My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?
Muslim world is no different than the Christian world these days. You have those who are chaste and follow their faith and remain chaste till marriage and then you have those who are not chaste and not so keen being on their faith. We all are humans and some astray while others fare better, but overall more Muslims you will find to be chaste then other faiths because it is something Islam teaches and Muslim culture encourages.
Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.
That is not being a loser, that is being noble about it and respecting your body and others.
Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.
But how is possible all this?
Like said above, Muslims, like people of other faiths, come in all colors. Some are adhereant to their faith and others not so much. So yes, there are Muslims who date, fornicate, lie about it and even get their hymen repaired before marriage. It happens and that is the reality. But is it the majority? I doubt it.
First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....
Islam will save you bro. It'll save you from the ill vices of society and keep you on the right path. More importantly, in the long run, it will save you from the hell fire.
format_quote Originally Posted by
cinnamonrolls1
The obsession muslims have with virginity is cultural- as is the backwards notion that somehow a man can get away with it and a woman cant.
Actually that is incorrect. Virginity is something Islam emphasis by commanding us abstain from pre-marital relationships. Prophet (S) guaranteed paradise to those who would guard what is between the legs. And the Quran tells us that the pure are for the pure and sinful for the sinful. So being virgin and chaste is very much part of Islam.
Demanding women to be chaste more than men or the whole hymen test and stuff is cultural though, as is the looking down upon those who are not virgin through legitimate reasons (such as divorce, death, etc.).
format_quote Originally Posted by
Artic090
Dear sisters and brothers,
I didnt imagine that, in an Islamic forum, we could also talk about these sensitive and private issues.
There is no shyness when it comes to seeking knowledge, so long as it is done properly and appropriate. For general topics, they can be discussed here in the open. For more explicit topics, we have gender specific rooms to ask.
In these days I suffered another bad blow, always from a Pakistani girl.
A Pakistani girl from Florence contacted me (she moved to Italy when she was about 10) to be able to give me Urdu repetitions. I told her about my dream, and she herself (she was honest) told me about her experience, which is that she is Muslim but not very religious and has had premarital relationships with her ex-boyfriends.
why what I have always hoped for is shattering like this?
In my area the Pakistani community is very small .... there are very few girls. Some are already married, some are promises spouses, some are singles... but if these singles they behave like western girls.... What hope will I have? None.
You are just looking at a bad batch and basing everything on that. If the pool of candidates is too small then find a bigger pool. Even Muslims who migrated to the west or live in the west are of two kinds, one that adheres to their faith and one that wants to embrace the new culture and thus do all kinds of unislamic things. You just have to stop looking at cultural girls (those will be the majority) and find someone who is more into Islam. Unless their is a bigger community in another city, looking online or going to pakistan would be your best bet. I know of a black bro from usa who went to pakistan and found himself a nice girl.
Lets make an example: I find a muslim girl, we know each other and we organize our marriage.
But was if:
- some days before our marriage i find out that she lied about her past... What is going to happen? Can i avoid marriage? What is going to happen to her with her parents?
- I get marry with her. And she hides to me her past. After some months that we are married i find out the truth (she had men) so....what is happen? I start to dont trust her, i feel cheat and betray... She based our marriage over in a big lie and i cant live with it. What do say islam rules? Our nikah was already signed up... In case of divorce who will be in right part?
You talk to the sister first and convey what type of a person you are looking for. And where you draw the line on grounds of possible divorce. She does not have to reveal her past or sin, she can just refuse marriage to you and no one is blamed this way. But should you find something out about the other person you don't like, so long as the nikkah hasn't been done then either party can back out at any time. As to what will happen to the family, it will be embarrassing for them and more than likely they will make you out to be the bad guy to the community to save their honor.
You question reminds me of a French court case regarding a Muslim couple whose marriage was annulled due to the woman lying about her virginity.
Regarding, finding out stuff after the marriage nikkah. Then it depends on how much are you in turmoil from it and whether you are able to forgive and move forward together or separation is the best option. This is where you get the imam involved or ask a scholar for advice.
format_quote Originally Posted by
Artic090
If you had a sexual past, you must say it out of respect for me but also for Allah: marrying a person by deception is not a sin?
When will we swear to Allah to live our lifes in love and honesty, how will you live with this weight? How will you look me in the eyes every day?
In Islam, we are taught that one should not reveal their sins, especially after Allah has concealed it for them. If someone had sex before marriage, they can say they made mistakes in the past and something of similar to allude to it without saying out right what they did specifically. This is to keep it civil and dignified and to give the other party and indication and then decide if it's something they can over look or not.