Rejection

[xa_xa_ft]

Hi All,

I have started looking for a spouse. I was trying to get to know someone who i though really good of however, after one meetup he said he didnt not feel compatible. I feel so upset over this as i never like anyone but when i do it never works.

Please help me/guide me.

I feel so low due to this rejection.

[azc]

Perhaps Allah swt wants you meet a better person as your life partner.

[xa_xa_ft]

I guess but sometimes its hard to see that better will come along

[azc]

I guess but sometimes its hard to see that better will come along

No, you should not lower your self esteem.

InshaAllah, better will come.
Think positive. What Allah swt does for us is always good.

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[Zzz_]

Hi All,

I have started looking for a spouse. I was trying to get to know someone who i though really good of however, after one meetup he said he didnt not feel compatible. I feel so upset over this as i never like anyone but when i do it never works.

Please help me/guide me.

I feel so low due to this rejection.

As'salamu alaikum,

you should have your mahrams involved in this process so you can avoid all this. Some advice for you and others starting to look.

1. You will find some who match all your criteria and are perfect for you, but the opposite may not be true.

2. You will find some who may seem great to you but they are just window shopping

3. You will find some who may seem ideal but they are just testing the water and not serious, or have other intentions

4. You will find some who are just out to do fraud (esp online) and have no intention of marriage


So while you may find someone you think is great for you, don't think the feeling will be mutual on the other side. For some, the first person they find works out for them, while for others it takes time and many rejects from both sides before finding someone. So you should not be getting upset over this. You can like someone based on what you learned about them so you can pursue the marriage path but you should not be liking someone to the point you get upset if they don't reciprocate. That's too early to make such an emotional investment. Lastly, if rejections is something you don't know how to handle well then you should have your mahrams or 3rd party involved on your behalf and/or wait till you can overcome your ability to handle rejections.

[xa_xa_ft]

I guess thats true to have mahrams but unfortunately for me i dont have any parents and aunties whom are not willing to help.


Anywyas i will put my trust in allah and pray he finds a way out for me

[Zzz_]

In such a case, one can always ask the imam to act on your behalf or some even have a close friend to act as a third party. It helps not only with an outside perspective and feedback but also keeps the other party more sincere in their actions.

[ChosenTCO]

Hi All,

I have started looking for a spouse. I was trying to get to know someone who i though really good of however, after one meetup he said he didnt not feel compatible. I feel so upset over this as i never like anyone but when i do it never works.

Please help me/guide me.

I feel so low due to this rejection.

Hahaha. Sister, dont feel bad about the experience and let it get to you. Almost every one goes through this and it most definitely doesnt define anything about you. So keep your head up and confident but without pride. If you get rejected once, doesnt mean that it will happen all the time. keep trying and dont let it deter you. But words of advice. NEVER get emotionally attached. Its ok to feel attracted to, or interested in someone, but never emotionally invested in them. I too got rejected once, but i didnt allow it to affect me because i always reminded myself that everyone has the right to not like someone because emotion is not something that cant be changed through will. It is Allah who controls our hearts, who we like or dislike. So dont let this experience affect you and dont take it personally. Make Dua that Allah grants you the best spouse suited to you and let him have all the features you desire in your spouse. Keep making an effort of looking for one and inshallah you will find your prince to be :) and while your at it pray for me to find a good spouse as well :D
And dont say it never works as you just said you just started looking for a spouse.

May Allah grant us all that is good for us and protect us from all sin. Ameen

[xa_xa_ft]

@ChosenTCO ok i agree its the firet rejection and i shouldnt be upset over it but its upsetting because like i said ive been looking for a while but not liked anyone and the one i did like didnt like me :( also, i thought so much of this guy he had everryyyyyyythinggggg a woman looks for but he rejected me just like that!!

[xa_xa_ft]

@ChosenTCO also, i am making lots of dua to Allah to give me someone but its not happening. I am starting to pray tahujjud now to ask Allah for a spouse. In sha allah it will happen. I agree i shouldnt emotionally attach myself to someone so quickly but i just get so hopefull!! But then when they say no heartbreaks ;(

[ChosenTCO]

@ChosenTCO also, i am making lots of dua to Allah to give me someone but its not happening. I am starting to pray tahujjud now to ask Allah for a spouse. In sha allah it will happen. I agree i shouldnt emotionally attach myself to someone so quickly but i just get so hopefull!! But then when they say no heartbreaks ;(

I can imagine what your going through sister, and i pray to Allah he makes it easy for you. Practice Subr(patience) and offer prayer as it helps the muslim/a attain what they seek or even better.
As all Stated in the Quran (2:45):

And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah ]

One thing i would like to point out though. Its always a good idea to reassess and evaluate your expectation and standards you would like in a spouse. Im not asking you to lower then or raise them. Just evaluate them to get an idea of how fast you are likely to find a person like you want, and the odds of the person liking you as well. For example, its natural for a woman to desire a man who is higher in his academic status than her, but if the girl already has a high academic status equal to that of the majority of men, then that means that she will be looking for men with the elite academic status. These men are much more rare than the average man, thus it will take her much more time to find such a person. Add into account, the likelihood of finding the other features along side the first one and the difficulty increases exponentially! So .. consider your standards and how much they could affect the duration of your search. See if your capable of searching for that long and when you have decided on what you feel is acceptable then go for it.

But besides all that, back to your main point. The only thing that you can do is to bear patience, look forward (to the chances of finding someone better than the one who rejected you) and never look back (for you should have trust in Allah that he intends for you the best in this dunya and hereafter) so if you didnt get something you wanted, know that Allah may have kept it away from you because it wasnt beneficial to you. Quran (2:216)

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.

Keep this in mind and inshallah it will make the pain easier on you and fade away faster.

[Misbah-Abd]

@ChosenTCO also, i am making lots of dua to Allah to give me someone but its not happening. I am starting to pray tahujjud now to ask Allah for a spouse. In sha allah it will happen. I agree i shouldnt emotionally attach myself to someone so quickly but i just get so hopefull!! But then when they say no heartbreaks ;(

Whatever you do, just don't panic and settle. Select someone that is deserving of yourself. Someone who brings out the best in you.