format_quote Originally Posted by
Redtail92
Salaam,
I would like to give an introduction first to clarify myself.
Life started off quite rough for me every since I was a child, my dad was never there to support me or give me the kindness/afection you expect a father woud have for his children. He didn't associate himself with me or with my siblings, even thought I always saw my friend's dad treating them the way I would have wanted my dad to treat me.
My mother was both my dad and my mom for me, but she was emotionally neglectful/abusive towards me at times. Often she would get angry if I was crying, cursing me or making me feel guilty for being upset about something, therefoew I would always hide my tears from her.
For the most part of my life I have always been very alone and I have been buillied or mistreated by peers throughout elementary/high school. As a child, I would always end up fantisizing in meeting this dream prince that would fall in love with me and I would end up marrying with and life happily ever after.
Sadly, this is far away from what I have hoped for and I am losing hope I will ever find someone who will love me and live my life with. I am 24 at the moment and still single. Each time I meet a guy or end up being interested in a guy, they always dislike me / are not interested in me, or do not have any mutual feelings for me back. This has happened so many times now, making me feel like i'm cursed/ unlucky when it comes to love. I am really losing hope and falling into despair with Allah because of this. Why did I have to go through or am still going through all this sadness /loneliness when it comes to love/affection. I see so many people (believers & non-believers) walking around with their spouse or with their children, why can't that be me?
I ended up having feeling for somene who I felt was my soulmate, someone who I instantly have a connection with like no other, but even he stated that he doesnt have feelings for me back. As I sit here now, I just keep thinking to myself: isn't it enough? haven't I swallowed the bitter pill of loneliness/rejection to often?
Another issue at hand here is that the older I get, the more I long for intimacy/sex. But since I'm afraid that this is the path that Allah has chosen for me (to remain single/alone) how am I suppose to let those desires out? I can only do so within a marriage but I am convinced I will not find the right person for me, ever. I ended up masturbating for a couple of times now, but even that it wrong (haram) and it only makes me feel more disconnected/angry with Allah for just EVERYTHING (note: dont tell me to fast , I cant because of medication). I read people saying: Allah knows what is best for you, you need to accept BLABLABLA but how am I suppose to accept that I cannot satisfy my natural human desires and end up being alone while the whole entire universe can have sex / do end up living their lifes with a lifepartner hat support and cherishes them.I have come to the point where i'm really starting to lose losing all eeman in Allah and I feel lost in all of this.
Sister life is a challenge and you are capable of facing that strongly .
To have no support don't means that you have to end up your happiness in this way
Sister ... life ia more than that ... waiting for that thing you are looking for you have many things to do ... you can make your life full of enjoyment and when your future husband come will found a strong wife a great patient mother for his children
You know sister sometimes we work the same way and we want another result you have to change the way ...
How is to be patient ... dont look what others have it may be them test ... don't think that they are completely happy ... they may have something you don't know
If you try to live some days with looking upon what you have and forget about what you dont ... you may be preparing for a great thing ...
Life is not easy and no one take it that way even if you see like they have everything they will write for you a list of wishes if you ask them what they need
This life is all about need
No one can stop wishing
But I will tell you something
In our life we have a happiness level ... when our head take some of our desires or look for it at that time your take a height level of happiness so it will be so hard for you to be happy with the normal levels of happiness
So try to full your head with the natural ways of happiness which is in the beginning being grateful ... and then helping others and trying to give excuses to others all this things with understanding of the reality of this life will bring the happiness back to you ..
Be careful my sister of what you think about yourself and others because this will harm you first
If your parents are not good with you thand don't be bad with yourself
Sister I have a lot of things to share with you inshallah
I hope your coming here will be a good for you in your iman and your life and future
Amen!