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Artic090
01-23-2018, 07:18 PM
My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?
I mean the true purity in body and soul.
Here in Italy, Catholic people are doing everything wrong: no one comes virgin to marriage, they change partners often, and so on.
And when you say them "Hey, you are religious, you should respect some rules" they answer you "God doesnt care about out sexual life, everyone can make mystakes, ect".

I think they're all pathetic apologetics because they know they're wrong.... But of course, everyone is free to do what he/she desires (even if i have got my line of thought and often people judge me for that).

Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.

I discovered Islam after meeting a person, and I understood that women in Islam are as I always wanted. But someone warned me...

Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.

But how is possible all this?

First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....
Reply

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Futuwwa
01-23-2018, 08:18 PM
I think that Pakistani girl is engaging in self-delusion about how "every girl does it" to cover for her own insecurity on the matter, and that what she said was a snap rebuke to what might have felt to her like a backhanded judgment on her.

We Muslims are only human, just like you. We have our share of sins hidden beneath the surface. As far as it comes to sexual purity though, we are probably still the last bulwark of it in the world. And we manage it without the sex-negativity that the Church Fathers injected into Christianity.
Reply

Desert
01-23-2018, 09:55 PM
Zina is a mind altering sin
the momment you commit it you lose all good

but repentance takes sincerity


I agree that virgin for virgin is like a virtue in marriage

but if someone is non virgin without any zinnaa just because of a divorce or something widow?
then its good virtue as well

the Quraan says and do not come near zinaa...
Reply

Search
01-24-2018, 12:30 AM
:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

The Pakistani girl is, I'm sorry, to say an ignoramus.

I agree with brother Futuwwa that the girl is engaging in self-delusion.

I used to be an atheist and then I turned to Islam soon after college, a girl who by the way also part of a sorority in her early part of collegiate career. I am a virgin, which would have been 100% impossible for me were it not for Islam as I turned to Islam soon after college. I have been tempted as I'm a human being, but I also remind myself why I turned to Islam in the first place, and it was because I 100% believed in its Message. And yes, remaining pure is very difficult. I am also older than you might imagine because I have been to law school and am now working as a professional. But I respect and love Islam; and I plan to stay chaste, whether I marry or not.

Also, I know some Muslim girls, and all the Muslim girls I know are virgins as well (and most Muslim girls I know in the Muslim community are Pakistani). Again, it is because they know that Islam prohibits premarital sex and also because culturally their parents raised them to value purity.

So, I agree with brother Futuwwa on another point: Islam is probably the last bulwark or stronghold against the sinful culture in which we live which glorifies premarital relationships and sex.

Rather than introspect and see how wrong she is for having engaged in premarital sex from a religious and also cultural standpoint, this girl instead broad-brushes women having projected her own choice to not wait and equating that to all women not being willing to wait.

By the way, even when I was an atheist and did not have sex, I had reasons not to have sex, which were not based in religion: 1) I did not have sex because I was kind of disgusted by the men who hit on me in college, because they seemed to not see me as a person but as a body. 2) My best friend when I was 12/13 told me she was pregnant and thereafter disappeared permanently from my life, whether her parents decided to move or because the school penalized her and sent her to another school so she could not negatively influence her peers with her pregnancy. 3) My Christian college friend lost her virginity to her boyfriend and then found out she'd contracted AIDS; she only confided in me as she lost lots of weight too soon. 4) My other Christian friend who was also a youth pastor and went to divinity college was pressured by her pastor boyfriend to engage in sex even though she'd wanted to wait for marriage, and she felt forced throughout the act as she'd made clear to him in the relationship she'd wanted to wait.

So, my advice is to not listen to ignoramuses; yes, there might be some Muslim women who are not virgins because they might have been unable to resist the social or cultural pressure in the West just like people of other faiths or no faith, but I like to think there are many, many Muslim women who are and have chosen to wait till marriage to lose their virginity; and from at least what I believe, they far outnumber ignoramuses like that Pakistani girl with whom you'd talked on the Internet.

Peace.

format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?
I mean the true purity in body and soul.
Here in Italy, Catholic people are doing everything wrong: no one comes virgin to marriage, they change partners often, and so on.
And when you say them "Hey, you are religious, you should respect some rules" they answer you "God doesnt care about out sexual life, everyone can make mystakes, ect".

I think they're all pathetic apologetics because they know they're wrong.... But of course, everyone is free to do what he/she desires (even if i have got my line of thought and often people judge me for that).

Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.

I discovered Islam after meeting a person, and I understood that women in Islam are as I always wanted. But someone warned me...

Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.

But how is possible all this?

First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....
Reply

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cinnamonrolls1
01-24-2018, 05:16 PM
The obsession muslims have with virginity is cultural- as is the backwards notion that somehow a man can get away with it and a woman cant. The Quran is clear in these things. Virginity isnt something to be played around with. On the subject of virginity many muslim men refuse to marry divorcees because of them being a non virgin which is ludicrous in my opinion and often times results in divorcees and rape survivors etc being shunned by muslim comunnities and not getting the help and support they need. The prophet saws himself married non virgins and his only virgin wife was in infact Aisha RA.
Reply

cinnamonrolls1
01-24-2018, 05:17 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Desert
Zina is a mind altering sin
the momment you commit it you lose all good

but repentance takes sincerity


I agree that virgin for virgin is like a virtue in marriage

but if someone is non virgin without any zinnaa just because of a divorce or something widow?
then its good virtue as well

the Quraan says and do not come near zinaa...
I think if a person sincerely repents and mends their ways they can marry a "pure' person.
Reply

cinnamonrolls1
01-24-2018, 05:19 PM
This whole hymen thing is blown out of proportion as well, and sadly its our cultures that are to blame.There are plenty of women and teen girls who have a broken hymen due to doing rigourous activity and excercise etc. Does this make them less of a virgin? No it does not.
Reply

Reminder
01-25-2018, 12:55 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Search
:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)

The Pakistani girl is, I'm sorry, to say an ignoramus.

I agree with brother Futuwwa that the girl is engaging in self-delusion.

I used to be an atheist and then I turned to Islam soon after college, a girl who by the way also part of a sorority in her early part of collegiate career. I am a virgin, which would have been 100% impossible for me were it not for Islam as I turned to Islam soon after college. I have been tempted as I'm a human being, but I also remind myself why I turned to Islam in the first place, and it was because I 100% believed in its Message. And yes, remaining pure is very difficult. I am also older than you might imagine because I have been to law school and am now working as a professional. But I respect and love Islam; and I plan to stay chaste, whether I marry or not.

Also, I know some Muslim girls, and all the Muslim girls I know are virgins as well (and most Muslim girls I know in the Muslim community are Pakistani). Again, it is because they know that Islam prohibits premarital sex and also because culturally their parents raised them to value purity.

So, I agree with brother Futuwwa on another point: Islam is probably the last bulwark or stronghold against the sinful culture in which we live which glorifies premarital relationships and sex.

Rather than introspect and see how wrong she is for having engaged in premarital sex from a religious and also cultural standpoint, this girl instead broad-brushes women having projected her own choice to not wait and equating that to all women not being willing to wait.

By the way, even when I was an atheist and did not have sex, I had reasons not to have sex, which were not based in religion: 1) I did not have sex because I was kind of disgusted by the men who hit on me in college, because they seemed to not see me as a person but as a body. 2) My best friend when I was 12/13 told me she was pregnant and thereafter disappeared permanently from my life, whether her parents decided to move or because the school penalized her and sent her to another school so she could not negatively influence her peers with her pregnancy. 3) My Christian college friend lost her virginity to her boyfriend and then found out she'd contracted AIDS; she only confided in me as she lost lots of weight too soon. 4) My other Christian friend who was also a youth pastor and went to divinity college was pressured by her pastor boyfriend to engage in sex even though she'd wanted to wait for marriage, and she felt forced throughout the act as she'd made clear to him in the relationship she'd wanted to wait.

So, my advice is to not listen to ignoramuses; yes, there might be some Muslim women who are not virgins because they might have been unable to resist the social or cultural pressure in the West just like people of other faiths or no faith, but I like to think there are many, many Muslim women who are and have chosen to wait till marriage to lose their virginity; and from at least what I believe, they far outnumber ignoramuses like that Pakistani girl with whom you'd talked on the Internet.

Peace.
will you marry me please?
Reply

azc
01-25-2018, 06:18 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?I mean the true purity in body and soul.Here in Italy, Catholic people are doing everything wrong: no one comes virgin to marriage, they change partners often, and so on.And when you say them "Hey, you are religious, you should respect some rules" they answer you "God doesnt care about out sexual life, everyone can make mystakes, ect". I think they're all pathetic apologetics because they know they're wrong.... But of course, everyone is free to do what he/she desires (even if i have got my line of thought and often people judge me for that).Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.I discovered Islam after meeting a person, and I understood that women in Islam are as I always wanted. But someone warned me...Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.But how is possible all this? First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....
yes, virginity and modesty are essential qualities in Islam for both genders, especially for girls. Majority of Muslim girls is still virgin in Muslim society, however, those who are subjected to this modern culture which you mentioned herein are prone to committing fornication.
Reply

Umm Malik
01-25-2018, 01:38 PM
This girl where speaking about her own thinking
We can't say that all the Muslim girls are virgin
But yest the most off them
There are some of girls who have some sins in them life but when it comes to Zina they Know that is a major sin
But Allah is merciful and if his slave make a sincere repentance he will forgive him even if he do a major sin
But there are a lot of Muslim girls who born and die and no men had touched her as our beloved Maryam said
So it's up to the girls practicing her religion
and as we know the most religion is practicing from his followers now is ISLAM
Reply

Artic090
01-25-2018, 02:26 PM
Dear sisters and brothers,
I thank you for your warm support.
I didnt imagine that, in an Islamic forum, we could also talk about these sensitive and private issues.
I tell you the truth: a few years ago, in a Catholic forum, I tried to write my problem but the users began to mortify me saying that I should go to a psychologist, that I wasnt a true Catholic because Jesus forgives everyone, that I was behaving like Hitler with the Jews. The girls began to blame me for bigotry and old-fashioned mentality. And all this because I still believe in pure love, and all i dream is an "innocent" girl with who build a marriage. The Catholic religion doesnt make people free to express their own thoughts without being judged and condemned by Community.

In these days I suffered another bad blow, always from a Pakistani girl.
I posted an AD online because I want to learn the Urdu language, learn to understand The Quran and also learn the Arabic language.
You know, my dream is to find a Pakistani girl and to be accepted by her parents and pakistani community, I want to get closer to that world by learning culture and traditions. I also decided to learn Arabic because without it I can better understand some Islamic concepts.

A Pakistani girl from Florence contacted me (she moved to Italy when she was about 10) to be able to give me Urdu repetitions. I told her about my dream, and she herself (she was honest) told me about her experience, which is that she is Muslim but not very religious and has had premarital relationships with her ex-boyfriends.

I have the feeling that Allah doesnt want to help me realize my dream: i want to be close to the Islamic world, but the Islamic world moves away from me...why what I have always hoped for is shattering like this?

In my area the Pakistani community is very small .... there are very few girls. Some are already married, some are promises spouses, some are singles... but if these singles they behave like western girls.... What hope will I have? None.

- - - Updated - - -

Im totally agree.
Physical virginity is nothing if the moral and spiritual are missing.
Also, the presence of a hymen doesnt mean that she is an absolutely innocent girl, because she may have done other nasty things with men by keeping her hymen intact and making her future husband believe "Oh, look! Im blooding! Do you see, im as pure as an angel!".
I've read a lot of things about it...Not all girls are going to their future husbands all the past! Because they think: "If i tell him what i've done in past, he wont marry me, and my parents move me away from home".

At the same time, the hymen may have broken due to an accident or rape. And for me a girl who was raped remains a virgin anyway (although many say they were raped to justify their non-bleeding, and these girls should be ashamed).
Reply

Artic090
01-26-2018, 06:22 AM
AoA brothes... I ve got other questions about this topic.

Lets make an example: I find a muslim girl, we know each other and we organize our marriage.

But was if:

- some days before our marriage i find out that she lied about her past... What is going to happen? Can i avoid marriage? What is going to happen to her with her parents?

- I get marry with her. And she hides to me her past. After some months that we are marrried i find out the truth (she had men) so....what is happen? I start to dont trust her, i feel cheat and betray... She based our marriage over in a big lie and i cant live with it. What do say islam rules? Our nikah was already signed up... In case of divorce who will be in right part?
Reply

azc
01-26-2018, 06:56 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
AoA brothes... I ve got other questions about this topic.

Lets make an example: I find a muslim girl, we know each other and we organize our marriage.

But was if:

- some days before our marriage i find out that she lied about her past... What is going to happen? Can i avoid marriage? What is going to happen to her with her parents?

- I get marry with her. And she hides to me her past. After some months that we are marrried i find out the truth (she had men) so....what is happen? I start to dont trust her, i feel cheat and betray... She based our marriage over in a big lie and i cant live with it. What do say islam rules? Our nikah was already signed up... In case of divorce who will be in right part?
If she faithful to you now and has cut off all relationship of the past then you should keep this marriage intact.

As a human being we commit sins but later on we realize what wrong has been done.
Reply

fschmidt
01-26-2018, 07:27 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by azc
If she faithful to you now and has cut off all relationship of the past then you should keep this marriage intact.

As a human being we commit sins but later on we realize what wrong has been done.
The sin isn't her past relationships. Her sin is that she is currently lying about them. (In the Old Testament, this is punishable by death.) I don't see how a marriage based on lies is a valid marriage.
Reply

azc
01-26-2018, 07:52 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by fschmidt
The sin isn't her past relationships. Her sin is that she is currently lying about them. (In the Old Testament, this is punishable by death.) I don't see how a marriage based on lies is a valid marriage.
Now what do you expect from her ? You mean she should say that she had relationship with a man.

No, never, common lady will lie to protect her marriage ties intact. It is natural.

Btw, Have you never been in illegal relationship with any girl till date...?

If the man has this kind of relationship with any lady he is forgiven but if a lady has such relationship then she is like a ----. This thinking is disgusting.

Fornication is haram for both the genders, it isn't confined to ladies only.

Marriage isn't a game. Keep your opened before marriage but once your married then close your eyes and trust your wife. She will certainly be proven as a good wife, however, if cuckolds after the marriage then divorce may be sought
Reply

Artic090
01-26-2018, 10:47 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by azc
If she faithful to you now and has cut off all relationship of the past then you should keep this marriage intact.

As a human being we commit sins but later on we realize what wrong has been done.
How can you accept it? She lied to you, she cheated you in a brutal way. Do you think is a good thing build a marriage over a lie? And how can you look into her eyes after it? I was sure that i get married a good woman, but i just married an actress.
Reply

azc
01-26-2018, 11:13 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
How can you accept it? She lied to you, she cheated you in a brutal way. Do you think is a good thing build a marriage over a lie? And how can you look into her eyes after it? I was sure that i get married a good woman, but i just married an actress.
If you've already decided to quash this bond then do as you wish.

I'm not like you. If my wife were like yours, I would forgive her.
Reply

Artic090
01-26-2018, 12:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by azc
Now what do you expect from her ? You mean she should say that she had relationship with a man.

No, never, common lady will lie to protect her marriage ties intact. It is natural.

Btw, Have you never been in illegal relationship with any girl till date...?

If the man has this kind of relationship with any lady he is forgiven but if a lady has such relationship then she is like a ----. This thinking is disgusting.

Fornication is haram for both the genders, it isn't confined to ladies only.

Marriage isn't a game. Keep your opened before marriage but once your married then close your eyes and trust your wife. She will certainly be proven as a good wife, however, if cuckolds after the marriage then divorce may be sought
Im not agree brother.

Marriage is not a game, I agree, that is why people should be honest before getting married. Its better a marriage annulled than a divorce, because you know better than I do that divorce makes the throne of Allah tremble.
Im virgin, I never had a girlfriend, at my age I still have to give my first kiss. So, i wont have problem to say to my "future wife" that im PROUD to be virgin because i was waiting just HER.

If you had a sexual past, you must say it out of respect for me but also for Allah: marrying a person by deception is not a sin?
When will we swear to Allah to live our lifes in love and honesty, how will you live with this weight? How will you look me in the eyes every day?

Come on, do not joke with people's lives.
Reply

your_ukht
01-26-2018, 02:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
Im not agree brother.

Marriage is not a game, I agree, that is why people should be honest before getting married. Its better a marriage annulled than a divorce, because you know better than I do that divorce makes the throne of Allah tremble.
Im virgin, I never had a girlfriend, at my age I still have to give my first kiss. So, i wont have problem to say to my "future wife" that im PROUD to be virgin because i was waiting just HER.

If you had a sexual past, you must say it out of respect for me but also for Allah: marrying a person by deception is not a sin?
When will we swear to Allah to live our lifes in love and honesty, how will you live with this weight? How will you look me in the eyes every day?

Come on, do not joke with people's lives.
Peace be upon you brother
That's a good thing in this time and age, all praises be to Allah.

Just don't loose hope and trust Allah (SWT) . Everyday ask Allah SWT to reward you with a pious good woman.

ALLAH (SWT) says in the Qur'an:

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable. ( Surah Noor, ayah 26 ).

Hope the best for you!
In the care of Allah
Reply

azc
01-26-2018, 02:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
Im not agree brother.

Marriage is not a game, I agree, that is why people should be honest before getting married. Its better a marriage annulled than a divorce, because you know better than I do that divorce makes the throne of Allah tremble.
Im virgin, I never had a girlfriend, at my age I still have to give my first kiss. So, i wont have problem to say to my "future wife" that im PROUD to be virgin because i was waiting just HER.

If you had a sexual past, you must say it out of respect for me but also for Allah: marrying a person by deception is not a sin?
When will we swear to Allah to live our lifes in love and honesty, how will you live with this weight? How will you look me in the eyes every day?

Come on, do not joke with people's lives.
Are you sure of your wife being involved in fornication before marriage...?

It's highly serious allegation. If you have solid proof for what you have said about her, you can go for Li'an, then you can divorce her immediately.

Or

Was she involved in friendship only...?

If You have decided to divorce her, who I am to stop you....but for God sake, don't make a fuss.

I think Allah swt chooses the woman for us as our life partner, if you agree then abstain from divorce, if not then do as you wish.

Surah an-Nur Ayah 26:

''Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable.''
Reply

azc
01-26-2018, 03:31 PM
@Artic090 :Please ignore my above post.......
Reply

Zzz_
01-26-2018, 08:32 PM
My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?
Muslim world is no different than the Christian world these days. You have those who are chaste and follow their faith and remain chaste till marriage and then you have those who are not chaste and not so keen being on their faith. We all are humans and some astray while others fare better, but overall more Muslims you will find to be chaste then other faiths because it is something Islam teaches and Muslim culture encourages.

Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.
That is not being a loser, that is being noble about it and respecting your body and others.


Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.

But how is possible all this?
Like said above, Muslims, like people of other faiths, come in all colors. Some are adhereant to their faith and others not so much. So yes, there are Muslims who date, fornicate, lie about it and even get their hymen repaired before marriage. It happens and that is the reality. But is it the majority? I doubt it.

First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....
Islam will save you bro. It'll save you from the ill vices of society and keep you on the right path. More importantly, in the long run, it will save you from the hell fire.


format_quote Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1
The obsession muslims have with virginity is cultural- as is the backwards notion that somehow a man can get away with it and a woman cant.
Actually that is incorrect. Virginity is something Islam emphasis by commanding us abstain from pre-marital relationships. Prophet (S) guaranteed paradise to those who would guard what is between the legs. And the Quran tells us that the pure are for the pure and sinful for the sinful. So being virgin and chaste is very much part of Islam.

Demanding women to be chaste more than men or the whole hymen test and stuff is cultural though, as is the looking down upon those who are not virgin through legitimate reasons (such as divorce, death, etc.).

format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
Dear sisters and brothers,

I didnt imagine that, in an Islamic forum, we could also talk about these sensitive and private issues.
There is no shyness when it comes to seeking knowledge, so long as it is done properly and appropriate. For general topics, they can be discussed here in the open. For more explicit topics, we have gender specific rooms to ask.


In these days I suffered another bad blow, always from a Pakistani girl.
A Pakistani girl from Florence contacted me (she moved to Italy when she was about 10) to be able to give me Urdu repetitions. I told her about my dream, and she herself (she was honest) told me about her experience, which is that she is Muslim but not very religious and has had premarital relationships with her ex-boyfriends.

why what I have always hoped for is shattering like this?

In my area the Pakistani community is very small .... there are very few girls. Some are already married, some are promises spouses, some are singles... but if these singles they behave like western girls.... What hope will I have? None.
You are just looking at a bad batch and basing everything on that. If the pool of candidates is too small then find a bigger pool. Even Muslims who migrated to the west or live in the west are of two kinds, one that adheres to their faith and one that wants to embrace the new culture and thus do all kinds of unislamic things. You just have to stop looking at cultural girls (those will be the majority) and find someone who is more into Islam. Unless their is a bigger community in another city, looking online or going to pakistan would be your best bet. I know of a black bro from usa who went to pakistan and found himself a nice girl.


Lets make an example: I find a muslim girl, we know each other and we organize our marriage.

But was if:

- some days before our marriage i find out that she lied about her past... What is going to happen? Can i avoid marriage? What is going to happen to her with her parents?

- I get marry with her. And she hides to me her past. After some months that we are married i find out the truth (she had men) so....what is happen? I start to dont trust her, i feel cheat and betray... She based our marriage over in a big lie and i cant live with it. What do say islam rules? Our nikah was already signed up... In case of divorce who will be in right part?
You talk to the sister first and convey what type of a person you are looking for. And where you draw the line on grounds of possible divorce. She does not have to reveal her past or sin, she can just refuse marriage to you and no one is blamed this way. But should you find something out about the other person you don't like, so long as the nikkah hasn't been done then either party can back out at any time. As to what will happen to the family, it will be embarrassing for them and more than likely they will make you out to be the bad guy to the community to save their honor.

You question reminds me of a French court case regarding a Muslim couple whose marriage was annulled due to the woman lying about her virginity.

Regarding, finding out stuff after the marriage nikkah. Then it depends on how much are you in turmoil from it and whether you are able to forgive and move forward together or separation is the best option. This is where you get the imam involved or ask a scholar for advice.

format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090

If you had a sexual past, you must say it out of respect for me but also for Allah: marrying a person by deception is not a sin?
When will we swear to Allah to live our lifes in love and honesty, how will you live with this weight? How will you look me in the eyes every day?
In Islam, we are taught that one should not reveal their sins, especially after Allah has concealed it for them. If someone had sex before marriage, they can say they made mistakes in the past and something of similar to allude to it without saying out right what they did specifically. This is to keep it civil and dignified and to give the other party and indication and then decide if it's something they can over look or not.
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Artic090
01-27-2018, 10:16 PM
Thanks a lot brothers... But i feel very sad. When I sleep I have nightmares because I think that in this world I wont have any salvation. All i asked was a little chance. I would have done everything for the love of a woman and of God...
Maybe in this world there isnt space for guys like me
Reply

your_ukht
01-27-2018, 10:30 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
Thanks a lot brothers... But i feel very sad. When I sleep I have nightmares because I think that in this world I wont have any salvation. All i asked was a little chance. I would have done everything for the love of a woman and of God...
Maybe in this world there isnt space for guys like me
I would advice you to trust Allah and to have a lot of patience. And with Allah's will you will get whatever you wish. Just be positive

Hope the best for you
Reply

IslamLife00
01-28-2018, 01:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?
I mean the true purity in body and soul.
Here in Italy, Catholic people are doing everything wrong: no one comes virgin to marriage, they change partners often, and so on.
And when you say them "Hey, you are religious, you should respect some rules" they answer you "God doesnt care about out sexual life, everyone can make mystakes, ect".

I think they're all pathetic apologetics because they know they're wrong.... But of course, everyone is free to do what he/she desires (even if i have got my line of thought and often people judge me for that).

Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.
I discovered Islam after meeting a person, and I understood that women in Islam are as I always wanted. But someone warned me...
Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.
But how is possible all this? First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....
Muslims are humans, we err and sin, that does not mean Islam is flawed.

Allah the Most High is al Haqq, al Quddus. You want what is true, what is pure, it can only come from Him.
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cinnamonrolls1
01-28-2018, 06:28 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Zzz_
Muslim world is no different than the Christian world these days. You have those who are chaste and follow their faith and remain chaste till marriage and then you have those who are not chaste and not so keen being on their faith. We all are humans and some astray while others fare better, but overall more Muslims you will find to be chaste then other faiths because it is something Islam teaches and Muslim culture encourages.



That is not being a loser, that is being noble about it and respecting your body and others.




Like said above, Muslims, like people of other faiths, come in all colors. Some are adhereant to their faith and others not so much. So yes, there are Muslims who date, fornicate, lie about it and even get their hymen repaired before marriage. It happens and that is the reality. But is it the majority? I doubt it.



Islam will save you bro. It'll save you from the ill vices of society and keep you on the right path. More importantly, in the long run, it will save you from the hell fire.




Actually that is incorrect. Virginity is something Islam emphasis by commanding us abstain from pre-marital relationships. Prophet (S) guaranteed paradise to those who would guard what is between the legs. And the Quran tells us that the pure are for the pure and sinful for the sinful. So being virgin and chaste is very much part of Islam.

Demanding women to be chaste more than men or the whole hymen test and stuff is cultural though, as is the looking down upon those who are not virgin through legitimate reasons (such as divorce, death, etc.).



There is no shyness when it comes to seeking knowledge, so long as it is done properly and appropriate. For general topics, they can be discussed here in the open. For more explicit topics, we have gender specific rooms to ask.




You are just looking at a bad batch and basing everything on that. If the pool of candidates is too small then find a bigger pool. Even Muslims who migrated to the west or live in the west are of two kinds, one that adheres to their faith and one that wants to embrace the new culture and thus do all kinds of unislamic things. You just have to stop looking at cultural girls (those will be the majority) and find someone who is more into Islam. Unless their is a bigger community in another city, looking online or going to pakistan would be your best bet. I know of a black bro from usa who went to pakistan and found himself a nice girl.




You talk to the sister first and convey what type of a person you are looking for. And where you draw the line on grounds of possible divorce. She does not have to reveal her past or sin, she can just refuse marriage to you and no one is blamed this way. But should you find something out about the other person you don't like, so long as the nikkah hasn't been done then either party can back out at any time. As to what will happen to the family, it will be embarrassing for them and more than likely they will make you out to be the bad guy to the community to save their honor.

You question reminds me of a French court case regarding a Muslim couple whose marriage was annulled due to the woman lying about her virginity.

Regarding, finding out stuff after the marriage nikkah. Then it depends on how much are you in turmoil from it and whether you are able to forgive and move forward together or separation is the best option. This is where you get the imam involved or ask a scholar for advice.



In Islam, we are taught that one should not reveal their sins, especially after Allah has concealed it for them. If someone had sex before marriage, they can say they made mistakes in the past and something of similar to allude to it without saying out right what they did specifically. This is to keep it civil and dignified and to give the other party and indication and then decide if it's something they can over look or not.
Ahhh no sorry i didnt explain very well; you're right virginity is a prized thing for men and women in Islam and its obvs v good to remain a virgin, what i mean is some people act as if virginity is the be all end all: eg not marrying a divorcee because theyre not a virgin etc. Sorry for not explaining well.
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Zzz_
01-30-2018, 12:59 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1
Ahhh no sorry i didnt explain very well; you're right virginity is a prized thing for men and women in Islam and its obvs v good to remain a virgin, what i mean is some people act as if virginity is the be all end all: eg not marrying a divorcee because theyre not a virgin etc. Sorry for not explaining well.
It's alright. I just wanted to clarify it for the readers.
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anatolian
01-30-2018, 10:42 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
Thanks a lot brothers... But i feel very sad. When I sleep I have nightmares because I think that in this world I wont have any salvation. All i asked was a little chance. I would have done everything for the love of a woman and of God...
Maybe in this world there isnt space for guys like me
Hello. You must accept Islam inorder to be accepted by God and have any salvation. Thats much more important than marrying to a Muslim girl
Reply

Revert01
01-31-2018, 12:25 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090
Thanks a lot brothers... But i feel very sad. When I sleep I have nightmares because I think that in this world I wont have any salvation. All i asked was a little chance. I would have done everything for the love of a woman and of God...
Maybe in this world there isnt space for guys like me
Assalamu alaykum warahmatullah.

I tried to read the entirety of your post. I am Italian too and I reverted one year ago. I would like to raise my concern about the way you are dealing with your situation hoping that in sha Allah it might help you see it differently. First of all, I failed to understand whether you already became muslim or are just looking into Islam! But if the second option is the case, this is my advice: do not look at the muslims but rather look at the religion, because muslims are not perfect while Islam is (alhamdulilah). The fact that the morals that are part of Islam are bringing you close to it it's good, but the main reason should be the understanding of Islam as the truth. Islam will save you after you converted for the sake of Allah and the will to submit to Him. This will be the best gift you will ever receive and the thing you have to cherish the most (your faith). After that, you can think about marriage as it is human to desire to find a spouse. But Allah has warned us to not take our loved ones as a distraction over our duties towards Him. When you make du'a and ask Allah to grant you a pious wife, you HAVE to believe He will answer you. Never loose trust:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The slave will receive a response so long as his dua does not involve sin or severing of family ties, and so long as he is not hasty.” It was said, “What does being hasty mean?” He said: “When he says, ‘I made dua and I made dua, and I have not seen any response,’ and he gets frustrated and stops making dua.” Narrated by al-Bukahari, 6340; Muslim, 2735.

As far as the society is concerned, there is no doubt we are lost, but alhamdulilah Islam helps lots of people to follow the path of the pious and it would be absurd to ignore the their existence! You will be granted a pious wife as long as you are pious yourself. Marry for the religion and everything else will come by the will of Allah. I also advise to avoid chatting with girls, even online. If you want something serious you have to use serious means to get it. Make du'a and get in the community informing brothers that you are looking for marriage.
As for the issue of lying about past sins, I do think some scholars have said it is allowed because if the necessity of covering up ones' sins! And it is narrated that in the case you find out about a sin in a brother or sister and decide to cover it, you will be rewarded.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever removes a worldly hardship from a believer, Allah will remove one of the hardships of the Day of Resurrection from him. Whoever grants respite to (a debtor) who is in difficulty, Allah will grant him relief in this world and in the Hereafter. Whoever conceals (the fault of) a Muslim in this world, Allah will conceal him (his faults) in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah will help a person so long as he is helping his brother.”

In the end, this life is nothing but a test and the destination is what we need to focus about. If you didn't do it yet, convert. Wallahi this is the truth and I am sure you can feel it by yourself. I ask Allah to help you in all matters and to guide you to be a good muslim. Only Islam will mend and cure your heart. Only remembering your Creator will make you happy. No human will ever do that; we are imperfect and we all leave at some point whether we want it or not. Love as a great place in Islam of course, but the highest place is only the love for Allah and after that the love for His messenger sallAllahu 3alayhi wassalam. Good women still exists (tho they might not correspond 100% to your requirements as for ethnicity or other things) as good men do. Alhamdulilah. May Allah grant you a good spouse. And (I do think this is more important cause this is what will give you the possibility to be really saved from punishment) may He guide you to the truth.
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Artic090
02-28-2018, 03:32 AM
Thanks Revert. I'd like to ask you more (just because you are italian and for me it easier to explain my problem) but i wanted know: is still possibile, for me, realize my dream?
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