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Calmate
01-18-2018, 03:17 PM
Salaam brothers and sisters,

I need some advice based on my relationship.

My wife is a Latina and we live in Germany. I married with her 1 year ago. She converted to the Islam and adheres to the five pillars of Islam.

My issue:

We have almost every day quarrel and even our environment is seeing this. The main problem is that she talk too much and being an open book to everyone. She tell to everyone about our private things and also when people say something to here she spread it to other people. This caused a lot of problems between me and my environment. I talked a lot about her behavior, but she refuse to admit that she is doing wrong. Even when we get upset she can’t stop talking. It’s really frustrating when someone can’t stop talking (exaggerate talking) when you ask to stop for several time. Also she is really stubborn with me, judging me for many things that I didn’t do and have for everything an excuse ready.
I can’t deal with this anymore and sometimes I lose my control and myself. I can’t trust her anymore and I feel like I am hating her at this moment so much. She lied to me with many things that I can’t discuss here, and I forgive her for that.

I really don’t understand what to do anymore and it feels like I want to end our relationship. Trust me I tried everything to solve this. Maybe it’s a cultural thing that I am not aware of….

I ask Allah many times for a healthy relationship…

At this moment my love for her turned into hate….
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Misbah-Abd
01-18-2018, 04:46 PM
Firstly, perhaps go to an imam with each other and let him mediate between the both of you at resolving your issues before you divorce her. Perhaps he can get to the bottom of this and salvage your relationship. Secondly, your wife shouldn't be doing the "dirty laundry" out in the open but have enough manners to know that this is not acceptable behavior and can be considered back-biting, and Allah's refuge is sought from that. May Allah Azza wa Jal rectify things for you. Ameen.
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shafat10
01-18-2018, 05:06 PM
Don't let the Shaitan fool you in to believing that the relationship has come to an end. That is his ultimate goal so do not be fooled. If a relationship is not going well, then there are several ways of solving it. I am not a scholar but here's a friendly advice. Do not be harsh on her. This will only worsen the situation. The Prophet PBUH said: "Treat women nicely, for a women is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women nicely." Bukhari (548).
Firstly, newly married couples may have issues that will need some time to be fixed, as you both do not know each other. Plus, she is from a different culture so try helping her understand Islam. Do not tell her that she is wrong, instead tell her how she can improve herself. By the way you said, it is obvious that you have been rough to her for which she doesn't want to accept what you are saying. If you behave well, she will listen. So firstly we need to be more understanding and not someone who directly criticizes by saying "you are wrong". Instead of telling her things yourself, tell her Hadiths of the Prophet PBUH directly so that will help her further. There is a Hadith for every single problem that you have mentioned, which I may or may not be able to refer right now, but there is.

Firstly, she talks too much. Everyone is different, perhaps you should try understanding her instead of getting angry. If she talks uselessly, then tell her of the Haidth of the Prophet: Let him who believes in Allah and the last day speak good or keep silent... . (40 Hadith Nawawi - 15).
Secondly, speaking about what happened between husband and wife to others is prohibited, please check the Hadith for that as I cannot refer to it right now, but is a Sahih Hadith.
Thirdly, she spreading everything to everyone is certainly not a good trait, so you can show her the Hadith: Part of the perfection of one's Islam is his leaving that which does not concern him. Hasan Hadith by Tirmidhi. (40 Hadith Nawawi - 12).

I understand that your situation is critical and that you are worried, but if you take the necessary actions according to the way Islam is prescribed, then you will be at ease. Try different methods of Dawah, do not stick to one, everyone does not understand in the same way as you do. So help her understand what is wrong without blaming her, help her improve herself without making her feel guilty. If you show her Hadiths, she will understand. Don't speak from yourself, speak from Islam.

And the best thing you can do is Dua. The Prophet PBUH said: Verily the hearts of all the sons of Adam are between the two fingers out of the fingers of the Compassionate Lord as one heart. He turns that to any direction He likes. Then the Prophet said - O Allah, the Turner of the hearts, turn our hearts to your obedience. (Sahih Muslim 2655).
So no matter how much you try, if Allah doesn't give her Hidaya, she will not understand. So pray for her Hidaya and give her Dawah Inshallah Allah will help your family.
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Calmate
01-19-2018, 12:54 PM
Thank you for answering. I will keep the above information in mind. The situation escalated and my family don't trust her anymore and feel not free anymore to talk about something, because she will spread the news. Because I gave her so many opportunities I feel really to end this. To much talk and to much gossip is really a bad behaviour.
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Misbah-Abd
01-19-2018, 01:24 PM
Originally Posted by Calmate
Thank you for answering. I will keep the above information in mind. The situation escalated and my family don't trust her anymore and feel not free anymore to talk about something, because she will spread the news. Because I gave her so many opportunities I feel really to end this. To much talk and to much gossip is really a bad behaviour.
May Allah Azza wa Jal make things easy for you and may your decision be the best for your iman. Ameen.
Reply

azc
01-19-2018, 04:45 PM
When you knew before the marriage that she spoke too much, then why did you marry her..? Or, Will you say that all of sudden she has Started this habit of speaking....? Sometimes, sweet cuckoo voice changes into harsh voice of crow after the marriage. Take it easy. She is still like a teenage girl whereas you are a matured man..... Divorce isn't the solution.
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A786
01-19-2018, 09:27 PM
Originally Posted by Calmate
Salaam brothers and sisters,

I need some advice based on my relationship.

My wife is a Latina and we live in Germany. I married with her 1 year ago. She converted to the Islam and adheres to the five pillars of Islam.

My issue:

We have almost every day quarrel and even our environment is seeing this. The main problem is that she talk too much and being an open book to everyone. She tell to everyone about our private things and also when people say something to here she spread it to other people. This caused a lot of problems between me and my environment. I talked a lot about her behavior, but she refuse to admit that she is doing wrong. Even when we get upset she can’t stop talking. It’s really frustrating when someone can’t stop talking (exaggerate talking) when you ask to stop for several time. Also she is really stubborn with me, judging me for many things that I didn’t do and have for everything an excuse ready.
I can’t deal with this anymore and sometimes I lose my control and myself. I can’t trust her anymore and I feel like I am hating her at this moment so much. She lied to me with many things that I can’t discuss here, and I forgive her for that.

I really don’t understand what to do anymore and it feels like I want to end our relationship. Trust me I tried everything to solve this. Maybe it’s a cultural thing that I am not aware of….

I ask Allah many times for a healthy relationship…

At this moment my love for her turned into hate….



I am sorry to hear about your situation. I hope that Allah shows your wife the importance of a husband and wife relationship as she should not spread private things to others. Brother I ask you to be polite and calm with your wife and show some Sabr (patience). I can understand that you are finding it hard to tolerate and my brother turn to Allah and tell him your problems in Full fiath and hope that he will take you out of all the stress and worries, Insh'Allah ameen. Allah loves when we blindly trust him and completely rely on him for every little to little thing and this is a huge matter of your sacred relationship, so I suggest to leave the matter to Allah and be polite and patient with your wife.
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Umm♥Layth
01-20-2018, 10:00 AM
It isn't helpful or wise to marry a person thinking that somehow you are going to change them or that they will change for you. You have to learn to accept your wife AS SHE IS if you want things to improve. Being harsh and telling her "you can't do xyz" will only make things worse. NOBODY likes being told not to do something or being made to feel like a child. Culturally, she is probably different than what you are used to, but as she learns Islam, she will change for the better. It takes time.

I'm a "latina" (I hate that term lol) and my ex husband deeply regrets divorcing me because I turned out to be very different 13 years later. We are more hot tempered than other women, quite strong headed, in many cases loud and also on the dominant side depending on each woman's nature. Most middle eastern and asian men do not like this one bit, especially if they are the "big macho" type. So you'll have to reflect on your expectations of her and learn acceptance. This is who you chose to marry and so now you have to find a solution and the solution isn't for her to dramatically change.

You can encourage her to change by setting an example and encouraging kindly. You can't fight fire with fire. She will learn proper adhab slowly as she develops spiritually. Don't kill that for her by criticizing.

May the force be with you ;)
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Misbah-Abd
01-20-2018, 11:36 AM
Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth
It isn't helpful or wise to marry a person thinking that somehow you are going to change them or that they will change for you. You have to learn to accept your wife AS SHE IS if you want things to improve. Being harsh and telling her "you can't do xyz" will only make things worse. NOBODY likes being told not to do something or being made to feel like a child. Culturally, she is probably different than what you are used to, but as she learns Islam, she will change for the better. It takes time.

I'm a "latina" (I hate that term lol) and my ex husband deeply regrets divorcing me because I turned out to be very different 13 years later. We are more hot tempered than other women, quite strong headed, in many cases loud and also on the dominant side depending on each woman's nature. Most middle eastern and asian men do not like this one bit, especially if they are the "big macho" type. So you'll have to reflect on your expectations of her and learn acceptance. This is who you chose to marry and so now you have to find a solution and the solution isn't for her to dramatically change.

You can encourage her to change by setting an example and encouraging kindly. You can't fight fire with fire. She will learn proper adhab slowly as she develops spiritually. Don't kill that for her by criticizing.

May the force be with you ;)
This wife is talking about him behind his back and telling everyone their problems. No she has to be corrected because she is a Muslim and this isn't acceptable behavior. This isn't "just accept who she is". She has to rectify this type of nonsense which contradicts the Quran and Sunnah. And Allah Knows Best
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IslamLife00
01-20-2018, 01:38 PM
Originally Posted by Calmate
Salaam brothers and sisters,

I need some advice based on my relationship.

My wife is a Latina and we live in Germany. I married with her 1 year ago. She converted to the Islam and adheres to the five pillars of Islam.

My issue:

We have almost every day quarrel and even our environment is seeing this. The main problem is that she talk too much and being an open book to everyone. She tell to everyone about our private things and also when people say something to here she spread it to other people. This caused a lot of problems between me and my environment. I talked a lot about her behavior, but she refuse to admit that she is doing wrong. Even when we get upset she can’t stop talking. It’s really frustrating when someone can’t stop talking (exaggerate talking) when you ask to stop for several time. Also she is really stubborn with me, judging me for many things that I didn’t do and have for everything an excuse ready.
I can’t deal with this anymore and sometimes I lose my control and myself. I can’t trust her anymore and I feel like I am hating her at this moment so much. She lied to me with many things that I can’t discuss here, and I forgive her for that.

I really don’t understand what to do anymore and it feels like I want to end our relationship. Trust me I tried everything to solve this. Maybe it’s a cultural thing that I am not aware of….

I ask Allah many times for a healthy relationship…

At this moment my love for her turned into hate….
I don't know why she is sharing private matters openly and continues to do so. If you show these InshaAllah will help her understand.

https://islamqa.info/en/105391

https://islamqa.info/en/23328
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sister herb
01-20-2018, 02:00 PM
Originally Posted by Misbah-Abd
No she has to be corrected because she is a Muslim and this isn't acceptable behavior.
Sure but it depends how he can do this "correcting". A person should to be very wise when he/she tries to change other person´s way to behave.
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Umm♥Layth
01-20-2018, 02:02 PM
Originally Posted by Misbah-Abd
This wife is talking about him behind his back and telling everyone their problems. No she has to be corrected because she is a Muslim and this isn't acceptable behavior. This isn't "just accept who she is". She has to rectify this type of nonsense which contradicts the Quran and Sunnah. And Allah Knows Best
It most certainly does not contradict Quran and Sunnah. People who convert to Islam first accept that there is only One God and The prophet is is messenger. Frm the beginning, Muslims came to Islam as they were and slowly changed for the better. Do you know how the Quran was revealed? We have Maccan and Medinan surahs for a reason. When a person converts, they don't automatically change overnight. It is a lifelong process and Allah is most merciful.

I never said that what she is doing is correct, but he DOES have to accept his wife as she is if he wants to develop the compassion and mercy that is required to encourage a person to change.

Having the mentality that a person must stop all behavior that isn't "halal" as soon as t hey take shahada is exactly the reason why people leave Islam. IT.TAKES.TIME.TO.CHANGE. full stop.
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Misbah-Abd
01-20-2018, 03:00 PM
http://www.quran.mu/marital-privacy-in-islam.html
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Umm♥Layth
01-20-2018, 04:40 PM
Originally Posted by Misbah-Abd
You don't need to link me for someone else to speak for you. Again, I don't think anyone on this thread is defending her behavior, but go back and read what the OP said. His love has turned into "hate", he doesn't like her behavior and expects her to change her ways shortly after taking shahada. They are fighting about it, which means the situation isn't being handled correctly. When a person becomes defensive and refuses to see their wrongs, it is usually because they feel attacked or criticized.

I stand by what I said. People need to step back and think about what acceptance truly means. ;) toodles!
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Misbah-Abd
01-20-2018, 04:54 PM
I linked that it does contradict the Quran and Sunnah. Of course I let the scholars speak for me because that is how it is suppose to be but apparently you would rather follow your whims and desires. And she doesn't get a pass because you think she is Latin and "strong headed, hot tempered, loud, etc" because you have these negative traits in you and apparently and was a cause for your divorce. If the OP can't persuade her himself and marriage counseling doesn't work and she insists in being incorrigible then he has to decide if the aggravation is worth it. I know I wouldn't tolerate that nonsense. And this doesn't have to do with being a new Muslim, and she is in the "Meccan phase of her spiritual development" nonsense. This is about her character issues...;) toodles!
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Umm♥Layth
01-20-2018, 06:35 PM
Originally Posted by Misbah-Abd
I linked that it does contradict the Quran and Sunnah. Of course I let the scholars speak for me because that is how it is suppose to be but apparently you would rather follow your whims and desires. And she doesn't get a pass because you think she is Latin and "strong headed, hot tempered, loud, etc" because you have these negative traits in you and apparently and was a cause for your divorce. If the OP can't persuade her himself and marriage counseling doesn't work and she insists in being incorrigible then he has to decide if the aggravation is worth it. I know I wouldn't tolerate that nonsense. And this doesn't have to do with being a new Muslim, and she is in the "Meccan phase of her spiritual development" nonsense. This is about her character issues...;) toodles!
You are funny.

The characteristics I listed are common for women in the latin community. At no point did I imply that this was my personal behavior. I divorced because my ex husband cheated and he used to hit me, even while pregnant, if you wanted to know ;)

The OP didn't say whether he's gone to counceling with her or not and he is only telling his side. What is making this lady go out and share dirty laundry? Is she unsatisfied in the home? Is her husband a good friend to her? It takes two hands to clap and once again, nobody is saying she is having a free pass (why do you keep implying that I'm saying its okay to have bad manners?).

How does a person develop a good character? If you step back and think about what I said (about Makkan and Medinian Surahs) you will see that it is a long process. Spiritual development has everything to do with Character development, so by calling spiritual development nonsense, you are also calling charater building nonsense. sad.

Also, you are passing judgement on a person you know nothing about (two if you count me, you say I follow my whims, how so?) and you don't know what she struggles with. For many, the tongue is a massive struggle. We are supposed to have compassion and understanding for one another.
I suppose you are an angel and live without sin. Good for you! :statisfie
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muslimah_B
01-21-2018, 10:35 PM
Walaykum asalam warahmatullahi wabarakatahu

If she is new to islam then, whatever traits personality character she has will still be there BUT will slowly change to adhere to islamic principles as her emaan grows and she has better understanding & grasp of what being a muslim entails, as "mi hermana" @umm[emoji173]layth said [emoji6] IT WILL TAKE TIME, IT DOES NOT HAPPEN IMMEDIATELY, it takes everything out of you to completely do a 180° spin on your life and change everything you knew and grew up doing as it was basically "haram" or not in line with being a muslim, its NOT EASY at all and we all struggle with something nobody is perfect at all.

We all know backbiting & slandering is NOT part of islam & against Quran/Sunnah, has very dire consequences if you don't repent for it, but yet its a very big problem among muslims, how can you expect a brand new muslim to basically be perfect when people who were born & grew up as muslims have these characteristics & traits some even worse, your basically throwing her under a bus when shes still learning probally finding it hard to adapt to all the changes,

Among latina/hispanic/spanish (whatever lol) it is common that they "talk alot" i.e problems with family etc get spoken about as a normalcy so if she grew up with that its probally very normal to her & comes as a second nature without really realising whats shes doing, again as she learns islam her emaan grows it will cut down and ultimately stop in sha Allah.

So to help stop this, i think you should back off abit as again she may be finding all these changes stressfull to deal with adding on with the constant arguements (whatever its about) sounds like added stress, she may not have anyone to speak to as she may feel that you are too judgey & forcefull with these changes (she may feel you expect her to change overnight and when its not done you hold judgement against her) instead of realising that for a revert this is an entirely new life and it has to be taken slow in order for the changes to stick and not go back on oneself.

So try explaining to her that how would she like it if you do what shes doing to you i.e the situation was reversed, use a logical approach try not to shout or loose your temper, this is the best time for you to show the example of what being a muslim is about, YOU NEED TO BE HER EXAMPLE so not loosing your temper being calm as YOUR the husband and she is learning her islam from YOU would be a great start.

You could also encourage her if she hasnt to find any sisters who have a similar background as her who could be helpfull as they understand the culture and everything that she has to leave behind, its more comforting to find people who understand where your coming from to help you keep going with motivation and help.

Plus if she is doing other good things then praise her, like tell her she is doing a good job, make her feel proud of herself on other things she is doing don't just get hung up on one thing as then its like your ignoring everything good about her and just focusing on the bad, it may put her off and push her to speak to people.
You could also say to her while she works on that you will work on something yourself while helping eachother i.e your temper

Sulayman ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said "I seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan," what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 6/337)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allaah,’ his anger will go away." (Saheeh al-Jaami’ al-Sagheer, no. 695)

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/329; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 693, 4027).

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down."

The narrator of this hadeeth (report) is Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him), and there is a story connected to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one another), "Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to drink) and make his hair stand on end?" A man said, "I can," so he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the trough was broken. [i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken]. Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him, "O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?" He said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: . . ." and quoted the hadeeth. (The hadeeth and this story may be found in Musnad Ahmad, 5/152; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 694).

Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), "Advise me." He said, "Do not become angry." The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told him, "Do not become angry." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Bari, 10/456)

According to another report, the man said: "I thought about what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil." (Musnad Ahmad, 5/373)

(5)Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours (a saheeh (authentic) hadeeth, see Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7374. Ibn Hijr attributed it to al-Tabaraani, see al-Fath 4/465):

In sha Allah things get better for you both and your marriage gets back on track
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Calmate
01-22-2018, 12:36 PM
Thank you all for the advices. I understand that beeing recently married, culture difference and someone that recently converted need a lot of patience and dedication.Please can both sisters Umm♥Layth and muslimah_B send me a private message to discuss some private things. At this moment i cant send any private message, maby because i am new to this website. Thank you in advance!

- - - Updated - - -

Can you please contact me? With your background as a latina you might understand some private issues.
Reply

shafat10
01-23-2018, 09:32 PM
Originally Posted by Misbah-Abd
I linked that it does contradict the Quran and Sunnah. Of course I let the scholars speak for me because that is how it is suppose to be but apparently you would rather follow your whims and desires. And she doesn't get a pass because you think she is Latin and "strong headed, hot tempered, loud, etc" because you have these negative traits in you and apparently and was a cause for your divorce. If the OP can't persuade her himself and marriage counseling doesn't work and she insists in being incorrigible then he has to decide if the aggravation is worth it. I know I wouldn't tolerate that nonsense. And this doesn't have to do with being a new Muslim, and she is in the "Meccan phase of her spiritual development" nonsense. This is about her character issues...;) toodles!
I don't thing this is the place for personal attacks. The way you replied to this sister is not how one should respond in a public Islamic forum. I understand you couldn't agree with what she said, but that doesn't mean you should be bringing up her personal matter up open in an open forum. Everyone has a story, and we shouldn't really be judging too often. :).
You said the OP can't persuade her himself and if counselling doesn't work, well, none of that happened even so how do you know what will be the result? The OP gave his own reasoning, and he didn't speak from the Quran or Hadith. Speaking your personal talk is much different from speaking the Hadith of the Prophet PBUH, so once he tries explaining with the Hadith, then probably she will understand. No one wants to listen to "my mom said women should do this and that, my forefathers said so and so...", lol no, speak the Haidths, that is what makes a difference, culture doesn't because she also has her own culture. And no counselling was done either.
And you said you wouldn't tolerate this nonsense. Good for you. Maybe you are very short tempered but these problems happen quite often and on a regular basis in every other family, more or less. If for every single issue you would declare a divorce, then not many families would exist in this world. Maybe it's easy for you to marry and divorce often, but this is not what Islam prescribes. I understand that you feel what she did is a huge and enormous sin, but being a new Muslim, it takes time to change from a different culture to an Islamic culture, and that has been disturbed by not speaking her about Islam often and giving own reasoning. If the community and his family and he himself tried hard from day 1, probably she would have changed in this 1 year. The Prophet PBUH said: "Treat women nicely, for a women is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women nicely." Bukhari (548). This Hadith has a lot for us men to understand.
And then you attacked that lady's character by saying she has character problems. Alas! Just because someone is from a different culture and is not aware of what is right and wrong, and you don't even teach, and you say "she is characterless"? This is the exact problem with us males. We think that we own all the moral characters and all women who don't agree to us are characterless. That is so wrong. Just because a woman is not understanding a certain part of Islamic manner and etiquette, this doesn't make her characterless. If such were the case, then many people might question yours as well, because you didn't even think twice before telling the sister "maybe that was the reason for your divorce". It's not funny even if you think it is. Divorce is a huge thing, it is the worse thing permissible in the sight of Allah. So don't turn it in to a joke.
Oh, and it takes a lot of patience to give Dawah, if you lose patience, then you will never succeed. Especially if it is your loved ones, then you should try. Before even trying just thinking of divorce, lol.

"Umar Ibn Khattab, he was on his way to kill the Prophet PBUH. Now he is buried next to him. Never give up on people." :)
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muslimah_B
01-24-2018, 04:00 PM
Originally Posted by Calmate
Thank you all for the advices. I understand that beeing recently married, culture difference and someone that recently converted need a lot of patience and dedication.Please can both sisters Umm[emoji813]Layth and muslimah_B send me a private message to discuss some private things. At this moment i cant send any private message, maby because i am new to this website. Thank you in advance!

- - - Updated - - -

Can you please contact me? With your background as a latina you might understand some private issues.
No problem

You can't private message as your new you need a certain amount of posts to unlock it BUT Males & females are not allowed to privately message eachother or engage in convo for no specific reason comes under free mixing unnecessarily
The Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan will be the third one present.”

I mean no one knows you here so you could just post it, it could help other people aswell who may be in a similar situation, with culture clashes in the marriage & dealing with new reverts.
Just exclude any names or specific places where someone could identify who you or your wife is in sha Allah.

Most people are here to help not judge, we all will have some arguments or disagreements in our marriages but its how we handle them that will make or break it.
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Calmate
01-25-2018, 12:07 PM
Thank you for the message muslimah_B

I just want to know if this is a cultural thing, personal thing or both:

- My wife almost never let me speak and start judging me. This is really frustrating. When I say one word she already know the answer and start talking, but in fact 90% of the time she is wrong.
- For almost everything she have an excuse ready or lying to me. I grow up in an environment with honest persons. We are straight persons and don’t like that people lie.
- She is really stubborn and most of the times she don’t listen to what I say. She listen half of what I say and start talk nonsense.
- Almost everything what I say she put it back to me. This is so annoying. Also when I reflect her to something she put it back to me.

With this I lose my temper also ( I was for a long time patience with her ) , and sometimes it start physically. I turned in something that I never expected from myself. Its fire with fire. I never wanted this and seek for Allah forgiveness. I was always polite and nice person to her. But know I changed also. Maybe I am forcing her 2 much to be a person that she is not or not yet.
I am also a temper guy I will not deny that. I like that someone being straight with me and not talking nonsense.
Also I say to her to seek for girlfriends that can help you with your deen. Unfortunately she doing the opposite.
I am a guy that want to help her. I invest a lot of time and dedication to her that I forget myself.

Like I said before for me is important to know if this a south American thing or personal. Then maybe I can live with that…that’s why I wanted to contact the Latin sisters.

May Allah s.w.t will help us all.
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Misbah-Abd
01-25-2018, 10:27 PM
Brother let me give you another advice. Allah Azza wa Jal says in the Quran that sometimes your wives can be an enemy and fitnah for you. I gave you the advice that you should attempt Muslim counseling with her. If she refuses or it doesn't work because she is incorrigible, then you have to say goodbye. Don't forget your purpose in this world and that is to worship Allah Azza wa Jal. The purpose of marriage is to help in that direction so you don't give into your desires and do the unlawful and to be each others strength to do the right and forbid the wrong. So a good wife or husband, because this applies to husbands who are incorrigible as well, are a positive asset in that direction, and when they are a fitnah they become a liability. And if your iman is suffering because of it then you have to say goodbye and consider this a learning lesson for choosing a future wife with good character, Insha-Allah. If it is to the point of getting physically violent with her then you need to separate. Married Muslim couples have to remember that they are each others brother and sister in Islam before they are each others spouses. Stop focusing on the excuse that this is a Latin thing. This type of behavior is not acceptable in any culture, religion or ethnicity. There is one question you always have to ask yourself in life in whatever you aspire to do: Is the juice worth the squeeze? In other words, is the time, effort, and/or money worth it. Only you can answer that. And Allah Knows Best.
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