:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)
:sl: (Peace be upon you)
I think you're being too hard on yourself. It is natural to feel the way you do. There is nothing wrong with having feelings as you do given your current situation. However, I highly advise that you become proactive about your situation, that is, not wallow in this state of misery or self-pity because it will keep breeding a negative thought pattern. Not healthy for you. Just because your emotions are a natural consequence of recent events doesn't mean you're powerless or helpless to change your mindset and thereby your situation. Hence, you should strive to better your state of mind and heart, which I do believe should include self-esteem boosting activities and endeavors to get closer to Allah as I'd advised in the earlier post.
You're stronger than you think. And it is never going to be fruitful for you to delve into what you did wrong or did to deserve this, because in so doing
shaitaan will have an easier time controlling your heart and keeping you depressed. Remember
shaitaan loves distressing the heart of the believer. Therefore, try to tune out negative thought pattern in your head and instead do positive affirmations such as the following to enable a positive effect to occur on your heart and mind:
1) "I'm healing completely with the Mercy of Allah."
2) "I'm strong, and I am becoming stronger everyday."
3) "I'm grateful for all the good things in my life."
4) "I trust that Allah will straighten all my affairs in the best way."
5) "Allah's Mercy is covering my heart."
6) "I'm worthy of love, and Allah loves me."
7) "Everything is going to go well. I can feel it."
As far as your concern about seeing her, I would say if you see her again, then that's just you seeing her: She's just another normal human being who's sharing the planet earth with you. She doesn't have any other meaning unless you assign her further meaning. If you see her, you see her. There's nothing aberrant about a coincidence or such happenstance. Remind yourself you're strong. You don't have to crumble, because you have Allah SWT.
The truth is that as hard as you may find it right now, I 100% know that you will get back on your feet. You know how I know? Because like many other billions of people on the planet, I have experienced heartache. It took me approximately a year to get over the heartache. My situation, however, was different, because it did not involve divorce (though it hurt very, very, very much); it was just infatuation with a person whom I'd become emotionally attached when I'd been engaging in Muslim marital search because he seemed to me on the surface the perfect person with whom I could spend my life. I now look back and recognize that I had imbued him in my imagination with qualities he did not in reality have because I wanted him to be the right person chosen by Allah. He was
not. Allah saved me from someone whom I have since learned has bad Islamic character; so, I have since the time I acquired newfound knowledge of his character, recognized he was never the right person. Recognizing that personally helped me so much, because I now realize that the right person will always be the person whom Allah lets stay in your life (especially when you do
Istikhaara as I had done
). And it is only sometimes now that I think of that person, not in a I-wish-I-had-this-person but how-could-I-be-so-stupid-as-to-think-the-way-I'd-done.
Life has an odd way of healing you and your heart when you least expect it, because the process is gradual but definite all the same. And yes, she will get out of your head. But you have to be willing to let her go as well. If you're set on this course of action (letting her pursue divorce), then maintain your resolve. If you're confused, do
Istikhaara. But if you're set and are willing to let go of her, then I advice the following: If you have any items in your house that remind you of her, remove them immediately or donate them to charity as soon as feasible. If you have any pictures of you and her together, delete them. Basically, remove any reminders of her from your life. Aim to start anew. Life is about second chances. Take this event and heartbreak as a second chance as yours to live the life that you want to live, and make that the best life possible,
deen,
dunya, and
aakhirah.
Sincere Regards & Best Wishes,
:wa: (And peace be upon you)
format_quote Originally Posted by
Adam Parker
Thank you everybody, you don't understand how much it helped reading your posts, thank you so much. And yeah I suppose I am idealizing her, I just remember the good times, and the laughs, and that hurts really bad. I used to have such a good life, I was a happy person but these days I'm just wasting my life away I feel hopeless I wish I didn't feel like this but I've never been here before I dont know how I'm suppose to deal with it, just do dua for me I'm not strong where did I go wrong
With regards to the 3 talaaqs = 1 talaaq I don't actually follow this as I'm part of the hanafi school of thought and so 3 talaaqs = 3 talaaqs but in my case I've been advised that one talaaq bain applies because of another reason which I wish I never knew about
If I see her again, what should I do? I don't know how to react, my family have seen her out and about but I really don't wanna bump into her , I'll just crumble. I don't know what's happened to me, I've fallen a bit too deep I think, how long will it take to get back on my feet, will I ever get back on my feet? Will she ever get out of my head?