:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful)
I'm not sure I'm understanding you correctly. Honestly, the Pakistani girl with whom you were conversing did not paint an accurate picture; you know this too as others also similarly validated that opinion on that thread. There are tons of Muslim women who are virgin and waiting for marriage; just because of one conversation with this Pakistani girl, you cannot assume that other girls are not virgin either. That would be a very sinful assumption to make.
More importantly, if you are a virgin man, I can see why you'd want a person also who is a virgin. That does not, however, mean that you become dejected and expect that you'll never find a Muslim virgin woman. This is not logical.
No one is telling you that you should give up on your desire to marry a virgin Muslim woman, but people were in the other thread only informing you of the reality that
some Muslim women are not virgins (because they too have succumbed to the wider culture of hedonistic fulfillment of desires). That does not mean, however, that you should feel Islam is not for you because
some women are like that. What if I had the same mentality as you and decided to never again drive a car because
some accidents happen on the road? What if I decided to not go out and meet any person because
some people are rude in life? What if I decided that I'm not going to eat any food because
some foods are unhealthy? Does that seem like a sensible approach to you?
Instead, if you want to marry a Muslim virgin woman, first convert for the sake of Allah into Islam and then ask Allah to bless you with a chaste virgin spouse. That would be a healthier approach to this business of marriage than the current manner in which you're proceeding in which sometimes you're excited and other times hopeless. There so many avenues also to find a chaste virgin spouse that are available to you: online and in real life. On an online Muslim matrimonial site, you can clearly say, "I'm 27 years old and recently reverted to Islam because I was impressed with Islamic stance on morality and chastity. As someone who values traditionalism, I want to marry a Muslim woman who also holds similar values. I understand that Allah forgives all sins, but I'm looking for someone who's not entered into any premarital relationships as that is something very important to me as a person who wants to build a life with a person who has like me waited for the right person. Thank you." You of course do not have to write those exact words, but they can be a starting point for you to reword in a manner that reflects your goals and aspirations in marriage and personality.
In real life, the way that you're supposed to approach a Muslim woman is through her
wali (custodian/guardian/elder). However, as a recent revert, you're unlikely to be familiar enough with the Muslim community to accomplish that with immediate success. Therefore, you should go to the mosque and make efforts to make Muslim male friends and ask them if they know someone suitable who meets your criteria (chaste, good Muslim woman) and go from there as they might be able to better assist you in your quest. You can also try to put the word out to the Imam that you're looking to marry a woman of high character and request for him to direct you to a girl who's suitable and then approach her family in a respectful manner about getting married. You are correct: In Islam, dating is not allowed. But you're allowed a
halal courtship which includes talking to her within calling/hearing distance of her family and asking her questions and learning if this is someone with whom you can envision spending the rest of your life.
When you go talk to a girl for the purpose of marriage, you should, after trying to make things as least awkward as possible, strive to share relevant information about yourself and try asking her questions which you know would enable you to gauge whether she would make a great Islamic marital partner. Questions like the following are a good way to see how she is: What do you when you become angry? What things would you find deal-breaker in a prospect? Also, sometime during the conversation, you should be sure to insert your preference tidbit (since this is important to you): "I have always believed in waiting for the right person in marriage before engaging in any physical intimacy. And I want to marry someone who is the same and holds the same values; since this is important to me, I hope that anyone who's not been able to do so rejects me as a proposal and prospect because I feel that I would in that case not be the best person for that person to marry as I'm looking for someone who fits into that descriptor." And if the girl is reasonable, which most women in her position would be, she would either move forward with you if she likes you as a person also (if she also meets your descriptor) or she would reject you if she feels she did not fit your descriptor; this way, if the girl does not fit your descriptor, she can feel free to reject you without trying to awkwardly and insensibly explain to you her past or disclose her sins as Islam asks Muslims to not disclose their sins to anyone except Allah.
Again, I emphasize no one is saying your request is unreasonable. There are women who also wait, and to be honest, more women than men wait for marriage before engaging in intimacy regardless of religious affiliation. So, you do not need to feel dejected and feel that Islam cannot provide you what you need, because Islam is meant for all humankind. And if Islam had not been able to provide spiritual or emotional or mental satisfaction, then there would have been likely
no converts to the religion at all. There is something in Islam for everyone.
Everyone.
Brother, I wish you'd convert already rather than asking questions in a manner that shows you do not trust Allah. Because if you do not trust Allah to provide you what you need, then indeed no human being on earth has any power to help you as we're all under the Power of Allah. The Supreme Power is only Allah, and it is in Whom you need to place your trust and move forward with converting to Islam and then you can think about these matters in-depth. Otherwise, you're only driving yourself in circles and moving aimlessly pondering on the what-ifs, maybes, and bad scenarios born of wild imagination. Allah is Supreme. If you have a specific request, ask Him. Allah created you and the entire universe; to grant you your wish is not too big a matter for Allah; rather, even if He granted everyone everything from that which they wished, it would not lessen His kingdom or dominion.
SO, TRUST ALLAH.
Peace.
format_quote Originally Posted by
Artic090
I wanted know how is working marriage in Islam, just it.
I dont think Allah has got this project for me, because im looking for something of pure, and like someone told me, "The purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
I've read Al-Quran, and when i've read it i thought "Islam is the world which i have always dreamed".
But some people advised me, i lost all my hopes, there isnt space in this world for boys like me.
And now, can you explain how is going to born a marriage? To go out with females is haram, right? So, how can a boy know a girl? How can he know if her the right girl?
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I wanted know how is working marriage in Islam, just it.
I dont think Allah has got this project for me, because im looking for something of pure, and like someone told me, "The purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
I've read Al-Quran, and when i've read it i thought "Islam is the world which i have always dreamed".
But some people advised me, i lost all my hopes, there isnt space in this world for boys like me.
And now, can you explain how is going to born a marriage? To go out with females is haram, right? So, how can a boy know a girl? How can he know if her the right girl?