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cupcakes
05-22-2018, 01:05 AM
Salam,

I'm a 24 year old girl who recently graduated from university. I have had many proposals in the past that haven't been successful purely based on bad luck or on the fact they weren't to my parents standards. I love my parents dearly, and I've had a religious upbringing where mingling with boys/men was never an option. I must say I am blessed.

What hurts though, is that whenever people see me, they are struck because I am still single - always asking how and why a beautiful girl from a decent family would still be single till this age. That aside, I myself feel that I'm at an age where I really want to get married because:

1. I have strong feelings which I believe will only settle once I marry
2. I have completed my studies (not to say this is a condition - however, this was very important for my parents

The problem is, my parents always seem to find an issue in any guy that comes along. I know they are scared for me but I just think it's too much. I'm always told 'what's the rush?', 'you're still young', 'he's not the only guy around', 'you can do better'. I just don't know how to tell my parents how I feel? I've never gone out on dates or spoken to guys before, and I just feel that I'm ready for marriage NOW. I tried telling my parents once, and I was so upset at the response I got - 'don't be desperate, learn to control yourself'. That really cut deep because speaking of controlling myself - I believe I've done an amazing job. My parents just can't relate to me because they married young so they will never understand my struggle esp. in this day and age.

Any thoughts and opinions would be appreciated.
Jazak.
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Zzz_
05-22-2018, 02:16 AM
wasalaam

I don't think you are late age wise, you are at an ideal age to get married. You could make a marriage profile on a matrimonial site (if you want) just to see what's out there without replying to anyone. This is only to give you an idea of whats out there and what they are looking for to get an idea of what kind of people others look for and how silly their criteria can be.

But on a serious note, you should talk to an older sibling or a trust adult/relative who can help talk to your parents on your behalf. An important thing to remind them is that the time to start is NOW, even if they think you are still young and no hurry, because finding the right person takes time. We have some members here as well who are looking for a while.
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*charisma*
05-23-2018, 09:15 PM
Walaikum Asalaam

Originally Posted by cupcakes
Salam,

I'm a 24 year old girl who recently graduated from university. I have had many proposals in the past that haven't been successful purely based on bad luck or on the fact they weren't to my parents standards. I love my parents dearly, and I've had a religious upbringing where mingling with boys/men was never an option. I must say I am blessed.

What hurts though, is that whenever people see me, they are struck because I am still single - always asking how and why a beautiful girl from a decent family would still be single till this age. That aside, I myself feel that I'm at an age where I really want to get married because:

1. I have strong feelings which I believe will only settle once I marry
2. I have completed my studies (not to say this is a condition - however, this was very important for my parents

The problem is, my parents always seem to find an issue in any guy that comes along. I know they are scared for me but I just think it's too much. I'm always told 'what's the rush?', 'you're still young', 'he's not the only guy around', 'you can do better'. I just don't know how to tell my parents how I feel? I've never gone out on dates or spoken to guys before, and I just feel that I'm ready for marriage NOW. I tried telling my parents once, and I was so upset at the response I got - 'don't be desperate, learn to control yourself'. That really cut deep because speaking of controlling myself - I believe I've done an amazing job. My parents just can't relate to me because they married young so they will never understand my struggle esp. in this day and age.

Any thoughts and opinions would be appreciated.
Jazak.
I think you need to define who you think is suitable for yourself first and foremost. Your parents opinions are important, but in the end it's you who has to marry the person. Once you find that person, you should request to have a few mahrem supervised sittings with him so that you all can get to know him better and likewise. Sometimes just the initial meeting isn't always indicative of how a person really is, so if you think there's potential there, genuinely ask your parents to give him a chance to learn more about him. Ask him IMPORTANT questions. If what your parents don't like about him isn't of concern to you then you should voice your opinion about it. Actually, I suggest talking to them now about the qualities which are important to you in a spouse and the things which you'd tolerate so that they already have your wishes validated beforehand. The rest of my advice includes making du'a before and during the whole process and istikhaara when you feel there's potential there. Seems your parents just want to make sure your future is well taken care of and you're independent in case things go awry. You have to assure them that you had a good upbringing, are strong to face any issues, and to trust and rely in Allah. This is a good age to get married, but I wouldn't wait too much longer if this is something important to you.
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Abz2000
05-24-2018, 02:32 PM
If you are as pretty as you claim - they should be made aware of the trials and temptations they are potentially exposing you to and may Allah find a good and lawful match for you soon - 24 is quite an age in reality since hormones are in full swing since years ago, this may be unsettling to usurious bankers but the fact is that early marriage is healthy for the brain if one can afford it, and energies and resources are spent on useful things like rearing the next generation rather than blowing it on vanities and getting into perpetual debt. Your parents can assist in child rearing and training too and this saves a teenager from throwing in the towel and leaving home so as to have loads of sex and/or drugs with one idiot after another without the dissaproving frowns of parents who've been through it all and wisened up at least a bit. But obviously five flats usually means five mortages and financial struggles to bondage level without prudent guidance these days.

Maybe leave this web page open on your pc for them to see when u go out so u don't feel awkward during the thinking process. You may find them to be more softhearted on your return.
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