaction to some other stimulus in our lives.
It is amazing most men think that wooing a woman suddenly becomes "instructions" after marriage.
Write her a love letter
Buy her flowers
Read a poem to her ......Bring the heavens down for her !!
Woo her into your love !!! She is a woman...Treat her like a REAL woman - she is not a Slave !!! You think because you tied the knot that suddenly your demands are the given ??? How sad.
You want that baby ......then treat her like the WOMAN and heavenly beauty that will deliver that baby.
If you not prepared to do that - buy yourself a doll and pretend.