Confusing Marriage Istikhara (URGENT)

[Rra766]

Salaam Brothers and Sisters. I am set to get married in less than 3 months InshaAllah. But I am becoming more and more unsure if it is a good choice as I am having a hard time interpreting my Istikhara. Please give me any advice, as soon as you can, as I don't have much time until the Wedding date. I will really appreciate it.


First of all, toward end of 2016 I met a very pious Muslim man my age at my university in California. We very quickly became friends and considered each other suitable for marriage. A big issue is that we are both two different ethnicities (I am Indian and he is Afghani) and so my parents have strongly disapproved of the match. Also, my parents did not feel comfortable because they live in another state (Maryland) while our university was in California, and so have not been able to speak to him much because of the distance. However, because he is such a pious Muslim and is a very kind, career-oriented and fun person, and because we both really like each other, we decided to continue with the marriage. My parents eventually accepted it because of these factors. His parents have accepted me from the beginning and treat me very nicely. Last year, I moved to Maryland to be with my parents, and he also agreed to move here in 1 year to join me InshaAllah.


I did Istikhara in February of 2017 and saw the following dream:

[Dream Removed]


Also, is the difference in our ethnicity a huge concern? He plans to speak only in his language, Dari, to our kids, while I want to speak with them in Hindi. Both of us want to learn each other's language, but it will be a lot of extra work to uphold two different languages along with English, in one household, so I am concerned about this too.

[*charisma*]

Walaikum Asalaam

Istikhara is not based on dreams. You can read more about it here: Istikharah Prayer - (asking Allaah subhaanahu wa ta'aala for guidance.)

If the path towards marrying this person seems to be easier than before, then I'd take this as a positive answer and you can continue on with your plans to marry him. If the path towards marrying this person becomes quite difficult and full of doubts, then you should walk away from marrying him. However, it seems that things are getting better, so I'd take that as something which is positive.

No one here is qualified to interpret dreams and if you think you've had a bad dream, it is best not to share it.

['Abd-al Latif]

Salaam Brothers and Sisters. I am set to get married in less than 3 months InshaAllah. But I am becoming more and more unsure if it is a good choice as I am having a hard time interpreting my Istikhara. Please give me any advice, as soon as you can, as I don't have much time until the Wedding date. I will really appreciate it.


First of all, toward end of 2016 I met a very pious Muslim man my age at my university in California. We very quickly became friends and considered each other suitable for marriage. A big issue is that we are both two different ethnicities (I am Indian and he is Afghani) and so my parents have strongly disapproved of the match. Also, my parents did not feel comfortable because they live in another state (Maryland) while our university was in California, and so have not been able to speak to him much because of the distance. However, because he is such a pious Muslim and is a very kind, career-oriented and fun person, and because we both really like each other, we decided to continue with the marriage. My parents eventually accepted it because of these factors. His parents have accepted me from the beginning and treat me very nicely. Last year, I moved to Maryland to be with my parents, and he also agreed to move here in 1 year to join me InshaAllah.


I did Istikhara in February of 2017 and saw the following dream:

[Dream Removed]


Also, is the difference in our ethnicity a huge concern? He plans to speak only in his language, Dari, to our kids, while I want to speak with them in Hindi. Both of us want to learn each other's language, but it will be a lot of extra work to uphold two different languages along with English, in one household, so I am concerned about this too.

You need your parents dua and blessings in your marriage and in your children. You need to consider whether the language thing is something important to you because it's clear that you're not entirely happy about this. All these issues that are popping up now will remain unresolved and it's likely to cause more problems down the line unless you talk about them before getting married. Sit together with your families and discuss these issues with each other. If you are able to work around these issues and are happy with each other's religious commitments then get married.

With regards to istikhaara, don't depend on dreams. The process for istikhaara is as follows:

1. Speak to those whose advice and guidance you trust regarding your issue;
2. Decide upon the matter. This is important;
3. Pray istikhaara;
4. Go ahead with the matter. If it's meant for you it will happen. If it's not meant for you then you'll face obstacles and difficulties along the way;