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Speirs
05-11-2018, 11:54 AM
Asalam u alikum,

i have 2 questions, one of which I have figured out and the other one I have no answer to.

Im a male, aged 18, in Germany... I have tried exactly 7 times to get a girlfriend, in other words asked her if she can imagine something between us. All 7 resulted in rejections. The first and the last rejection being the worse. I have figured one thing out.. when I see a girl who I find attractive or beautiful, it’s like i ignore her flaws (even if I know her and what her flaws are), leading to tunnel vision and more kind of depression as to why I can’t get such a beautiful girl to be in a relation with me... why does that happen?

How can I make sure I don’t directly judge someone by the beauty (physical) but make sure I focus on flaws and everything ? This gets me to my second and final question, regarding (unfortunately) masturbation.

I have been doing it a lot and after a while when I think about the reason of why i do it.. it’s tension. Zina is prohibited and I fully respect and abide by this “rule”. Working out is a way of releasing such tension or “energy” which for Masturbation it’s bad energy... but the real reason of why I do it is because I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend.

Obviously, the relationship has to be kept within boundaries, so if I go by logic, it would be best to have someone who is also a Muslim who understands these boundaries.

But why don’t I do that?
I could do that, but where I live every girl who is a Muslim in my age (I’ve got no right to judge) appears to be a ----ty girl who go out with the latest makeup... like 1 kg of makeup on their face where I’m scared if I can even recognise her without the makeup. Also, these go out, threat other girls, cuss at them with bad words and appear to be the lowest of the low. I’m not going to go with that. *Also, their makeup doesn’t make them ----ty, but their behaviour and attitude.

Now, since I’ve got that out of the way, I believe there’s a reason as to why Allah won’t allow this, probably the reason for 7 rejections. I learned a lot from them, have made things too fast and learned..

So, all in all, I feel sometimes left out, sometimes it’s a mixed feeling and sometimes I just give up that I make myself think of why I’d want one in the first place. I’m speaking from what I’m feeling and how I think things would make most sense.

Alhamdurilah I do know that my relationship between Allah and I is priority, no doubts. And that’s exactly why I’m writing this post, while I’ll in bed haha :) I think it’s time to get some help from people who are a bit older and more experienced.

I’d appreciate every answer I can get, if you think you need to make things clear by being a bit harsh, then please be so!

Thank you
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Ejaz Ahmed
05-11-2018, 01:59 PM
Brother.. can u please shorten ur question in 2-3sentencesfor each question..? It's my request.
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Ejaz Ahmed
05-11-2018, 02:02 PM
Although I have read all of it three times
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azc
05-11-2018, 02:50 PM
Pre-marital relationship isn't permitted in Islam.

Masturbation is harmful for your body as well

Keep patience if possible. InshaAllah you will get most suitable girl as your wife.
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Ejaz Ahmed
05-11-2018, 03:02 PM
Brother azc.. I think masturbation can be allowed in rare situations only when a person isn't able to control and cannot get closer to their spouse..
And excess(daily once or weekly) of masturbation is harmful not normal(once in months or years).
It can be said no as it is commanded that the seeds which r meant to fertilise would have it's destiny therefore we mustn't waste it and the seeds which r meant not to fertilise they won't. It is Allah who decides..

Idk much abt masturbation's permissibility as there is nothing direct point of it just my research and understanding.
If I m wrong please correct me..

Allah knows the best!
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BurningHeart
05-11-2018, 04:13 PM
Let me be very clear, masturbation is not allowed in Islam. If people want to throw a rant on me for this, please you are welcome to do so.
And let me bit more wise, masturbation is not even the cure to this problem at all! For god's sake.

To those who want to throw a rant on me, consider one thing. Do you really think by doing masturbation will put your desires in control? like seriously? it won't. It is like trying to put away the fire by pouring oil on it, thinking oil is the substance/liquid which would extinguish the fire. Sadly, the reality is that it increases the flame of fire. It increases the intensity of it.

In the same way, indulging in this act will simply increase your desires further. It will put your self esteem down the drain, your relationship will feel weaker with Allah rabul 'izza. Now if someone wants to say, its permitted to do minor for the protection against the major sin.

For god's sake, consider this point who are you disobeying?!
Doing any sin is certainly enjoyable, for short span of time, but will never bring peace of heart.

People are craving for peace of heart, and honestly will sinning in any way, be it minor or major, will give you peace? subhanAllah

Struggle your way and fight your inner desires, for a short time it will create frustration and tension in your mind. But witness the peace, and the blessings in your life by putting your desires away for Allah rabul 'izza.

I know I have not answered the question of the OP, I may later. But I needed to put forward this thing at hand.
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Ejaz Ahmed
05-11-2018, 05:00 PM
Originally Posted by BurningHeart
Let me be very clear, masturbation is not allowed in Islam. If people want to throw a rant on me for this, please you are welcome to do so.
And let me bit more wise, masturbation is not even the cure to this problem at all! For god's sake.

To those who want to throw a rant on me, consider one thing. Do you really think by doing masturbation will put your desires in control? like seriously? it won't. It is like trying to put away the fire by pouring oil on it, thinking oil is the substance/liquid which would extinguish the fire. Sadly, the reality is that it increases the flame of fire. It increases the intensity of it.

In the same way, indulging in this act will simply increase your desires further. It will put your self esteem down the drain, your relationship will feel weaker with Allah rabul 'izza. Now if someone wants to say, its permitted to do minor for the protection against the major sin.

For god's sake, consider this point who are you disobeying?!
Doing any sin is certainly enjoyable, for short span of time, but will never bring peace of heart.

People are craving for peace of heart, and honestly will sinning in any way, be it minor or major, will give you peace? subhanAllah

Struggle your way and fight your inner desires, for a short time it will create frustration and tension in your mind. But witness the peace, and the blessings in your life by putting your desires away for Allah rabul 'izza.

I know I have not answered the question of the OP, I may later. But I needed to put forward this thing at hand.
True!!
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Mahir Adnan
05-11-2018, 07:22 PM
well,personally, I don't want to pay any heed to girls. I always find out their flaws and create hatred about those flaws in my mind. so, eventually, I lose my attention from that girl.
but I studied my mind ;D and found that wise,nerd girls are my weakness :embarrass
however, I think there's a secular book titled "how to pick the right wife". you can try the book,I guess. or, you may find some information here https://islamqa.org/hanafi/askimam/84192
here's a secular website that helps to find a way out from masturbation https://www.nofapacademy.com/
a brother recently discussed about 'how to avoid porn addiction / masturbation' on this forum.please search that thread
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